Are you teaching your daughter what she needs to know to become a confident, well-adjusted woman?
Yesterday, I wrote about how our daughters are under attack in our toxic culture. I expounded on all the messages they hear that are leading them astray.
Today, I want to offer what we as fathers must be teaching our daughters if we want them to grow up to be happy, independent and productive.
Teach daughters these 25 things and they will love you for it!
These are the things I want to teach my two daughters. I am convinced these are the things necessary to counteract all the other crap they hear elsewhere.
1. Family is forever
I want her to know that I will always love her mother. Her family will always be here as a complete unit for her to depend upon. I will model the loving marriage I want her to have.
2. She is beautiful just the way she is
I will tell her this regularly to affirm her belief in it. I will let her know that her natural beauty is all the attractiveness she will ever need and that I love her just the way she is.
3. She is enough and capable of anything
I will reassure her regularly that she has all the intelligence, confidence and capability she needs to conquer anything she wants to do in life. She is more than enough!
4. How to say “no” and mean it
Over the years, her girlfriends and boyfriends are going to ask her to do things that aren’t good for her. I will teach her it is okay to say “no” and stick to it. Practice makes perfect!
5. What I believe is right and wrong
Where else are our daughters going to get moral clarity? We must teach them what we believe is ethical and right so they have a measure to live by.
6. Humility
Yes, I want my daughter to be confident and independent, but I also want her to respect others and to treat everyone with dignity. I want her to give due regard to those in authority such as teachers, public servants and her parents!
7. How to eat to remain healthy
I want my daughter to have a healthy view of food. I don’t want her to overindulge, but I also don’t want her to be obsessed with dieting. Modeling a healthy diet and lifestyle are vital.
8. Men should treat her with gentleness and respect
She will learn this by observing the way I treat her and her mother. I will teach her that she should refuse to accept anything less.
9. Modesty
It is much more attractive to create a modest and authentic look. Young women that wear clothes that are revealing are crying out for attention. I will teach my daughter that there are boundaries to what is acceptable.
10. Relationships and family matter most in life
I will teach her that most of her joy and fulfillment in life will come from the relationships she builds. It is of the utmost importance that she chooses and acts wisely.
11. Not to drink too much and to stay away from drugs
Alcohol consumption in excess is dangerous and impairs judgement. Alcohol before she is an adult is especially harmful. Educating her on the perils and providing firm supervision is paramount.
12. Her father will always defend her
She needs to know that if someone wrongs her, that I will defend her. I will be her champion and hero. She will never need to look elsewhere to find protection.
13. How to manage her money
I will teach her that debt is dangerous and that thrift and frugality are wise. I will show her how to budget her money and ways to save. I will involve her so she can learn from an early age.
14. The value of honesty and integrity
I want my daughter to understand that you are only as good as your reputation. If you lie or cheat, word will spread and you will be discredited. It is always better to tell the truth.
15. Patience
Wait. Wait to have sex. Wait until you find the right man. Wait so you can finish college. Wait so you can travel. Be patient. There is no need to rush into things.
16. Keep things simple
You will never regret keeping your life simple. Complexity is burdensome. It is tiring. The simpler the solution, the more eloquent it is. Keep your life simple!
17. Put God first
God is your compass. He will show you the way. I will live so she knows what God means to me and that I have a relationship with Him. He will never fail her.
18. How to pray
Lift up all your concerns and thanksgiving to God! It will help you to always remain humble and grateful. You are blessed!
19. We have more than enough
Be content. Don’t fall victim to hyper-consumerism. It will put you in a hole that you won’t like. Recognize when you have enough. Give generously.
20. Appreciate nature
A good deal of the wonder and beauty in life is found in nature. Spend time outdoors. Take care of the environment. Take time to appreciate all nature has to offer.
21. Be persistent
Perseverance is one of the key characteristics of the successful. Don’t give up too easily. Stick with things until you conquer them. Try and try again.
22. Be practical and pragmatic
Stay grounded. Look for solutions that work. Solve problems for people and they will appreciate you. Keep your head about you. Be logical.
23. She alone has authority over her body and life
Don’t let people push you around. It is okay to be nice, but you also have to know when to put your foot down. Draw the line when it is necessary.
24. Ask yourself, “So, what can I do about it?”
This goes along with being practical. Follow the wisdom in the Serenity Prayer. It will decrease the stress in your life and increase your effectiveness.
25. Your father will always, always, always love you!
I want her to know above all else that my love is unconditional. I may not always like her behavior, but I will always love her. She needs to understand this separation.
