Comments on: Grade School Still Holding You Back? – Part One

By: Flavors of the Week - Final Four Edition

Flavors of the Week - Final Four Edition — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:03:08 +0000

[...] Grade School Still Holding You Back? Part One – Jeff shares some very personal moments in his life that have helped to shape certain parts of his personality. The older I get the more I realize how our past experiences have a significant impact on who we’ve become… [...]

By: supermom_in_ny

supermom_in_ny — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 00:40:04 +0000

My son went through a very similar experience except I was very in tune with it. See, when my husband left I knew it was going to effect my kids. I didn’t realize it would effect him the most. I immediately took him to see a therapist. It didn’t help that he was constantly being teased and ostracized in school either. He is dark skinned. We are Hispanic in a caucasian confederate flag zone community. He was regularly called the N word. This started in kindergarten and progressively got worse with the same problem you had. He has a coach that tried to intimidate and went as far as KICKING him in gym class. (Yes, my fiance and I went to the school. He wasn’t acting tough when we confronted him…) In elementary school he was diagnosed with ODD, in middle school he was diagnosed with ADD. The school would keep passing him because he scored in the top percentile for NYS testing and he has a high IQ. Summer school was attended every year from 6th-9th. He even tried the JROTC with disastrous results. I sent him to the Bronx in NYC (with his Dad for summer school last year)and that was life changing for him. He realized there was nothing wrong with his skin color. He said he realized it’s ok to be smart. He gained self confidence and this year…even though he’s still facing racism from the staff, he has all 80s and 90s. In some of his classes, he has the top grade.

I must also add, I’m a Christian and so is my extended family. We believe in the power of prayer. I never gave up on finding a solution. I’m very persistent and am accustomed to adversity. Not only because I’m a mom to 7 kids, but also because of the discrimination I experienced in Catholic School. Need I say more?

Have to find Part 2!

By: Jeff

Jeff — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:53:55 +0000

@benny – I commend you for looking honestly at your life and seeking to improve. This is a hallmark trait of successful people. It looks like you are headed in the right direction. Thanks for your comment!

@Ron – Divorce is a tough thing for kids. I can definitely relate to your friend’s behavior. I’m glad to hear that he is changing the legacy that his father left him.

By: Ron@TheWisdomJournal

Ron@TheWisdomJournal — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 03:10:36 +0000

My parents never divorced and are still married today but my best friend’s parents did divorce. I can remember him getting sick at school and sometimes just sitting on the playground crying for no reason. At least it appeared to be “no reason” to the other 5th graders. He won’t talk about it to this day, but he is the opposite of what his father was. I guess, in some strange way, it made him into a better father for HIS children.

They say the greatest way to love your children is to love their mother. I try to live according to that principle as much as I can.

By: benny

benny — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:42:09 +0000

I agree that events in grade school and generally any time in the past can affect us, and that we should deal with it and learn from it and whatnot. There have been certain events in my life that, although they might be insignificant in somebody else’s eyes, have affected me deeply. I’ve spent my life thinking about them (although not in a way that paralyzes my present or something) and learning from them, and realizing that I do a lot of the things I do in a certain way. It helps me alter how I go about doing things once I realize why I do things a certain way. Can’t wait to read the next part and see what tidbits of enlightenment I can get from it.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:53:26 +0000

@FD,

Thanks for sharing the story of your parent’s divorce. I admire your dedication to your family. It is weird how some people carry forward the bad habits of their parents and others like yourself choose to do things differently.

@Kevin,

You are right, I’m not looking for sympathy. I just hope that by sharing what I’ve gone through that I can help someone else. Maybe others will be able to identify with my story and see the need in themselves or someone else. Primarily, I hope someone will invest in the life of a kid because just a little earnest time can make an incredible difference.

By: Kevin @ Change Your Tree

Kevin @ Change Your Tree — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:43:22 +0000

I’m really intrigued by this story. I know you’re not looking for a pity party, so I’ll just hang around until your next post so I can continue reading…

By: Frugal Dad

Frugal Dad — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:00:57 +0000

My parents split when I was four, and while I don’t remember much about the actual break up, the continuing saga and eventual estrangement from my dad has certainly shaped who I am today. I’ve tried to learn from his mistakes. Most boys want to grow up and be just like their dad. I want to be nothing like my father. I want to be involved with my family, and be someone my kids can count on. I guess with life, as with anything, we have to take the good and the bad, but try to move past most of the bad. It’s nice to hear you managed to move on as well, and now you are inspiring others through your work here.