How To Be An Awesome Control Freak – Results May Vary
Have you tried being a control freak? There are truly a number of great advantages.
For instance, you can begin dominating everyone in your life so they give you exactly what you want.
As a control freak, you become the master of your destiny! You run the show. This helps you to avoid all kinds of painful and uncomfortable circumstances.
The great thing is that you can be a control freak at home, at work, at school, and even at church. The possibilities are virtually limitless! Anywhere a group of people congregate together is an excellent venue for you to take over.
Why wait to become a control freak? The sooner you get started, the quicker you’ll be reaping the benefits!
The steps to becoming an awesome control freak
Becoming a control freak is not that hard and it only takes a little more work to be really good at it. The key is to adopt the right attitudes and follow these easy steps:
1. Start with a healthy dose of fear!
Fear is an essential ingredient to being a control freak. Don’t worry about using too much fear. As a control freak, it is really impossible to overdo it.
If you use fear correctly, then it will develop into jealousy, envy and eventually it will blossom into full-blown paranoia! This is when your controlling will really start to pay off!
Here are some example fears to help you get started:
- Be deathly afraid that everyone in your life is going to abandon you
- Worry yourself silly that those below you at work are going to pass you by
- Tremble at the thought that others might find out who you really are
- Finally, of course, you must be fanatical about avoiding failure
Practice these fears regularly! Don’t let a day, nay, not even a moment, go by without fanning these flames of fear in your mind. If you do, then you will be well on your way to becoming a full-fledged control freak!
2. Practice your fits of rage
Intimidation is one of the main tools of a control freak. It is paramount that you master the ability to bully those around you. One effective way to do this is to unexpectedly, for the most inane reason, burst into a fiery fit of rage.
This will keep those around you totally off kilter which is exactly what you want. They should be walking on egg shells around you, never knowing when you might go off.
I suggest practicing your rage in a mirror to be sure you have it right. You want to look for the following:
- A menacing expression that clearly communicates you are about to go postal
- A bright reddening of your face that distinctly conveys your explosive emotions
- A psycho look in your eyes leaving no doubt you will do anything to get your way
Also, be sure to puff yourself up and make yourself look larger than life. If you are physically large already, then this is a bonus for you! Because this will make it easier for you to scare the heck out your targets. If not, no worry, you will just need to practice more to perfect your rage for maximum effectiveness. Either way, keep rehearsing until you get it right!
3. Fine-tune your subtler manipulation skills
An effective control freak is one who can play everyone like a puppet. Once you can do this, then you know you are truly the master of your life and the lives of those around you. You’ll more than likely get whatever you want, at least for awhile.
As a manipulator you should develop several different tools and techniques to ensure you can be effective in any situation. Some people might be more resistant to your control than others, so you must be well-armed with multiple tools.
Here are a few skills you will want to master:
- Guilt – Ahh, guilt. Let’s just bask in the glow of it for a moment. It is truly a gift for control freaks. You really want to get good at this one. Many mothers seem to have a natural knack for it so, watch how they do it. You can get almost anyone to do what you want by twisting their emotions with guilt. Beautiful! Guilt brings a tear to my eye.
- Passive-aggressive behavior – Another dear tool! This just keeps getting better and better. If you are not familiar, passive-aggressive is deliberate and repeated failure to accomplish tasks for which you are responsible. It is learned helplessness. You can use it to manipulate others into doing your work for you. Sweet! Many husbands seem particularly good at this!
- Sarcasm – Gosh, will the goodness never end? The tongue is sharper than any double-edged sword. No one really believes that nonsense about sticks and stones anyway. Sarcasm can easily be used to belittle, humiliate and subdue your
victimsloved ones. Use it liberally!
I’ve really only scratched the surface here. There are so many other great tools of manipulation, but time is limited and we must focus our efforts. Trust me, as you grow as a control freak, you will discover and refine these techniques for yourself so, let’s move on.
4. Firmly believe in your superiority and self-righteousness
Never doubt that you are right. Do I need to say that again? You have to firmly believe, without an ounce of doubt, that you are completely and utterly right in every situation if you are going to be a successful control freak.
