Want to make certain your Valentine’s Day goes off without a hitch?

Valentine’s Day is bristling with pressure.  The burden to make everything just right, often leads to disaster. 

You see, all the build-up creates tension.  On the big day, this does not translate well or as desired.

A Valentine’s Day disaster is incredibly unfortunate.  After all, this is the day we are supposed to be celebrating our love, not fighting about details or unmet expectations.  I want to save you from the regret, hurt feelings and awkward week that follows a bad Valentine’s Day experience.

Advice for Avoiding a Valentine’s Day Disaster

Let me be 100% honest.  I’m not the smoothest operator myself when it comes to romance and Valentine’s Day.  Therefore, I’ve turned to some experts on marriage, relationships and sex to help us all avoid the pitfalls of love when the pressure is on.

Here are three tips to help you enjoy and relax on Valentine’s Day:

1.  Please Check Your Expectations

Valentine’s Day generates over-inflated expectations.  Disaster lurks behind these sky-high anticipations.  It is all a big set up that will come crashing down on your head if you don’t come back down to earth.  Television, movies and magazines lead us to believe that everyone is so over-the-top romantic and perfect in all they do.

“The downside to expectations (the trap they set for us) is when they are not realistic and we use them to judge our sweeties or try to get them to be someone they are not,” warns the Generous Wife speaking about Valentines Expectations.  “These are real people we are dealing with and, if we’ll be honest, they are rather a whole ‘nother animal. Let’s love them for who they are and be clear (and realistic) about what we ask of them.”

This advice is right on target for men and women.  All of us can get the wrong, hyper-inflated expectations in our heads.  Men might have completely different expectations than women when it comes to Valentine’s, but both can be way off the mark and totally unrealistic. 

Save yourself from this trap.  Instead of holding onto impractical, exaggerated expectations, celebrate your love by focusing on one another instead of all the hype.  Discuss it beforehand – to be sure both parties have the same expectations – and agree on exactly how you should celebrate.  As a bonus, here are 50 Simple Acts of Love that will help you make things romantic without getting crazy.

2.  Plan a Date that You Both Will Enjoy

Once you are sure your expectations are compatible, then together you can plan a date to celebrate your success as a couple.  Of course, this is often fraught with its own complications.

“Where do you want to go?”  Isn’t this the dreaded question?  “I don’t know wherever you want is fine,” is usually the response around my house.  An enjoyable and relaxing Valentine’s Day requires a plan.  It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it should be preconceived and agreed upon to avoid a disaster.

Restaurants and other typical venues are generally cram packed on Valentine’s Day.  Personally, I try to avoid these anyway because they are the standard and boring thing to do.  If you want a memorable night, then you want to get a little creative.

I’d recommend checking out the 20 Awesome Date Ideas for Free offered by Dustin at Engaged Marriage.  This is a nice little resource that can inspire you with some new ideas.

Going out is great, but don’t lose sight of the real reason for the night.  It is all about celebrating your togetherness.  You don’t have to fly to Paris and sip wine in front of the Eiffel Tower to enjoy yourself.  Often a private, low-key evening where you can focus on one another instead of fighting crowds will be just as special – assuming you plan it and see eye-to-eye on it.

3.  What If I’m Not in the Mood for You Know What?

One common expectation – especially for men, but sometimes for women as well – is that the day is going to end with a big performance in the bedroom.  But, what if you are simply not in the mood?  Does this mean that your day is doomed to disaster?  Not necessarily, if you deal with it.

First, if this is a common occurrence for you, I’d definitely recommend reading How to Have Great Sex When You’re Not in the Mood over at Simple Marriage.  In it, you will find advice to help you get your mind straight about sex, deal with interferences, master your energy and start enjoying intimacy with your mate again.  Good stuff, right?

Also, if you know that your sweetheart is likely going to expect sex and you deeply want to please your valentine, then prepare for it.  Being in the mood has a lot to do with how you handle your thoughts and energy prior to the big evening.  Intentionally reserve some of yourself so you aren’t too tired.  Listen to some of the greatest romantic songs to get in the mood.  Recall past favorable nights of physical intimacy to stoke your desire.  Mentally and physically build yourself up for it.

