Have you accepted certain bad habits as normal behavior?

You can bypass a quagmire of difficulties in your life by steering clear of this one tendency.

We all get sucked into it at one time or another.

We normalize bad habits.

We do this so we can stop feeling guilty for engaging in habits that we know ultimately harm us or others.

A little knowledge can go a long way toward defeating this hidden snare.

How You Normalize Bad Habits

You normalize bad behavior by adjusting your standards.

You accept what you once thought was unacceptable, wrong, mischievous or possibly even hurtful to be normal when it is not.

Perhaps you heard someone say it is okay and so you buy into their logic.

You might think to yourself one or more of the following:

• I was just being a stick in the mud.
• I was too judgmental.
• I need to lighten up.
• I must be getting old.
• I just didn’t understand before.
• I need to be more tolerant.

You start to modify your standard because you are getting some payoff.

In other words, your bad behavior produces some comfort that you desire and don’t want to stop receiving.

It could be physical comfort or the attention of another.  It can be anything.  You just know that if you don’t accept the bad behavior, the nice place you are in right now is going to evaporate.

This motivates you to normalize the behavior.  I mean how comfortable can it be when there is that nagging little guilt in the back of your mind?

Normalizing and accepting the behavior as ordinary eliminates the guilt and frees you to proceed unabated.

Normalizing Is Dangerous

Normalizing a bad habit so it becomes acceptable behavior is dangerous.

Bad habits hold you back.  They inhibit growth.  They are roadblocks.

To overcome a bad habit, you must first be aware that you need to change.  In other words, you have to see the habit as something that is bad.

Once a behavior is normalized in your mind, you no longer think of it as bad.  It is just accepted.  It becomes a part of your everyday life.

No harm.  No foul.  No guilt.

You will continue to repeat your bad habit and defend it to others indefinitely.

You will even become blind to the negative consequences your bad habit produces.

This is dangerous.

It is a downward spiral that won’t end until you hit bottom.

You’ve probably seen this sort of thing in the lives of others.  You think, how can they go on like that?  They seem completely oblivious to the mess all around them.

They have normalized the behavior.  They are blind to it.

What bad behavior have you normalized in your life?  What mess have you become blind to?

The danger is that it could rise up and smack you and you won’t even see it coming.

Some Areas Where We Normalize Bad Behavior

I will warn you right now.  This is where the denial will begin.

Are you brave enough to do an honest self-evaluation?  Can you take the blinders off for a few minutes?  I should probably ask if you are willing to do this.

If so, then here are some common areas where we normalize bad habits:

1.  Personal Finances

How much debt do you owe?  Do you spend more than you earn every month?  What is your net worth?

Do you even know the answers to these questions?

You can make all the excuses you want, but the reality is that you could be doing a better job of managing your money.

Hey, I’m familiar with all the bad habits in this area.  You can even read about how I resisted solid money management for years.

I’m a walking, talking case study for normalizing bad behavior in this important area of life.  But, I turned over a new leaf a few years ago.

If you’ve normalized bad habits related to your personal finances, then take a moment and read about my personal economic recovery.

2.  Home Organization

Is your house overcrowded and full of clutter?  When was the last time you had a garage sale?

We often normalize messy and disorganized surroundings.  However, there is a cost to keeping all that stuff.

I challenge you to find the most extreme neat-freak that you know and have them walk through your house with you.

Ask them to point out places in your home where you could rid yourself of clutter.

Are you a hoarder?  If not, then prove it.

3.  Health and Fitness

Are you overweight?  How often do you exercise?  When was the last time you dared to look at yourself in the mirror – naked?

This has got to be the area where most of us have gone completely blind (by choice).

Over a third of Americans are obese.  That’s one in three!  I didn’t say overweight.  I said obese.

However, we’ve normalized it.  Bad eating is normal.  A sedentary lifestyle is just the way we live.

Being fat is okay.  In fact, it is politically incorrect to even call people fat now.  See how it has been normalized?

The day of reckoning is coming.  Unfortunately, for many, it will be in the emergency room.  Don’t let it be you, get your mind right about fitness.

4.  Job Performance

Are you 100% engaged at work or do you do just enough to get by?  Do you rationalize your bad behavior as payback to your employer?

I know that there are many employers out there that take employees for granted.

But, I can tell you that being disengaged at work hurts you the most.

This is a serious mental hurdle that you need to get over.  If you’ve normalized this behavior, then you need to face it and change your ways.

5.  Relationships

Is there a trail of failed relationships in your past?  Is there dysfunction in your family?  Do you feel truly loved and accepted?

You know the old saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” right?  Perhaps, it really is you.

Maybe you’ve normalized some behavior that is seriously damaging your relationships.  Or maybe you enable or unknowingly condone bad behavior in those around you.

You may be completely blind to this.

Take some time to look closely at the condition of your connections.  If you see things that are out of whack, you should probably read how to keep a relationship before it is too late.

Normalizing Is Common, But Not Normal

You have to be constantly vigilant in your fight against normalizing bad habits.

Again, it is a very common tendency that I think we are all prone to.

Hopefully, this will wake you up and help you do a little reality check.

Where have you normalized bad behavior in your life?  It is time to face up to it.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Do you want to be more creative?

Stop clinging to comfort.  Comfort is the enemy of creativity.

You are comfortable where it is safe and predictable.  When you are curled up in your recliner watching your favorite sitcom.

Creativity resides out on the edge where things are a little dicey.

If you want to be more creative, then you’ve got to force yourself — usually kicking and screaming — to move outside that place where things are easy, sheltered and certain.  Beyond comfort is where originality, invention and new discoveries are found.  It is where life is rich and fulfilling.  It is that place where you live up to your full potential.

