Do you stifle your own enthusiasm?

Have you ever said to yourself, “I don’t want to get too excited about this because it might not happen?”

Enthusiasm is nothing to be afraid of.  In fact, we should embrace it.  When we try to avoid the “big letdown”, we also rob ourselves of so much of the joy and happiness we could be getting from what is happening in our lives.

Plus, a healthy dose of enthusiasm can often be the fuel you need to actually make your dream a reality.  When you hold your emotions back you squelch one of your strongest tools for achievement.  Haven’t you ever rode a project to completion on nothing more than pure emotion?  Why hold this back?

The Value of Unbridled Enthusiasm

“Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.”

~ Dale Carnegie

How can you have the flaming enthusiasm, that Dale Carnegie says is so crucial to success, if you hold it all back?  It doesn’t matter what you want to be successful at.  It could be blogging, parenting, art, sports or school.  It could be climbing the corporate ladder.  It could be losing weight.  Whatever it is that you want to accomplish, you need enthusiasm and excitement to be successful at it.

Enthusiasm is defined as an intense and eager enjoyment or interest in a particular subject.  Enthusiasm is a part of the passion you should feel toward the thing you most desire.

There are a number of successful people out there today preaching about passion.  To me, being passionate about your work is just the latest (and more trendy) way of saying you need enthusiasm.

Unleash your enthusiasm so you can be full of joy about what you are doing and so the emotion you feel spills over to the others around you.

This kind of unbridled enthusiasm will propel you to success in no time.

The Fear of Enthusiasm

There are a number of reasons that you might decide to tone down your enthusiasm.  Some of the most common ones include:

• You want to avoid a big letdown if things don’t work out.
• You want to avoid people thinking you are weird or unprofessional.
• You want to avoid mistakes from being too eager.

There is some validity to all these concerns, but in the end, they are completely outweighed by the value of enthusiasm in our lives.

In essence, your fear is keeping you from experiencing the full intensity of the happiness you could have right now. 

Do you ever feel like your life is a little dull and boring?  It could be because you stifle your enthusiasm for the things you love the most.  You hold back.  If you let your enthusiasm run wild, then it will take you places physically and emotionally that will make your life a lot more exciting and fulfilling.

Yes, some people may judge you for it, but aren’t those people judging you anyway?  They are just frustrated, repressed critics that will stay stuck in lives they don’t fully live.  You don’t want to be one of them, do you?  I didn’t think so.

It is time to let loose and let your enthusiasm carry you to new heights of happiness.

You may make a mistake or two along the way, but probably no more than you would have made anyway.  Plus, you have to take a risk once in awhile if you want the most from life.  You’ve got to step out and put yourself to the test.  If you fall down, then simply get back up and keep going.  It isn’t the end of the world.  If you don’t try, you’ll never know that you can succeed.

Rekindle Your Enthusiasm for a Great Life

Where have you been too conservative with your enthusiasm?  Why are you so skeptical?  Most of the time, things really do work out to your favor.  Let your enthusiasm grow so you can experience a wealth of positive emotions.  If you are going through a tough time, then find something, one little thing, that you can be enthusiastic about.  It could be a hobby, an upcoming event, a relationship or a just a book you are reading.  Invest yourself fully in this one thing and let your enthusiasm about it soar.  It will enrich your life more than you think.

Have you stifled your own enthusiasm?  What effect has this had on your life?  Share your thoughts in the comments so we can all learn from it.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

This is a guest post by Mark Chamberlain, PhD.

Are you overloading your pleasure system?

Every human being on the planet has an exquisite built-in enjoyment system.

Think of it like one of those old High Striker carnival games, where you use a big hammer to smash the lever. The harder you swing, the higher you score. If you hit it hard enough, you launch the puck all the way up the tower and ring the bell.

Many of our everyday activities send the puck at least partway up the tower. We may eat oatmeal in the morning for fuel, but we put brown sugar and cinnamon on it to make it palatable. We could have gotten a job doing lots of different things at lots of different places, but most of us chose the work we’re doing now because we thought it would be more satisfying than other options.