This is a big job, but I’m up for it because my daughters matter
I’m not going to kid you. Raising a daughter in today’s culture is a big job. The stakes are high. The opposition is fierce.
However, I will not give in. I am drawing a line in the sand today. I will be a father to my daughters. I will fight for them. I will live as an example. This world and our society will not claim them as victims.
Time is wasting. I’d better get busy!
What did I leave out? What else do we need to be teaching our daughters?
Photo by DAHstra
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Great list! I’m right with you on all of those.
Read Nicki at Domestic Cents´s latest article – I’m Willing To Do Without
2, 4 and 25 are my favourites, really nice list Jeff.
Stumbled as always
Cheers
Glen
Read Glen Allsopp´s latest article – The Most Inspiring Video You’ll Watch This Year
Outstanding post! Your daughter is fortunate to have you as a father. One more: fathers show their daughters what a good spouse is like. Research shows the main determinant of the kind of person a woman marries is her father — pretty heavy!
They watch how we treat them. . . and how we treat their mothers! That’s quite a lesson!
Keep up the good work! Best wishes.
Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
author of Save The Marriage
Nice, list. Two I would add would be a good left hook. And how to throw a football. Being a guy coming out of college, there is nothing cooler than having a simple football catch with a girl while tailgating/beach/park and actually enjoy that. I know that is off topic to the point of your list but just thought I would add it.
This is great. As the father of 2 daughters. I totally appreciate this. I’m sharing this with all my other fellow “doods” (fathers of only girls).
Read Christopher´s latest article – More Secrets to Happiness
This is a beautiful and meaningful post. Perhaps my favorite ever. My husband is doing a wonderful job teaching our daughters. It’s always encouraging to see other fathers doing the same.
Your girls will benefit as long as they live and their offspring too, and on and on and on.
@Craig – A left hook might be very valuable!
@Christopher – I hope others pass this around as well. All the “doods” out there need it!
@valerie – Raising daughters is an awesome responsibility. Thanks for your encouraging words.
I appreciate the comments!
Beautiful article, Jeff. The only thing I would add is to teach your daughters about being kind and generous to those less fortunate.
Girls who are raised to be confident in their father’s love and attention tend to be less needy when they’re shopping for boyfriends.
Fathers and daughters have a special bond and it sound like you are planning to do all you can to nurture that relationship. Good for you!
Read SimplyForties´s latest article – Yikes – Has Someone Got My Debit Card Number?
Well done Jeff! I think it is so important to encourage, support, defend, love and teach your daughter. It’s amazing how important the relationship between father and daughter is and often that is overlooked. You will be her biggest and most influential male role model.
I love how SimplyForties says it in her comment above “Girls who are raised to be confident in their father’s love and attention tend to be less needy when they’re shopping for boyfriends.” This is so true.
Your daughter is very fortunate to have a dad that is so aware and from the sounds of it will fight very hard for your relationship with her. Well done!
Read Sherri (Serene Journey)´s recent article – Tips To Enjoy Life
Super list, No. 25 is huge! Children need to know unconditional love, and the difference between themselves and their behavior. I’m sharing this with my daughters father, as well as, some other dads out there.
Read .:robyn:.´s latest article – RobynBryant: "Don’t spend your life wishing away what you have. You never know when it will be gone." -Katherine ?
Great list. I have two daughters myself
Read B Simple´s latest article – Simple Personal Financial Tips and Reminders – Week 10
“I will Love you, no matter what happens…”thats the ultimate line.Awesome list.
What a great post! I’m printing it and putting it in my office at home. The one thing I’m going to add is “Teach Her Self Discipline” because with that she can accomplish her long term goals. This made my day!
Read Scott´s latest article – California Dreaming
my dad did none of that so…my mom was there for me instead.
Fantastic article. My dad taught me a lot of that, as did my mom. The older I get, the more fortunate I realize that I was.
Read Mrs. Micah´s latest article – What is Your Financial Story?
My husband, over at AdventureinProgress directed me here and now I’m tearing up. The world would be a much better place if all fathers were as loving as yourself and my husband.
Read renee @ FIMBY´s latest article – A Blogging Mama Does the Numbers
Ohh really awesome post. I am a daughter and while reading this post my eyes got filled up with tears reminiscing that all these things my father did for me. He is really best father of this world. He is the person whom I love and respect most in this world. He is not only a best father he is a best person too I have ever seen in my life.
I love you papa…I love you a lot.
