Yes, I may get what I want in the short-term, but in the long run, I make a big withdrawal from the emotional bank account of my loved ones.  I really want to stop being selfish!

Ways to become more generous and stop being selfish

I have been blessed with health and abundance in my life.  However, the unflattering thing is, I usually want to keep it all for myself.  This is really the definition of selfishness.  What can I do about my tendency to put my desires first?

1.  Give sacrificially to stop being selfish

Overcoming selfishness is mostly about changing a habit.  When we push our comfort zone, it makes us squirm.  This is how we know that we are venturing outside our normal habit and starting to make progress.  Therefore, if we want to stop being selfish, we must give sacrificially.

What does it mean to give sacrificially?  It means to give until it hurts or at least until it feels like we are giving too much.  If the amount of time or money that we are giving doesn’t feel uncomfortable, then it isn’t enough.  Give an amount that makes you give up something that you really want.

This will be difficult at first, but it will get easier as you stretch your muscles of generosity and giving.

2.  Perform simple acts of kindness

A simple act of kindness might be paying for the next person’s coffee in line behind us.  It might be doing the dishes while your wife is busy with something else.  It could be shoveling a neighbor’s walk.  Acts of kindness are intentional efforts we make to brighten someone else’s day.

Again, we are pushing ourselves to form a new habit.  This is likely to feel awkward at first.  I’d probably feel a little embarrassed and worried about how the other person might receive my act of kindness.  However, from what little experience I have in this area, I have found that most people are initially shocked, but quickly become very thankful.

Simple acts of kindness break the routine of selfishness.  They get us started thinking about the needs of others.

3.  Forgive someone without being asked

Giving forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do.  That’s why it is a great way to practice in our effort to beat selfishness.  Again, we are trying to stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zone.  Don’t wait for an apology to offer your forgiveness!  Do it before you are even asked.  This will take you to new heights of selflessness!

Unforgiveness hardens in our hearts to become bitterness and resentment.  It is explosive fuel for selfishness.  It will blind us to the needs of others and consume our lives.  It is imperative that we let go of any perceived wrongs and release the other person if we ever want to be well again.

Offering forgiveness is the ultimate act of generosity and giving!

4.  Honor your vows

A vow is a solemn promise or personal commitment.  When we hear the word, we most often think of the vows we made at the marriage altar.  Of course, there are other vows we have made that might not be as explicit, but are just as meaningful.  A couple of examples include our commitment to raising our children and our promise to give an honest days work to our employer.

It is difficult to fulfill the intent of our vows if we are consumed with selfishness.  Honoring our commitments takes personal sacrifice.  It means from time-to-time we have to put aside our desires for the best interest of our relationship. 

Doing this consistently is the hallmark of a good husband, father and employee!

5.  Make “it” happen for someone else!

Selfish tendencies keep us focused on our own ambition.  Of course, those around us also have goals and dreams.  Find out what others want and help them get it.  The further out of your way that you have to go to help, the better.

Often we can make a BIG difference in the lives of others without even trying too hard.  All we need to do is train ourselves to become more aware.  The irony is that the more you help others the faster you will get what you want.  Of course, don’t let this be your motive or it will ruin everything.

Make “it” happen for someone else to break your selfish tunnel vision.

It only takes practice to break the habit of selfishness

“Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.” ~Mother Teresa

Unless you are Mother Teresa, it is likely that you are like me and can use some practice to stop being selfish.  I am really going to work on this.  Hopefully, if I focus on the things above I’ll see a noticeable improvement.   Loving people in an unselfish way is the beginning of living life to the fullest!

Do you ever struggle with selfishness?  How do you overcome it?

Photo by inhisgrace

We need to find ways to challenge ourselves with new activities and learning opportunities to live life to the fullest.  If you have something that makes you uneasy, then face it head on!  Push yourself outside your comfort zone and you will beat all your fears.  Don’t grow old gracefully!  Fight it every step of the way by seeking new ways to stretch yourself!  Here are some ideas to help get you started.

1. Travel to a foreign country

Take out a map and find a place you’ve never been.  Plan a trip to a country that is unfamiliar to you.  It will stimulate your mind and your senses.  You will have the opportunity to pick up parts of a new language, eat different foods, and meet interesting people!

2.  Participate in a yoga class

Yoga will stretch you very literally.  There are numerous benefits to yoga.  It will help you mentally, physically and some say even spiritually.  It certainly will help you to relieve stress and become more physically fit.  If you are looking for ways to keep your body toned, then a yoga class may be a good choice.