Stop Flinching and Start Creating

You are programmed to avoid pain.  You have been taught to stay where it is safe.  Your mother didn’t want you to take too many risks because you might get hurt.  School certainly didn’t teach you to be creative.  It taught you to stay in the lines and conform.

You are creative.  It is there somewhere inside you, but it is likely buried — at least to a degree.

Even if you do creative work, you probably aren’t producing all you are capable of.

How do I know this?  Because I know you flinch.

“The flinch is the moment when every doubt you’ve ever had comes back and hits you, hard.  It’s when your whole body feels tense.  It’s an instinct that tells you to run.  It’s a moment of tension that happens in the body and the brain, and it stops everything cold.”

~ Julien Smith, The Flinch

You pull back and throttle your creativity so you can avoid the risk of being criticized, questioned and thrust into the spotlight.

You flinch.

You have that moment where you wonder, “What if they don’t like this?”

It is then that you reel things in a little.  You retreat to where it is more comfortable.  Where you aren’t pushing the envelope quite so much.  You step back from the edge.

After years of remaining comfortable, you are too afraid to get anywhere near creativity.  You won’t sing in front of others.  You won’t show your work to anyone .  You hide behind mediocre efforts.  You keep your mouth shut.  You keep your ideas to yourself.  You fail to deliver.

You may even say, “I am not creative.”  That’s a dangerous place to go.  It is a cop out.  It is the ultimate flinch.

“No matter whether you are leading a team, developing marketing strategies, running a small business, or writing copy, when you are compensated for creating value with your mind, the pressure to perform is palpable.”

~ Todd Henry, The Accidental Creative

I get it.  There is a lot of pressure.

There is fear.  Fear of failure.  Fear of not living up to expectations.  Fear of rejection.  Fear of criticism.  Fear of being ostracised.  Fear your best isn’t good enough.

Fear that you suck.

And if it becomes known (to you and others) that you suck, where does that leave you?

On the other hand, there is comfort.

Is it any wonder that we choose the way we do?  That’s right.  More often than not, you are choosing to be comfortable rather than sticking your neck out to be creative.

This is why we live lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in us.  We are in bed with the enemy.

How to Defeat the Enemy and Live

“Behind every moment of courage was a man or woman who faced a difficult internal struggle.  When they face it, it becomes an amazing story.  They become legends.”

~ Julien Smith, The Flinch

If you want to live a really joyful, fulfilling and amazing story, then you’ve got to stop clinging to comfort and start creating.  You’ve got to win this internal struggle.

Children are naturally creative.  Why?  Because they aren’t afraid to take risks.  They aren’t yet slaves to comfort.  They are already legends in their minds.

You were a child once.  You know how to do it.  You have brilliance inside you.  You just need to rediscover it and take a chance.  I won’t mislead you, it isn’t easy.  It may even hurt a bit, but if you press through it to the other side.  You will be astonished at the life you find.

You may not know where to start.  I’d encourage you to read the two books I quoted in this article.  I read them both recently and I loved them.  They will help you to break free from the clutches of comfort.

The Flinch by Julien Smith is totally free on Amazon, so you have no excuse for not reading it, unless you just want to continue to wallow in the comfort of not knowing.  You can click the link above to download your copy.  You won’t regret it.

You can find out a lot more about The Accidental Creative on Todd Henry’s site that goes by the same name.  He offers a ton of great information in the free articles alone.  What I love best about Todd’s book is that he recognizes that it isn’t just artists that need to express creativity.  He focuses on being creative in business and everyday life.  You’ll get a lot out of his stuff.

Finally, I dare say that I might have a few other articles that can help inspire you to greatness.  Here are some that are specifically targeted to arouse your creativity:

• 7 Great Ways To Rekindle Your Creativity
• 5 Ways to Inspire Truly Creative Ideas
• 7 Ideas For Expanding Your Creativity and Comfort Zone

It is time to put comfort aside, step out to the edge and let the world know why you are here.  Go live your amazing story and become the legend you were meant to be!

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Do you only do things you LIKE to do?

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”, says Albert Einstein.

Doing only the things you like will limit your success. Why? Because your thinking will remain the same as it is today.

Most of us do not like feeling challenged, confronted or held accountable about what we think.  Therefore, we limit our growth and stagnate ourselves.

We have to confront our current way of thinking if we want to find our way to a more fulfilling life.  We have to challenge our current beliefs.  We have to make ourselves uncomfortable by doing some things we don’t want to do.

I Didn’t Want to Hear It, But It Helped

I came face-to-face with this principle of personal development recently.  I felt more negative than usual about everything in my life.  It wasn’t anything specific.  It was just a subtle, overall feeling of pessimism and cynicism.  Honestly, I didn’t even fully recognize what had come over me.

It was only in hindsight that I see how this mood was robbing me of my happiness.

How did I pull out of this funk?  It was completely unintentional I assure you.

You see, I was in the library a few weeks ago with my family on a Saturday.  I had found the book I wanted and I was browsing, killing time, until the kids were ready.

I stumbled onto an audiobook from a familiar author.  I would have never taken it if it hadn’t been an audiobook.  The idea of listening to something positive during my drive to work seemed both kind of attractive and repelling all at the same time.  The fact that it required no effort on my part, I could just sit and listen, somehow tipped the scale enough that I brought it along.

The first morning I popped it in and started listening.  However, I felt a lot of resistance toward it.

I didn’t want to hear this message.

I wanted to turn it off.  I couldn’t say exactly why.  I just knew I didn’t want to hear it.  I felt kind of repulsed by it.  It was hard to go on.  It made me uncomfortable, not anything specific, just the overall thing.

