I know I do and I bet you do too.  Deep inside, we all want our opinions to matter.  The first step in engaging someone’s attention is to actually be interesting.

We often fall into the trap of believing that people should listen just because we are speaking.  This usually doesn’t work out for us. 

It isn’t that people are rude, it is just that they are busy with a lot of other things competing for their attention.  Being interesting helps to break through the noise.

Develop these traits to get the attention of those that matter

Fortunately, there are things we can do to make ourselves more interesting.  It takes a little practice, but it is worth it to get our ideas heard. 

Develop a reputation for being interesting and people will stop what they are doing and listen to you intently every time. 

Continue ignoring this advice and you’ll get the same results you get today.

Here are some things that you can do to become more interesting:

1.  Hold a unique perspective

Be the one that has a slightly different and insightful perspective on the things that matter to you.  People listen to those that help open their minds to new ways of seeing the world.

A great example of this is Jerry Seinfeld.  Seinfeld’s humor often involved every day items and experiences, but he put an odd spin on it.  This made people want to listen.  They were curious about what he would say next.

One word of warning, you can take this too far.  You don’t want people to think you are crazy.  Your perspective needs to be unique, but not wacky.  Be sure to tailor your message to the audience and situation to maximize your effectiveness.

2.  Have broad horizons

A small mind leads to boring conversation.  Educate yourself on a wide-range of topics.  Read, travel and talk to people of all backgrounds to gain interesting insights.

Develop your own opinions on a wide array of topics, but be open to learning new angles too.  A part of becoming interesting is listening and learning from other engaging people.

Will Rogers was an Okie that on the surface seemed very simple, but he had traveled around the world three times, made 71 movies and wrote more than 4,000 newspaper columns.  I bet he was interesting!

3.  Don’t just talk about yourself and your experiences

Share what you have to say, but don’t dwell too long on your views.  Turn the conversation around by asking an open-ended question to engage your partner.

People are more interested in what you have to say when you take an interest in their opinions as well.  Don’t just talk about yourself!

4.  Be curious about everything

This goes along with having broad horizons.  Remember Curious George?  He was a little monkey that explored his world to its full extent.  Sometimes this got George into a little mischief, but he also learned a lot from his adventures.

The more you know, the more you grow!  The deeper a well of knowledge and information you have to draw upon, the more interesting you will become.

5.  Try to truly understand and empathize with others

Stephen Covey tells us to “Seek first to understand”.  This is good advice.  Be sure you fully comprehend all aspects of a situation before you offer your opinion about it.

We often go off half-cocked.  We think we know the full picture and begin spewing forth our advice before we’ve listened thoroughly.  Verify that you understand clearly before you start talking.  This will keep your ideas from being dismissed.

6.  Inject a little humor

Clever humor that lightens a conversation can help to relax and engage people.  Of course, you have to know when, where and how to add humor properly.  Otherwise, it can create an awkward moment that may lose your audience.

Smiling is also a great way to non-verbally relay positive emotion to others.  It makes people feel good when you smile at them and this leads to more attentive listening.

7.  Be enthusiastic and passionate

Every topic is more interesting when the speaker is brimming with enthusiasm and passion.  We are automatically drawn into situations where we hear a lot of emotion in the voice of the communicator.

Put your whole heart into what you are saying.  Of course, your enthusiasm has to be authentic or you will be immediately dismissed.  This is why we discount a lot of sales pitches because we can tell the hype is phony.

Sincere enthusiasm and passion will engage people every time.

Be interesting and people will listen!

People like to listen and talk to us when we make the effort to be interesting.  Like so many things in life, we have to work at being an effective communicator.  Try developing these traits and you will see the results for yourself!

What do you do to make yourself interesting?

Photo by lanuiop

I read Covey’s book because I was hungry to live life to the fullest, but at the time I was running into some roadblocks.  I needed guidance that I hoped Stephen Covey could provide. 

