Overcoming Selfishness For A Simpler and Successful Life
Are you selfish? We all are to one degree or another even though we hate to admit it.
Selfishness can cause us to cling to things and to be too demanding of others. It often ruins relationships and complicates our lives.
Overcoming selfishness will lead to a simpler life if we can learn to let go of all the stuff we cling to. It will also help us to get along better with those closest to us in our lives.
A successful life begins with overcoming selfishness
A successful or super-charged life is one full of joy, significance and contentment. It is impossible to experience these things when one is excessively selfish.
Selfishness causes us to focus solely on our wants and desires. We demand our way and miss out on the richness that comes from giving and sharing. This causes our relationships with our spouses, kids and co-workers to suffer immensely.
Self-indulgence often also leads to the over-accumulation of material possessions. We constantly seek happiness and fulfillment in our next new toy. Of course, this is a fruitless pursuit that will quickly leave a person depressed, disillusioned and broke.
A selfish person will often find themselves bankrupt emotionally and financially. This egocentric behavior often leads to divorce, debt and turmoil.
How to overcome selfishness and begin healing your life
It is never too late to beat selfishness and turn your life around. The sooner you start, the sooner you will begin to enjoy a better life.
Here are some suggestions for overcoming selfishness:
1. Admit your selfishness and be honest about it
Selfishness is that detestable vice which no one will forgive in others, and no one is without in himself. ~ Henry Ward Beecher
The first step in recovering from almost any vice is to first admit it to yourself. This can often be one of the hardest steps.
It isn’t easy for us to look ourselves in the mirror and honestly recognize we are grotesquely selfish. Maybe it is self-preservation?
Admitting ugly things about ourselves hurts. We all want to avoid pain. Of course, which is worse, admitting being selfish or continuing to live so?
Conceding the truth about ourselves can be a great relief. It will free you to let go and begin healing. There is no other way to begin the process.
2. Begin to give generously when you least want to
He who lives only to benefit himself confers on the world a benefit when he dies. ~ Tertullian
You have to start killing the monster inside that constantly clamors to get its way. You do this by generously letting others have their way.
When you feel the most resistance to giving in, just do it! Others may want your time, money or your agreement with them. Give it!
As you do this, it will slowly become easier. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to make the right decision in this crucial moments.
A circumstance will soon arise where you feel a strong gravitational pull to insist on getting your way. Don’t fall to it! Instead, see it as an opportunity to conquer your enemy.
3. Be patient with those who have endured your selfishness
That man who lives for self alone, Lives for the meanest mortal known.
~ Joaquin Miller
Even though you have admitted your disease to yourself and started to fight against it, don’t expect everyone else to jump on the bandwagon too soon.
Those around you have endured your selfishness for far too long to immediately believe it is over. In their eyes, you may relapse at any time.
They are going to want to see a long track record of generosity, kindness and thoughtfulness before they are going to fully accept the new you.
Be patient with them. Give them time to see that you are serious and committed to overcoming your selfishness.
4. Keep a journal about overcoming selfishness
The unexamined life is not worth living. ~ Socrates
Document your thoughts and feelings as you progress through this process. Write down your triumphs and failures.
Go back from time-to-time and review what you have written. This will help you to see that you really are changing to be more generous, kind and thoughtful.
It will also hold you accountable if you are not!
Conquering selfishness is a move toward a better life!
Selfishness is a roadblock to a better life. Taking simple steps to defeat it will open up a whole new world for you.
It will simplify and improve your life in ways that you cannot even imagine. Your relationships will grow more rich and loving than they have ever been.
You are a conqueror! Go forth and live life to the fullest!
Photo by okreitz
Jeff-Great post. One thing to consider is that everyone is selfish. Even Mother Theresa-everything she sacrificed was to fulfill a drive inside herself. Just because you are selfish doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact it drives most of the steps we make in life.
The challenge is to also learn to be a loving and giving person.
One other thing to note: giving doesn’t mean money. That is easy. The truly generous person gives deeply of his or her time, energy, and attention.
Read B Smith @ Wealth and Wisdom´s latest article – Increase Velocity to Increase Profits
@B – It is true that we are all selfish. However, it is important to recognize when we are being overly selfish. Some live selfishly all the time. They fail to consider the effect their actions are going to have on others, especially their children.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
How fulfilling it is to slowly overcome selfishness. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize how selfish I was until I became a mother. That was good medicine
Thinking back on some of my selfish decisions really spurs me to become more intentional about how I treat others now.
Thanks Jeff, great post.
Read Nicki at Domestic Cents´s latest article – Good Reads: Database Repair Needed
@Nicki – Kids really exposed my selfishness to me. They demand your time and attention. You really have to learn to be a giver to be a good parent. I’m still working on it.
Thanks for pointing this out!
Wonderful post Jeff. I have found that recognizing selfishness can be a kind of awaking process for some. I went through this myself many years ago ( my daughter was the facilitator). Until then, I didn’t even realize that I was selfish. Go figure!
Read Jonathan – Advanced Life Skills´s latest article – Finding Inner Peace and Harmony
Hi all that have read this. I’m going through this right now. I never understood how I was being selfish. My boyfriend tells me from time to time that i am being selfish. I always use to feel bad when he called me selfish and i just found out today that i really am SELFISH! i just made up my own little book to keep to write down all my thoughts and all my thoughts was what i wanted and not looking at what my boyfriend really wanted. I knew something was wrong with me but i didnt know what it was. I always thought i was depressed about something, but it turns out im not depressed. I’m needy,and i depend on my boyfriend and other people that or close to me. So it’s not a good feeling to just find out that not only there is one thing wrong with you its three things wrong with you. I’m SELFISH, NEEDY, AND DEPENDENT ON OTHERS…I feel now that i have wasted a year and a half being upset about notting. I just dont no how to admit to my boyfriend that i am selfish.Thats the hard part for me because when something goes wrong im always quite about it. Im a to myself person and i have always been since i was younger. I just turned 21 five days ago. And now i think im out growing my selfishness…maybe turning 21 is meaning becomeing a MORE WISE WOMEN and meaning its time to get out my selfish ways and enjoy life to the fullest. well i made this email up so that yall can write me. I know that i must first handle my own problem but also i would like to here what goes on with other people who have the same problem as i do. so here is the email (livelife2dfullest2009@live.com) write me anytime i will try to check it once a week at least. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER TO GET THIS OUT TO THE WORLD. I AM SELFISH, IM NOT CRAZY, BUT I WILL OVERCOME IT, IT TAKES TIME. i love you all and thanks for taking your time to listin.