For some reason, I forced myself to keep listening.  I kept going mainly because I knew this author and that they spoke the truth.  After a few days, I realized, I’m feeling better.  I didn’t even grasp I was feeling so bad before, but as the fog lifted, I certainly understood that I was feeling better.

I kept listening and my mood kept improving.  So much so, that my wife even noticed.  I hadn’t said anything to her about my previous gloom or the audiobook, but this past weekend, she noticed enough of a change in me that she actually said something.  That’s pretty cool.

Now, what would happen if I could apply this same thing to an area where I know I need to improve?

Doing Things You Don’t Want to Do

I’ve mulled this whole concept around quite a bit in my head lately.  It still sort of confuses me.  I mean I really didn’t like the idea of listening to more of that audiobook.  I wanted to turn it off and take it back to the library from the start.  I still can’t say that I’m in love with listening to it, but I know it has helped and that really intrigues me.

The ideas I’ve caught from the audiobook have changed the way I think.  My new thinking solved a problem I either wasn’t aware I had or wasn’t willing to acknowledge consciously.

I’ve extrapolated on this whole idea a bit.  Here are some other things that I typically don’t like or want to do, but if I did them anyway, I’m pretty sure I’d experience the same and possibly even better results than what I got from the audiobook.

More things I don’t want to do, but should for my own happiness:

• Offer forgiveness
• Exercise
• Eat healthier
• Confront a fear
• Be more social  (you have to understand introverts to get this one)
• Volunteer more often

I’m sure this list could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.  Bottom line, I think our feelings deceive us more often than we’d like to admit.  You simply can’t trust them.  They’ll make you think you don’t want to do the very thing that you need to do to live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Test this theory yourself.  Try doing something that you don’t want to do, but know that you probably should and see what happens.  You’ve got to stick with it for a bit, but I think you’ll be glad that you did.

What don’t you like to do that you know deep down inside that you should?  Will you give it a try?  Leave a comment and let me know how it works out for you.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

How will you overcome the obstacles to improvement?

Good ideas for prevailing against the obstacles to improvement are priceless.  After all, less than half of us keep our New Year’s Resolutions for more than six months.

If you desire true change, then you need to be prepared to conquer the barriers that derail us.  Most of what will hold you back is in your own head.

You’ve got to change your thinking to produce lasting changes in behavior.

What You Have to Fight Against to Improve

In every one of us there are two ruling and directing principles, whose guidance we follow wherever they may lead; the one being an innate desire of pleasure; the other, an acquired judgment which aspires after excellence. ~ Socrates

As Socrates so aptly points out in the quote above, you have a struggle going on inside you.  You want and seek to follow two things. 

The first of which is pleasure which you can also think of as comfort.  The second is your good judgment which tells you that you need to improve in some particular area to reach a desired goal.

For example, you may want to lose some weight, a very popular New Year’s Resolution.  However, you overeat because it comforts you.  Food has become a pleasurable place that you run to when this cruel world gets you down.

Another example might involve your personal finances.  Perhaps logic tells you that you need to spend less and get on a budget.  However, you never seem to be able to pull this off because you cannot delay your own gratification when shopping.

In whatever area you are trying to improve, you will likely find that comfort and pleasure are the obstacles trying to draw you back to your old ways.  Recognizing this is the first step to victory.

How to Win this Battle of the Will

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
~ Viktor Frankl

When we are faced with our choice, the one between pleasure and excellence, we often feel powerless.  We believe in our minds that we do not have a choice.  We think that the habit of pleasure is simply too strong for us to overcome and we concede.  We backslide submitting to our desire for pleasure.

The key to winning this battle for personal freedom, as Viktor Frankyl points out, is found in that instant between stimulus and response.

Here are some ideas for overcoming the obstacles in this moment of choice:

1.  Avoid the Trigger Altogether

Probably the best way to win this struggle is simply to avoid it.  Stop putting yourself in the places where you know your willpower will be challenged.  If you struggle with overspending, then stop going to the mall.  If you overeat, then throw out all the junk food so, the trigger for your “bad” behavior is no longer there to tempt you.  Get rid of the stimulus and you avoid the poor response.

2.  Get Clear on Why

It is much easier to motivate yourself toward a positive goal than it is to continually maintain the willpower to avoid a negative behavior.  So, you need to clearly define why you want to stop overeating or overspending.  What is it that you want to accomplish by changing your behavior?  How will you benefit from the new outcome(s)? 

Get very, very clear on why you want to improve and it will make the change easier.  Once you are clear, then write the reasons down on a slip of paper and keep it in your pocket.  When you feel tempted to backslide, pull out the paper and review your reasoning.  This will help you stay on track.

3.  Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Finally, when you do suffer a momentary setback, don’t get too upset.  We tend be too hard ourselves.  Change takes time.  You’ve got to be patient with yourself.  This is not to say that you don’t want to hold yourself accountable, but if you beat yourself up too much, you’ll simply give up.  Improvement requires a positive mental state.  Don’t be the source of your own negativity and discouragement.  Remember the old proverb that says, “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”

These Ideas Will Help You Overcome Your Obstacles

I’ve written before about how comfort is not an option when it comes to personal improvement.  You simply cannot let the lure of pleasure and comfort rule your life.  You’ve got to stand up and use whatever ideas you can find to help you overcome these obstacles to change and growth.  Are you willing?  Do you want it bad enough to put forth the kind of effort required?  If so, then use what you’ve learned here to help yourself become victorious!

Photo by reuben4eva

Life is hard sometimes.  It is important to take timeout once in awhile to soothe yourself and relax.

We tend to burn the candle at both ends.  We push ourselves until we just don’t have anything left to give.  Then we wonder why we fail to deliver our best performance.

You’ve got to take time to recharge your batteries.  The good news is that the simple things in life are really what bring the most comfort. 

