Do you need to start your life all over?
There are a lot of changes going on right now. There are economic changes, political changes and for some, big life changes. This can be a scary and confusing place to be.
All these changes, are leaving people in a place they never thought they’d find themselves. They need to start all over again.
Regardless of how you might have ended up where you are at, starting over is not easy. Most of us have forgotten what it is like to begin again. We grew so used to our life and the way it flowed, that we aren’t even sure how to handle waking up not knowing what to do.
I urge you not to give up! A new life is out there for you. Yes, you have some work to do and no it won’t necessarily be easy, but you can do it. You can build yourself a new life. Let me share some thoughts with you on how to go about it.
Six Steps to Starting Your Life All Over
Starting fresh may seem attractive to some, but for most of us it is a very difficult place to be. That’s totally understandable. If you find yourself in this position, then hope is not lost, but you’re probably going to need to reset your thinking in order to find a new life.
I hope these suggestions will help.
1. Get a Plan to Guide You to a New Life
The number one thing you need when you are trying to start over is a solid plan. Big life changes can be paralyzing. They can leave you feeling afraid, confused and hopeless.
A good plan will help you to overcome your paralysis. It will guide you step-by-step through a process to decide what you want and how to get it. After all, you wouldn’t start a trip without a destination in mind and a map to follow, now would you?
The plan that I’d recommend is Discover Your Passion: A Step-by-Step Course for Creating the Life of Your Dreams. It was developed by Barrie Davenport, a career and life transition coach. You will not find a better resource to get you back on your feet. Barrie’s material will help you start over from the beginning to build the perfect life. Don’t hesitate to get this great guide to starting your life over!
2. Adjust Your Perspective to Your New Situation
Take an honest inventory of your life. Many people find this very difficult. They refuse to accept that they are starting over from scratch. Instead, they bury their heads in the sand and try to continue living like they always have. If you really need to start over, then denying it simply won’t work.
Put your pride aside and be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild your life. Frugal Dad recently highlighted a book called Scratch Beginnings. It details the real-life journey of Adam Shepard, who upon graduating from college put aside his degree and all his worldly possessions and tried to start over in a new city with only $25.
While Adam’s situation was self-imposed, I believe the lessons he learned and the attitudes he adopted would be helpful to anyone having to begin again. Getting the right perspective on where you are at is an essential first step to getting your life back on track.
3. Dig Deep and Remember How You Did It the First Time
Most of us started out in life from a clean slate. We built our lives from scratch once so surely we can use some of the same methods to do it again. It is a stretch, but recalling how you did it the first time is probably a very useful exercise.
Take the lessons that you learned the first time around and use them to avoid repeating any mistakes you made before. Mistakes are nothing to be ashamed of admitting. Our mistakes are how we gain experience.
If you are starting over, then you probably have a good deal of experience on your side this time that you didn’t have before. This is to your credit. Use your experience to jumpstart your new life!
4. Set a Few Simple Goals
You’ve got to clear your head. As Ron at The Wisdom Journal points out, having too many goals is like having none. You need focus right now and the best way that I know to achieve this is to set a few simple goals.
I suggest that you set two or three short-range goals that you want to accomplish in the next three months. Also, I recommend looking out a year from now and envisioning where you want yourself to be. Be realistic but also stretch yourself.
In his book, Adam Shepard set short-range goals to get out of the homeless shelter and to have a job by a certain date. Your situation may or may not be this dire. The point is to get focused on exactly what you want to accomplish. Set a few goals and pursue them vigorously!
5. Become a Master of Your Finances
Money is the fuel you need to keep your life going while you are recovering. You’ve got to get absolute control over every penny you have. Madison at My Dollar Plan shares some great resources for doing this in Money by the numbers.
When you are starting over, you can’t afford to make a lot of financial mistakes. Generally, you are walking a economic tight wire. Fortunately, there are a ton of free resources on the Internet to help you become a master of your financial destiny.
Of course, you want to exercise caution and remember, "If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is." Don’t be tempted to try a shortcut to getting back on your feet. It will likely lead you into a blind dead-end. Be patient and work your plan. You’ll be living a new life before you know it!
