Miscommunication is a common problem for all of us.  It happens all the time.  It even occurs when we least expect it and we often don’t know it happened until it is too late.

Making ourselves understood isn’t always as easy as we think.  However, there are numerous things we can do to improve our chances of being heard.  It just takes a little attention to detail.

Better communication skills will help us to avoid arguments, achieve our goals and generally get more of what we want out of life.

Guidance to Avoid Miscommunication

Have you ever seen a person that is having trouble getting their point across try talking a little louder in hopes it will help them to be heard and understood? 

I wished this worked, but it generally doesn’t.  This is a perfect example of how we misdiagnose miscommunication problems.  It doesn’t matter if we are communicating orally, in writing or visually, we often have a hard time figuring out the right things to do to communicate properly.

One of the steps I take when I want to improve an area of my life is to consult an expert.  Therefore, I’ve gone to some of the greatest communicators in history to get their advice. 

I’ve collected their quotes and distilled from them 10 powerful fundamentals to help us avoid miscommunication.  I know you’ll find these helpful.

1.  Never Assume You Were Heard Correctly

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
~ George Bernard Shaw

When your message is important, always check to be sure you were understood correctly.  This alone will avoid a great deal of miscommunication.  This is exactly why pilots have to repeat back to air traffic controllers the instructions they were just given.  It avoids a lot of disastrous mistakes.

2.  Don’t Let Your Emotions Take Over

“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
~ Dr. Laurence J. Peter

We are far better at communicating our desired message when we are calm, cool and collected.  In the heat of the moment, we often say things we don’t really mean or say it in a way that confuses our listener.  Always take time to compose yourself before you deliver an important message.

3.  Account for Personal Differences

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” ~ Anthony Robbins

Effective communicators tailor their message to their audience.  Do you speak the same to a young child as you do to your spouse?  Most of us do not.  However, we also usually fail to go far enough in adapting our message to our intended listeners or readers.  We really need to get inside their heads if we want to be heard.

4.  Prepare, Prepare, Prepare

“When I get ready to talk to people, I spend two thirds of the time thinking what they want to hear and one third thinking about what I want to say.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

As a general rule, none of us spend enough time preparing, editing and revising our message as we should.  We also fail to test our message with a sample audience to verify it will be understood as we intended.  How many times have you asked yourself, “What were they thinking?”  Don’t let this happen to you!  A well-prepared communicator has a much better chance of getting the right point across.

5.  Be a Good Listener

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”
~ Ernest Hemingway

Of course, communication is a two-way street.  When others are talking, I’m usually formulating what I want to say next instead of really listening to them.  The better we listen and understand their point of view, the better we’ll be able to communicate our ideas back.

6.  K.I.S.S.

“The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate.”
~ Joseph Priestley

Always keep the K.I.S.S. principle at the front of your mind when you are composing an important message.  Being simple and straightforward will usually get you the best results.  Your intent is to be understood, not to impress.

7.  Be Brief

“Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much.”
~ Robert Greenleaf

When you say too much, your listener loses focus and often misses the point.  Keep your message as  brief as possible.  Enough said.

8.  Use GREAT Visual Aides

“Of all of our inventions for mass communication, pictures still speak the most universally understood language.” ~ Walt Disney

Visual aides when speaking or writing are superb ways to improve your chances of being heard and understood.  You’ll find some excellent resources for designing top-notch visual aides in my article titled I’m Sorry I Blinked and Didn’t Hear You.

9.  Never Pass Up an Opportunity to Practice

“The tongue is the only tool that gets sharper with use.”
~ Washington Irving

It is true that practice makes perfect.  The more we practice good communication skills, the better we get.  I’d also encourage you to invite someone to review your message that will provide honest feedback.  This is how we learn and grow.

10.  Don’t Forget About Body Language

“Saying nothing… sometimes says the most.”
~ Emily Dickinson

Remember, many experts believe that body language alone makes up more than 50% of what we communicate.  Learn what to do and what not to do when it comes to body language.  You can really confuse your audience if you get this wrong!

These Miscommunication Quotes Convey Great Wisdom

The wisdom in these quotes is priceless.  Who better to learn from than some of the best communicators ever to live?  Again, if you employ these fundamentals, you are sure to increase your chances of being heard.  Now go out there and sell your ideas!