I’ve created this list to help remind you of how you can pamper yourself without spending a fortune or a lot of time.  I’d encourage you to take a minute now and comfort yourself with one of these convenient balms.

The 25 Ways to Comfort Yourself

The only end of writing is to enable the reader better to enjoy life, or better to endure it. 
~ Samuel Johnson

1.  Drinking A Hot Cup of Coffee

A hot cup of Joe is like an old friend.  It is always there when you need it.  Drinking a nice cup of coffee on a cold morning is soothing and warming.  Soldiers in the field have long considered this the must-have comfort no matter where they are.

2.  Feeling the Warm Sunshine on Your Face

I think the look on the woman’s face in the picture above says it all.  Feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin is relaxing and can melt your troubles away in just a few minutes.

3.  Wrapping Up in Your Favorite Blanket

Blankets have long been the comforter of choice for children and many adults as well.  Being wrapped up can make us feel safe and cared for.  Snuggle with your favorite blanket and you’ll feel better in no time.

4.  Receiving a Heartfelt Hug

A strong hug is a universal comfort.  It conveys acceptance and love.  It tells us that everything is going to be all right.  If you need comfort, go ask someone for a long, heartfelt hug.

5.  Eating Chocolate

Chocolate is not just a great treat.  It also causes our brains to secrete serotonin, a natural antidepressant, and endorphins which produce pleasurable sensations.  Chocolate is a great comfort.

6.  Making Love

Like chocolate, making love causes your body to release endorphins that give you an instant boost in your feelings of well-being.  Of course, it usually involves lots of hugs and unconditional acceptance which also comforts us and helps us to feel better about everything.

7.  Indulging in a Hearty Meal

Some individuals overuse food for comfort, but when used in moderation, food can be an excellent soother.  A full belly of hearty comfort food almost always makes a person feel better.

8.  Taking A Long Walk

Getting away from it all and exercising are both excellent ways to calm yourself and put things back into the proper perspective.  Of course, the fresh air you get on a walk can’t hurt either.

9.  Watching a Sunset

The beauty and serenity of a sunset can remind us that the world isn’t all bad.  Soak it in and let go of all the negativity and stress that is weighing you down.  I like to drink a glass of wine as I watch the sun dip below the horizon for an extra comforting experience.

10.  Spending Time in the Woods

Nature is rejuvenating.  The beauty, the solitude and the peacefulness all combine to provide just what we need when we are feeling overwhelmed with life’s demands.

11.  Talking With an Old Friend

Sometimes you just need to reach out to an old confidant to get something off your chest.  That’s what friends are for, right?  Telling someone else your troubles can be a cathartic experience.

12.  Taking a Long, Hot Shower

Hot showers sooth your muscles and help your body to relax.  A relaxed physical state helps you to unwind mentally.  Get in the shower and clear your mind, you’ll feel better afterwards.

13.  Petting Your Faithful Dog

Researchers and medical professionals have found that there are a number of emotional and psychological benefits to pet ownership.  If pets are good enough to be used in serious therapy, then they are surely a good choice when you need some comforting.

14.  Enjoying a Leisurely Nap

When was the last time you allowed yourself the luxury of a leisurely nap?  Naps have been shown to enhance mood and mental performance.  It might be just the kind of comfort you need if you are overworked and underappreciated.

15.  Spending an Hour at the Beach

The sound of the crashing waves, the feel of the sand between your toes and the warmth of the sun all combine at the beach to create the ultimate in soothing environments.  Take an hour at the beach to regroup and reclaim your day.

16.  Reading an Engaging Book

Books can be a wonderful escape from the stresses of life.  They transport you to another world where all your troubles can fade into oblivion.  Borrow one from your local library if you can’t afford to buy.

17.  Lighting a Scented Candle

Pleasing aromas can stimulate certain moods in us.  Find a candle or some incense that makes you feel calm and relaxed.  This can be a great way to comfort yourself during difficult times.

18.  Meditating in Solitude

Get away from everyone and everything for thirty minutes and you might be surprised at how good it feels.  Use some basic meditation practices to focus your mind on positive thoughts or affirmations.  This can really turn your day around.

19.  Cleaning Up Your Space

When our space is cluttered, then often so are our minds.  Cleaning up can make you feel good about your accomplishment and give you a sense of control.

20.  Reviewing Inspirational Quotes

Reading over inspiring quotes, scriptures or other writings can help lift you out of the doldrums.  Often we just need a foothold to help us pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off before we move on after an especially tough break.

21.  Going Home to Your Mom or Dad

Mom and dad were your original comforters and for many they still provide a safe haven where you can regroup and recharge.  Spend a day with those that love you no matter what and you are sure to walk away with a better outlook on life.

22.  Getting a Massage

A professional massage therapist can do wonders for one’s mental and physical state.  They’ll rub the worry right out of your body.  Treat yourself to this special luxury when you need a real chance to unwind.

23.  Watching a Favorite Old Movie

A couple of hours of downtime on the couch watching a favorite old movie might be just the ticket for you.  It will give your mind and body time to rest and recuperate. 

24.  Drinking a Beer

Alcohol is a depressant that can help you to unwind when used in moderation.  A nice, cold beer is a fantastic way to chill out after a hard day.

25.  Counting Your Blessings

Finally, when things look bleak, you need to sit down and count your blessings.  Remind yourself of all that you have to be thankful for in your life.  It is easy to get tunnel vision on just the negative.  A few minutes of intentionally focusing on the good can make you feel better instantly.

Take a Few Minutes to Comfort Yourself Today

Comforting yourself is good for your mental and physical well-being.  It gives you a chance to refuel and regroup before you face another challenge.  I hope this list has helped you identify at least one way that you can comfort yourself today.