Porn Burns the Brain’s Enjoyment Machinery

In the course of life, we run onto pornography. It rings our bell. Now, thanks to the internet, it can do so with very little cost or effort. Even a starving student can access enough to minor in the subject.

And the stigma is vanishing. Young adults are so accepting and immersed in porn they’ve been dubbed Generation XXX, and without ever having laid an embarrassing magazine or video down on the counter.

If it seems to you that there might just be a problem with all this effortless bell-ringing, you’re right. Enjoying porn is like building a fire in the sexual room of the brain. It gets too hot in there. The nervous system doesn’t like being overloaded. Because of the heat created by the fire, the thermostat signals the furnace to shut off.

Research psychologist David Solomon observed this “opponent process” in addiction.  Overload leads the system to self-dampen as the body tries to restore equilibrium. A low follows the high, a hangover the intoxication. And the low lingers longer than the high because a shortage of pleasure chemicals doesn’t jump-start production as quickly as an overabundance shut it down.

Instead of tolerating the dearth of pleasure that follows the dump, the budding addict may go looking where the first batch came from for more. If the cycle continues, actual physical damage is done to the brain’s pleasure system. Exquisite as it is, it’s also delicate.

Subjecting your brain’s enjoyment system to pornography is like handing your priceless Stradivarius violin to Pete Townshend as he’s about to go onstage. He’ll make music with it, probably loud music, but his rough handling will limit the music it can make in the future.

Relish Other Pleasures to Help You Abstain

As you try to abstain from porn, don’t view it as a time to forgo pleasure but as a chance to decrease your dependency on that one avenue and reestablish a broader repertoire of enjoyments.

Walk the nature path at lunchtime–or rollerblade it for that matter. If it only registers a two on your High Striker pleasure tower at first, that will change over time.

Have a snack of celery and nuts instead of your usual box of jelly donuts and Big Gulp of Mountain Dew. In time your pleasure system will recover, adjust, and you’ll find those raw almonds are more tasty than they were at first.

In the bedroom, cling to your real woman’s warm body. Whisper in her ear and pay close attention as she whispers back. Over time you’ll remember why you fell in love with that voice. Nuzzle into her neck and breathe for a minute at the end of the day. In her scent there’s a hint of what makes her the woman you chose. It won’t take long before you’ll catch that again, giving you more to keep building on from there.

Once you get the hang of it again, there’s no shortage of other things in life to relish. Here are some examples I’ve heard from clients recently:

• A couple of chocolate covered Oreos in the middle of my shift at the hospital
• Reading stories to my step-daughter at night
• Mowing my lawn both directions for the putting green effect and standing back to admire it
• Grilling marinaded chicken thighs on the back porch in February
• Growing my tomato plants from seeds
• Hearing a new song on Pandora that perfectly fits my taste
• Rushing over to the park during my lunch break to fly a remote control airplane
• Hanging on the swing in the backyard

Watching their faces light up as they talk about what they’ve recently relished, it occurs to me that we amplify enjoyment when we relive it to share it. How different from how we feel after skulking around the web in some dark corner. We emerge hoping that our demeanor won’t betray to others what we’ve just indulged.

Restoring Your Natural Enjoyment Set Point

Although your nervous system has adapted to a new set point, it will also readjust to a changing context again. It adapts and recovers this way all the time. Our eyes adjust to lower levels of light after we come indoors from a blindingly bright day. We get hungry again no matter how much we ate on Thanksgiving.

Of course, the recovery of the mechanisms within us that produce, release, and register dopamine take a while. In fact, much, much longer than it takes to dilate our pupils or regain our appetite for food. But don’t give up. Remember, you’re exiting the land of instant gratification, the realm of living life on credit and pretending the debt will never come due.

Anyone can get a buzz from porn; appreciation of beauty is a discipline that must be practiced.