What other tips would you suggest for avoiding miscommunication?  Leave a comment and let everyone in on it!

Photo by roland

You are probably chuckling and shaking your head in answer to that question.  Miscommunication seems so hard to avoid even in good relationships.

My wife and I can sometimes just look at each and know what the other is thinking. 

However, there are also those times when one of us completely misinterprets a simple message.  It happened to me on Friday.

I hope you can learn from my mistake.

My preconceived notion caused me to misunderstand

It was definitely a case of misunderstanding.

I was off work on Friday so, my wife and I along with our preschool daughter, went to lunch.

After lunch my wife said she needed to make a quick run to the grocery store to pick-up a few things.

My brain heard “quick” and “a few things”.  I jumped to a conclusion about the length of the trip based on my preconceived notions.

Even though my wife was already headed toward our house to drop me and the kid off, I volunteered to accompany her to the store.

In my mind, the words “quick” and “a few things” implied a 10 or 15 minute stop.  We were just going to run in grab 5 or 6 items, check out and head home.  No problem.

To my wife, the words had a completely different meaning.  We ended up spending an hour at the grocery store and bought about a half a shopping cart full of items.

I wish I could say that I maintained a good attitude about it, but I didn’t.  I got bored and a little frustrated.  After the visit to the store was over, I grumped a little about it.

Fortunately, my wife took it pretty well so, it didn’t escalate into a bigger issue.  After a bit, I got over it and we moved on.

It is so easy to let assumptions lead to miscommunication

I’ll admit that this simple misunderstanding didn’t have big consequences.  However, in a different set of circumstances, assumptions based on preconceived notions can cause ginormous trouble.

Miscommunication has lead to:

• Divorces
• Airline crashes
• Malpractice suits
• Contract disputes
• and a ton of arguments, feuds and other battles.

This situation just highlighted how easy it is for us to let our assumptions get in the way of real understanding.

I’ve been married to my wife long enough that I should’ve known exactly what she meant when she said “quick” and “a few things”.  I didn’t think about it long enough.

More importantly, I should have asked questions to clarify instead of relying on my own interpretation.  This could have greatly increased my real understanding of her message.

My wife knew what was best.  She had started to drop me and my daughter off at home, but I intervened without proper understanding.

I should have confirmed my understanding or even better I should have just trusted her judgement because she had a better handle on what was about to happen.

Avoiding miscommunication is not all that hard!

In summary, in the future I will try to:

• Avoid making assumptions based on my preconceived notions.
• Ask questions to confirm I clearly understand the intended message.
• Trust the judgement of others when they have more information about the situation.

Hopefully, this will help me to keep from falling into this trap again.  It always seems so simple after the fact.  I just hope I can put these straightforward ideas into practice to pave the way to better communication in all my relationships!

How do you avoid miscommunication?

Photo by lanuiop

There are several infectious afflictions in this world that you would want to avoid at every opportunity.  Ebola, the blood spurting, eyeball rotating, puss oozing monster of an infection probably comes in at number one, along with a host of other gruesome and debilitating illnesses limping in close behind.  It is part of human nature to steer clear of infectious things, but there is one infectious affliction that you should positively hunt down, place yourself fully in front of, and consciously induce into every facet of your being.  It is also the most infectious of all: the smile.

Ancient Scandinavian Smilers

The word smile in the English language seems to be derived from one of the plethora of Scandinavian languages which subdued the native languages of Britain in generations past, which is strange considering that Vikings are rarely depicted as smiling cherubically from under their horned helmets.  Anyhow, back to the point at hand, smiling was with us long before the Vikings, of course, and is present in every culture and used by every peoples of this world.

A smile is also one of the first expressions to grace the face of a baby – its first real sign of meaningful communication – which signals the smile’s crucial and timeless role in affecting human relationships.  Ask any parent if they remember their child’s first smile, and they’ll happily regale you the details; and what will they be doing as they recount this episode?  Smiling.  And what will your reaction be?  Smiling, too!  The fact is that smiling is the one of the most powerful communicative tools in the human arsenal, and it can, as with any excellent tool, be put to a huge number of uses.

The Land of Smiles

People smile for many different reasons, not just out of happiness.  Nowhere is this more true than in Thailand: The Land Of Smiles, where the smile is used a cohesive social device to great effect.  One research duo has noted up to 12 different types of Thai smile (Holmes & Tangtontavy: Working With The Thais), all of which mean different things from happiness to anger, from admiration to hatred, from calmness to agitation, to name only a few of the 12 different varieties they discuss!

Daniel McNeill, author of The Face: A Natural History, has also discussed the variety of meanings which are embedded in the smile.  More interestingly, perhaps, he has identified a curious and surprising claim that: “Though courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and non-smilers guilty, they give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the ‘smile-leniency effect.‘”  Although I’m not yet willing to accept this ‘point’ on face value, I would not be at all surprised if it is indeed true.  The smile is an excellent way to improve the quality of your life, and of those around you; best of all, it’s free, always available and so easy to do!

Unconscious Action

I am a teacher.  As such, I have to deal with a range of students with a range of different personalities and abilities.  Some students take constructive criticism very well, whiles others become very emotional and personal about the issue at hand, which renders meaningful and rational communication quite difficult.  Other students become immediately very defensive about any errors that they make and are very sensitive to any kind of criticism.  So, how best to deal with these types of students?

Firstly, very defensive students usually lack a good EQ (Emotional Quotient) and have a large ego, and are therefore easily annoyed or enraged.  Overly-sensitive students can become instantly nervous and worried when a teacher assumes a blatantly authoritative stance; even though the teacher may not have even said anything yet, and certainly doesn’t have any desire to make the student feel uncomfortable or scared, their body language can disguise this, resulting in a student who feels very unstable.

Although I used students as a vehicle to explain my point, they can be taken as representing two specific types of people with whom we all come into contact: the easily-angered/unreasonable/volatile, and the overly-sensitive/worrisome.  Of course, there are a multitude of other personality types that we haven’t mentioned, but they generally fall into the ‘middle’ categories, which are not particularly extreme, and tend to be more rational, and therefore, tend to be able to navigate personal interactions with more skill.

The main conclusion that can be drawn from these examples is that body language is in many ways a more immediate, comprehensive and complex form of communication than the spoken word – more often than not it is an unconscious action.  And with this in mind, we can revisit the above situations and ask ourselves: how could these situations be avoided in future?  The answer, of course, is: by consciously smiling!

Conscious Thai Smilers

For anyone that has ever visited Thailand, or spent any extended length of time here, they will have experienced the warmth and regularity of the Thai smile.  It comes in all shapes and sizes, and for a variety of reasons.  However, the main reason that Thais smile so much is that they will do almost anything to avoid confrontation and keep things calm and amiable, at least on the surface – consideration for others’ feelings, as well as not losing face by losing control, are at the epicenter of Thai social behavior.

Even if a Thai person is seething with anger, it is probable that you will not know about it, as all you will see is a broad smile and a calm demeanor.  It works; rarely, if ever, will you see Thai people raising their voices and arguing openly.  And that, I reckon, is part of the reason that so many foreigners, myself included, love to spend time in The Land Of Smiles – who wouldn’t?

It could be considered advantageous to everyone if we each make a conscious decision to smile sometimes, and not just rely on the unconscious action.  So, next time you feel that you might be entering into an argument, or having a non-desired, negative effect on someone – perhaps an employee at work, perhaps your own child, or perhaps your partner – consciously afflict them with a genuine, warm smile, and watch the negative energy disappear into thin air!

Don’t forget to read more of Richard’s articles at cheewit.net!

Photos by Jose Santiago Tan and Stygiangloom and (nutmeg) and Binder.donedat

You exert your influence from time-to-time to get the other person to do what you want them to do.  This is a basic definition of what it means to be a leader.  By acknowledging our leadership role, we can become more effective.  We can hone our skills at properly guiding people to change.  With just a little thought, we can get them to behave the way we want quicker and with less effort.

Why people resist change and what to do about it.

To begin to be better at leading people through change, it is beneficial to think about why people resist new ideas.  You may simply want to change your family’s idea about where they want to eat out this weekend or it may be that you are trying to convince a whole division in your company to totally revamp their workflow procedures.  Either way you can encounter resistance.  It may be mild or it may be massive.  Understanding where it comes from will help you turn things the direction you desire.

As a manager, business owner, and parent, I have seen a lot of resistance to change.  Trust me, my two-year old openly expresses her unhappiness with my leadership frequently.  Here are some of the reasons that I think people resist change and ways you can deal with it:

1.  You didn’t explain what’s in it for them.

People seem to often resist change initially because they don’t see any problem with the current solution and they don’t understand how your idea is going to fix anything for them.  We all generally look at things from a selfish perspective.  We often evaluate ideas from the standpoint of, “What’s in it for me?” 

If people are going to adopt your idea and support it, they have to understand their payoff.  You have to identify an area of pain that the current way of doing things will produce or a reward that the change will bring about for them.  You need to do this work for them.  This is called motivation and it is a primary function of leadership.

2.  You have failed to achieve understanding.

People will often resist change before they even fully grasp what it is that you are trying to get them to do.  If it is different, then they don’t want it.  You are responsible for making them understand.  You have to communicate to them exactly what you want them to do and what’s in it for them as described above.

Poor communication is why many initiatives fail.  Don’t let this one be your downfall.  Trick them if you have to, but make sure they understand what you are proposing.  Don’t stop explaining it until they get it.  It could take several iterations and multiple creative angles, but they won’t buy in until they understand.

3.  You are going to cause more work.

Work is painful!  It requires an exertion of energy.  People fear that they might not be up to the task.  They might not be able to learn the new skills or it might be harder for them.  What if they can’t do it?  On the job, they fear that they might get fired if they aren’t able to perform.

I’m familiar with this because, as a husband, I often resist my wife’s ideas.  Her projects regularly mean work for me.  Therefore, I resist.  She encourages me, reassures me, and promises to support me.  With her leadership, I usually concede and we move forward.  This may work for you as well.

4.  You messed things up the last time.

People may not be excited about your new idea if your last idea didn’t work out.  If the last restaurant you suggested turned out to be a flop, then it is going to be harder to convince your spouse to trust you again.  This holds true anywhere. 

The best way to deal with this is head-on.  You have to acknowledge your mistakes and ask for another chance.  You are going to need to be patient and very persuasive.  Be sure you have independent, objective support before you bring your idea to the table.  Try to find other credible people that can help you build the case.  Go slow, but keep gentle, steady pressure on.  This obstacle can be overcome.

5.  You have chosen the wrong timing.

Timing is crucial.  When you encounter resistance to a new idea, it may because your timing is off.  There may not be any money in the budget or the person needing to change may be too busy.  There are a ton of potential reasons that the timing may not be right.

Fix the timing issue and you may eliminate most of the resistance.  Try to implement your idea when it is convenient for everyone involved.  If someone has to be inconvenienced, make sure that someone is you.  Make it as easy as possible on everyone else concerned.  When you do, you will lessen the resistance.

Notice that “you” are the cause of the resistance.

Please notice that in the cases mentioned above that you are the cause of the resistance.  It is because you failed to do something or consider something.  It is not the person offering the resistance that is wrong.  This is very important to understand.  If you start pointing fingers, you will only cause people to dig in their heels.  Accepting responsibility for overcoming the resistance yourself is the only way to effectively achieve the buy-in you need for success.  Now go out and lead people in new and better ways!

What other reasons have you seen for resistance to new ideas and how did you overcome them?

Photo by POSITiv

I was recently asked to review the Sony mylo COM-2 Personal Communicator.  It is an interesting device.  It seems that Sony is trying to find a niche between the notebook computer and mobile devices like the RIM Blackberry.  The mylo is a handheld device that includes features like web browsing and instant messaging, but does not require a contract with a mobile carrier.  Instead the mylo depends on wi-fi hotspots for connectivity.  With the popularity and availability of hotspots growing, some may choose a device like this as a lower cost option.

Staying connected in today’s world is important.  Mobile devices are a popular way to get the most out of life by allowing freedom from physical location without falling out of touch.  I’m a little bit of a gadget geek and I’m always looking for ways to improve my life so, I agreed to take a look at the mylo and share my thoughts on it. 

Features of the Sony mylo

Like many mobile devices today, the mylo is a virtual swiss army knife of features.  Sony has packed several things into something that will fit in your pocket.  One nice thing is that the mylo has a 3.5″ color LCD touch screen.  Some of the other features include:

• E-mail capability through AOL Mail, Google GMail, and Yahoo Mail
• Instant messaging with AOL, Yahoo, Google, and Skype
• Web browsing
• 1.3 Megapixel digital camera
• Voice calling with Skype
• Listen to various music audio files including MP3, ATRAC, WMA, and AAC codecs
• Video MPEG4 and MPEG4 AVC playback
• Pre-installed widgets Google Search, Facebook, and YouTube

My thoughts about the mylo

As I stated above, the mylo is an interesting device.  I can see where someone that wanted to avoid paying the $40-$50 per month that wireless carriers are charging for unlimited data plans might opt for something like the mylo.  In an effort to make it convenient to connect, Sony has arranged for mylo users to have free wi-fi access at over 10,000 Wayport Hotspot locations including many wi-fi enabled McDonalds restaurants and hotels.  So, if you don’t need constant connectivity, then a device like the mylo might suit your needs.

Wireless networking and web browsing

I connected the mylo to my home wireless network without any trouble at all.  It supports WEP and WPA on its built-in 802.11 b/g wireless access so, those security-enabled wireless routers are no trouble.  The web browsing performance is pretty peppy since you are connected with full wi-fi access.  The mylo even includes support for Adobe Flash Lite so online games and sites that require Flash are accessible.  The mylo has a full QWERTY, slide-out keyboard.  Basic typing on the keyboard felt good, but using numbers or symbols was a bit more involved.  The mylo also provides the ability to subscribe to and read RSS feeds so it might be a good way to keep up with your favorite blogs!

Digital camera

I took a few pictures with the built-in digital camera and it seems adequate.  The 1.3 megapixels is comparable to the cameras built-in to many mobile phones, but I wonder why Sony didn’t give the mylo a little more in this area.  It seems that this is a way they could have made the mylo stand out from other handheld devices by at least giving it a high-end camera.  Another camera limitation is that the mylo camera lacks any kind of flash.  So, it is really only designed to take pictures in well lighted areas.  Sony builds some nice digital cameras so why not include some of that technology in the mylo?

Music and video playback

Music playback is available through a single, small built-in speaker or via a headphone jack.  The sound quality through the speaker isn’t much to get excited about, but listening via the included headphones is quite nice.   It supports MP3 music files as well as music downloaded from iTunes.  The music playback is pretty good, but video support seems to be limited.  I didn’t try a lot of video files, but the mylo seems to support some and not others.

Email support

I was able to log into my personal webmail account without any trouble.  Of course, finding a hotspot and logging into webmail is inferior to getting your email wirelessly via a mobile phone device, but again if you don’t want to pay the monthly data service charge, then the mylo provides an alternative way to get your email while out and about.  Also, it is definitely easier to carry than a notebook.

Instant messaging and voice calling with Skype

I didn’t test these features.  I don’t use instant messaging and I’ve never tried Skype.  For those of you with Skype experience I’d be interested to know your thoughts about making such calls via a handheld device like the mylo.  It intrigues me, but not enough to take the time to give it a try.

Overall impressions of the Sony Mylo

Overall, the mylo feels like it is built well.  In a world where everything is shrinking, the mylo seems a little big, but not really any larger than similar devices with slide out keyboards.  I’m not sure how it will compete given the popularity of mobile phone devices, but it is always great to have alternatives in the marketplace.  I definitely like the idea of taking advantage of free hotspots instead of relying on expensive wireless carriers. 

One place I think Sony has work to do is on the price.  The mylo retails for around $300.  It seems like if they want to build market share, they might consider a much lower price point.  The mylo would probably be a lot more attractive to a wider range of people at half the current price.  This would make it similar in price to devices like iPods and digital cameras.

I can see where the mylo has a niche to fill.  There are those that will be satisfied with its feature set and will like having the ability to periodically communicate with others from a handheld device without the need to pay high monthly fees.  In addition to its communication capability, the mylo has some other nice-to-have features like music playback and RSS support.  The 1 GB of RAM might be an issue for some and true to Sony products the mylo only supports their Memory Sticks.  I would prefer the more standard SD card, but if you already own other Sony products this might not be an issue.

Photo by Spiegel