Photo by yuckfa

When I was growing up in my early childhood I was always under the obligation to care for myself as my single mother found herself working most days and nights.

Growing up and reaching the age of 14, I had the independent mindset that "no one will do for you what you need to do for yourself" and so I found myself wanting to work and earn money – for what else? Video games!

The Road Less Traveled

Since I was an immigrant, my work permit would only allow me to work about 15 hours a week and my visa status wasn’t quite there yet, which prevented me from working in most places, as they required verification of employment status that I didn’t have.

Wandering around in my high school cafeteria one day, I found myself presented with an interesting opportunity…telemarketing. I was young and not quite sure of what a telemarketer was – and so I was told that I would be making phone calls for leads and would earn $12 an hour. More importantly, this opportunity would allow me to build experience instead of sitting at home. It seemed like a great idea at the time and actions are better than dreams so therefore I decided to take control of my future at the age of 14.

Being a telemarketer is much easier than most people imagine. In fact, it’s very easy as long as you’re confident and don’t mind getting rejected a hundred times a day. The job itself is simple and requires nothing more than some common sense, the ability to speak English and the confidence to make a phone call.

Most people will not do the job, as they are simply not interested in being rejected over a hundred times a day. I, however, looked at life differently and understood that the money was simply better than what I could earn flipping burgers. Also, the location was an office job rather than a restaurant, and the earning potential could triple if I were successful.

I did nothing more than do my job. I made phone calls, countless phone calls that led to sales, sales that led to commissions, and commissions that led to promotions. At the end of the day I worked half the hours my friends worked at various restaurants and retail stores and I earned almost ten times as much; which leads me to my point…

Often in life, we enjoy doing certain things and aspire to be a certain somebody. We often visualize what we will be as we get older or what the road ahead looks like after high school or college, but we usually lose ourselves in our dreams rather than pursuing the actual real path to get there. Sometimes people aspire to live a certain luxury lifestyle but yet want to become public school teachers or law enforcement officers, which are okay professions by all means but not a means to attain a luxury lifestyle of any sort. Therefore, there is a missing element to the goal, and that is a realistic approach.

Picking the Right Path Is Crucial

When people ask me "Don, what was your first job?" I reply " I was a telemarketer" and they laugh and say "Man, you must have hated it", it simply amuses me and I reply "No, It’s the reason I drive an Aston Martin today".

You see, years ago my goal in life was not to become a telemarketer, a banker, the president of some company or any such thing. My goal 10 years ago was to be a in a position to help people, people like yourself who send me emails thanking me for the coaching. That was my ultimate goal.

My other goal was to be very comfortable financially, to enjoy my passion for cars and real estate and to enjoy a life full of pleasant experiences. The more comfortable path and my goals did not match and therefore I took a realistic approach, not an enjoyable one.

I stayed on the road that made the most money, not the one where I felt I would enjoy the most at the time.  I did this so in the future I could acquire the lifestyle and comfort I’ve always wanted. Now, as a result of my financial independence, I’m able to spend time helping everyone I’ve always dreamed of helping and I have the lifestyle I’ve always dreamed of having.

Align Your Actions with Your Goals

Sometimes the decisions we have to make are not the easiest nor the most comfortable ones. However, if they are aligned with your ultimate goals, and not so much with what you’d like to do today, then the final outcome will allow you to get back to your original comfort zone and beyond.  Also, the experiences along the way will make you stronger and more seasoned for what’s to come.

Just remember that ultimately, you and only you control where your life is headed. It’s worth stopping for a moment before accepting a job offer or taking the next step and asking yourself, "Is this a realistic move to grow into the person I ultimately want to become?" If it’s a dead-end, then don’t let it waste your time. Instead, find the correct path or you might just end up spending your entire life doing nothing more than dreaming about the life you really want.

About Don Sabatini

Don Sabatini, 28 years old, has served in many different roles in Corporate America, from a small startup sales office at the age of 16, to being appointed the Vice President of a Fortune 500 company at the age of 20, and currently holding a Vice President position at a Fortune 100 company (without holding a college degree).  His drive for success, expertise and experience make him one of the highest paid Vice Presidents within his company. As an industry expert and teacher, Don has taken his experiences in Corporate America, and his real world experiences in finance, real estate, investing, and business development and created Secret Entourage, to help motivate and educate others that seek a high level of success in an accelerated time frame.

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Comfort is overrated.  We should not be striving for comfort because personal growth requires us to move beyond our well-worn happy places.

If you haven’t made yourself uncomfortable lately, then chances are you have grown stagnate and complacent.  You are not pursuing life to the fullest anymore.

I say toss out the La-Z-Boy and the television along with it and make yourself uncomfortable!  Let your recliner rot from lack of attention!  Grab yourself a big piece of life and accept that comfort is NOT an option!

Regular People Are Vulnerable to Comfort

As a regular guy, I know that I am susceptible to getting comfortable.  I can easily adopt one the following rampant attitudes:

• I’ve worked hard this week and I deserve a break.
• The time just isn’t right.  I’ll pursue that when the kids are older.
• I don’t have the money to invest in myself right now.
• I’m not trying that.  It sounds like a load of crap to me.
• My wife would think I’ve completely lost my mind.
• That’s just not me.  It might be fine for others, but not for me.
• Where I’m at right now is pretty good and who knows what’s over there.

Let me point out that there may be some truth in one or more of the statements above, but all too often, I simply use them as excuses.  I get used to my comfortable little place in life and begin to think I want to put down permanent roots right where I’m at in my growth.

I’ve been reading The Little House on the Prairie Series of books to my oldest daughter and I’m amazed.  Pa was definitely not a comfort addict.  (By the way, this is a terrific set of books to read to your kids.  It is really amazing how different life was back then!)

