How To Start Your Life All Over Again

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question How To Start Your Life All Over Again Do you need to start your life all over?

There are a lot of changes going on right now.  There are economic changes, political changes and for some, big life changes.  This can be a scary and confusing place to be.

All these changes, are leaving people in a place they never thought they’d find themselves.  They need to start all over again.

Regardless of how you might have ended up where you are at, starting over is not easy.  Most of us have forgotten what it is like to begin again.  We grew so used to our life and the way it flowed, that we aren’t even sure how to handle waking up not knowing what to do.

I urge you not to give up!  A new life is out there for you.  Yes, you have some work to do and no it won’t necessarily be easy, but you can do it.  You can build yourself a new life.  Let me share some thoughts with you on how to go about it.

Six Steps to Starting Your Life All Over

Starting fresh may seem attractive to some, but for most of us it is a very difficult place to be.  That’s totally understandable.  If you find yourself in this position, then hope is not lost, but you’re probably going to need to reset your thinking in order to find a new life.

I hope these suggestions will help.

1.  Get a Plan to Guide You to a New Life

The number one thing you need when you are trying to start over is a solid plan.  Big life changes can be paralyzing.  They can leave you feeling afraid, confused and hopeless.

A good plan will help you to overcome your paralysis.  It will guide you step-by-step through a process to decide what you want and how to get it.  After all, you wouldn’t start a trip without a destination in mind and a map to follow, now would you?

The plan that I’d recommend is Discover Your Passion: A Step-by-Step Course for Creating the Life of Your Dreams.  It was developed by Barrie Davenport, a career and life transition coach.  You will not find a better resource to get you back on your feet.  Barrie’s material will help you start over from the beginning to build the perfect life.  Don’t hesitate to get this great guide to starting your life over!

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2.  Adjust Your Perspective to Your New Situation

Take an honest inventory of your life.  Many people find this very difficult.  They refuse to accept that they are starting over from scratch.  Instead, they bury their heads in the sand and try to continue living like they always have.  If you really need to start over, then denying it simply won’t work.

Put your pride aside and be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild your life.  Frugal Dad recently highlighted a book called Scratch Beginnings.  It details the real-life journey of Adam Shepard, who upon graduating from college put aside his degree and all his worldly possessions and tried to start over in a new city with only $25.

While Adam’s situation was self-imposed, I believe the lessons he learned and the attitudes he adopted would be helpful to anyone having to begin again.  Getting the right perspective on where you are at is an essential first step to getting your life back on track.

3.  Dig Deep and Remember How You Did It the First Time

Most of us started out in life from a clean slate.  We built our lives from scratch once so surely we can use some of the same methods to do it again.  It is a stretch, but recalling how you did it the first time is probably a very useful exercise.

Take the lessons that you learned the first time around and use them to avoid repeating any mistakes you made before.  Mistakes are nothing to be ashamed of admitting.  Our mistakes are how we gain experience.

If you are starting over, then you probably have a good deal of experience on your side this time that you didn’t have before.  This is to your credit.  Use your experience to jumpstart your new life!

4.  Set a Few Simple Goals

You’ve got to clear your head.  As Ron at The Wisdom Journal points out, having too many goals is like having none.  You need focus right now and the best way that I know to achieve this is to set a few simple goals.

I suggest that you set two or three short-range goals that you want to accomplish in the next three months.  Also, I recommend looking out a year from now and envisioning where you want yourself to be.  Be realistic but also stretch yourself.

In his book, Adam Shepard set short-range goals to get out of the homeless shelter and to have a job by a certain date.  Your situation may or may not be this dire.  The point is to get focused on exactly what you want to accomplish.  Set a few goals and pursue them vigorously!

5.  Become a Master of Your Finances

Money is the fuel you need to keep your life going while you are recovering.  You’ve got to get absolute control over every penny you have.  Madison at My Dollar Plan shares some great resources for doing this in Money by the numbers.

When you are starting over, you can’t afford to make a lot of financial mistakes.  Generally, you are walking a economic tight wire.  Fortunately, there are a ton of free resources on the Internet to help you become a master of your financial destiny.