Reading this I realize that I’ve missed out on so much. My father was absent for the full and complete 28-years that I have lived. Over time I’ve run into some sticky situations and have accomplish quite a bit. For example, at 17, I was entrapped into marriage. My ex-husband demanded I marry him, or he would leave. Well obviously abandonment was my fear and so we married. I stayed for 7-years, three of which were great. However, we all grow, and unfortunately we grew apart. As for achievements, there have been many despite my fahter’s absence. Before the age of 25 I received both my Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees. I work as a teacher and just recently wrote a play, which was well received. I also have a wonderful 3-year-old who is a super smart and very kind. We’re two peas in a pod. Though her father and I didn’t work out (the seperation was mainly my decision). Let’s just say, “I didn’t vett him well”. Still, he’s a fairly active participant. She knows her father. I broke the cycle.
Still, it remains, the void, and knowledge that my father did not teach those things to me. The pain is ongoing. I have never heard him say “I love you”.
Being the great father that you are what would you suggest. I really can’t afford to see a therapist.
Thanks and keep being a father to your child!
Tara – It sounds to me like you are making the best of the situation. Unfortunately, we can’t undo the past. We just have to mourn our loss and move on. I don’t think the pain ever fully goes away, but you already know that. I applaud how you’ve taken charge of your life and are making the best of it.
Your goal now should be to change your family tree. You want to break the cycle for your daughter. You have to work hard to be sure your daughter’s father (or a future step-father)fulfills his role as daddy in her life so she doesn’t wind up with the same void that you feel.
Also, now that you are aware of this hole in your heart, you have to be very careful not to try to fill it in unhealthy ways. Always check your motivation when it comes to men. I can see where it would be tempting to try to fill the void your father left with unproductive relationships.
You might want to read “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters” by Meg Meeker. You can find it on my resource page. I think it would give you some valuable insight.
I wish you the very best!
Thank you for validating that daughters do need their fathers. I am a 37 year old girl in a grown up’s body who is now a mother herself and a wife. I have had a roller coaster-of-a-ride kind of relationship with my Dad. He zooms in and out of my life and I have lost track of how many times I have grieved him. I am searching for answers on how to find peace and move on before I am blinded by my anger and sorrow. My family needs me… and I will be a different kind of parent to them. Blessings to your daughters and your family and may you enjoy life!!
You have to be very careful not to try to fill it in unhealthy ways. Always check your motivation when it comes to men. I can see where it would be tempting to try to fill the void your father left with unproductive relationships.
.-= How to Save a Marriage´s last blog ..the best way to convince a spouse to save a marriage =-.
Hopefully someday I’ll have a daughter so I can teach her these! (Many apply equally to sons, too. I have one of those.)
Great post!
.-= Nick´s last blog ..Sticking with what you know =-.
Funny… almost one year later (in September 2011) I had a daughter! Now it’s time to get to teaching her these!
very nice ! , i am dad , of kitto , i try my best
my first 2 children were boys they are now 28 and 20 years old and doing well the oldest is married and the 20 year old is an army paratrooper. I thought i had this parenting thing figured out. then along came my daughter she is now 11 and I am learning so much from her. I see my darling wife in a whole new light. they are both teaching me what it really means to be a man. I am going to take your list and do my best to live by it. thanks for it because i have been searching for a how to be a good dad to my daughter model . i hope i can be what she needs
Nice posting. Daughters are definitely a challenge but once you cut the umbilical cord you own the child. I never expected the love and the pyschological persona of a female. These gals think and respond differently from a male. I tried to be my dad and use my voice to intimidate. That just caused the child to break down and cry. Useless. Guys, you have to use tenderness and affection when you dealing with little girls.
This is a Great Post. I am more than happy to se that other men understand how hard it is to raise a daughter. Thank You for taking the time and doing this.
If you put God first why is he number 17 on your list?
Ha! That’s a great observation. I hadn’t even noticed it. Of course, these aren’t in any particular order of priority. If they were, then God wouldn’t be number 17 now would He?
I have two young daughters and i struggle everyday to find the right balance and direction. Ur list has giving me an amazing standard for which to guide my little girls. It is so hard for a father in these times to compete with beibers and wanting to grow up so fast. I do my best to show my little girls that i love them and want the best for them. Thank u again. Speaking of them duty calls. All my best to all u dads just trying to raise strong, independent, compassionate and amazing young ladies. Thanks jeff.
Thanks Jeff; I will share this; you are describing my husband and my kids are lucky to have a father like him.
Am so hapy 4 dis message, i pray God should give me my own daughters to train with dis principal. Amen.
i dnt n0e w0t m d0ing 0n dis page m a daughter 2 bt i dnt thnk my dads g0na need this list cuz he already left me for an0ther w0men! :’( s0 number 12 nd 25 is such a big lie f0r me!