If you still think you cannot meet the expectation, then talk about it before the moment of truth.  Be honest with your partner and promise to make it up to them later.  Set a specific date and make commitments about what you will do for them to repay them for their patience.  This will likely buy you the time and understanding you need to avoid a disaster.

Have a Happy and Enjoyable Valentine’s Day

As you’ve probably noticed, a big part of avoiding a Valentine’s Day disaster is open and honest communication with your mate.  If you talk it out in advance, you can usually avoid a big letdown.  However, sometimes even the best laid plans end in adversity.  If your Valentine’s Day takes a turn for the worse, then you might want to check out these 11 Ways to Make Your Apologies More Meaningful and Effective.  Enjoy!

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Is your love all that it should be?

“Love one another and you’ll be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that”, says Michael Leunig, an Australian writer.

Relationships define the quality of our life.  How selflessly we love determines the quality of our relationships.

We all need a reminder on occasion of what truly devoted, sacrificial love looks like.  I certainly do.  I’m guilty of slipping off into a selfish, greedy place in my heart.  It seems it is all too easy to fall victim to this way of thinking.  Of course, when we do, our relationships suffer for it.

The Confusion About Love

Confusion and misunderstanding about love reigns supreme in America.  It seems we have a very shallow and ill-conceived notion of love, especially as it relates to marriage.  I say this because so many marriages end in divorce. It is hard to find someone over thirty-five that doesn’t have at least one failed marriage in their past.

I don’t think our confusion is intentional.  It seems to have been somehow passed down to us.  Where the initial confusion began, I haven’t the foggiest.  However, sorting it out seems critical to the longevity of our relationships and marriages and therefore to our happiness.

Here is some of the WRONG thinking about love that persists:

• Love is a feeling – “We just fell out of love.”  You’ve probably heard this before as an explanation for why a couple parted ways.  This notion implies that love comes and goes like any other mood.
• Love must be equal – We want love to be tit-for-tat.  We feel their must always be a balance in the amount of love I’m giving and that I’m receiving.  If this equality of love isn’t met, then we are offended and upset.
• Love should be easy – We want love that meets our needs without complication.  We don’t want to have to exert effort.  Love should just be.  Messiness or difficulty implies a love problem.
• Love should always work out in our favor – In other words, we think love should cater to our needs.  If it isn’t, then there must be something wrong with our mate and their love for us.
• Love should tolerate all our flaws – This really goes back to our idea that love should be effortless.  We don’t think love should demand anything of us.

These are just some of the misconceptions about love that lead to problems in our lives and relationships.  If we could straighten out our thinking about love, it would save us a lot of heartache and trouble.  So, let’s look at what selfless love is like.

Loving Others Selflessly

“The life and love we create is the life and love we live.”  What a powerful thought, by Leo Buscaglia.  It is also a humbling one if your relationships aren’t what you want them to be.  How can you improve your experience of life and love?  Well, you can love more selflessly.

Here is the RIGHT mindset for selfless love:

• Love is a firm decision – Feelings are too fickle they come and go on a whim.  Selfless love is a decision.  It is a firm commitment.  One that you follow-through on even when you don’t feel like it.
• Love is sacrificial – You must give of yourself sacrificially well beyond what is comfortable if you want love to endure.  Love should not be entered into lightly.  If you aren’t prepared to make sacrifices in what you want for love’s sake, then don’t get into a serious relationship in the first place.
• Love endures much – Life is not always easy.  It has its unexpected complications.  That’s why marriage vows include, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health…”  Selfess love is long-suffering.  It endures the hard times and presses on to enjoy brighter days beyond.
• Love is demanding -  Real love requires a lot from you.  It is going to ask that you put some of your desires aside.  It is going to ask you to become a better person.  It is going to ask you to give and compromise at times when you don’t want to.
• Love reigns – Love demands that it comes first in your life.  It won’t always be easy or uncomplicated.  There will definitely be times that you won’t feel like loving.  Just remember, “The life and love we create is the life and love we live.”