Your investment in disciplined enjoyment today will have long-term consequences of its own. One of the most delightful of those will be the settling down of your threshold for pleasure. Before long you will be relishing simpler joys. Your formerly overloaded, desensitized, depleted pleasure system will be showing signs of resuscitation. At times you’ll feel like a kid again, staring wide-eyed at a bird’s nest or letting peach juice run down your chin.

Ahhhh! Welcome back to real life, my friend, welcome back!

Are you brave enough to admit that you’ve struggled with porn?  What have you done to successfully overcome its effects?  Leave a comment below and help others!

Mark Chamberlain, Ph.D. is a psychologist and clinical director of ARCH, the Addiction Resource Center for Healing in Salt Lake City, Utah.  His blog, Love You, Hate the Porn, is loaded with practical tips for healing a relationship damaged by virtual infidelity.

Mark graduated from Brigham Young University with a doctorate in clinical psychology in 1996 and was an assistant professor at Ricks College. He has specialized in the treatment of sexual compulsivity over the last 20 years. He and Geoff Steurer are the authors of Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity (Shadow Mountain, 2011).

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Sometimes you need to buy things you enjoy.  Frugality is about being smart with your money – using it wisely.  However, you can make yourself miserable if you are too frugal.

The key is to wisely choose what to buy and what not to buy.  What purchase might add to your enjoyment of life?  Can you afford it?  These are important questions to ask when deciding if you you are being too frugal when considering a purchase for pure enjoyment.

Make Your Enjoyment Count When Buying Things

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. ~ Albert Einstein

I am a big fan of being frugal.  I think it is very wise to weigh every purchase carefully.  After all, we work hard for our money and it is foolish to throw it away on worthless crap that winds up being clutter.

However, I also think Albert Einstein was a pretty smart guy and his words above are very insightful.  Money is a tool.  We manage it closely so we can use it to make our lives more enjoyable.  Not everything that counts can be counted.

If your frugality is making you miserable, then you might need to rethink your stance.  You might need to start factoring your enjoyment into your buying equation.

When to Sacrifice and Be Really Frugal

There are times when you need to be very tight with your money.  Here are some examples of when it is smart to sacrifice now so you can enjoy life later:

• When you are in debt – I believe strongly in being debt-free.  If you owe on credit cards, student loans, automobiles or anything else besides your mortgage, then you need to be really frugal until you pay off what you’ve already bought.
• When you lack an emergency fund – Things break.  Cars need maintenance.  Homes require upkeep.  People get sick.  Jobs end unexpectedly.  You need 3 to 6 months living expenses in a savings account so you can pay cash for emergencies.  Don’t buy anything for pure enjoyment until you have this done.
• When things are uncertain – If the future seems especially uncertain for you right now, then you probably want to tighten in the reins until things clear up.  A little extra money in the bank can make you feel more secure and help you to deal with an uncertain future.
• When your spouse thinks you should – Married couples need to be on the same page financially.  If your spouse thinks now is a time to be especially frugal, then listen to them.  They might just save your bacon.  It is always better to err on the side of being extra cautious for a period to preserve marital bliss than to find out later you should have listened.

I’m sure the list above is not all-inclusive of every circumstance where you need to be really frugal, but I think it gives you a pretty good picture of situations where you should avoid buying for pleasure.  Now let’s look at when it is okay to loosen the purse strings a little.

When to Buy Something for Your Enjoyment

Again, your enjoyment needs to count when you are making buying decisions.  Here are some times when it is okay to spend a little just to make yourself happy:

• When you have the cash – This is the biggie.  You have to pay cash for all pleasure purchases.  If you don’t have the money, then you don’t buy it.  “90 days same-as-cash” or any other similar financing schemes is not the same as paying cash.  If you don’t have the cold, hard cash in your hot little hands, then you can’t afford it.
• When you have thought about it overnight – I’d suggest not being too impulsive.  If you sleep on it and still want it in the morning, then it is probably okay to buy.
• When it won’t break the bank – You need to have the money set aside to make this purchase above and beyond your emergency fund.  A new boat or a really good deal on a pair of shoes is not an emergency.  Don’t leave yourself vulnerable to financial mishaps when making a purchase for pure enjoyment.  On the flip side, when you have a real emergency, then it is okay to spend your emergency fund.  That’s what it is for.
• When you have the time to enjoy it – Timing is everything.  Be sure that you are going to have the time to appreciate your purchase when you make it.  There is no need to buy it now regardless of the sales price if you are too busy for it.  You need to wait until the time is right.
• When your spouse agrees – Again, I’ll bring up the spouse thing.  Your spouse doesn’t have to agree with what you are purchasing.  I believe each partner needs their own slush fund, but they need to agree that you have the discretionary money to make the purchase now.  You’ll never enjoy it if you spouse strongly disagrees with your timing.

