In order for our kids to grow up and live happy, productive lives they need guidance.  They need our direction so they can adopt the proper family values as their compass.

Embedding the right attitudes and values in our children early will keep them from running amuck like some of our bankers have done lately.

Five family values that our children and bankers need

I could have just as easily titled this post, “How To Avoid a Future Financial Crisis“.  It seems the parents of some of our bankers forgot to teach their children some very basic family values.

Gordon Brown, the English Prime Minister, spoke this week about our bankers’ bad behavior and the need for a return to family values.  Amen.

I know that not all bankers are bad.  In fact, I’m sure it was a minority that led the financial industry astray.  However, it still can’t hurt to emphasize to all bankers what we expect from them in the future in the same way we need to teach these values to all our kids.

Let’s imagine for a moment that our children are going to grow up to be leaders in the financial and banking industry. 

Here are  the family values I suggest they need to adhere to:

1.  Work hard and do your best.

I think it is important that we teach our kids the proper work ethic.  They need to understand that what is right is putting in an honest days work for an honest dollar.

Whatever their profession, our children need to know they should earn their living by providing a valuable product or service to others.  It is not right to cheat, scam, trick, con, deceive, swindle, steal or otherwise bamboozle people out of their money!

2.  Tell the truth and be honest.

Don’t we all want our children to be honest with us?  Honesty is the bedrock for proper relationships.

On the other hand, lying just creates a mess.  One that usually unravels into a crisis.  We all know that bad things happen in life.  We all make mistakes.  The sooner the truth is out in the open, the quicker we can deal with it and mitigate the damage. 

Honesty truly is the best policy.  Let me emphasize this.  Honesty truly is the best policy.

3.  Don’t hurt yourself or others.

Doing things that will cause harm to yourself or other people is senseless.  We have to instill a sense of empathy and compassion in our children for all people.

We teach our kids not to hit, bite or throw things at each other when they are little.  As they get older, we guide them not to take unnecessary risks in other areas.  We teach them to abstain from risky sexual behavior, to avoid driving drunk and to be wise with their money.

Hopefully, if we’ve done our jobs, our kids will grow up respecting themselves and others enough not to do stupid things that could cause substantial pain like many are feeling today.

4.  Don’t take what isn’t yours.

This one seems so obvious, yet it clearly needs to be restated.  Let me try to make the basic laws of ownership as plain as possible:

• If you didn’t have it first or it wasn’t given to you, then it is not yours! 
• If it isn’t yours, then you need to leave it alone. 
• If you borrow it, you need permission and then you need to treat it with an extra level of care beyond even what you would do if it was yours.

Bankers are you listening?  Parents, I beg you for the sake of everyone, please teach this to your children.  It could really help avoid a lot of trouble down the road.

5.  Treat everyone like you want to be treated.

Ah, the golden rule is truly supreme.  I guess it is sort of an umbrella policy that covers everything.  It is so simple, yet so powerful.  I love it!

What if Bernie Madoff had lived by this one straightforward, uncomplicated, elementary rule of life?  Hundreds, if not thousands, of people might still have money to retire.

This isn’t rocket science or a complex ponzi scheme.  It is Life 101.  Who forgot to teach it to these people when they were kids?  Let’s not let it happen again!

These family values could save our children from the next crisis

There.  This stuff is pretty easy, isn’t it?  Let’s get back to the basics people! 

Do we really need to know chemistry, economics or genetic engineering if no one taught us these values first?  I don’t think so.  It sends shivers down my spine.

Let’s all make a commitment today to emphasize these family values in our homes.  Let’s drive them into our children’s minds and hearts to the point that they will never forget them.  Let’s all work together to avoid another crisis, be it global or just within our families.

I hope you agree!  Let me know what you think by leaving a comment below.  Think of it as signing a petition or firing a shot to be heard around the world!  Thanks!

Photo by theritters

Some signs that you may be a control freak.

Control freaks rarely recognize they are one.  Admitting you are a control freak is sort of difficult because it requires you to acknowledge an unflattering thing about yourself.  It really takes quite a bit of healthy introspection and self-honesty.  These things seem fairly rare in our culture. 

We don’t like to admit we might be flawed.  Of course, control freaks especially hate to admit flaws because self-righteousness is really central to the psyche.  Control freaks are usually convinced they know the right way for everyone else to run their lives. 

However, if you are curious as to whether or not you are one, here are a few signs.  One or more of these symptoms generally exist in the life of a control freak.