I’m sure this picture of love is incomplete.  And I’ll admit that it might paint a picture that seems a bit daunting, but I think it is far too common that we enter into love without thinking it through carefully.  We simply don’t give it the respect it is due.

Selfless love, the kind that will last a lifetime, is big.  You should never underestimate it or enter into it lightly.  However, it can also be the greatest thing you ever do with your life.

I’m still working on my love.  I’m sure I will never perfect it.  I have a long ways to go.  However, I won’t give up.  After twenty years of marriage, I’ve tasted a bit of what it is and I want more.

What have I missed here?  What are some other common misunderstandings about love?  What are some other characteristics of selfless love?  Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

The reality of this came crashing in on me again recently and along with it I thought, “I’ve got to get my act together.”

Life is simply too short to keep holding on to some things.  More often than not, we hurt ourselves by failing to change.

We don’t even like hearing these messages never mind actually embracing them.  We run from the reality of how brief life can be and we certainly don’t like people confronting us with what we need to change.

So, this might not be a very popular article, but I’m convinced that it is a much needed one. I hope you’ll just think of me as an old friend that is practicing some tough love.

I’m writing this because it usually isn’t until someone calls it out to us that we are able to see the way our bad behavior is anchoring us to a place we don’t want to stay.

My “Life Is Too Short” Inspiration

I think it is often useful to understand where an author is coming from when writing certain things.  It helps us grasp the full meaning when we understand the inspiration.  I believe this is the case here.  So, please let me share with you what got me thinking that life is too short.

My uncle past away earlier this month.  He was almost 79 years old and his health has been poor for quite some time so it wasn’t completely a surprise, but as with many family deaths, it was still shocking.

I, of course, attended the services and there was a video played that was produced by the funeral home.  It showed pictures starting with my uncle’s parents, his childhood and progressing up to more recent years where he was shown holding his grandchildren.  It was well done and as I sat there watching, the thought occurred to me, “Life is too short.”

This reminded me of what I don’t like about the Kenny Chesney song called “Don’t Blink”.  The chorus goes like this:

Don’t blink
Just like that you’re six years old and you take a nap and you
Wake up and you’re twenty-five and your high school sweetheart becomes your wife
Don’t blink
You just might miss your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads next thing you know your “better half”
Of fifty years is there in bed
And you’re praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years goes faster than you think
So don’t blink

I don’t like the emotions this stirs and I don’t like how it reminds me that life is too short.

That’s why I’m writing this particular article today.  I don’t like facing how brief life is myself so I know a lot of you also hate it, but we need to face it nonetheless.

Here Is My Wake Up Call to YOU

Your life is a whole lot shorter than you think.  It is going to whiz by.  It will all be summed up in a few short minutes in some video at your funeral.

Will you go to your grave without having lived your best life because you were too stubborn to face a few things you needed to change?

I don’t think we mean to hold ourselves back from living a good life.  I think we just get into ruts and then have a hard time letting go.  I’m here to tell you to LET GO!

Life Is Simply Too Short to Keep Holding On To:

1.  Old Wounds

What’s past is past.  I know it hurt.  Old wounds hurt really bad and almost all of us have them, but some are worse than others.  I know it is tough to let it go and move on, but what alternative do you have?  If you keep playing the victim, you are wasting some of your best years.  Release it, cry over it and put it behind you.  Today is a new day.  Your life is too short to keep hanging on to old wounds.

2.  Bitterness and Unforgiveness

Forgiving others is not for them.  It is for you.  Carrying around bitterness and resentment is like a cancer that eats you up from the inside out.  Again, it is time to let it go.  By holding on, you are letting the act that offended or hurt you to control your life.  You are handing over all your power to someone else.  You are giving them control of your life.  When you forgive, you cut the bonds that bind you to that person.  You set yourself free to live your life on your terms, not theirs.