If you can afford it and it is something you’ve thought about, then buy the thing that will make you happy.  It is okay.  You’ve been smart with your money.  You deserve to splurge a little.

It Is Not a Sin to Buy Things You Enjoy

By sowing frugality we reap liberty, a golden harvest.
~ Agesilaus

Frugality is good, but anything overdone can suck freedom right out of life.  Your money should serve you not the other way around.  As long as you are being smart with your money, then it is perfectly fine to spend some once in awhile on something that is for pure pleasure without beating yourself up over it or feeling guilty about it.  Your frugality should give you more liberty and not make you a slave.

Photo by r-z

In our pursuit of living life to the fullest, fun is an essential element.  One that we often ignore. 

Having fun is not admired in our society like work is for example.  If you are having fun, then you are goofing off.  I think men are especially susceptible to this way of thinking.

However, without some fun and enjoyment, we quickly burn out.  Fun dissipates our stress and clears our minds.  We need a good amount of fun to help us feel happy.  If you are feeling run down and blue, then I suggest trying one of these fun activities to boost your morale.

The Big List of 50 Ideas for Manly Fun

Sometimes even when we know we need some fun, we can’t think of anything to do.  Therefore, I’ve put together this list to help inspire you to create your own enjoyable experience.

Here are 50 ideas for manly fun:

1.  Go to a NCAA football game.  The season starts soon!

2.  Rent a motorcycle for a road trip.

3.  Go see back-to-back action movies.

4.  Take a solo hike in the woods.

5.  Learn to scuba dive.

6.  Rent a boat for a weekend.

7.  Spend a quiet afternoon in Starbucks reading a great book.

8.  Take a kayaking class.

9.  Go on a whitewater rafting trip.

10.  Take a day off in the middle of the week.

11.  Go to a NASCAR race.

12.  Get a group of friends to go bowling.

13.  Organize a poker game.

14.  Visit your favorite local pub after work, but don’t overdo it.

15.  Attend a Major League Baseball game.

16.  Sit in a lawn chair in a city park and just relax.

17.  Throw a big party at your house.

18.  Buy the latest and greatest video game.

19.  Go to a big concert.

20.  Travel to the Caribbean for a tropical vacation.

21.  Surprise your wife or girlfriend with a night out on the town.

22.  Cook a big steak on the grill.

23.  Skip the cooking and instead go out to your favorite steak house.

24.  Borrow your bachelor friend’s fast car for a day or two.

25.  Learn to fly fish for trout.

26.  Take a hunting trip.

27.  Go to the local gun range and shoot a really cool firearm.

28.  Spend a day at the swimming pool.

29.  Take a run on the beach.

30.  Go mountain biking on a new trail.

31.  Take a guided, deep sea fishing trip.

32.  Fly a real fighter plane.

33.  Learn to hang ten on a surfboard.

34.  Go backpacking in a national park.

35.  Plan yourself an off-road, 4×4 adventure.

36.  Get face-to-face with a real, live shark.

37.  Climb a mountain or at least walk up one.

38.  Go snowboarding (seasonal).

39.  Get a tee time and shoot a round of golf.

40.  Fish for largemouth bass in an area lake.

41.  Take your dog to the dog park and play fetch.

42.  Go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland.

43.  Take your kids to the amusement park and ride all the thrill rides.

44.  Play a game of chess, dominoes or checkers with a friend.

45.  Take a day to reacquaint yourself with your favorite musical instrument.

46.  Buy and fly a remote control airplane.

47.  Go to a comedy club.

48.  Rent an RV and spend some time in the great outdoors.

49.  Go rock climbing or rappelling.

50.  Take a sailboat for a nice long cruise.

Get Out and Have Some Manly Fun

Men, go ahead and indulge yourself with a little fun this week.  You’ll definitely thank yourself for it.  You’ll feel happier, have less stress and experience that adrenaline rush you’ve been missing.