6. Wheel and Deal to Accelerate Your Recovery
You’ve got to negotiate with everyone on everything right now to get your new life going as quickly as possible. Sara at On Simplicity recently wrote a fantastic guide to bartering that I recommend reading.
Trading your labor or expertise for things you need is a great way to save money and to build new relationships as you start a new life. You’ve got to think differently right now. Most of us, don’t negotiate and barter enough in our regular lives. We get stuck thinking too narrowly.
Now is the time to break free from these ruts and discover new ways to get even more out of life. Be bold. You’ll get more than you expect if you will just ask. Make deals and deliver value to everyone you meet. This is a sure way to rebuilding a life you’ll love in no time!
Discover a New Life Better than Your Old One
It is probably hard to see now, but often when forced to rebuild our lives, we find the new one is even better than the old. I got a taste of this when I lost my home to a tornado back in 1999. It was a trying time, but we made it through. When it was all said and done, we had a new life that was even better than before!
Have you ever had to start over? What advice would you share?
Photo by Marco Bellucci
It’s very important to realize that we can always make a fresh start. We do not run out of opportunities to do so and the energy in a fresh start is so uplifting. Might I add this one. Let go of the past it’s over. Begin anew with the fresh goals you suggested.
.-= Tom Volkar / Delightful Work´s last blog ..What’s Your Main Thing? =-.
@Tom – You are so right! Letting go of the past and accepting your new reality is so important in building a new life. Learn lessons from the past, but don’t let it become an anchor weighing you down.
Thanks for the contribution!
My wife and I often “joke” about starting over if a hurricane hits and destroys our home. (Our area hasn’t been hit in 20 years! It’s overdue) I actually did start over after a debilitating car accident and eventually was able to learn to focus on what was important.
These are definitely good points to live by even when you aren’t starting over.
.-= Sean´s last blog ..Mine Your Resources Interview =-.
Just wanted to let you know I have linked this post to Buddy’s Extra Best of the Week. I hope that it will bring you many new friends.
Margaret
Hi everyone. My name is Giuliana, I’m 41 and I need to start my life all over again. I got married when I was 25, lived in South America for 12 years then in UK until now. I am now going through a divorce. I don’t have many skills, I speak 3 languages (English, Italian and Portuguese) but I only studied until Secondary School. I havent got a degree. Now I want to start all over again, be financially independent and build a career for my future but I dont know what can I do and where to start. Can someone of my age start a profession? Can I still study and work at the same time? I am so lost, plz anyone could give me some advice? thank you
Giuliana, You can do anything you want. You have time to build a whole new life for yourself. Don’t worry about that part. I’d suggest visiting a local community college to get some advice. Or, if you can afford it, I’d recommend enlisting the services of a competent life coach. They can help you build a plan for the future and guide you along the way to creating a whole new life for yourself. You might check out what Barrie Davenport offers at Live Bold and Bloom. I wish you all the best and please let me know if I can be of any help.
I was googling how to start my life from scratch and came to this blog.
I am 29. I am going through a divorce (I got married at 21), even though it was my idea to separate as I wasnt happy; I feel so scared at the prospect of being alone in the world. My confidence has hit all time low and I am in a frozen state. I left my job and moved to UK with my ex three years back. Since then I havent worked. I have to get a job soon but my past is weighing me down. Sometimes I wish I die in my sleep!!!
Pixie, I believe you are in a bit of shock. This is a very common response to situations like yours. However, in order to survive, you’ve got to press on and get through this phase of starting over. In my humble opinion, you need a plan. You need a roadmap that will make it easy for you to decide what to do from here in your life. I’d highly recommend taking a look at the eCourse developed by Barrie Davenport called Discover Your Passion. Barrie is a life coach. I’ve had the opportunity to review this eCourse and I think it is perfect for people, like you, who desperately need to start over. It will guide you through the steps of discovering who you are and what you should do with the rest of your life. You’ve got to fight to get your life back. This is an excellent way to start. I wish you the best!
Thank You for your kind words, I will give it a try.