Never in a million years, let anyone convince you otherwise regardless of the consequences or potential outcomes. You are head and shoulders above everyone else! They are all stupid little idiots that need your guidance for their own protection.
In fact, you are even above the law! No one can touch you. Not anyone!
These are your mantras! Burn these attitudes of superiority into your psyche. They are your protection against losing.
A loser gives in. A loser let’s others off the hook by forgiving them. A loser admits they are wrong. You are not a loser! Got it? Good.
5. Identify a few great control freaks to admire and emulate
We all need role models. Fortunately, there are a ton of fantastic control freaks out there for us to study, admire and model ourselves after.
Its funny that many of the control freaks that immediately come to mind have been government leaders. A coincidence I’m sure! I worked hard to think of some others.
Here are some that you might consider as you begin your studies:
- Hugo Chavez – Current President of Venezuela.
- Adolph Hitler – Leader of the Nazi Party.
- Howard Hughes – Industrialist, bizarre recluse.
- Martha Stewart – Television host, perfectionist, convicted felon.
Of course, you might have a control freak in your own life that you can watch and learn from. It is awesome to see these talents past down from one generation to another. Family is a wonderful thing!
The results you should expect from becoming a control freak
You should now see that becoming a control freak is almost natural. You can easily master this and I’ll guarantee that you’ll start realizing the results almost immediately.
Here’s some of what you can expect:
- You will almost certainly start to bewilder, confuse and frighten those around you. This is perfect! In this state, they will likely succumb to your every demand.
- The idiots that fail to see how right you are and to act accordingly will disappear from your life. Good riddance! Who needs family and friends like that anyway?
- The number of people calling to bug you you with business opportunities, invitations to parties and offers for lunch will decrease dramatically. Relief!
- Your kids will finally start seeing things your way! They will leave you alone and stop bothering you with all their trivial problems and mindless chatter. Quiet!
The cool thing is that most control freaks are able to gain and maintain their dominance for years without any negative effects! People just seem to love control freaks unconditionally. I guess that’s the best part of all!
Does any of this sound familiar to you? Are you already a control freak?
Photo by Michel Filion
I could stand to be a little more of a control freak at times. But I prefer more balance overall (I’ve had my Bruce Banner moments though).
Read FFB´s latest article – Excuse Busters For Not Having A Budget
@FFB – I don’t really encourage people to become control freaks. I felt that writing the article this way was the easiest method of exposing how a control freak thinks and what the pitfalls are. I hope it works!
Thanks for the comment and Stumble!
I totally understand. But if you think of it, a controlled outburst, used sparingly, can really emphasize how serious you are about something.
Read FFB´s latest article – Excuse Busters For Not Having A Budget
LMAO!
Love the picture too!
Read Cyndee Woolley´s latest article – cmwooll: @Stuartcfoster Would definitely be interested in your take on the limits of SM.
So, as a controlee, how do you remove yourself from the controler?
This made me laugh (and cry!), because I am married to a control freak.
His worst habit is to throw such a big fit to get his way, it is just easier to let him have his way in the first place. “If you would only do what I tell you to” then everything is ok.
The older I become the less tolerable it is. Maybe because I thought he would become more “laid back” with age. Not so.
It hit me too as I’m married to one as well. Never knew this is a condition of the disorder until couple of months ago. Then so many of the things he’s been doing make sense. Finally I found a name to it, after 18 years! I’ve always been giving in because he’s way smarter, so his way always seems to be ‘the right way’. But I guess years of giving in are adding up, and I’m beginning to wonder if I prefer my way even if it’s not going to be the right way. How are you keeping up, Barbara?
@fraidy cat – Run! I think distance is the only thing that can break a control freak’s death grip on one’s life.
It is very unlikely that they will ever change at least as long as those they control continue to cooperate. Why would anyone give that up? It is sick, but true.
Getting as far away from the control freak as possible is the only remedy that I know to offer. It doesn’t mean you stop loving them, but it does mean you take a stand against their behavior.
I should emphasize that I am not a therapist nor do I have any other professional credentials along these lines. These opinions are based solely on my practical experience.