Charles Ingalls, aka Pa, would no sooner get his family settled somewhere before he was packing everything up in the wagon to move again.  And this guy wasn’t just taking them to the next neighborhood over.  Oh no, he would move them out onto the wide-open prairie right smack in the middle of Indian Territory where they were completely dependent on their own ability to survive.

Pa wasn’t irresponsible and he didn’t go chasing after half-baked opportunities, but he took chances.  He was constantly seeking a better life for his family and he didn’t let anything stand in his way.  He pursued his dreams and he inspired his wife and kids to go right along with him. 

He didn’t let comfort or naysayers or fear stand in his way.  He was confident in his abilities and he faced life head on.  He didn’t let the comfortable hold him back from something better.

I want to strive to be more like Pa.  He was a regular guy like me and he had a deep desire to live the best life possible.  He never let any of the excuses above hold him back.

It Is the Tractor Beam Opposing Personal Growth

Comfort is often a subtle, but powerful force keeping us stuck in one place.  If you are a science fiction fan, then think of comfort as the tractor beam opposing our personal growth.  It holds us back from moving towards our best life.

“Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster.” ~ Sun Tzu

If comfort is our inner enemy, then we must learn how to defeat it.  To win this battle, we must get familiar with how the tractor beam works.

Let’s examine what makes comfort such a powerful tractor beam.  It uses the following tactics:

• Fear – Comfort reminds us that we are pretty happy right where we are or at least we’re in control.  If we start trying to grow, then things might take off in a direction that is irreversible and possibly harmful to us.  Why not just stay right here where things are stable?
• Intimidation – Comfort threatens that our crazy actions will likely cause us to lose what we have.  It tells us that we might be wrong about what we want and if we can’t undo it once we get it started, then we might make ourselves mighty uncomfortable.  Comfort whispers, “You know it is better to just not go there or I might have to take drastic action against you.”
• Resistance – Comfort will enlist the help of others around us to hold us back.  Our trying to grow will often make our spouses, friends or bosses uncomfortable.  They won’t like this so they will resist.  They will try to talk us out of our plans.  They will be difficult and might even pick a fight with us to try to make us give up on our pursuit of growth.  Comfort has allies.
• Embarrassment – OMG, you’re idea is crazy.  What will other people think when they find out?  They will think you are silly.  Why would you risk what you have to go after something so ridiculous.  How are you going to make a living doing that?  If you want to risk your whole reputation on this, then go ahead, but do it without me.  Do you hear comfort talking here?

Get the idea?  Comfort is a crackerjack pro at using whatever it takes to try to talk us out of moving out of the zone.  Recognizing its sneaky, but effective ways is paramount to defeating it.

Of course, comfort is a master liar that will disguise himself as all kinds of things in your mind.  Discover the truth to set yourself free.

The truth is as follows:

The path we have to take to get ahead in life requires that we push ourselves beyond that which is comfortable.  We must accept the risks involved in personal growth.  Continuing to pursue growth is what keeps our relationships, careers and dreams from dying.  Everything else is hogwash.

Kicking Comfort to the Curb and Embracing Life

I’ve said before that if you are facing opposition, then you must be doing something right.  Kick comfort to the curb!  It is seductive and alluring, but lethal to living life to the fullest.  Don’t let it hold you back any longer with its powerful tentacles.  Break free, make some sacrifices and move beyond your comfort zone to discover a whole new world out there just waiting for you to embrace it.

In what area of your life do you most need to make yourself uncomfortable?

Photo by Robert S. Donovan

It seems for many that comfort and convenience are what’s most important.  In fact, this is so prevalent that unofficially I’m calling it an epidemic.

People throw logic and good sense out the window in their pursuit of what makes them feel good right now.

I don’t have any problem with some comfort and convenience, but oughtn’t it be balanced with some long-term thinking?

The Appropriateness of This Discussion Today

God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless.
~ Admiral Chester W. Nimitz

Today is the anniversary of the bombing of Pearl Harbor.  We really owe a lot to the veterans of this great war for the prosperity we enjoy today in America.

Whatever happened to the duty, commitment, sacrifice and service these veterans displayed both during and after the war?  It seems these traits have all become bad words with negative connotations. 

Our grandparents believed they were worth fighting and dying for, but we seem to have lost our grasp on them.  Instead, comfort and convenience seem to rule our lives.

The Evidence That Comfort and Convenience Rule

Just so we are on the same page, please let me point out some evidence that comfort and convenience rule our lives.  The hold they have on us is pretty amazing!

• The United States is a very urbanized nation, with 81% of the population residing in cities and suburbs as of mid-2005 — in contrast, the worldwide urban rate was only 49% (Source: Wikipedia)
• Average credit card debt per household in America was $8,329 at the end of 2008. (Source: Nilson Report, April 2009)
• The U.S. accounts for almost two-thirds of the total spent on fast food worldwide.  We bought $148.6 billion worth of convenience food in 2004 while second-place Japan spent only $13.9 billion.  (Source: Top Fast Food Countries)

We huddle in cities to be close to all the goods and services that make our lives easy.  We borrow money by simply whipping out a piece of plastic so we can buy the luxury items we can’t afford.  We gorge ourselves on fast food making us the most obese country in the world!

These statistics elude to the problem I’m addressing.  However, I think some specific examples are in order to really make this clear.

How Comfort and Convenience Rob Us of The Good Life

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. 
~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

I think our obsession with comfort and convenience is killing us and robbing us of the best that life has to offer.  We are tossing away true success so we can feel good for a moment.

We are a throw-away society.  For example, despite our vow to love, honor and cherish until death do us part, 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  Why?  Irreconcilable differences.  In other words, it isn’t comfortable and convenient to remain committed anymore.  Divorce robs us and our children of family.  It seems to offer relief, but in reality it spreads out the pain for years to come in the lives of many.