Looking back now, I wonder, “Did reading The Seven Habits really make a difference in my life?”

Reflecting on what I learned from Stephen Covey

Even now as I thumb back through the book, I recognize the sections and ideas that stood out to me over 15 years ago.  I was very moved by much of what I read.  However, the true measure now is did Covey’s guidance really change me for the better?

Here are some of my thoughts:

1.  Begin with the end in mind

To begin with the end in mind means to start with a clear understanding of your destination.  It means to know where you’re going so that you better understand where you are now and so that the steps you take are always in the right direction.  ~ Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey strongly encourages the creation of a personal mission statement.  These have fell out of vogue in recent years, but I remember trying to write one back when I read Seven Habits.  It was a struggle, but a good exercise.

As I recall, I did eventually come up with one, but I don’t have any idea where it is now.  However, I do practice this habit in my own way.  I write down goals and track my progress.  As part of this process, I envision where I want to be months and years from now, so I do begin with the end in mind.

I’m a strong believer that written goals are essential.  I know they have helped me stay on course in my life.  Have all my steps been in the right direction?  Absolutely not!  I have flopped, failed and floundered, but I have still made progress.

I’m a big believer in beginning with the end in mind.  My technique might be a little different than what Stephen Covey suggested in Seven Habits, but I have to believe that what I read stuck with me and made a difference in my level of success.

2.  The Emotional Bank Account

An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship.  It’s the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.  ~ Stephen Covey

The Emotional Bank Account was probably one of the concepts from Seven Habits that hit me the hardest.  I remember being profoundly impressed with the wisdom of this idea.

As much as I wished I could say that I use this idea on a daily basis, I’m not sure I do.  At least, I’m not sure that I consciously apply this principle like I should or want to.

It is a very powerful idea.  Creating a reserve of trust in our closest relationships is vitally important.  It is the only way that we are going to foster true intimacy with our spouses and children.  I want these people to feel emotionally and physically safe around me.

Unfortunately, I have my moods.  I get tired, irritable and impatient.  I think I often let these things control me instead of remembering about the Emotional Bank Account.

Of course, there are occasions where I hold my tongue and I often do go back and apologize for my mistakes.  Also, even all these years later, the idea of the Emotional Bank Account comes to my mind from time-to-time.

So, maybe just maybe, I’m a little more tactful and considerate having known about the Emotional Bank Account.  Otherwise, I might be a total cowhide in my relationships.

3.  Diagnose before you prescribe

“Seek first to understand” involves a very deep shift in paradigm.  We typically seek first to be understood.  Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.  ~ Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey encourages us to be empathetic listeners.  He reminds us that we typically overlay our own story on top of whatever we are hearing.  We make the other person’s story fit our autobiography.  We don’t seek first to truly understand the uniqueness of their situation before we start giving advice or selling our idea.

I’m a problem solver by nature.  If you would just listen to me and follow my advice, I could fix you.  Now this natural inclination has served me well over the years, but it has also gotten me in trouble.

In my career with computers, being a problem solver that takes quick action has helped me to succeed, but not as much so in my personal life.  At home, I tend to prescribe the cure before I fully listen and accurately diagnose the situation. 

Listening takes time.  I’m an efficiency freak.  Unfortunately, these two don’t mix that well.  At best, I’m still working on developing this habit.

I’d probably score the lowest on this one in terms of how much impact it has had on my life.  I know it is important, but I just don’t do it very well.

Did Stephen Covey make a difference in my life?

I definitely think so!  I certainly have not applied his principles perfectly, but they have stuck with me and they do influence my actions.  I think that is as much as any self-improvement book could hope to accomplish.

It was interesting reflecting on how something I read so long ago has impacted my life.  The things we feed our minds definitely influence us for a long time.  I’ll keep pouring in good advice like the stuff I picked up from reading the Seven Habits!

What books or material has had a long-term influence in your life?

Photo by ?ick Harris