Of course, you want to exercise caution and remember, "If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is."  Don’t be tempted to try a shortcut to getting back on your feet.  It will likely lead you into a blind dead-end.  Be patient and work your plan.  You’ll be living a new life before you know it!

6.  Wheel and Deal to Accelerate Your Recovery

You’ve got to negotiate with everyone on everything right now to get your new life going as quickly as possible.  Sara at On Simplicity recently wrote a fantastic guide to bartering that I recommend reading.

Trading your labor or expertise for things you need is a great way to save money and to build new relationships as you start a new life.  You’ve got to think differently right now.  Most of us, don’t negotiate and barter enough in our regular lives.  We get stuck thinking too narrowly.

Now is the time to break free from these ruts and discover new ways to get even more out of life.  Be bold.  You’ll get more than you expect if you will just ask.  Make deals and deliver value to everyone you meet.  This is a sure way to rebuilding a life you’ll love in no time!

Discover a New Life Better than Your Old One

It is probably hard to see now, but often when forced to rebuild our lives, we find the new one is even better than the old.  I got a taste of this when I lost my home to a tornado back in 1999.  It was a trying time, but we made it through.  When it was all said and done, we had a new life that was even better than before!

Have you ever had to start over?  What advice would you share?

Photo by Marco Bellucci

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64 thoughts on “How To Start Your Life All Over Again

    • I just need advice I have lost everything when I lost my job – my credit is in shambles I have no money or no home and do not know how to recover – if anyone has any advice please let me know. Help

      • negotiate everything you can negotiate. I am in the same boat. Only I am a senior citizen also. Be honest, truthful and simply say I cannot pay this until ….can you work with me please. This includes rent, everything. Gas – for your car, I borrowed from my grand daughter and paid it back same week. Baby sit, run errands, clean houses, work at mcdonalds if you have to until you get on your feet and can get better work. This will take a while – but do NOT give up! Local churches will help with food, clothes, some will help pay utilities, give shelter, groceries. Beat the bushes, look everywhere, but do not give up!

  1. @Tom – You are so right! Letting go of the past and accepting your new reality is so important in building a new life. Learn lessons from the past, but don’t let it become an anchor weighing you down.

    Thanks for the contribution!

  2. My wife and I often “joke” about starting over if a hurricane hits and destroys our home. (Our area hasn’t been hit in 20 years! It’s overdue) I actually did start over after a debilitating car accident and eventually was able to learn to focus on what was important.

    These are definitely good points to live by even when you aren’t starting over.
    .-= Sean´s last blog ..Mine Your Resources Interview =-.

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  5. Hi everyone. My name is Giuliana, I’m 41 and I need to start my life all over again. I got married when I was 25, lived in South America for 12 years then in UK until now. I am now going through a divorce. I don’t have many skills, I speak 3 languages (English, Italian and Portuguese) but I only studied until Secondary School. I havent got a degree. Now I want to start all over again, be financially independent and build a career for my future but I dont know what can I do and where to start. Can someone of my age start a profession? Can I still study and work at the same time? I am so lost, plz anyone could give me some advice? thank you

    • Giuliana, You can do anything you want. You have time to build a whole new life for yourself. Don’t worry about that part. I’d suggest visiting a local community college to get some advice. Or, if you can afford it, I’d recommend enlisting the services of a competent life coach. They can help you build a plan for the future and guide you along the way to creating a whole new life for yourself. You might check out what Barrie Davenport offers at Live Bold and Bloom. I wish you all the best and please let me know if I can be of any help.

    • Giuliana, you live in the UK and speak three languages. You might consider becoming a tourist guide. It takes some formal education, but mostly people skills. All the best to you in the new life you are building.

  6. I was googling how to start my life from scratch and came to this blog.
    I am 29. I am going through a divorce (I got married at 21), even though it was my idea to separate as I wasnt happy; I feel so scared at the prospect of being alone in the world. My confidence has hit all time low and I am in a frozen state. I left my job and moved to UK with my ex three years back. Since then I havent worked. I have to get a job soon but my past is weighing me down. Sometimes I wish I die in my sleep!!!