3.  Bad Habits

Bad habits come in a lot of different varieties.  Some of the most common and destructive include overeating, smoking, overspending, substance abuse, being overly critical and lying.  If you have a bad habit that is holding you back, then seek help to overcome it.  Don’t keep thinking that you can beat it yourself.  It will take too much time and you’ll likely just waste more of your life struggling with it.  Get assistance so you can beat it as soon as possible and move on.  Life is too short to hang onto bad habits.

4.  Negative Attitudes

Your negative attitude hurts others, but it hurts you more.  If you keep it up, you are going to get to the end of your life and regret all the people you hurt and opportunities you missed.  You need to be positive, embrace life and seek adventure if you want to really start living.  A negative attitude drags you down and it sucks the life out of those around you too.

5.  Selfishness and Isolation

When you only think about yourself and what makes you happy, you isolate yourself.  At my uncle’s funeral, I looked around and saw all the family that turned out to honor him.  It was touching.  He obviously poured his life out for them.  He loved them.  He really loved them and they knew it.  He set aside his own desires and he embraced theirs.  He got a lot in return.

Photo by *Micky

Learn to improve your relationships.

Relationships are a HUGE part of living a full and rewarding life.  Showing love to the one you care about the most is crucial to nurturing a great relationship.  It needs to be done on a daily basis.

How do we do show love every day?  I’m still figuring it out myself even after 18 years of marriage.

Did you notice above that I said we have to learn to improve our relationships?  I’m convinced that It is something we can get better at with just a little help.  No matter how good you think you are, when it comes to love, there is always room for improvement.

Fantastic Free Resource to Help Us Become Better at Love

I don’t think most people go into marriage thinking “Man, I want this thing to last six and a half years and then move on to someone else.” Most want the dream—a relationship that lasts a lifetime. But, how do we do that?  ~ Stu Gray, aka TheMarryBlogger

A fantastic new resource, just in time for Valentine’s Day, has been released to help us learn to love our special someone more deeply and completely every single day.  Want to know the best part?  This resource is 100% free with no strings attached!

It is the Love Every Day eBook!  (click link to download)

No matter where you are in your relationship, the ideas, tips and advice shared by these authors will surely help you become better at demonstrating your love on a daily basis.

Let’s face it, life is crazy.  We need and want relationships that last.  However, the hustle and bustle of everyday life often pulls us apart.  We get tired, distracted and stressed.  We need new, more creative ways to show our love.

If you get just one idea from this ebook that helps you to make a positive improvement in your relationship, wouldn’t it be worth the few moments it will take to download and read it?

I’m honored that I get to offer you something so incredibly valuable without it costing you anything!

I’ve read this ebook and I can tell you that you are sure to get way more than one idea!  This is really a great compilation of incredibly smart articles from some of the best relationship writers out there.  You will not be disappointed!

A Sneak Peek at the Love Every Day eBook

This ebook covers a whole spectrum of relationship matters.  Here are just a few of the topics that you’ll enjoy reading about:

• Starting the Day Off Right by Dan Miller, best-selling author of 48 Days to the Work You Love
• Fuel Your Relationship by Dr. Michelle Gannon, psychologist and couples therapist
• Working Couples and Stress by Trudy Sargent, producer of the movie LoveTalk
• Keeping the Sexual Spark Alive by Alisa Bowman, professional writer
• How to Love Your Spouse Generously by Lori Lowe, author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss
• Stop Fighting Over Money by J. Money author of BudgetsAreSexy.com

Again, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  The free, downloadable ebook contains 28 incredible articles to help you improve your relationship and show your love every day!

I’m very excited and honored to have an article included in this fabulous free resource myself.  I got to write about the importance of having a clear, well-defined purpose to guide your relationship.  This alone can save you a ton of frustration and fights over a lifetime of living together.

Show Someone That You Love Them Every Day

Download the ebook right now and start reading an article a day.  It won’t cost you a dime and because the articles are short and to the point, it won’t take more than a couple of minutes each morning.  The practical advice you get will forever alter the direction of your relationship.  It will lead you to new, higher levels of loving than you’ve ever experienced before!