• Lack of delegation – Control freaks usually find themselves over-worked and exhausted.  Of course, we blame this on everyone else when in reality it is because we refuse to delegate.  Control freaks believe in the motto, "If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself!"  We are afraid to let anyone else do anything because the other person might screw up and their failure could reflect back on us.  We would never feel comfortable putting our livelihood in the hands of another like this.
• Perfectionism – As you might have guessed, control freaks are often perfectionists as well.  We want everything done just so.  It is my way or the highway!  The two behaviors feed upon one another.  Again, self-righteousness is a hallmark of the control freak.  We often wonder why everyone else in the world are such idiots.  Control freaks cling to their perfectionism.  We may even be proud of it.
• Friction and resentment – Control freaks often experience friction and resentment in their relationships.  Of course, we usually don’t understand why.  We just want what’s best for those we care about.  If they would just listen to us, then we could help them.  People don’t want to be controlled and they certainly get tired of being made to feel inadequate.  This usually creates friction and over the long-term a certain level of resentment.  The control freak usually tries to ignore this or blame it on the insecurities of others.
• Fear – In more extreme cases, control freaks may realize others are afraid of them.   When necessary, control freaks will use intimidation to manipulate.  This intimidation can be physical or it can be emotional.  Those around us walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting us and receiving the fury of our wrath.  Somewhere in the back of their mind, control freaks know they create this fear and that it is wrong, but it is a power hard to give up.

If you identify at all with any of these, then you may want to go a little further before you call yourself a full-fledged control freak.  There’s more you can use in your diagnosis.

The tools of a control freak.

Control freaks have a lot of different methods at their disposal to get others to do what they want.  We are master manipulators.  If you aren’t sure yet whether you are a control freak, then assess yourself further by determining if you use these tactics in your relationships.

Guilt

Guilt is a favorite weapon of the control freak.  The masters can make you feel guilty without batting an eye.  It can be used in almost any situation and is effective on just about everybody.

Exaggeration

A control freak will blow the smallest thing out of proportion.  We will exaggerate our positive performance and your failures to manipulate the situation.

Withdrawal

Withholding attention and affection is another tool of the control freak.  If you don’t do what I like, then I’ll freeze you out.  Of course, withdrawal can also take the form of physical absence.

Passive-aggressive

Passive-aggressive behavior is devious.  It involves things like intentional procrastination and stubbornness.  An example might be intentionally failing to mail an important application until it is overdue thereby causing your spouse to miss an event they wanted to attend, but you opposed.

Belittling

Badgering a person continuously to ruin their self-confidence is a technique many control freaks use.  The intent is to make others weak and dependent.  I think this one gets used way too often on children.

Rage and threats

When all else fails, one of the more efficient means of controlling another person is intimidation.  The control freak can throw an impressive fit.  We will use our volume, size and strength to bully others into doing what we want.

Two steps to breaking free.

Being a control freak is unhealthy.  It generally will destroy a relationship.  Sooner or later those being controlled wake up and leave.  Once they are outside of our sphere of influence, they rarely return.  If you think you might be a control freak, then here are two first steps to breaking free.

1.  Admit the truth about yourself.

Recognizing you have a problem is often the hardest part of solving it.  If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then you probably need to come clean about your control freak tendencies.  Being honest with yourself and others won’t be easy, but it will start the healing process.  Admit your guilt and tell those around you that you are going to try to do better.  Enlist their help.

2.  Accept that performance does not equal self-worth.

Many control freaks feel that they are only as good as their latest performance.  They equate their self-worth to how well they are doing on tasks, raising a family, etc.  This is dangerous.  It makes you want to micro-manage and control every aspect of life to prevent any type of failure.  This is often a root cause of becoming a control freak.  Accept yourself for who you are!  You have intrinsic qualities that make you a valuable, lovable person even if your life isn’t perfect.

Control freaks please don’t continue to do damage to your most valuable relationships!  Use this information to recognize what you’ve been doing and start making changes.  The results will amaze you.

Are you a control freak?

Photo by Glutnix

This is a guest post by Brandt Smith.  Brandt is cofounder and senior editor of

“Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking.” ~J.C. Watts

“Do you have a minute?  We need to talk about Tim.” I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Something wasn’t right and this was definitely going to take more than a minute.

“Remember the shrinkage we’ve been battling? Tim was just caught walking out with several units.  It looks like he’s been selling them on the side for several months.”

Here’s the quandary

Tim was one of the top performers in the company.  He was hard working, good natured, and extremely good at his job.  As a result everyone loved him-especially his customers!

If I fire him we lose an employee who is a top performer.  His contribution to the company is significant and would be hard to replace.  He is close to his customers and I know we’ll lose business.

This goes beyond his sales skills.  Tim is well liked by just about everyone and if I fire him there will be an uproar.  I’ll have managers asking if I can make an exception.  His peers will be upset and their work will be disrupted.  His customers will ask why he was let go and there is a good chance they will take their business elsewhere.

If I make an exception and let it slide there will be repercussions as well.  He violated company policy, the law, and his integrity.  Remember, this wasn’t taking home some office supplies.  He is a role model and his lack of ethics could wear off on other employees. If I make an exception others will expect me to do the same for them.

What’s a guy to do?

7 keys to doing the right thing

1.  Know your core values
How can you do the right thing if you don’t know what it is?  You can’t rely on others to tell you.  You can’t always rely on the company to guide you-think Enron!

We develop our values over time.  It starts with our family, faith, and friends.  We can further develop it by reading inspirational material and meditation.  We make choices throughout our lives which shape who we are and what we believe.

Most of us know the difference between right and wrong. Black and white is easy, it’s the vast gray area in between that causes us so much trouble.  This is the area we need to explore.

2.  Take a clear look at the situation
Decisions need to be based on facts and reality.  Often there are emotions flaring and other people are pressuring you to go with the flow.  This interferes with your ability to make a rational decision.