Hope it helps! Anyone else have advice to offer that might be of assistance?
If anyone needs lessons in passive aggressiveness or guilt laying I have a mother in law you can borrow! lol.
Read Ashley @ Wide Open Wallet´s latest article – Interview with Mrs. Money
@Ashley – Your comment made me laugh out loud and I’m still smiling about it. Maybe you could send me a picture to use as a replacement for “Hulk”
Thanks for the chuckle!
Well stated Jeff. Trying to juggle too many balls will always lead you to drop them all.
Stumbled.
Read Marc and Angel Hack Life´s latest article – The Unwritten Love Poem
I think control is something we all try to achieve. Unfortunately, it comes out looking kind of crazy to other people. I’ve come to realize that you can’t control everything, not even yourself.
This was a cool way of writing about control, Jeff. It hit you right between the eyes, but in a good way.
Stumbled.
So are you going to write the flip side of this, what to do if you think you are a control freak?
I wonder sometimes if my actions would be considered manipulative by others, or if I do make people feel guilty when they have wronged me, or if my anger regarding treatment is over the top.
Hope you write the second part to this.
After reading this I thought about a couple old managers I had working at investment banks that were total control freaks. They were so over the top that they were even concerned about what other employees thought of them. Coming to me and asking why someone acted a certain way around them.
Read Scott @ The Passive Dad´s latest article – When Passive Income Ideas Turn Out To Be Active Income In Disguise
We’ll wait while your inner cheek recovers from having your tongue so firmly planted there.
Lol and OMG it’s so true!
George
Read Tumblemoose´s latest article – Harriet Tubman keeps my writing going
As a recently reformed control freak, I can attest to the effectiveness of this method! Especially the way it begins…with fear. Sadly, fear is the root of most, if not all, evil in the world, including control freakishness. The good news is that once you start facing your fears and replacing them with love and generosity, the rest takes care of itself and you become a better person almost overnight. Try it! It’s good for you!
Read Jay Schryer´s latest article – Trust Life’s Unfolding
@Marc – Thanks for the love on StumbleUpon!
@Nathalie – Being a control freak is a lot of work and it not only appears crazy, it is!
@Manda – I’m not sure about writing the other side. The idea of writing about control freaks rattled around inside my head for awhile until finally this came out. I’m not sure how much more there is to say, but I’ll keep an open mind.
@Scott – Reminds me of middle school!
@George – Glad you enjoyed the humor of it! I really had fun writing this. Once in awhile I just really feel in the zone!
@Jay – A reformed control freak, huh? Very impressive. Not many like you out there. What got you headed down the path of love and generosity?
Thanks so much for all your thoughtful comments!
Hilarious! I have to admit, I have maybe the smallest tendency towards control freakery. And then I married a man with those small tendencies, too. I think it must be somewhat awesome, in the way that natural disaster are awesome, to watch us butt heads.
The good news is we’re getting old and we’re not stupid and so both mellowed out a lot. Having kids helped a lot. I wish it could say it was an epiphany one day while watching ants and smelling flowers with an adorable cherub, but no, it was having to use both knees and an elbow to change a diaper that made us realize that control is an illusion, better to relax a little.
Read Tracy´s latest article – Is racism the new n-word?
Wow – I get the jist of the post, but first I was like “is this a bizarro version of the blog that I stumbled upon??!” Good stuff.
Read Christopher´s latest article – Boy Asks Friends for Food, Not Toys on Birthday
This is a very creative and humorous article indeed!
The amusing thing about this is that we all spend so much time trying to control our lives and having fear to be out-of-control. Yet the more we try to control a situation, the more unmanageable it gets. The reason is because everything is equal and when you try to control something, you are suggesting that you are above it or somehow not equal to it. If you are ever trying to move away from something, get past or rise above anything then you will be mistaken and the infinite universe will always remind you of that fact.
Read Nicholas Powiull´s latest article – Powiull Sleep Day 10-11 (Adopting Powiull Sleep: Different Methods): by Nicholas Powiull
[...] reading How to be an Awesome Control Freak over at My Supercharged Life, I was struck how really out of control our lives actually are. [...]