3.  Go on a solo backpacking trip

There is something very stimulating about camping alone in the woods.  You are totally dependent on your own wits and skill.  A trip like this pits you against nature for comfort and sometimes survival.  The solitude will also give you time alone with your thoughts.

4.  Arrange a public speaking engagement

Apparently, speaking in public is a fear greater than death for some people.  This is one fear that everyone can conquer.  Why let something simple shackle you?  The key is to just do it.  Your local Toastmasters club would be happy to help.

5.  Audition for a role in a play

Give your creative side a chance to come alive in the theater.  Were you in a high school production?  Why not give it a try again?  You might rediscover something about yourself that has been suppressed.

6.  Read a book with an opposing view

We can all get set in our ways and our limited view of the world.  Pick up a book at your local library that purports a view that is contrary to one that you hold dear.  Read it from cover to cover and try to keep an open mind.  Note points that make some sense and ponder them.

7.  Change jobs

I run into people all the time that seem to hate their jobs, but they won’t go out and find a better one.  Don’t stay stuck in a rut any longer!  Take a step today toward finding a new position.  After all, if you aren’t happy now, what do you have to lose?

8.  Volunteer to improve your community

Volunteer opportunities abound.  These needs give us the chance to expose ourselves to things we won’t normally see in our safe little lives.  It will expand our horizons and give us a greater appreciation for what we have.  In addition, you might just make a difference in someone else’s life along the way.

9.  Learn to scuba dive

Find your local PADI certified training center and learn to be an Open Water Diver.  I was fortunate enough to do this myself recently.  It is a lot of fun and a bit of a challenge.  You will feel like a true explorer once you are certified!

10.  Dress up for Halloween

Get yourself a costume and find yourself a Halloween party!  Express your inner child by dressing up and having some fun.  My wife and I did this last year and it was a complete hoot!  I highly recommend it as a way to bring yourself out of a shell.

11.  Take a dance class

Dancing is great exercise, a fun way to meet people, and a fantastic way to creatively express yourself.  There are all kinds of dance classes that you can find to meet your individual tastes.  You might even meet a new friend in the process!

12.  Enroll in a college course

Is it time to expand your knowledge in a particular area?  Maybe you need a way to spark new interest in a subject that has always intrigued you.  College courses are a great way to give yourself a new challenge while also expanding your opportunities.

13.  Introduce yourself to a complete stranger

For some, this is no big deal, but for others of us, this is not something that comes easily.  Set a goal to meet five new people this week.  What’s the worst that can happen?  You might make a connection that will blossom into a fruitful relationship.

14.  Attend a service at the church of your choice

Are you attending to your spiritual needs?  If not, maybe it is time for you to seek out a place of worship.  Not sure where to go?  I would suggest asking a friend if you can accompany them.  It will make their day!

15.  Sit alone in complete silence for an hour

This one sounds simple enough, but give it a try.  It is harder than you think.  We are so accustomed to noise and to being in the presence of others that you might initially find this very challenging.  My guess is that if you do it for a few days that it will become something you love.

16.  Move to a new home

Find a new place to live in a different city or at least on the other side of town.  A move will force you out of your ruts.  You will have to develop new routines and explore a new area.  This will give you a chance to grow and expand your boundaries.

17.  Go on an eco-adventure

Travel to Belize, Costa Rica, or another location that offers eco-adventures.  The world is a big place and nature is full of fascinating creatures.  Get out there and see something new.  A trip like this is dangerous because it could change your entire life!

18.  Fly down a zip-line

Taking a zip-line tour is a rush!  It will definitely get your adrenaline flowing.  I did this when I went to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico earlier this year.  The zip line was total fun.  This type of thrill seeking awakens your adventurous spirit.

19.  Organize a reunion

Reach out to some people that you haven’t seen in awhile.  This could be family, classmates, or just an old friend that you haven’t talked to in years.  Reminiscing about the past might stir up old ideas in you that you forgot you had.

20.  Write something and get it published

Writing is a terrific way to express yourself and tap into your creativity.  Getting what you write published will give you a sense of accomplishment.  You will also probably get quite a nice boost from the positive reviews that you’ll receive!

Don’t spend another day in your comfort zone!

There is no excuse for remaining in your present rut.  A new challenge will energize you and give you the courage to continue to grow.  We only have one life to live and you do not want to waste another day.  Go stretch yourself outside your comfort zone!

What other ways are there to get out of our comfort zones?

Photo by stephcarter