    • Pixie, I believe you are in a bit of shock. This is a very common response to situations like yours. However, in order to survive, you’ve got to press on and get through this phase of starting over. In my humble opinion, you need a plan. You need a roadmap that will make it easy for you to decide what to do from here in your life. I’d highly recommend taking a look at the eCourse developed by Barrie Davenport called Discover Your Passion. Barrie is a life coach. I’ve had the opportunity to review this eCourse and I think it is perfect for people, like you, who desperately need to start over. It will guide you through the steps of discovering who you are and what you should do with the rest of your life. You’ve got to fight to get your life back. This is an excellent way to start. I wish you the best!

  7. Hi
    Ia m 33 years old have been working as a cleaner for 5 year i am eraning peanuts i really want to star over , as here in South africa there is shortages of jobs , help to star over i ma desparate .

    • Hello! First, I want to say that you are young and have plenty of time to build a great life for yourself. There are several ideas in the article above to help. What have you tried so far?

  8. Hey this is Jessie i’m 18 and i just wanted to know i wanna start my life over as if i was a baby again but can you give me advice on how to start your life over again as your 0yrs old like how to build something or do something to do it please+please+please=Prettyplease

    • errrrr….you could kill yourself….there’s no scientific evidence to prove that you’ll go back to 0 but there are plenty of ancient religions that believe it….

      will think of more options n get back to you asap

    • Jessie,

      I know that many of us have made mistakes or have had things happen to us that we wish we could erase. I think the best thing to do is to seek or give forgiveness even if that means forgiving yourself. I don’t really know what is wrong so only you can say. Each day is a new opportunity to make new choices and head in a new direction. We need to acknowledge the past, do what we can to fix what we can, and then let it go. Yesterday is done and gone. Choose to head in a positive direction for your life. Surround yourself with positive people and set goals that align with the wonderful unique person you are. Please, please don’t kill yourself. You are unique. There is only one you with a specific purpose. We need you in this world fulfilling your purpose. You are too wonderful to waste. I will be praying for you. Best regards

    • Dear Jessie,

      You have your whole life ahead of you. Im 32 now and I wish I was 18 again, so that i dont do some mistakes that i had done. But im starting all over again. I dont know how yet, but i will.

      Read self esteem affirmations over the internet. They help too.

  9. Im 28 and I used to be gay. My brother used to molest me while my mom and dad argued and fought most of the day. They divorced and my dad remarried and forgot about me and my brother. My mom met a guy and moved in with him and threw me and my brother away. We were tossed to and fro from grandparent to aunt to grandparent to aunt to babysitter until we were old enough to take care of ourselves. But we were never given the attention that was due us from our two parents. Instead they spent their post divorce defending themselves by placing blame. It hurts so bad. I was labeled the bad kid while my brother was smart and intelligent. And my mom only used me when her and her boyfriend were having a bad day. I was never loved. Even my friends have used me. I moved to Rome after high school with a lifelong friend only for him to abandon me in the apartment we shared and have the audacity to ask if there were any hard feelings. Then my mom moves in without notice and takes charge of my place during a time when I was so depressed. I was weak and she knew it. Plus she had just lost her job so she needed someone to take care of her, which was me and has been me since I moved away. Long story short, because I tired of reliving this pain, I NEED A NEW LIFE. I JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR AND MOVE AWAY AND FORGET EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE I KNOW.

    • You are loved more than you know. I don’t know why all these terrible things have happened to you. But I do believe that good things can come out of all of this for you. I think you should try to get some counseling to help you work through all that has happened to you. Maybe when you work through some of this you can help others who are hurting. I know that counseling can be expensive. There are some places that offer services on a donation basis or for free. I don’t know where you live. I wish you the best and I will be praying for you.

    • Pixie, Makey as many new Allies as you can. People are and will be there to support you in any direction you need to go. Hopefully you are doing better by now as it has been 10 months now.