Everyone has a little control freak in them, but if you find yourself the regular victim of a control freak you need to decide if you have the love, strength and courage to help this person to understand the harm its causing and to change. If not, run as far away as you can.
Its certainly a bad habit, probably picked up at an early age, but I think anything learned can be unlearned if there is a will to do so.
Its interesting to realise that control freaks require cooperation from their victims to continue the pattern. If you refuse to play the role of the victim then the game cannot continue.
@xoc – It definitely takes two to tango. I agree that a control freak can only control you if you allow it.
Thanks for adding to the discussion!
xoc said- “Its interesting to realise that control freaks require cooperation from their victims to continue the pattern. If you refuse to play the role of the victim then the game cannot continue.”
Do you think that it is possible to have any sort of relationship with the control freak, while also not playing the victim role? Would they take up someone else and let you go? Comments from xoc or anyone would be appreciated. Thanks for the great tounge in cheek Jeff =)
[...] Super-Charged Life wrote How To Be An Awesome Control Freak – Results May Vary . Do you know anyone that is a control freak at work? Makes for an interesting week and you [...]
The key for me was getting divorced. I tried so hard to control my ex, and our whole lives, that eventually she couldn’t take it anymore, and left. I was completely broken and devastated. That’s what opened my eyes, and showed me that my life wasn’t working. A little therapy, and a lot of soul-searching later, I realized that it was pointless to try and control anything or anybody except myself. I realized how fear was controlling ME, and so I began to explore my fears, and started to face them and overcome them. I stumbled on the idea that fear is the opposite of love. Once I figured that out, I could see the path clearly: more love = less fear. It took me another few years, and another failed relationship, but I’m firmly on the path now
Read Jay Schryer´s latest article – Determination is the Key to Your Dreams
@Kendra – I think the possibility of having a relationship with a control freak depends on just how controlling the person seems to be. For extreme cases, I think the possibility of them letting go is next to nil. If the person is just a junior control freak, then you have to decide that the relationship is important enough to constantly resist their control in order to maintain contact.
@Jay – Your story kind of makes my earlier point – control freaks rarely change. It took extreme pain in your life before the pattern of bad behavior was broken. Unfortunately, it seems to take this kind of trauma in the control freak’s life to make them change.
I congratulate you on your effort! It sounds like you have made great strides in moving past your control freak behavior and toward a much better life. Way to go!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
[...] at My Super-Charged Life cracked me up with How to Be an Awesome Control Freak. It’s really hard to write an entire post with your tongue firmly in your cheek, but Jeff [...]
@Kendra – it really depends on how attached to control they are how much love they have for their partner (or other incentives to make the relationship work).
Some would definitely end a relationship they can’t control, especially if their partner simply fights fire with fire. Some disturbed individuals have even been known to do a lot worse than that.
Ugh. I saw myself in WAY too many of these points. I like to think of myself as a control freak in recovery, but my control over my recovery is often less secure than I’d like! Har.
The trick for me was learning that the less control I had over a situation, the more I tried to control it… and the more out of control things became. To gain control, I had to let go, and boy was that a mind bender for a while!
Shooting self in foot daily, but still trying.
@Kathryn – Your honesty with yourself and ability to recognize control freak behavior says a lot about how far you’ve come. I encourage you to keep trying! Old habits are hard to break, but you are obviously getting there. I’m sure those around you see and appreciate the effort. Never stop striving for the life you really desire!
Way to go!
I laughed and cried
best effect on me so far…I need to read this again and again until I won’t read my name in every single word of what you wrote!
great work, thanks
(hey, I’m perfect so be sure I rated your article correctly
haha, kiddin’ 
)
Is there a continuation of this?
btw, great writing, Jeff. I’m still in the process of trying to understand this phenomenon in the man I’ve been married to for 17 years. Your perspective shows me what it looks like on the flip side.
Penny – I’m glad you found this useful! Control freaks are out there everywhere. I hope this helps you to understand yours a little better. Not all control freaks are bad people, some are quite manageable once you know what makes them tick.