Let me give you another example.  We are always looking for the easy way out.  When we run up a bunch of debt, we want to declare bankruptcy and start over.  We want to shirk our obligation to pay back what we owe.  Unfortunately, many families that declare bankruptcy don’t change their spending habits and wind up in a financial mess again a few short years later.  This cycle continues and is often passed on to future generations.

Self-discipline and accountability aren’t things most of us want to exercise, but it is what we need in order to live life to its fullest.  I am convinced that there are no shortcuts.  Do we still have the mettle that our grandparents did in the face of overwhelming obstacles?

Those that continue to make comfort and convenience the main aim of their life will end up regretting all the time they’ve wasted.  They will end up alone, penniless and wondering, “Why me?”

The Antidotes to This Epidemic

I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance.
~ Pablo Casals

I’d like to shine a new light on these words we don’t seem to like much anymore.  However, they aren’t just words.  They are actions that demonstrate that you really care and as the quote above points out — caring for others is where we find true significance in life.

Here are the antidotes to the epidemic of comfort and convenience:

1.  Duty

Duty is something we are required to do by moral or legal obligation.  For example, it is our duty, particularly once we have children, to stay married and raise our kids in a good home with a mother and a father.  It is our duty to pay back the loans we take out to buy the things we want.  It is our duty as citizens to participate in our government and follow its laws. 

It isn’t always comfortable or convenient, but following through with your obligations is the only way to get the most out of life.  Be an adult and do your duty!

2.  Sacrifice

At times, when you really care for others, you have to give up some things that you want so your loved ones can have what they want or need.  You might need to exercise delayed gratification or you might need to simply let it go.  Either way, you are making a sacrifice.  Our society seems to have totally forgotten what it means to make a sacrifice now for a bigger gain later.

Making a sacrifice goes against our nature in most circumstances.  However, it is well worth the investment.  The payoff is always much sweeter when you sacrifice a little now to reap greater rewards later.

3.  Service

Service is doing something unselfishly for someone else when you don’t have to do it.  A stay-at-home-mom is a great example of service and sacrifice.  She serves the needs of her children even when it is not comfortable or convenient.  She serves them even though they often don’t appreciate it.  She serves them even when it doesn’t appear she is making a difference.

Service is another way to express how much you care for someone or something.  It requires you to step outside yourself and put others first.  Give service a try and learn its rewards.

4.  Fortitude

Fortitude is having the mental and emotional strength to face difficult, dangerous and adverse circumstances courageously.  It is persisting in an effort even when the going gets very tough.  It takes fortitude to pay off debt, win wars, raise kids and succeed at marriage.  Fortitude is a necessary ingredient for living life to the fullest.

The perseverance expressed through fortitude is what built this country and made it great.  Our way of life was fought for on the battlefield and at home by people with amazing fortitude.  We need to tap into this well again to experience the best life possible.

Comfort and Convenience Are Not The Best Things in Life

Comfort and convenience are not all they are cracked up to be!  They become masters that lead you down paths that promise riches, but fail to deliver.  Look around you right now.  Are you a slave to comfort and convenience?  Do you need to embrace duty, sacrifice, service and fortitude? 

Making a difference in the lives of those around you and abroad will add a much needed dimension to your life that will create significance and meaning.  This is the real road to living life to the fullest!

Are you a slave to comfort and convenience?

Photo by cliff1066™

What does “thinking outside the box” even mean and why is it important?  I believe the following definition I found on Answers.com explains it very well.

Breaking away from traditional or conventional thought to develop a unique, superior solution to a difficult problem.
~ Dictionary of Business Terms

Wouldn’t you agree that we need people in this country to think outside the box to solve the issues we are facing?  But who are we going to find to do it?

I have an idea!  How about you!  All you need to do is spend a little time expanding your creativity and comfort zone and you could be the one.

You are just as smart as the next person, but you’ve likely become stuck thinking just like everyone else.  Well, you’ve come to the right place!

I’ve gathered up several great ideas that will help you expand your creativity and comfort zone so you can begin dreaming up superior solutions to our difficult problems!

Time is wasting, so let’s get to it!

1.  Exercise the opposite half of your brain

In Three Easy Ways to Expand Your Creativity, we are encouraged to push ourselves to expand our comfort zone by switching modalities.  In particular, if you are a writer and habitually deal with words, then try drawing a picture instead.  If your work is logical and left-brain oriented, then try painting or daydreaming to get your creative juices flowing.  The key is to try something different than your normal way of doing things!

2.  Give yourself permission to experiment

We often kill creative ideas before we give them a chance.  We fail to have the faith of a child.  Children let their imaginations run wild and often believe anything is possible.  As adults we usually lose this freedom in our thinking.  What would the world be like today if people like Thomas Edison, Wilbur and Orville Wright and Alexander Graham Bell followed this pattern?  Give yourself permission to experiment!

3.  Challenge widely held assumptions

Many people get trapped in the herd mentality.  Expanding your creativity and comfort zone requires us to identify the assumptions about a problem and throw them out the window!  For instance, in business, we usually assume that getting more customers is better, but what if instead we doubled our prices and made equal money with only half the customers?  Never discount an idea until you fully explore it even if at first it seems absurd.

4.  Refuse to label yourself

We often divide people into two categories, the creative and logical.  I’ve heard tons of people say, “I’m just not that creative.”  Obviously, this is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If we refuse to label ourselves in this way, then we open the door of possibility.  You may not be a talented artist, but everyone has creative skills.  If you can think and dream, then you are creative.  Refuse to label yourself!

