Being selfish is something we all are, but seldom want to discuss. More often than I want to admit, I put my selfish wants, needs and desires first. Of course, this seldom works out to my real advantage.
Yes, I may get what I want in the short-term, but in the long run, I make a big withdrawal from the emotional bank account of my loved ones. I really want to stop being selfish!
Ways to become more generous and stop being selfish
I have been blessed with health and abundance in my life. However, the unflattering thing is, I usually want to keep it all for myself. This is really the definition of selfishness. What can I do about my tendency to put my desires first?
1. Give sacrificially to stop being selfish
Overcoming selfishness is mostly about changing a habit. When we push our comfort zone, it makes us squirm. This is how we know that we are venturing outside our normal habit and starting to make progress. Therefore, if we want to stop being selfish, we must give sacrificially.
What does it mean to give sacrificially? It means to give until it hurts or at least until it feels like we are giving too much. If the amount of time or money that we are giving doesn’t feel uncomfortable, then it isn’t enough. Give an amount that makes you give up something that you really want.
This will be difficult at first, but it will get easier as you stretch your muscles of generosity and giving.
2. Perform simple acts of kindness
A simple act of kindness might be paying for the next person’s coffee in line behind us. It might be doing the dishes while your wife is busy with something else. It could be shoveling a neighbor’s walk. Acts of kindness are intentional efforts we make to brighten someone else’s day.
Again, we are pushing ourselves to form a new habit. This is likely to feel awkward at first. I’d probably feel a little embarrassed and worried about how the other person might receive my act of kindness. However, from what little experience I have in this area, I have found that most people are initially shocked, but quickly become very thankful.
Simple acts of kindness break the routine of selfishness. They get us started thinking about the needs of others.
3. Forgive someone without being asked
Giving forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. That’s why it is a great way to practice in our effort to beat selfishness. Again, we are trying to stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zone. Don’t wait for an apology to offer your forgiveness! Do it before you are even asked. This will take you to new heights of selflessness!
Unforgiveness hardens in our hearts to become bitterness and resentment. It is explosive fuel for selfishness. It will blind us to the needs of others and consume our lives. It is imperative that we let go of any perceived wrongs and release the other person if we ever want to be well again.
Offering forgiveness is the ultimate act of generosity and giving!
4. Honor your vows
A vow is a solemn promise or personal commitment. When we hear the word, we most often think of the vows we made at the marriage altar. Of course, there are other vows we have made that might not be as explicit, but are just as meaningful. A couple of examples include our commitment to raising our children and our promise to give an honest days work to our employer.
It is difficult to fulfill the intent of our vows if we are consumed with selfishness. Honoring our commitments takes personal sacrifice. It means from time-to-time we have to put aside our desires for the best interest of our relationship.
Doing this consistently is the hallmark of a good husband, father and employee!
5. Make “it” happen for someone else!
Selfish tendencies keep us focused on our own ambition. Of course, those around us also have goals and dreams. Find out what others want and help them get it. The further out of your way that you have to go to help, the better.
Often we can make a BIG difference in the lives of others without even trying too hard. All we need to do is train ourselves to become more aware. The irony is that the more you help others the faster you will get what you want. Of course, don’t let this be your motive or it will ruin everything.
Make “it” happen for someone else to break your selfish tunnel vision.
It only takes practice to break the habit of selfishness
“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.” ~Mother Teresa
Unless you are Mother Teresa, it is likely that you are like me and can use some practice to stop being selfish. I am really going to work on this. Hopefully, if I focus on the things above I’ll see a noticeable improvement. Loving people in an unselfish way is the beginning of living life to the fullest!
Do you ever struggle with selfishness? How do you overcome it?
Photo by inhisgrace
We will always respect your privacy.
I like everyone struggles with self.
When I feel an outbreak of self coming on, I try and think about how good it feels to help another human being. I try and work on my humility and really give effort to gain back that special feeling by leaving me behind. Volunteerism really helps me here in that I feel needed and am helping others.
It goes hand in hand that everything is better in life when you try and give more of yourself to someone in need. I like to pick a charity at the beginning of the year to give a monthly dollar amount.
These two things volunteerism and donation help me give of my time and treasure. There in is were my heart will be…
Thanks it’s a great time of year to make this change in our lifes!
Read Scott Rooks´s latest article – Researching a Foundational Grant or Digging for Gold! Part2
@Scott – I appreciate your honesty and for sharing how you deal with fits of selfishness. It plagues us all. You have offered some fantastic antidotes!
My mother-in-law put this into practice for us to see the other night. We were at Mcdonalds and she saw a family that looked like they were barely able to afford to eat there. My mother-in-law just walked over and gave them a $100 bill and said, Merry Christmas! Made her – and the family feel really good!
Read Pete´s latest article – $50 Gift Card Giveaway Bonanza! Tell Us Your Frugal Shopping Tips
@Pete – That is a fantastic story! Giving like that will certainly push your comfort zone and contribute in a big way to a family’s happiness here at Christmastime.
Thanks for sharing this!
I love the simple acts of kindness bit. There was a book of the same title that I bought and read years ago.
One of the suggestions was to pay the road toll for the car behind you. I do this once in a while, and though I have never seen the face of the driver, it does make me feel great.
Read fathersez´s latest article – Bailouts – the family versions can be even more painful