    • am sitting here feeling sorry for myself because i wish i was a better person i wish i could change myself . when i read this about you jarod i feel guilty because i have had hard times in my life and things i want to change but there are people out there that are worst then me people that all there life they had pain , pain from family and pain for everthing they come a cross . i never experiance most of your pain , but reading this change my life ,i will never be the same , because i understand now that there are people out there that have been in hell there whole live . i wish you the best jarod and never give up i hope you doing better now and joy is in your life with hope and peace am sorry i dont no you but i wish i did ,i will never in my life forget i read this ,i will make that change to my life right at this very moment ..YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THE WORLD MAY HAVE FAILE YOU BUT PLZ DONT FAIL YOURSELF

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    • Try to rediscover yourself. Reinvent your self in a new way. Look at yourself with a different perspective. Look at your Identity from an outsiders view. People and the Universe are there to help you, no matter what any stinking thinking you have may believe. Try a simple meditation of Identity. First meditate on your vessel and then take your attention away to any and all things outside of your vessell. let your mind float to what ever it wants to. Do not be afraid. Then bring your Identity or awareness back to your vessel. Keep doing this. The intended purpose is to let go of attention. Concentrate more on tolerance and acceptance.

  11. I have to start over. I want to go to cosmotology school and learn to cut hair. I was in a posotion of making a lot of money for years off my looks and now I just came into my 40s and I need to do something else. The last 4 or 5 years I got a drug addivtion which I NEVER EVER had so I have to stop that before I can start. It feels lke an uphill battle but at least I have one thing, which I didnt before and thats what cause me to get into drugs- I have a the cosmotology school plan. It wll take a year to complete and it is a recession proof job. For years I didnt have a clue to what I was going to do, now at least I thought of a plan. The addiction I have is horrible. I plan on going to my parents house for a month to get off then come back and start going to AA meetings. Its the ONLY thing I can think of. Its just so hard I feel like giving up so bad. I wish I could- I just dont have the guts. Any advice?

    • Hello Lina,

      Dont’ give up. KEEP GOING, however I am a nurse and I can tell you, it want be easy beating your addiction. You should go into detox and get clean then go to your parents home. You will need plenty theraphy as the addiction may be physical at this point, but there was pain first. You must deal with this. Pray and go to church. Keep god first. You will be happy. I think being over 40 is difficult for women as well. so talk to anyone that will listen.

    • I am also starting over at 53. From scratch with nothing. I had an opiate addiction for 3 years, and even though i have been off the pain meds for 7 mo it is a daily fight to deal with the mood swings, exhaustion, and depression. But I am here to tell you, I prayed a lot for God to please stop my pain because I couldn’t live another day with all my sorrow and pain. I lost my job, house, all my things, car, and lastly my man, so I am starting out again alone and fighting all the above things. I don’t know how I am doing it except one day, one hour , one minute, and sometimes just one breath at a time.

  12. Personally, I believe that everyone should try something completely new before starting a family and all that. I have plans to try a new independent life in Miami after college. I want to be able to completely support myself there with no help for at least a year. I don’t think you ever know what you want until you can live completely independent. Then you can decide how much you will allow yourself to depend on other people. I live in a town 30 min outside of Kansas City Missouri so Miami will be a new challenge that I want to face and conquer.

    • Desiree, you can never forget your past. All I know to do is to learn to forgive the things you wish to forget or the people you wish to forget, and with that comes peace. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do, but forgetting is impossible.

    • Don’t forget the past. Just forget the depth of the pain and the associations to who did what to cause the pain. It’s not easy. I found a counselor to help me, and when I moved, I found another counselor. Now I recall there were times of deep emotional pain and trauma in my life, I recall there were people I truly didn’t like at various times of my life. But I really don’t care to remember which person did what thing to cause which pain. I forgive them all, but I will not pursue any sort of communication with any of them. I simply see it all as a part of the path that led me to who I am today…. and it all happened for a reason I just can’t see yet.
      But it’s part of the grand design that is me – and I embrace the challenges of life rather than view them as a problem.