I’m sure you don’t love her any less just because you’re with someone else. Chin up!
I will do all these things with my daughter . I will love her more than anything in this world . I have always wanted a girl to spoil and longed for that position of the ” crazy dad ”
I am going to go to the doctor to make sure I have a girl . She is so going to be a daddies girl . I am 19 at the moment and dont plan to have kids till about 35 , but its something I look forward to 
.
I have always imagined myself with a husband like my Dad. Loving, caring, funny, generous, patient and much much more!
I haven’t always been the best daughter, even though he has never denied me anything. He taught me the best way to live my life and I love him unconditionally.
I stumbled across this by mistake and thought it looks like just the list my dad probably wrote when my mum was pregnant with me.
I intend to build the same lifestyle for my daughter as I grew up in.
Before I make any decision in my life, I always think-what would my father do or say. I have 7 sisters(no brothers) and we are all living full, happy & healthy lives thanks to my dad’s words of wisdom and the wonderful childhood he & my mom gave us. Your list sums up my dad’s view of being a parent-”Children don’t ask to come here and they don’t owe ya nothing.” Give it all you got!
Although some days are more changellening than others, I love my daughter dearly and my dad is right. I do everything I can to help her understand what life is really all about.
“He who believe’s in him shall never die”. I believe she is my blessing, my key to enternal life.
A father is key to a women’s outlook on her life.
wonderful article. im a father, boyfriend, and best friend to my young girl. she doesnt have a father and im going to do my best to fill that role. her mother is also a very mentally disturbed woman , so i have to be no. 1 in her life. i know because my parents were never there for me and i will make sure that she doesnt go through what i did.
here are some other good tips
1. act as you wish to be treated.
2.bad experience leads to good judgement.
3. excuses and opinions are like !!!!!!!!!!1 everyones got one.
4.dont waste time to try and change people.
5.the best hero lies within you.
its hard because i cant live her life for her and i know she will have to learn and experience life on her own in order to grow,but ill be there to make it easy for her as possible.
well i better stop before i lose that simplicity you mentioned earlier.
thank you very much jeff alan
I like all of them apart from 17 about God.. my father taught me I don’t need God to be successful in life or to “help” me in life.. (I’m not trying to be rude about christianity or that you should not teach your daughters that.. if that’s your belief that’s fine.. but just for me I can’t thank my dad enough for teaching me I don’t need anyone including God to get through and thrive in life or know where I want to go in life and he was completely right.)
you should keep things like that to yourself any victory you have had in life is not luck GENIUS is FAVOR and a BLESSING which means GOD made it happen
heres something you forgot. its great you have a wonderful family and how much you love your girls etc. but when you made out your list did you think about these girls that domnt have great families like yours.
dont you think they are worth something or they need even more help? what would you like to say to them about family?
what should i say about family well mine was worthless and i had to grow up on my own. so maybe you should revise your great number one thing!
This is a grade A list. Good work. More fathers should see it!
td´s last [type] ..Zenbu Jakarta Plaza Indonesia
Probably shouldn’t have replied to my comment to say thanks again for these! Just had a daughter and will print these out to remind me
Again, great post!
Nick´s last [type] ..5 Spending Traps to avoid in 2012
You should teach them that you love their mother and your daughters should too.
Hi,
What you will read will sound raw. I am a 36 years old woman who was unfortunate having a jerk as a father but fortunate of having him at home until I was 5 years old. Ever since, our relationship consisted basically on me pointing at his mistakes with my mom and us as his children. So I grew up holding lots of things against him because the things he did, in special those we needed him to do, and never did. He was simply not there for me as I was growing, and my mom could not teach me everything I needed to know either. I was raised up going to Church, but they did not teach all what I needed to learn to prepare myself to face life as it is. The outcome, I had a couple of broken hearts, and an unsuccessful marriage having made a poor choice. I have many doubts about my capability to succeed in life, and my self-esteem is not high enough. The 25 taughts are great to know as a woman, but I still need to find either a book, a website or another sources about how to fix the mess. There must be something out there for women who did not have their fathers guiding them but rather humiliating them, and crushing their hearts. Something to help heal and to build up the new woman we need to become to be happy, succeed in life and even to know how to pick her life partner. If you know of any source that is not only by going to psychotherapist would you please be so kind of sharing that with me? Thank you so much!
Bland list, a bunch of no brainers
Anyone else notice “Put God First” is number 17?
I would replace it with “don’t be superstitious”