Hi
Ia m 33 years old have been working as a cleaner for 5 year i am eraning peanuts i really want to star over , as here in South africa there is shortages of jobs , help to star over i ma desparate .
Hello! First, I want to say that you are young and have plenty of time to build a great life for yourself. There are several ideas in the article above to help. What have you tried so far?
Hey this is Jessie i’m 18 and i just wanted to know i wanna start my life over as if i was a baby again but can you give me advice on how to start your life over again as your 0yrs old like how to build something or do something to do it please+please+please=Prettyplease
errrrr….you could kill yourself….there’s no scientific evidence to prove that you’ll go back to 0 but there are plenty of ancient religions that believe it….
will think of more options n get back to you asap
Jessie,
I know that many of us have made mistakes or have had things happen to us that we wish we could erase. I think the best thing to do is to seek or give forgiveness even if that means forgiving yourself. I don’t really know what is wrong so only you can say. Each day is a new opportunity to make new choices and head in a new direction. We need to acknowledge the past, do what we can to fix what we can, and then let it go. Yesterday is done and gone. Choose to head in a positive direction for your life. Surround yourself with positive people and set goals that align with the wonderful unique person you are. Please, please don’t kill yourself. You are unique. There is only one you with a specific purpose. We need you in this world fulfilling your purpose. You are too wonderful to waste. I will be praying for you. Best regards
Dear Jessie,
You have your whole life ahead of you. Im 32 now and I wish I was 18 again, so that i dont do some mistakes that i had done. But im starting all over again. I dont know how yet, but i will.
Read self esteem affirmations over the internet. They help too.
Im 28 and I used to be gay. My brother used to molest me while my mom and dad argued and fought most of the day. They divorced and my dad remarried and forgot about me and my brother. My mom met a guy and moved in with him and threw me and my brother away. We were tossed to and fro from grandparent to aunt to grandparent to aunt to babysitter until we were old enough to take care of ourselves. But we were never given the attention that was due us from our two parents. Instead they spent their post divorce defending themselves by placing blame. It hurts so bad. I was labeled the bad kid while my brother was smart and intelligent. And my mom only used me when her and her boyfriend were having a bad day. I was never loved. Even my friends have used me. I moved to Rome after high school with a lifelong friend only for him to abandon me in the apartment we shared and have the audacity to ask if there were any hard feelings. Then my mom moves in without notice and takes charge of my place during a time when I was so depressed. I was weak and she knew it. Plus she had just lost her job so she needed someone to take care of her, which was me and has been me since I moved away. Long story short, because I tired of reliving this pain, I NEED A NEW LIFE. I JUST WANT TO DISAPPEAR AND MOVE AWAY AND FORGET EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE I KNOW.
you can do it!
You are loved more than you know. I don’t know why all these terrible things have happened to you. But I do believe that good things can come out of all of this for you. I think you should try to get some counseling to help you work through all that has happened to you. Maybe when you work through some of this you can help others who are hurting. I know that counseling can be expensive. There are some places that offer services on a donation basis or for free. I don’t know where you live. I wish you the best and I will be praying for you.
Pixie, Makey as many new Allies as you can. People are and will be there to support you in any direction you need to go. Hopefully you are doing better by now as it has been 10 months now.
I suggest reading Children: The Challenge by Rudolph Dreikurs. A small price to pay to find your way!
am sitting here feeling sorry for myself because i wish i was a better person i wish i could change myself . when i read this about you jarod i feel guilty because i have had hard times in my life and things i want to change but there are people out there that are worst then me people that all there life they had pain , pain from family and pain for everthing they come a cross . i never experiance most of your pain , but reading this change my life ,i will never be the same , because i understand now that there are people out there that have been in hell there whole live . i wish you the best jarod and never give up i hope you doing better now and joy is in your life with hope and peace am sorry i dont no you but i wish i did ,i will never in my life forget i read this ,i will make that change to my life right at this very moment ..YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND THE WORLD MAY HAVE FAILE YOU BUT PLZ DONT FAIL YOURSELF
I eat tuna. I eat sushi. I eat poo. Ha strange right?