  13. bless all of you
    like all of you i am starting over AGAIN
    only i feel i have more tools and my children are adults
    i feel i can do it but i am physically exhausted
    thank u for sharing your stories

  14. HI.

    • Hi Jesma, I was very pained by what you wrote. I don’t know you whole situation, so I can’t really comment. Is going back to your country of origin an option? Also it’s not clear where your daughter is. Nevertheless, please take one day at a time, one breath at a time. I know that things are very bad for you now, but they can turn around. Wish you much success and happiness. Alice.

  15. I am going to be 60 in july, I have lived with my boyfriend for 12 years. Recently quit my job and moved with him for hs work. It has been a rough relationship with him, addictions, lying etc. He seemed to make a change and I trusted him. We were making a new start. I thought everythig was going great.Well I was wrong. I discover he was lying to me and what made it worse is he refused to admit it. I can’t let myself stay. He took my dignity once I can’t let him do that again to me. Like I said I’m 60 and I have no job, money, car( its in his name) and no home to go back to. I don’t know where to begin. I’m terrified!

    • Celeste, I am in the same position. I lost my job, home,furnishings, car, to move from Florida 1600 miles away to Ohio, so he could be closer to his kids and music. We were together for 8 years but after only 3 months in Ohio, he left me to go back to his son’s mother. Someone he had not had any relationship with for the past 8 years. He was my whole world and now I am trying to pick up the pieces. It can be done if you focus on one problem at a time. I am 53 and scared also!

  16. Over a hundred and fifty years ago a rabbi living in the Ukraine (when conditions for Jews were extremely bad, there were many pogroms and murders of Jews) said “if you can damage something you can fix it”. This also applies to people who have been hurt, “if you have been hurt, you can be healed”. His teachings are taught in English by Rav Lazer Brody at

    I’ll just point out that whilst his classes are geared towards Jews, many non-Jews also follow them, to learn how to live a happier life. There is no proseltysing (Jews do not seek converts and actually discourage them), but just sharing of wisdom. I’m writing this because I am pained by the stories people are telling in the talkbacks and I know that Rav Brody has helped a lot of people.

    With my best wishes to everyone who is hurting.

  17. I am on the verge of a making a big change in my life and was searching this information on how to start the life all over again. I know it is not easy but I have the courage now. I am not alone it seems…

  18. I have basically started over a few times but never all alone and never at the age of 53. In my younger days it seemed more of an adventure to pack up and move across the country. No where to live or a job, but we did it and survived. Even had some fun along the way. But this time, here is no we in the adventure, only an I, and it seems more of a struggle this time, and less of the adventure. I know it can be done, but I am still at the looking up the mountain from the bottom and realizing its a hell of a long way back to the top. Even to the middle. I will take to heart all the ideas here and try to put them to the best use in my own life. Thanks for the good advice

  19. Hi am 21 i cleared high school in 2009 and didnt succeed to my expectation(i failed) and ever since then have seen many opportunitys come and thinking of going back to high school and try it one more time.but i feel am old to be taught new tricks.please advice me am distressed.

    • Miles, you are definitely not too old to finish your high school education and begin a new direction for your life. There are numerous alternative ways to complete high school. You can even do it online. I’d highly encourage you to research the possibilities on the Internet and get going in that direction. Heck, why stop at finishing high school? Set your sights even higher! What do you want to do with your life? I’d recommend that you find a way to learn a trade or profession. You have a tremendous amount of potential inside of you. Tap into it and you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish!

  20. my name is daniel, im 20… i do want to start my life all over again, i dont know i feel unhappy and the reason is that i´ve broke up with my ex because she was playing with my feelings and she betrayed me. well i have parents, i dont have a job, i play piano, i love to be on shape and

  21. my name is daniel, im 20… i do want to start my life all over again, i dont know i feel unhappy and the reason is that i´ve broke up with my ex because she was playing with my feelings and she betrayed me. well i have parents, i dont have a job, i play piano, im in shape because i swim every day and i love informatic. well since i broke up with my ex, i went to a stage of depression and i tryed everything to be happy. I´ve returned to my hometown and i started to meet new people. Well i thougt that i would find a new girl that would make me happy, but instead i didnt, i met that type of people that use you because of your personality. Besides this, my best friend, she stopped calling me, since she found a new boyfriend she doesnt want to know about me anymore, but i understand, maybe one day she will remember me and will call me. Now i do know where i want to go, but i have a family and they dont want me to leave, but i want to, im sick of living in the same place and i just want to go somewhere new…. maybe i will be more respected else where and maybe i will find, who knows, the love of my life, but here i cant sttay… im really depressed and i do want to get this agony out of me…

    ps: sorry about the last post, i accidently pressed the enter button. and sorry about my english, i portuguese :)

    • Danielsan, Time for some brutal honesty.
      First your young, love is painful unfortunately, and no your friend probably wont ever call you again.
      You need to acknowledge you had deeper feelings for your “friend” than you realised. Hindsight is always a bitch so just chalk itup as your first lesson on women.
      Fascinating, yet fickle complicated creatures that will amuse,confuse and use you without you even realising it. Love them with everything you got and love often. Its the best way to live.
      If you want to save yourself a bunch of years in headaches and heartaches, fall for no girl under 23. Until then they will still all be silly little girls trying to impress/outdo each other and still wont know what they want till there in there 30s. A harsh truth best learnt while your young. So go out an enjoy yourself.
      Further more forget about trying fto find the love of your life. You will never find true love until you’ve found yourself. Corny but its true. The whole ‘love of my life’ thing is an illusion anyway and your far too young to waste your fun years on such a misconcieved notion.
      Those who say (or seem to have) ‘a love of their life’ in reality met someone that compliments and mirrors there own inner qualities.
      You could find the most amazing women tommorrow and still not be any closer to being happier, because (as your comment clearly shows) you have yet to discover your own inner peace and identity. Dont stress though its part of life.Growing up in a european family doesnt help either with the whole expectation to ‘marry, mortgage, kids’ hanging over your head,
      Moving to another place wont garnish you with respect either. By all means travel- you’ll become a better person for it, but respect is earned and only through earning it yourself.
      You dont need anyone else’s approval or acknowledgement to gain happiness, only your own.

      Say it with me -you dont need anyone else’s approval or acknowledgement to gain happiness, only your own.

      Where’s a good place to start then?- within.
      find yourself a nice quiet place so as not to be disturbed, take pen & paper,(no laptop or ipads or iphones too distracting) and ask yourself .
      1)”WHAT thing(s) needs to change in my life for me to not worry, to feel centered, fulfilled, on the right path,needed or a part of something?” (Do it right now.)
      Really ask it. demand it. repeat (the question) in your head say 3 times to start, then 30 times ,300 times etc until an answer pops in your head. if it doesnt feel right keep asking. gotta get underneath the guessing and emotional day to day mind-chatter.
      Take that answer and ask yourself WHY is it important to me to for this to change?
      Then ask “Without harming myself or others HOW do I go about changing it? if it beyond my abilities & resources to make it happen myself , WHO could help me?

      eg Your parents opinions you cant change but things you can change are your reaction to situation, your behaviour, tone, posture, word choices, appearance, job, education, lifestyle, saving habits, diet choices, circle of friends, driving route, book choices, television/computer time the list goes on. Start with one and build on it. In the process you’ll begin to find what works for you and what doesn’t and before long you’ll carrying yourself with such confidence and conviction that no opinion, life hurdle or affairs of the heart can get to you.

  22. I find all the advices and stories very interesting and helpful giving me a lot of hope and new way of thinking .I am44 years old with university degrees I worked for only few years after I stayed at home all the doors were closed I find myself alone without money no friends nothings we are in north africa and not all the doors are open here as in your western countries.
    I considerate my life a failure in a all matters but I want to start over again and face the reality.