Your Valentine will thank you for it.  They will definitely notice and appreciate the difference in you once you learn to show your love every day.  This is one of the most important things you can do for your special someone and for yourself.  I guarantee it will deepen and improve your relationship in ways well beyond what you can imagine!

Get your copy of the free Love Every Day eBook today!  I promise this ebook is completely free with no strings attached.  You can download and enjoy it at your leisure.

Leave me a comment below and let me know what you think of this fabulous resource!

Photo by JLStricklin

Are You FULL of it?!!

The ancient Greeks had a term called “zoe”, which was a term used to describe both temporal and eternal life.  I like to think of it as “life at its fullest.” 

So, what does it take to experience life at its fullest?  I did some thinking, and came up with the ideas in this article.

They may not fully define a Super-Charged Life, but they will help you to start to paint the picture for yourself.  I will provide some initial thoughts; I will ask you, the reader, to add to my list at the end with your comments.

“Two men looked out the same prison bars: one saw mud, and the other stars”
~ Frederick Langbridge

Focus

Living life in the fullest, to me, means that my Focus is in the right place.  Every day, in every circumstance, I have the power to choose what I will focus on.  Will I focus on my limitations, my failures, my fears?  Will I focus on what I do not have, what I have not yet accomplished, on my weakness?  Or will I choose to focus on what is going well in my life?

“Some men see things as they are, and say, ‘Why?’  I dream of things that never were, and say, ‘Why not?’ “  ~ George Bernard Shaw

One great tool that Anthony Robbins designed to help guide powerful focus is a set of what he calls power questions.  I’ll share them with you now.  These are taken from his book called Awaken the Giant Within. 

He has a set of morning questions that he frequently asks himself, to get his focus on the right things:

• What am I happy about in my life now?
• What am I excited about in my life now?
• What am I proud about in my life now?
• What am I grateful about in my life now?
• What am I enjoying most in my life right now?
• What am I committed to in my life right now?
• Who do I love?  Who loves me?

He also has a set of evening power questions that help him realign his focus for sleep and for the next day:

• What have I given today?
• What did I learn today?
• How has today added to the quality of my life, or how can I use today as an Investment in my future?

The list of questions can go on and on, but I think you get the idea: the right set of questions can give us the answers that help us live life to the fullest.

“Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question.”
~ E.E. Cummings

Understanding

A second quality that helps me live a FULL life is Understanding.  For me, there needs to be accurate Understanding of God, of myself, and of others. 

“I cannot imagine how the clockwork of the universe can exist without a clockmaker.”
~Voltaire

I have to have an understanding that there is Something beyond me, and that alone life is not nearly as full as when I am working in unison with the Power that created the universe.  It is the same power that many an alcoholic has found when s/he comes into a group and admits, for the first time, that s/he cannot live life on their own. 

The AA Big Book, which is the handbook for Alcoholics Anonymous, talks about this understanding as being the same as the person who turns the light switch on in the room.  They cannot see electricity, but they understand its effects, and they are willing to trust its effects for their benefit.

“I think self-awareness is probably the most important thing towards being a champion.”  ~ Billie Jean King, Considered to be one of the greatest female tennis players in history

Accurate self understanding is the essence of true humility, and it affords us the opportunity to live life to the fullest.  When I have been too proud to admit my weaknesses and character faults, it has made life pretty miserable for my wife, my kids, my friends, and people in general.  When I have been too fearful to acknowledge my strengths, my talents, my good characteristics, I have deprived myself and others of a unique gift: me!  There is no other me! 

This is why taking inventory of our strengths, our values, our weaknesses, our goals is so important.  It’s like looking in the mirror in the morning to get ready for work, then walking outside with ketchup smears on our face and our hair uncombed.  We need to be self aware to live life to the fullest.