Im in a situation where I have to start over with my children, I dont know where to go or what to do with no money….
i wanna start ma fucking life again help please:*
Try to rediscover yourself. Reinvent your self in a new way. Look at yourself with a different perspective. Look at your Identity from an outsiders view. People and the Universe are there to help you, no matter what any stinking thinking you have may believe. Try a simple meditation of Identity. First meditate on your vessel and then take your attention away to any and all things outside of your vessell. let your mind float to what ever it wants to. Do not be afraid. Then bring your Identity or awareness back to your vessel. Keep doing this. The intended purpose is to let go of attention. Concentrate more on tolerance and acceptance.
I have to start over. I want to go to cosmotology school and learn to cut hair. I was in a posotion of making a lot of money for years off my looks and now I just came into my 40s and I need to do something else. The last 4 or 5 years I got a drug addivtion which I NEVER EVER had so I have to stop that before I can start. It feels lke an uphill battle but at least I have one thing, which I didnt before and thats what cause me to get into drugs- I have a the cosmotology school plan. It wll take a year to complete and it is a recession proof job. For years I didnt have a clue to what I was going to do, now at least I thought of a plan. The addiction I have is horrible. I plan on going to my parents house for a month to get off then come back and start going to AA meetings. Its the ONLY thing I can think of. Its just so hard I feel like giving up so bad. I wish I could- I just dont have the guts. Any advice?
Hello Lina,
Dont’ give up. KEEP GOING, however I am a nurse and I can tell you, it want be easy beating your addiction. You should go into detox and get clean then go to your parents home. You will need plenty theraphy as the addiction may be physical at this point, but there was pain first. You must deal with this. Pray and go to church. Keep god first. You will be happy. I think being over 40 is difficult for women as well. so talk to anyone that will listen.
I am also starting over at 53. From scratch with nothing. I had an opiate addiction for 3 years, and even though i have been off the pain meds for 7 mo it is a daily fight to deal with the mood swings, exhaustion, and depression. But I am here to tell you, I prayed a lot for God to please stop my pain because I couldn’t live another day with all my sorrow and pain. I lost my job, house, all my things, car, and lastly my man, so I am starting out again alone and fighting all the above things. I don’t know how I am doing it except one day, one hour , one minute, and sometimes just one breath at a time.
Personally, I believe that everyone should try something completely new before starting a family and all that. I have plans to try a new independent life in Miami after college. I want to be able to completely support myself there with no help for at least a year. I don’t think you ever know what you want until you can live completely independent. Then you can decide how much you will allow yourself to depend on other people. I live in a town 30 min outside of Kansas City Missouri so Miami will be a new challenge that I want to face and conquer.
give advice hoe to forget my past
Desiree, you can never forget your past. All I know to do is to learn to forgive the things you wish to forget or the people you wish to forget, and with that comes peace. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do, but forgetting is impossible.
Don’t forget the past. Just forget the depth of the pain and the associations to who did what to cause the pain. It’s not easy. I found a counselor to help me, and when I moved, I found another counselor. Now I recall there were times of deep emotional pain and trauma in my life, I recall there were people I truly didn’t like at various times of my life. But I really don’t care to remember which person did what thing to cause which pain. I forgive them all, but I will not pursue any sort of communication with any of them. I simply see it all as a part of the path that led me to who I am today…. and it all happened for a reason I just can’t see yet.
But it’s part of the grand design that is me – and I embrace the challenges of life rather than view them as a problem.
bless all of you
like all of you i am starting over AGAIN
only i feel i have more tools and my children are adults
i feel i can do it but i am physically exhausted
thank u for sharing your stories
HI.