  23. I am in the same boat as everyone else. I have a lot of ideas of how to start over, but I just don’t know how to get started. I not only got fired from my job of eight years but I also have a du from some years ago on my record. Fear is my biggest adversary. I am afraid to fail so I do not try. Depression has set in and I just don’t know what to do. I have no friends, only my mother. I feel like the life has been zapped out of me. I have no interest and am only happy for short moments at a time. I keep beating myself up, as if that is helping. Things are a mess. I just don’t know how I am going to dig myself out of this hole. Please any advice is good advice now. I tried to register for school and a deliquent notice from my previous university from 2003 popped up. Before I can get my transcript I have to shell out five hundred bucks. Right now all I have is my savings and it is going fast, I can’t afford to pay it. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. The job search is going slowly. I blew the interview I got because I was in a terrible mood. I just don’t know what to do.

  24. I am 43 and having to start all over again as well. I am lucky to have my parents to go to, but it is taking a toll on my ego and the life I have already. I am having a hard time letting my home and everything in it go (due to not finding a job). I am glad I found this board. It gives me hope that I am not alone. I guess it is hard to give up something you don’t wan t to let go, but certain situations require you must do so. I just want to make sure I learn life lessons so I do not find myself in a similar predicament in the future.

  25. I am 50 and have been in a 10 year relationship-he was the centre of my universe so much so that I gave up a senior job 4 years ago to work in his business. Our dreams were to earn enough money to live in the country.He worked incessantly and had no social outlets so my life followed suit and consequently I have no real friends apart from his family. I have my own home he has no home of his own and lives with his brother’s family. Recently My mother died and immediately after he walked away from our relationship because he needs to spend time alone to work out his life-he has no money is unproductive at work which caused us to quarrel for the past 2 years and cannot get his life together.Says most is unrelated to me and he is still suffering from issues from the relationship before me. He said he would seek counselling over 2 months ago but has not made any effort to do so. Im devastated as the love of my life and best friend /support person is no longer in my life except at work! I am going throught a home renovation on my own, awaiting the imminent death of my father and just two days ago had to put down one of my beloved pets.My brother in law has been diagnosed with a health problem so Im also trying to support my sister and her family.I am also testing the job market to see if I can escape totally and join a new company where I may make friends. The loneliness ,pain desperation,confusion and guilt are engufling me and I need sleeping medication and anti-anxiety medication. My confidence is at an all time low and I have no idea how to move forward except get another job and try to start all over again-which is totally overwhelming.

  26. all of my life all i have ever cared about is my friends and i have always done anything for them. give give give. thats me. but i get nothing back. my best friend of 30 years doesnt know where i live. ive lived here for 22 years. my other best friend waits for me to go and see her. if i stay at home i hear and see nobody. my family never come to see me. iv realised iv nothing and nobody. my friends were always my back bone. but now see i have none and i feel weak and vulnerable. i want to move away and start again but it terrifies me. i also have two sons who have no friends. i used to take everybodys kids everywhere, day trips, holidays etc but nobody took mine. and these kids are long gone. we are forgotten. my family have nobody. and im always crying for my sons. i dont know what to do. i dont know what iv done wrong. i – we need a new life.

    • Hi Sally, it sounds like now would be the time to give to yourself. Do things that you are interested in, things that make you happy. Encourage your sons to do the same for themselves. And remember that you have eachother, which is more that many other people.

  27. I am in an interesting position, perhaps someone with a few ideas could help me out. I am 47, and for the last 23 years suffered from a severe, debilitating illness. Last year, surgery was finally able to make me healthy again-one problem..the last 25 years have been spent gravely ill. No real work experience, no degree..pretty much nothing. For the last year I have been seeking work-to no avail. I live in the US, so there is no “Safety Net” to speak money, you’re living in the streets, pal. Any ideas other than suicide?

    • Hi John, first of all congratulations on your recovery. That must feel amazing. There’s a quote I really like which is and helps me to keep going, “it’s never too later to become who you might have been”.

      Just some suggestions off the top of my head: some training for a sought after profession, e.g. search engine optimiser, or write an inspirational book about your experience, it sounds like a pretty amazing story and you could give hope to many others in “hopeless” situations, move to a country with better social benefits, …

      I don’t know if you are a religious person or not, but now would be the time to turn to G-d, give thanks for your recover, and ask for direction and a life of abundance. Wish you well.

