Grade School Still Holding You Back? – Part Two
Learning to cope with the hand that life deals us isn’t always easy. Sometimes we can go through some pretty tough ordeals very early in life. These experiences can affect our attitudes and beliefs well into adulthood. Yesterday, in Part One, I told the story of how a series of events occurred in my life and the impact they had on me. Is something that happened to you in grade school still holding you back from living life to the fullest? If so, then please read on because today I am going to share how I found the courage and strength to move on after these events. I have had a great life and I know there is still more awesome times to come. We do not have to let old wounds destroy us or those we love. It is possible to make a difference.
It is important that we learn from other people’s experiences. It is my sincere hope that by hearing what helped me, it will provide you with insights that might allow you to overcome something in your own life or help someone else. It seems that there are plenty of kids out there that need help. Just listen to the news and hear what is happening in our schools today to confirm this. We need people with courage to stand in the gap and help these kids deal with the issues that are haunting them.
A short recap of where we left off in the story.
I was a preteen boy in middle school and my confidence was shot. My home life had disintegrated and I was doing poorly in school. I had been mistakenly labeled and put in what was widely known as a class for the “dumb” kids. I had a bully coach riding me relentlessly and all the emotional stress caused me to start having stomachaches. I was struggling and wanting very much to escape. I could have just folded. I could have succumbed to it all and resigned from life, but I didn’t. I found the strength and encouragement to move on. Here are the things that I believe helped me the most.
The power of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My grandma always told me as far back as I can remember that I was going to be somebody when I grew up. She repeated to me that one day I would be President of the United States. She created a positive, self-fulfilling prophecy in me. This started well before my troubles in middle school, but I believe that it created an attitude in me that refused to give up. It made me want to succeed and believe that I could even when everything was working against me.
I am trying very hard to use this same technique with my children. I tell them often that they are going to be successful in their lives. I help them develop images in their minds of what their lives will look like in the future. I think this is a powerful way that one person can make a significant difference in the life of a child. Of course, even as adults it can mean a lot when someone expresses confidence in our ability to deal with a situation.
A school counselor came to the rescue.
It amazes me still to this day when I look back that it took so long for an adult to realize that my stomachaches were caused by the emotional stress of my circumstances. It often seems that adults are either blind to situations in kid’s lives or reluctant to get involved. Thankfully for me, there was a school counselor that finally took me aside and started discussing with me why my grades had slipped and what was causing my stomachaches. This one outsider and confidante provided an outlet where I could discuss my problems. It seemed to make an immediate difference. Just knowing that one other person in the world cared and empathized with my situation gave me a lot of encouragement. She also helped me sort out my feelings and develop a plan to get my grades back on track. Talking with a friend or being a friend, especially to a child can really have a tremendous impact. Don’t wait for them to come to you. People in distress aren’t thinking straight. Ask and listen. This is all you need to do.
A new environment gave me a fresh start.
In my situation, a new playground with new playmates proved to be very beneficial. Sometimes a person just needs a change of environment to help them get over things from the past. The next school year my mom remarried and we moved to a new school district. It was in the same town, but the new school offered an entirely different atmosphere. I also had the chance to make some new friends that knew nothing of my past. The teachers didn’t know me and weren’t familiar with my problems from the last two years. I had a clean slate, a chance to start fresh. It worked wonders for me. My grades rebounded and my stomachaches went away. My social life began to recover and I was happy again. I had hope.
Of course, I think you have to be careful with this one. It worked for me, but in another situation a move could cause more stress. I think the fact that I just changed schools without moving to a new town helped. The school was where a lot of my problems had manifested themselves. By getting away from that environment, I think it helped me to leave all that behind.
I had something bigger to believe in.
Faith in a higher power is an amazing elixir for difficulties in life. Also, when you belong to a group such as a church or support group you have caring people around you to lean on during difficult times. Fortunately, my parents had gotten me involved in Sunday School at a local church before any of these events took place in my life. I remember clearly the feeling of optimism I got when I read inspirational verses from the Bible. Things like Psalms 37:4 that states, “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you don’t feel like you have the power to change a bad situation, positive, encouraging words like these give hope. We all need to hope in something. Having a support group and belief in a power bigger than myself and my problems has gotten me through more than one struggle in my life. I don’t know how people that are all alone without something to give hope are able to handle these kind of difficulties.
Conclusion
This was a dark season in my life, but because a few people cared, I got through it. Part of the things that helped me were in place before the hard times came. This is important. Had my grandmother not instilled a positive prophecy in me beforehand and had my parents not had me involved in Sunday School, I am convinced things would have been harder for me. Of course, even with these things, I still needed the new friends and guidance of a caring adult to move on. If you are struggling or even more importantly if you know a child that is going through a tough time, I hope you have found something here that you can do to help. Take it from me. It is truly amazing the difference it will make!
Photos by Tim in Sydney and kilobar and Leonard John Matthews
“It often seems that adults are either blind to situations in kid’s lives or reluctant to get involved.”
It’s usually the former. Great story and I’m glad you shared it!
A touching conclusion! I’m glad you shared the story!
@Kevin – I think you are right which is terribly unfortunate. A little time and attention in a kids life can go a long way.
@benny – I enjoyed writing this. Some things just seem to spill out onto the page.
Thanks for your comments and readership!
Wow! Great ending. I can’t believe I left something similar to this in my comment to Part 1!
I don’t believe in coincidences, so I know I was supposed to read this entry. In the last two weeks, my home has become a revolving door to teens and their problems. One parent called me and thanked me saying his daughter said she liked to talk to me because I listen. She also said I speak like a psychologist?! (She meant it in a good way).
It is important to instill self esteem, self worth and morals in children. They will be able to overcome life’s twists and turns.
Thanks for sharing this great post. Stumbled them both!
@supermom_in_ny – I read your comments on Part 1 and 2. I really appreciate you sharing your story. You are obviously investing deeply in the lives of your children as well as reaching out to help others. I admire your commitment and tenacity. I’m sure your efforts are making a big difference.
Thanks for reading!
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