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”
~ Kahlil Gibran

Finally, we need to have the courage and emotional intelligence to be able to listen to and understand others.  As Steven Covey writes in his bestseller book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood”.  If I have an understanding of God and myself, I will have the security to listen without defensiveness to the other person’s point of view.

On the flip side of this, having an accurate understanding of myself means that I have the courage to assert myself, to stand up for my own thoughts, positions, ideas, feelings.  To understand others does not mean I give myself up in the process.  In seeking a win-win understanding with another person, I stick to what I believe, but I seek to reach an agreement that we can both live with.

Love

The third element of living a FULL life, for me, is to have the courage to Love.

“Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.”
~ Mother Teresa

Apart from love, life is pretty flat.  In loving, I am fulfilling the heart of God.  Mother Teresa worked her entire lifetime among the dying poor of Calcutta, India.  When she gave a speech here in the West, she remarked that it is harder to fill the hunger for love than it is to fill physical hunger.  She noted that there is a famine of love in the West.

I am speaking for those of us who are readers here in the United States and Canada (I cannot speak for those in other parts of the world).  Is it not easy to get insulated, working at our jobs, going home, watching television, getting up, doing the same thing over and over again?  We forget that there are neighbors, friends, and relatives who are starving on the inside for a kind word, a smile and an act of service.

One of my favorite passages on love is found in the Bible: I Corinthians 13: 1-13.  If you aspire to love others, please read and reflect on the model of love found in this passage.

The interesting thing about love is that the Law of Indirect Effort comes into play here.  The trick is that you must love without expecting in return.  When you truly love, you are filled up on the inside of your soul.

As with everything else, forming the Habit of Love is not difficult, but it will take practice.  You may have to learn to forgive injuries, take responsibility for your part in what went wrong in a relationship.  My favorite prayer for learning to love comes from St. Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace, 
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; 
to be understood as to understand; 
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive; 
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; 
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

~ St. Francis of Assisi

Long Term Perspective and Lingering

Finally, I am going to cheat and include two L’s in the last part of the acrostic that I have used to describe a FULL life: and that will be Long Term Perspective coupled with Lingering.  What?!!  Let me explain.

Living with a Long Term Perspective is what separates achievers from the average.  Anything worth doing will require time and effort.  Think about saving for retirement.  When a person is thinking only about the short-term gratification of spending all they have for the moment, they lose sight of the miracle of compound interest.

When a person has to have their own way in a marriage relationship, or when they cheat on their partner, they are giving up their Long Term Perspective.

When a doctor goes to medical school, she is living with the End in mind.  Sure she is in school for 8+ years, amassing a lot of educational debt in school loans and time missed from other activities, but she is understanding that the prize is worth the price.

On the other hand, if a person only lives in the Future, they miss out on the gift that is called the Present.

There is a habit found in the research on positive psychology that is shown to increase happiness when practiced consistently.  It’s called Savoring (which, for purposes of this article, I am calling Lingering).  I would say that it’s closely linked to Gratitude. 

With savoring, you may want to have a picture album, or you can use your Flickr account, to remember in detail your happiest and most meaningful memories.  Or, during the day, you may just want to take time to notice the beauty of a sunset, the wonder of your pets, the curiosity of a child.  By Living in the Moment, while having the understanding of a Long Term Perspective, you are truly living life to the fullest.

Are You FULL of Life?

In conclusion, I have shared with you my thoughts on living a FULL life:

F – Do you have the proper Focus?

U – Do you have an Understanding of God, yourself, and others?

L – Do you have a commitment to Love?

L – And, finally, are you living with Long Term Perspective while being committed to Lingering in the Present?

I welcome your thoughts and comments as to what constitutes a FULL life for you!

Stephen Borgman’s mission is to help others reach their full potential. He grew up in Brazil, South America, to parents whose legacy of serving and helping others he hopes to carry on. His blog, Personal Success Factors, is dedicated to helping your reach your next level of excellence.

Photo by ViaMoi

Recently, I wrote in one of my Smart Living Rules that love is a verb.  Real love is how you act toward someone.  In marriage, it is asking, “What can I do today to make my spouse’s life better and show them my love?”

