Stephen Covey: Did The Seven Habits Make A Difference?

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• Tags: Excellence, Goals, habits, listening, relationships, Stephen Covey, Success

I read Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People back in the early ’90s.  It was one of the first self-improvement books that I ever read.  As I look back, I realize I was just beginning a quest that would go on for years. 

I read Covey’s book because I was hungry to live life to the fullest, but at the time I was running into some roadblocks.  I needed guidance that I hoped Stephen Covey could provide. 

Looking back now, I wonder, “Did reading The Seven Habits really make a difference in my life?”

Reflecting on what I learned from Stephen Covey

Even now as I thumb back through the book, I recognize the sections and ideas that stood out to me over 15 years ago.  I was very moved by much of what I read.  However, the true measure now is did Covey’s guidance really change me for the better?

Here are some of my thoughts:

1.  Begin with the end in mind

To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination.  It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.  ~ Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey strongly encourages the creation of a personal mission statement.  These have fell out of vogue in recent years, but I remember trying to write one back when I read Seven Habits.  It was a struggle, but a good exercise.

As I recall, I did eventually come up with one, but I don’t have any idea where it is now.  However, I do practice this habit in my own way.  I write down goals and track my progress.  As part of this process, I envision where I want to be months and years from now, so I do begin with the end in mind.

I’m a strong believer that written goals are essential.  I know they have helped me stay on course in my life.  Have all my steps been in the right direction?  Absolutely not!  I have flopped, failed and floundered, but I have still made progress.

I’m a big believer in beginning with the end in mind.  My technique might be a little different than what Stephen Covey suggested in Seven Habits, but I have to believe that what I read stuck with me and made a difference in my level of success.

2.  The Emotional Bank Account

An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship.  It’s the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.  ~ Stephen Covey

The Emotional Bank Account was probably one of the concepts from Seven Habits that hit me the hardest.  I remember being profoundly impressed with the wisdom of this idea.

As much as I wished I could say that I use this idea on a daily basis, I’m not sure I do.  At least, I’m not sure that I consciously apply this principle like I should or want to.

It is a very powerful idea.  Creating a reserve of trust in our closest relationships is vitally important.  It is the only way that we are going to foster true intimacy with our spouses and children.  I want these people to feel emotionally and physically safe around me.

Unfortunately, I have my moods.  I get tired, irritable and impatient.  I think I often let these things control me instead of remembering about the Emotional Bank Account.

Of course, there are occasions where I hold my tongue and I often do go back and apologize for my mistakes.  Also, even all these years later, the idea of the Emotional Bank Account comes to my mind from time-to-time.

So, maybe just maybe, I’m a little more tactful and considerate having known about the Emotional Bank Account.  Otherwise, I might be a total cowhide in my relationships.

3.  Diagnose before you prescribe

“Seek first to understand” involves a very deep shift in paradigm.  We typically seek first to be understood.  Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.  ~ Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey encourages us to be empathetic listeners.  He reminds us that we typically overlay our own story on top of whatever we are hearing.  We make the other person’s story fit our autobiography.  We don’t seek first to truly understand the uniqueness of their situation before we start giving advice or selling our idea.

I’m a problem solver by nature.  If you would just listen to me and follow my advice, I could fix you.  Now this natural inclination has served me well over the years, but it has also gotten me in trouble.

In my career with computers, being a problem solver that takes quick action has helped me to succeed, but not as much so in my personal life.  At home, I tend to prescribe the cure before I fully listen and accurately diagnose the situation. 

Listening takes time.  I’m an efficiency freak.  Unfortunately, these two don’t mix that well.  At best, I’m still working on developing this habit.

I’d probably score the lowest on this one in terms of how much impact it has had on my life.  I know it is important, but I just don’t do it very well.

Did Stephen Covey make a difference in my life?

I definitely think so!  I certainly have not applied his principles perfectly, but they have stuck with me and they do influence my actions.  I think that is as much as any self-improvement book could hope to accomplish.

It was interesting reflecting on how something I read so long ago has impacted my life.  The things we feed our minds definitely influence us for a long time.  I’ll keep pouring in good advice like the stuff I picked up from reading the Seven Habits!

What books or material has had a long-term influence in your life?

Photo by ?ick Harris