5.  Try a new technique for opening up your creativity

Look for new ways to uncover your creative talent.  One technique that I use all the time is called mind mapping.  I find mind mapping to be an excellent technique for helping me to overcome writer’s block.  It is a free flow thinking tool that allows you to capture ideas without any real structure.  Often, we get bogged down trying to organize and wordsmith our thoughts.  This creates a bottleneck which interrupts creative ideas.  Mind mapping helps me to get around this obstacle.  Give it a try!

6.  Discuss it with someone that sees the world differently than you

We all know someone that sees the world through an entirely different lens than we do.  They are so different that sometimes you have to wonder if they are from outer space!  I suggest that you leverage the difference!  When you are up against a problem that seems especially stubborn, go discuss it with this friend.  Their different view might expose your assumptions or give you the creative jumpstart you need to see a new solution.

7.  Use a scientific approach

This may sound completely the opposite from thinking creatively, but actually good scientists are very free thinkers.  They have to be to make new discoveries.  In Expanding your Comfort Zone like a Champion, you will find the scientific approach to problem solving outlined very effectively.  Use this method to create hypotheses, test them and draw conclusions.

Expanding your creativity and comfort zone is easy!

We all need a little help from time-to-time getting out of our box.  It is easy to get stuck in a rut, but it is also easy to get ourselves out.  We just need to make a tiny bit of effort.

Hopefully, the ideas above are just what you needed to break free!  I’ve used these many times over the course of my life, so I know they work.

Now go out and solve all the world’s problems!  We need you!

How do you expand your creativity and comfort zone?

Photo by SOCIALisBETTER

Long weekend was a chance to reflect on balance in life.

Over this weekend, I did a lot of thinking about balance in my life.  It is easy for me to get caught up in pushing myself to achieve more.  I pressure myself and create stress that wears me down.  In some areas of my life I am a borderline perfectionist.  I want everything to be exactly right.  This creates unnecessary anxiety that spills over into other areas of my life and affects them negatively.  The crazy thing is that I do this all to myself.  It is my attitude that creates this tension.  I make myself a slave to achievement which steals my freedom to enjoy what I have today.

What are you a slave to?

Is there an area of your life that dominates and steals your ability to live life to the fullest?  We can become so focused in one direction that we lose sight of the big picture.  We forget what we are truly striving for.  We need balance between achievement and leisure to truly get the most out of living.  Let’s examine some areas where we might have let ourselves become slaves.

1.  Are you a slave to work?

Of course, this is the easy one.  In America, we often let ourselves become a slave to our work at the cost of family and leisure time.  But, we might think, “I’m not a workaholic because I don’t spend 60 hours a week at the office.”  However, we do sometimes bring it all home with us in our minds.  I’m guilty of this.  I stress myself out at work and then have a hard time relaxing at home.  It takes me a day or two of time off just to unwind.  About the time a normal weekend is over is when I’ve finally unwound enough to start enjoying my family.  This is improper balance.  I’ve made myself a slave to my productivity at work.

2.  Are you a slave to approval?

This one can easily go with being a slave to work.  We often get so caught up in seeking the approval of others, that it costs us the joy of living.  We worry so much about what others think about us and our achievements that we forget to enjoy it ourselves.  We all want praise for a job well done, but if you are so focused on what other’s might say or think about your accomplishments that you drive yourself and everyone around you crazy trying to get it perfect, then you have become a slave to approval.

3.  Are you a slave to debt?

Are you living beyond your means because you want more than you can afford?  Debt is a sign that our lives are out of balance.  We have assigned more value to our possessions than what they truly deserve.  We think that things will bring us happiness so we spend, spend, spend, but all that really comes are bills from Visa, Mastercard, and American Express.  Of course, the debt often stresses us out, creates strife, and forces us to overwork to pay our inflated monthly expenses.  If this rings true to your situation, then you are a slave to debt.

4.  Are you a slave to comfort?

Sometimes, the pendulum can swing too far in the other direction.  We can allow ourselves to become lazy and completely unmotivated.  We become a slave to comfort and leisure.  We fail to invest ourselves to become all that we have the potential to be.  We sit in front of the television all weekend watching sports or old movies instead of getting up and living.  Our children want us to play, but we resist to rest.  We could be reading a book or learning a new skill, but instead we are out on the golf course.  Leisure time is nice, but it has to be balanced with results-oriented action.

5.  Are you a slave to your children?

Many adults have let their children completely take over their lives.  They are consumed with running their kids to their next activity.  They have ballet on Monday, karate on Tuesday and Thursday, piano on Wednesday, and soccer tournaments all weekend.  When you multiply this by two or three children, then it gets really crazy especially with school and church mixed in.  Becoming a slave to our children is not healthy either.  Our children are obviously important and need our attention, but we need time to focus on ourselves so we can feed our own needs for achievement and leisure.

6.  Are you a slave to substances?

When we have lost balance in our lives we often turn to substances like caffeine, alcohol, and drugs to help try to cope with our imbalance.  Of course, these things just compound the problems.  We drink coffee all morning to get ourselves going and then need alcohol or prescription drugs in the evenings to try to relax.  This can become a downward spiral that can lead to some serious addictions.  Any substance that we need to function on a day-to-day basis has become our master and we are it’s slave.  You may want to seek professional help if you have a serious problem with drugs or alcohol.

Balance is the key to freedom.

Seeking balance for a fulfilling and complete life takes effort.  It is a continuous process that is never finished.  We have to constantly evaluate ourselves to see where we might be off track.  When things are just right, then we are happy and productive.  We are also contributing to the happiness of those around us.  Everything seems to just click.  We enjoy true freedom when we break the chains that enslave us.

Is there balance in your life?  What makes you a slave?  Leave a comment and let me know.

Photos by joxin and Ende