I SUFFERED FOR MORE THAN TWENTY YEARS FROM DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY.lIVED WITH AN ALCHOLIC WHO NEVER UNDERSTOOED MY ILLNESS.i LEFT MY HOME 5 YEARS AGO AND COULD NOT TAKE MY DAUGHTER WITH ME.mY HUSBAND DIVORCED ME, I HAVE NO MONEY NO JOB ,NO DEGREE. tWO YEARS AGO HIS KIDNEYS FAILED AND BEGGED TO COME TO LIVE WITH MY MOTHER AND ME.hE OWNED A BUSINESS AND WAS SCAMMED OF 1 MILLION DOLLARS.cAN SOMEONE GIVE ME AN ADVICE? I HAVE A DEEP FAITH, BUT WITH NO MONEY I AM MORE THAN CONFUSED. I ALSO HAD TO MIGRATE TO THE US WHERE HE JOINED ME AND OUR DAUGHTER IS STILL BACK HOME.IT SO OOOO PAINFUL.hELP ME SOMEBODY.
Hi Jesma, I was very pained by what you wrote. I don’t know you whole situation, so I can’t really comment. Is going back to your country of origin an option? Also it’s not clear where your daughter is. Nevertheless, please take one day at a time, one breath at a time. I know that things are very bad for you now, but they can turn around. Wish you much success and happiness. Alice.
I am going to be 60 in july, I have lived with my boyfriend for 12 years. Recently quit my job and moved with him for hs work. It has been a rough relationship with him, addictions, lying etc. He seemed to make a change and I trusted him. We were making a new start. I thought everythig was going great.Well I was wrong. I discover he was lying to me and what made it worse is he refused to admit it. I can’t let myself stay. He took my dignity once I can’t let him do that again to me. Like I said I’m 60 and I have no job, money, car( its in his name) and no home to go back to. I don’t know where to begin. I’m terrified!
Celeste, I am in the same position. I lost my job, home,furnishings, car, to move from Florida 1600 miles away to Ohio, so he could be closer to his kids and music. We were together for 8 years but after only 3 months in Ohio, he left me to go back to his son’s mother. Someone he had not had any relationship with for the past 8 years. He was my whole world and now I am trying to pick up the pieces. It can be done if you focus on one problem at a time. I am 53 and scared also!
Over a hundred and fifty years ago a rabbi living in the Ukraine (when conditions for Jews were extremely bad, there were many pogroms and murders of Jews) said “if you can damage something you can fix it”. This also applies to people who have been hurt, “if you have been hurt, you can be healed”. His teachings are taught in English by Rav Lazer Brody at http://lazerbrody.typepad.com/.
I’ll just point out that whilst his classes are geared towards Jews, many non-Jews also follow them, to learn how to live a happier life. There is no proseltysing (Jews do not seek converts and actually discourage them), but just sharing of wisdom. I’m writing this because I am pained by the stories people are telling in the talkbacks and I know that Rav Brody has helped a lot of people.
With my best wishes to everyone who is hurting.
Here is a short video by Rav Brody
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eTmlyTdTn0Y#!
(“Hashem” means the name, and is a Jewish way of saying Gd)
I am on the verge of a making a big change in my life and was searching this information on how to start the life all over again. I know it is not easy but I have the courage now. I am not alone it seems…
I have basically started over a few times but never all alone and never at the age of 53. In my younger days it seemed more of an adventure to pack up and move across the country. No where to live or a job, but we did it and survived. Even had some fun along the way. But this time, here is no we in the adventure, only an I, and it seems more of a struggle this time, and less of the adventure. I know it can be done, but I am still at the looking up the mountain from the bottom and realizing its a hell of a long way back to the top. Even to the middle. I will take to heart all the ideas here and try to put them to the best use in my own life. Thanks for the good advice
Hi am 21 i cleared high school in 2009 and didnt succeed to my expectation(i failed) and ever since then have seen many opportunitys come and go.am thinking of going back to high school and try it one more time.but i feel am old to be taught new tricks.please advice me am distressed.
Miles, you are definitely not too old to finish your high school education and begin a new direction for your life. There are numerous alternative ways to complete high school. You can even do it online. I’d highly encourage you to research the possibilities on the Internet and get going in that direction. Heck, why stop at finishing high school? Set your sights even higher! What do you want to do with your life? I’d recommend that you find a way to learn a trade or profession. You have a tremendous amount of potential inside of you. Tap into it and you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish!