Our expectations have a tremendous influence in our lives.  What we expect to happen in our lives versus what really happens often defines our attitude at any given moment.  We have to properly manage our expectations if we want to be happy and get the most from life.  We all know that a positive attitude and enthusiasm will get you further in life than walking around like a sourpuss all the time.  People naturally gravitate toward those that are more positive and encouraging.  These are the people that we want as leaders because they are always telling us that better things are just around the corner.  Keeping our expectations focused in the right direction is essential to happiness, effectiveness, and success.

The factors that influence our expectations.

Do you wake up in the morning dreading the day?  Or, do you wake up, throw off the covers, and bound out of bed in expectation of a day full of opportunity?  You probably have days when you do both.  I do too.  Of course, we would like to get to the place where we have more days that we can’t wait to start.  Many people think this has to do with their circumstances.  They think that if they only had the right job or the right spouse or more money, then they would be happy.  However, I don’t think this is the case.  I fall into this trap as well, but over time I have started to realize it isn’t so.  Here are the factors that I think influence our expectations the most:

1. Our patterns of thinking
2. Our self-confidence
3. Our focus

How these factors determine our expectations and level of happiness.

We are our thoughts.  Our personality, our attitude, and our happiness is the result of our thoughts.  We are habitual creatures.  We like to get in a rut and stay there.  Some of us are in a rut of positive thinking and some of us are not.  Once we get in the wrong habit, then we all know that it is difficult to change.  However, if we want to be happy, then we must change the habit of accepting low and/or negative expectations for ourselves and our endeavors.

I think we often get started in the habit of expecting less than we should out of life because we have low self-confidence.  We don’t think highly enough of ourselves to believe that we deserve the very best life has to offer.  We don’t believe we deserve to truly be happy.  When life lives up to this low expectation, then we feel justified in our belief.  It is a vicious circle of thinking.

One of the reasons we get caught in this loop is because we lack focus.  It might have started when you were young.  Maybe you didn’t know exactly what you wanted to do with your life right out of school.  It seems that so many people just kind of stumble into a profession and then into marriage.  Before you know it, you have an entire life and feel sort of stuck with it.  Your initial lack of focus in life may have gotten you started in the habit of setting poor expectations.

It is possible to change your expectations and get a better life.

The good news is that your life doesn’t have to remain the way it is today!  You are in control.  You may not feel like it, but you are.  If you change what you think about, you will change your expectations.  Once your expectations are full of positive anticipation, then you will achieve more, improve your relationships, and be happier.  Life will give you exactly what you expect from it.  If you expect it to be the pits, then it will live up to those expectations.  However, if you expect great things, take steps in that direction, and keep a positive attitude even when minor setbacks arise, you will start experiencing greater success in life. 

Practical ways that you can think your way to a better life.

1. Train yourself to be an optimist.  Yes, this is possible.  You have to start seeing the glass as half full, instead of half empty.  This takes some effort.  However, if you really want more out of life, you have to do it.  No one was born a pessimist so, it is possible to retrain your thinking.  Donald at Life Optimizer offers some great suggestions on how to do this in Being an Optimist – 8 Ways to Overcome Pessimism.
2. Find positive inputs.  We are all very influenced by what we read, hear, and see.  We have to eliminate the negative inputs as much as possible and replace them with positive ones.  Read encouraging books in the area where you most want to achieve success in your life.  Listen to audio books in the car.  Turn off the television and stop reading the news.  Go to church.  Sign up for a motivational seminar.  There are literally tons of ways to start receiving positive influences in your life.  It may be uncomfortable at first, but it will eventually change your thinking which will change your life.
3. Keep a journal of good happenings.  Get a notebook and write down every good thing that happens to you for awhile.  A cheap, spiral notebook will do.  If you do this, it will become the most valuable asset that you have.  You need to convince yourself that good happens to you.  This will help you change your expectations about the future.  Also, when a setback occurs and they will, you can refer to your journal to remind yourself of the progress you have made.
4. Refer to your goals often.  Goals give us focus.  They chart a course for our future.  Otherwise we are simply back in the mode of stumbling through life taking whatever it hands us.  Read your goals often to yourself.  You do write them down, don’t you?  It isn’t a goal until you commit it to paper.  You have to be intentional about how you live your life.  For more on goals, read The Power of Goals by Scott H. Young.
5. Use a mantra.  A mantra is a phrase or set of words that have significance or power in one’s life.  Come up with a positive mantra to keep you mindful of your new direction.  Whenever you catch yourself falling back into old, negative thought patterns, repeat your mantra to yourself several times.  It will help to get you back on track.  For instance, to remind myself not to get too stressed out, I have used something like, “Everything is happening perfectly for my benefit.”  It works wonders!

Set new expectations in your life and experience new success.

Use these suggestions to create a new way of thinking which will lead to new success in your life!  Most of the time, life will give us exactly what we expect.  When we manage our expectations in the positive direction by overcoming patterns of negative thinking, building our confidence, and creating focus, then we will make huge strides toward a happier, more fulfilling life.

Please leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts on this article.  Also, if you like it, please Stumble or Digg it.  Thanks!

Photo by gadl

I struggle with managing my stress.  I have for years and I have experienced most of the signs of stress at one time or another.  As a result, I have sought out numerous ways to dissipate my stress and thereby improve my effectiveness.  I thought I’d share a few of those with you today.  Here are 10 things that I do to beat stress:

1. Exercise regularly.  The many benefits of cardiovascular exercise are well documented and I’m sure you’re as familiar with them as am I, but honestly I don’t know if I would stick with it and exercise regularly if it weren’t for the way it relieves my stress.  For me, there is nothing more effective at dissipating tension than about a 30 minute cardio workout.  I prefer the exercise bike because I like to read while I ride.  This way I can exercise my mind and body at the same time.
2. Get plenty of sleep.  If I’m tired, then it compounds the stress I accumulate throughout the day.  I strive to get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Of course, it doesn’t always work out for me, but the benefits of a good night’s sleep are worth it.
3. Give up or lessen caffeine intake.  I know this is radical, but please do not stop reading.  Caffeine is, of course, a stimulant.  I find that the more caffeine I ingest, the more stimulated I become which leads to more stress.  I seem particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine and how it can contribute to stress so I try to stay away from it as much as possible.  There are other ways to get yourself going rather than using caffeine.
4. Forgive quickly.  When we hold a grudge or continue a dispute, it builds stress in our lives.  If we forgive and forget the perceived offenses, then we will lower our stress and live happier, healthier lives.  I know it can be hard to forgive some things.  However, when we hold on to our grudges, we do more damage to ourselves than to the other person.
5. Eliminate debt.  Money is a source of stress for many of us.  Of course, it is the poor way we manage our money that really creates the stress.  I have found that by living a debt-free life, I have eliminated a major source of stress.
6. Get outdoors.  I find that spending time in nature camping, backpacking, and hiking are great ways to eliminate stress.  I enjoy the beauty of nature.  It gets my mind  off of the things that stress me out.  I also find the sun, wind, and sounds of nature soothing.
7. Spend time alone.  For me, solitude is an essential element of a healthy lifestyle.  I need time alone to think and clear my head.  When I’m alone for an hour or two, I feel refreshed and rejuvenated.
8. Meditate.  Meditation means a lot of different things to different people.  I am merely suggesting that you spend time focusing your thoughts on positive things.  You can pray, use positive affirmations, or just think about positive things you have read.  By intentionally directing my thoughts, I can lower my stress.
9. Avoid Worrying.  Worry is definitely a source of stress.  This one isn’t a really big one for me, but if you tend to worry about things then it can significantly impact your stress level.
10. Take a break.  When was the last time you took a day off to relax?  The whole concept of vacation and recreation were conceived of for a reason.  We have to give our minds and bodies a break occasionally.  When we do, we are able to let go of the stress and return with a fresh outlook on life.  I try to take short breaks like three-day weekends from time-to-time.  I also try to take off at least two full weeks during the year.  This gives me time to relieve stress and avoid burnout.

What do you do to manage your stress?  It doesn’t take a lot of time or effort, but taking proactive steps to beat stress pays off in increased effectiveness and clearer thinking.  Leave me a comment with your ideas and suggestions.  I am always looking for new ideas on this subject.