Avoid The Pitfall Of Comparing Yourself To Others
There is probably nothing that steals my happiness and contentment faster than comparing myself to another. Why do I do this? It robs me of enjoying what I have and who I am. There always seems to be someone that has a better job, more money, a fancier car or nicer looks than I do. Also, there are those people that seem to have it all together. Have you fallen into the habit of comparing yourself to others?
Of course, we only see what’s on the surface. We make assumptions based on outward appearance and we usually don’t give ourselves the credit due. These comparisons just drag us down.
I’ve been guilty of this on many occasions. I’ll meet someone in business and think, "Wow, he’s really smart. Why don’t I know as much about this as he does? He looks like he’s making good money too. Why aren’t I doing as well as him? What did he do to get so much further along than me? We look to be about the same age. I always seem to be lagging behind everyone else." These types of thoughts rush through my mind continuing ad nauseam. They leave me feeling unhappy, insecure and dejected.
The pit we dig when we compare ourselves to others.
There are a number of ways that comparing ourselves to others does damage and if it goes on, then we can dig a real emotional hole. Here’s some of the things I feel when I’ve been comparing myself to others. See if it effects you in the same way.
1. Steals my contentment.
Right off the bat, it robs me of my contentment. It steals away my opportunity to enjoy what I have and what I’ve accomplished. It creates envy in my heart. I start wanting what the other person has. The grass starts looking greener on the other side of the fence. It is crazy really. Why do I let myself think this way and give away my happiness?
2. Creates feelings of inadequacy.
I start to feel like I don’t measure up when I compare myself to someone that appears to be doing better than me. Of course, I don’t really know anything about their situation. I rarely know how they got to where they’re at, but I imagine they did it by being smarter, wiser, and better than me.
3. Makes me insecure.
Comparing myself in this way destroys my self-confidence. It makes me start questioning everything about myself. I start feeling like a sham. I worry what other people are thinking about me. I start thinking that maybe people are taking advantage of me. It is a slippery slope that can get out of control.
These feelings of discontentment, inadequacy, and insecurity pile upon one another if I let them. They become a deep pit that zaps me of my motivation and joy. Of course, there are ways to avoid this trap altogether.
The ways that I avoid comparing myself to others.
Over the years, I have tried to train myself to stop comparing myself to others. I have realized that this thinking is bad for me and something I need to consciously avoid. Here’s some of what I do. I hope it will help you develop a plan to avoid such comparisons.
1. Nip it in the bud.
First, I do my best to take control of my thoughts. When I recognize that I’m comparing myself to others, I stop immediately. I redirect my thinking to all that I have to be thankful for. I recount in my mind that I have a wonderful family, a great job, and that I’ve led a fantastic life. I’ve even made lists of all I have to be grateful about in case I really get in a pit. These lists then serve to elevate my thinking quickly.
2. Not everything is as it appears.
I remind myself that I am only looking at the surface of the other person’s life. I have found over and over again that things are not always as they appear once you get to know someone. Those that seem financially very successful often have terrible relationships. Some that have a lot of freedom and go jet setting around the globe are often very lonely. It is important not to judge a book by its cover.
3. Externals are not what matters.
I remind myself that my value is not based on external factors such as how much money I have, what I drive, and where I live. It is easy to get caught up in this trap. Our society pushes this type of thinking. We often measure people based on these things. However, real self-worth should come from knowing we love others, make wise choices, and make a positive contribution. We all have qualities to be appreciated, but we are each unique and valuable in our own way.
Stop comparing yourself to others and start living.
Living a full and happy life is about developing our unique gifts and talents. It is about finding our passion and developing our strengths. We should avoid the tendency to want to conform or become like others. We have to develop an appreciation for what we have and who we are. This comes by taking control of our thoughts, practicing gratitude, and realizing our self-worth.
What do you do to avoid comparing yourself to others?
Photo by LollyKnit
Hi there, this is my first visit here and I like what I see.
Excellent post!
Read Irene | Light Beckons’s lastest article – Epiphanies From Freaking Out
Great post, I’m surprised it is your first visit here Irene, I see jeff and this site everywhere
The main issue with comparing yourself to others is that you are always going to find something in others you probably can’t match up too and will get you down. Yet, you might not even know they are doing the same thing
Good stuff
Cheers,
Glen
Read Glen Allsopp’s lastest article – The Art of Authenticity
Ouch! You touched close to home with this article.
One thing that helps me when I catch myself comparing myself to others is to remember what a friend once said: You’re comparing their outsides to your insides.
When we realize that what see on the surface is not the whole story, it helps to put things in perspective.
Thanks for discussing this troublesome habit.
@Irene – Glad you stopped by! I hope you’ll come back often.
@Glen – It is true. The person that you are comparing yourself to might be looking at you and thinking the same things!
@Flora – It is very common for all of us to do this from time to time. I like what your friend said. It makes perfect sense!
Thanks for taking the time to comment!
The best way to stop is to use the same line I tell myself when I’m about to judge another. “That’s me too!” Whether good or bad I’ve got some of the same in me so I’m grateful that another has done so well or I’m grateful for the dose of humility. Gratitude works well.
Excellent insights Jeff. I think one of the roots of comparing ourselves to others is simple jealousy. We hope we measure up to others and hope we can top their accomplishments just a bit. I used to drive around the subdivisions where the “rich” people lived and covet their homes and possessions. Then one person who lived there told me that the bigger the house, the bigger the mortgage and that he was struggling to make ends meet. It really made me think about the entrapment of comparing what I am and what I have to other people.
I’m a lot more content now and thankful for what I do have and for who I am.
@Tom – It is important to remember that we all have the capacity to achieve anything we set our minds on. If we use other people as a inspriation, then that is certainly a positive.
@Ron – I have a competitive nature so I can relate to the desire for topping other people’s accomplishments. I find that by setting goals and measuring my progress against them, I can keep track of my progress. This helps me to realize that I am continually moving forward.
Thanks for your fantastic comments!
Great post. I went through a period a few years back when I was always comparing myself to others its possibly the worst thing one can do as it makes things seem better or worse depending on the circumstances, I really do think a lot of it comes from jealousy which is driven by our ego…… Thanks for the post really enjoyed it
Read Chris – Zen to Fitness’s lastest article – When to Take Time off Training
[...] Avoid the Pitfall of Comparing Yourself to Others. I spent a lot of energy (and money) in my younger days trying to keep up with others who were older, more wealthy, and further along in life than I was. Ultimately, it only set me back further, and it wasn’t until I quit comparing myself to others that I finally gained control of my finances. (@My Super-Charged Life) [...]
Sometimes it may be good to compare. Look to the people of places like Mali and Darfur and be grateful for what we got. I do this when it comes to material issues.
On spiritual issues, I compare against the more knowledgeable ones.
[...] My Super-Charged Life posts about how to Avoid The Pitfall Of Comparing Yourself To Others. [...]
good post. I just suffered from comparing myself to my boyfriend’s ex the whole day. I couldn’t sleep. Once I lie down and close my eyes, I start having all these negative thoughts and analysing everything good he’s said about her. This makes me feel extremely bad and not confident at all. I hate the insecurity inside of me. I don’t want to ruin my relationship because of this. I really need to stop. It feels much much better when I am not comparing.