Take a deep breath and give yourself some space.  Separate the pressure and emotion from the facts.

3.  Trust your gut
You know right from wrong.  What do you do when you are uncertain?  Listen to your conscience, that gut feeling that you can’t explain.  Often your subconscious mind sees minute details that escape your conscious (logical) mind.

4.  Do the right thing
It takes strength and courage.  This is what separates the men from the boys-or the women from the girls!  Doing the right thing is often hard.  Over time it becomes easier as you gain confidence.

Reputations are built over a lifetime of actions and decisions.  They are destroyed when we act contrary to our beliefs.  Decide what you want to be known for making sure it is congruent with your values and beliefs.

5.  Stick to your guns
People may try and get you to change your mind.  Remember, you make them uncomfortable when you have the courage to stand on your principles.  It reminds them of their own shortcomings.

Integrity is one of the key leadership traits.  If you are willing to go against the grain people may not like you but they will respect you.  They will take strength from your actions and do the same.

6.  Prepare for the consequences and expect resistance
Often doing the right thing has immediate consequences.  As uncomfortable as this is this will pass.  Having integrity is always more effective though it often takes a long term point of view to see this.

7.  Review your actions
Always take time to review the situation and learn from it.  Did you act in accordance with your beliefs?  How could you have dealt with the situation better?

This goes hand in hand with the first point.  By reviewing our actions and choices we learn more about our beliefs.  We start to understand what we value and what we are willing to sacrifice.

What about Tim?

Doing the right thing is about acting in accordance with your beliefs and values.  It is about character and integrity.  In Tim’s case this was a severe breach of trust that required serious consequences.  Anything less would not be in accordance with our values and would be a violation of our integrity.  In the end we let him go.

What would you have done?

Photo by Global Integrity

The foundation stones for a balanced success are honesty, character, integrity, faith, love and loyalty.  ~Zig Ziglar

We must do the right thing in our life even when it’s not convenient for us.  This is called integrity.  Here are several ways that we can build trust and do the right thing.

1.  Do what you say you will do.

This seems simple enough, but how often have you experienced people doing the exact opposite?  As a customer, I have seen this numerous times.  I get told the work will be done tomorrow and then it is not.  We must set the right expectations with others and then live up to those expectations.  Make sure that your actions exactly meet your words.  If they do not, then people will not trust you.  Another way that people fail in this area is by not giving their employer a full eight hour workday.  You agreed to this when you took the job so do it.  We must be sure to do what we say we’ll do in every area of our lives.

2.  Work at an honest profession.

Do you firmly believe that what you do for a living is benefiting others?  If not, then I would suggest seeking other employment.  We can’t really get ahead and be happy in life if we aren’t doing something that we feel has meaning.  Does the company you work for conduct its affairs in an ethical manner?  Are you fair and consistent with your customers?  If not, these things can come back to bite you.  People will eventually discover these disparities and then your reputation will be tarnished.  Be sure you work at an honest profession.

3.  Meet your financial obligations as agreed.

Pay your bills!  I think most people know they should do this, but they often fail to manage their finances appropriately to avoid getting overextended.  Do you have a written budget?  Do you keep track of what you spend and manage your money so you can pay your bills on time?  Meeting your financial obligations is a key indicator of your trustworthiness.  I mentioned in Reality Check – Are You Doing What It Takes To Get Ahead in Life? that employers now run credit checks prior to hiring people.  This is one way they check to see if you can be trusted.  It would be terrible to miss out on the next great job offer simply because you didn’t pay your bills on time.

4.  Make sure your handshake is better than any contract.

If you made an agreement with someone verbally or otherwise always, always, always fulfill your end of the bargain.  You must do this even if it turns out not to be in your best interest.  If you give people a reason to doubt whether your word is good or not, then you will miss many great opportunities in life.  Your handshake on a deal should be better than any contract.  People must know without a doubt that you will not go back on your word.  This is crucial to your success!

5.  Show up on time to every appointment.

Sure, I’ve been late before, but it is the rare exception.  In my mind, if someone shows up late, it plants a seed of doubt about whether I can trust them with important things.  You need to be where you said you’d be when you said you’d be there.  Again, this is not difficult, but if you are consistently late, it sends the wrong message.  People will talk about you behind your back and they will not trust you.  Without trust, you will miss out on chances to improve your life.

6.  Be faithful to your spouse.

Don’t give anyone a reason to doubt you in this area.  Look at how failures in marital fidelity tarnished Bill Clinton’s reputation and the legacy of his Presidency.  What you do in your personal life will spill over into your professional life as well.  Maybe you don’t cheat, but do you flirt?  Don’t even create the perception that you might break your vows.  People want to do business with those that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt they can trust and that will project a positive image for their organization.

You must do the right thing to be trusted with greater opportunities.

Doing the right thing is really not that hard, but it is critical to balanced success.  The more consistently you do what is right, the more often doors will be open to you.  Being trustworthy, you will experience greater happiness and build more meaningful relationships.  These relationships will assist you to expand your influence and live a richer, more abundant life.

Photo by Andyrob