How do you like to have fun?

Photo by nsaplayer

Many of us, myself included, whiz through the day barely taking notice of what we are doing. 

We fail to be present in the moment.  We just hurry through our mental or written to-do list  until it is time to quit for the day.

The days go by.  The weeks go by.  The months go by and before we know it, we have hurried another year of our life away.  I think this is a terrible way to live.

I struggle with living in and enjoying the moment

Okay, there I’ve admitted it.  I have a problem being present in the moment and truly drinking in the satisfaction it has to offer.

My mind is usually preoccupied with what’s next.  I’m already pressing myself to get to the next thing or I’m worried and feeling guilty about how I’m wasting time not getting to the next thing. 

I often feel the thing I’m doing now is encroaching on the time I need to get the next thing done.  I’m usually in a hurry and sometimes it really is for no reason. 

Rushing for me is a habit.  I’m also addicted to efficiency.  Is it apparent yet that I want to get things done?  Again, it is so I can get to whatever is next.  I have to meet the demands of home, work, blogging, children and whatever else I can conjure up.

I can feel it right now.  I want to hurry up and finish this article.  I need to get it done so, I can get it published, so it will be ready for the artificial deadline I’ve set in my mind and so I can move on to get other things done.

Are you feeling it?  Do you want to hurry up and get to the point of this article so you can move on to the next thing?

Hurriedness is a disease that robs us of enjoyment in life

Is this a disease?!?  I’m pretty sure it is at least for me.

Wiktionary defines disease as:

An abnormal condition of the body or mind that causes discomfort or dysfunction; distinct from injury insofar as the latter is usually instantaneously acquired.

I’d say that my hurriedness and efficiency are abnormal.  This is not how we were intended to live.  It is dysfunctional.  It does not lead to the best life possible.

Hurrying and being ultra-efficient are often enemies to true enjoyment in life.  It creates stress and anxiety which are detrimental to my physical health.

I’d classify hurriedness as a cancer of life itself.  It is a disease that eats away at my life from the inside.  It destroys all that I’ve worked so hard to achieve because it steals the enjoyment and satisfaction from it.

I realize that hurrying through life is the wrong way to live

I’ve really began to see that I hurry too often.  I just do not take the time to savor what I’m doing.  I’m convinced that this is very detrimental to living life to the fullest.

As an example, I love to write, but I usually fail to take the time to delight in it.

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.
~ Anais Nin

I pressure myself to get it done instead of relishing in the process.  Why?!?

The crazy thing is that I do this to myself.  No one else is responsible for it.  I push myself to the point where I drain most of the enjoyment from everything!

Hurrying leaves me feeling empty and unfulfilled.  I get to the end of the day and I’m just  tired and stressed instead of satisfied for a job well done.

How I’ve decided to enjoy the present moment

I am beginning to understand that it is in these tiny moments that we truly milk the honey out of life.

Kiss your life.
Accept it, just as it is.
Today.
Now.
So that those moments of happiness
you’re waiting for don’t pass you by.
~Philip Bosman

Here is some of what I’m going to do to make sure the happiness in my life doesn’t pass me by.

• Slow down and be present in the moment
• Stop waiting for that one big success to come along to be happy
• Practice gratefulness for the small things that make life fun
• Focus my attention on things I enjoy doing
• Stop multi-tasking so often
• Really listen to people and engage them in conversation

Will this work?  I honestly don’t know.  I’ve been the way I am for so long, it is going to be a struggle, but I’ve committed myself to living more consciously and with less hurry.

What practical suggestions would you offer to help me?

Photo by nattu