  28. Hi Jeff, I am 40 with an Associates Degree in Paralegal Studies that i’ve never used. I was in a 15 year relationship in which i was mentally abused and my self esteem suffered repeated blows. I want to start over completely, I have no life, I work from home, I don’t have a social life, i don’t date, my life basically sucks, my finances are a disaster. I need any help i can get, i feel that im existing and not living. Any advice would be so welcomed.

  29. Hi I came across this blog when trying to work out how to stop with the old negativity and start with a new positivity. Basically, I was with a girl who I adored in every way. We was real good together up until Dec 2012, when she fell pregnant. At first she was adamant about us making it work. We had the occasional argument, but these turned into nearly everyday. I have just found out she had an abortion behind my back and was lying about it for 2 weeks, even asking me to rub her stomach as the baby was hurting her when she wasn’t even pregnant anymore. Since she found out that I knew, she has cut all contact with me and has totally shut me out. I don’t really agree so much with abortions, but she was young (19) and still living with parents. Obviously I understand that maybe the abortion was for the best as we have no money. I just am broken by the lies she told. Now I am in trouble, because I had a gambling problem which I have now fixed, but have an empty void. I don’t know what to do or how to re-pick my life up. I’m searching for jobs but can’t take my mind off this girl. She isn’t the type to do this, i think, so I can only guess her mum influenced her. I just don’t understand why she never told me… How do you recover from this? I should hate her for what she’s done, but I can’t. I love her too much. Someone help please :’(

  30. Hi I came across this blog when trying to work out how to stop with the old negativity and start with a new positivity. Basically, I was with a girl who I adored in every way. We was real good together up until Dec 2012, when she fell pregnant. At first she was adamant about us making it work. We had the occasional argument, but these turned into nearly everyday. I have just found out she had an abortion behind my back and was lying about it for 2 weeks, even asking me to rub her stomach as the baby was hurting her when she wasn’t even pregnant anymore. Since she found out that I knew, she has cut all contact with me and has totally shut me out. I don’t really agree so much with abortions, but she was young (19) and still living with parents. Obviously I understand that maybe the abortion was for the best as we have no money. I just am broken by the lies she told. Now I am in trouble, because I had a gambling problem which I have now fixed, but have an empty void. I don’t know what to do or how to re-pick my life up. I’m searching for jobs but can’t take my mind off this girl. She isn’t the type to do this, i think, so I can only guess her mum influenced her. I just don’t understand why she never told me… How do you recover from this? I should hate her for what she’s done, but I can’t. I love her too much. Someone help please :’( :’(

    • Hi Kash, there’s no excuse for lieing, ever. Especially when it comes to a life which u helped to create. YOU deserve so much more in life. Gambling addiction, many helplines, courses, counselling etc. Like all addictions there’s an under-laying reason for it. PPl gamble for many reasons, pleasure, escape, social, habit, addictive nature – nurture – gambling has intermittent reinforcements which keep us hooked etc. good site. It’s best to stop being with any ppl who share the problem or excuse the severity of it. One lie like domestic violence leads to much more. Do YOU have healthy boundaries and values? Boundaries = what u will accept in a friend / family / close relationship. Values – what’s v important to u e.g. family, friends, travel, working, honesty! etc. You’ve discovered this lady is not honest. Do you want honesty in a relationship or doesn’t it matter? Abortion? Next time she maybe unfaithful and it goes on and on. HANDLE ONE issue at a time tho + be kinder to yourself please. LIES are not love : ( re-look at what you think LOVE is? If she beat u up would u still love her? DV is not love. Would u keep a dog that bit u repeatedly, tho u loved it so much, treated it kindly and fed it? I’m guessing no. Sorry I relate to animals as that’s how I learnt! LOVE yourself by defining what you want from a LOVE relationship. Define your boundaries and values OR u will be a victim for a very long time : ( Our LOVE relationships ARE the ones we trust the most in life – sorry. Kind thoughts

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