The answer to this question doesn’t have to be complicated, expensive or time-consuming.  We often overcomplicate love.  This stymies us and gets us nowhere.  Therefore, today I thought I’d offer you some simple ways to express your love.

50 simple acts of love to improve your marriage

Give this list to your spouse and ask them to mark the ones that would make them feel loved.  This list will act as inspiration for them so, ask them to please add to the list other things that come to their mind as they go along.

Once they’ve done this for you, then pick at least one item off the list a day and do it whether you feel like it or not.  The more you do, the more love you will feel for your spouse and the more love they will feel for you.  This will improve your marriage!

1.  Sit on the same piece of furniture together.

2.  Hold hands while watching T.V.

3.  Stop on the way home from work and buy his/her favorite treat.

4.  Ask your spouse out on a date and schedule it right then.

5.  Kiss your spouse when you leave or enter the room they are in.

6.  Call them at work just to say you were thinking of them.

7.  Ask how their day was and really listen to their answer.

8.  Watch football with him this weekend.

9.  Give up watching the game to go do something with her.

10.  Go shopping with her this weekend.

11.  Give up shopping to go do something with him.

12.  Read a book together and discuss it.

13.  Enroll in a class together.

14.  Create a special playlist of romantic songs for your spouse.

15.  Send your spouse flowers at work.

16.  Write your spouse a love note.

17.  Tell her that she is beautiful.

18.  Tell him that he is very good at what he does.

19.  Go for a walk together and hold hands.

20.  Make your spouse breakfast.

21.  Clean up by yourself after dinner.

22.  Compliment your spouse in front of others and while you are alone.

23.  Go camping together.

24.  Plan a surprise weekend away together.

25.  Be the first to say you are sorry and forgive them quickly when they make a mistake.

26.  Light a candle at dinner.

27.  Give your spouse an hour alone just to themselves.

28.  Take them to a nice lunch on a weekday.

29.  Give them a massage that doesn’t lead to anything else.

30.  Leave a rose on her windshield at work.

31.  Greet your spouse at the door with a hug and kiss.

32.  Go dancing with your spouse.

33.  Go outside and stare at the stars together.

34.  Snuggle up together and stay that way for at least 15 minutes.

35.  Do something out of the ordinary together.

36.  Be especially affectionate with touches and kisses all day.

37.  Ask your spouse about their goals.

38.  Leave a sweet comment on their Facebook wall.

39.  Buy them a small gift for no particular reason.

40.  Do their least favorite chore for them.

41.  Take their car and get it washed.

42.  Offer your spouse the chance to go out with their friends guilt-free.

43.  Take your spouse to their favorite place to eat.

44.  Take a day off to spend with them.

45.  Take the kids to a babysitter and spend a romantic night at home.

46.  Wait on them hand and foot for the day.

47.  Turn off all other distractions and just talk to your spouse.

48.  Do that one thing with your spouse that you’ve always resisted doing.

49.  Tell them, “I love you” at least twice a day.

50.  Pray out loud together.

Simple acts of love can make a big improvement in your marriage

These simple acts can make a big difference if they are done with a willing heart and a good attitude.  Some of the ones that your spouse chooses may make you uncomfortable.  Those are probably the ones that will improve your marriage the most.  Real love will push you outside your comfort zone to make a big statement to your spouse.

Here’s a bonus.  The 51st simple act is to follow-through by giving your spouse this list and asking them to mark the ones they like.  What are you waiting for?  A great marriage is just around the corner!

Which of these do you think your spouse would most enjoy?

Photo by JLStricklin

We all want love.  Love satisfies our deepest needs.  We long for the nurturing, accepting and forgiving nature of love. 

You must give it to receive it and you have to live smartly to be lovable.  These requirements are non-negotiable. 

A life without love is empty and dark.  Open your heart and let the light shine in!

A little refresher on how to love and be loved before we go on

Love is a verb not a feeling.  Love is how you act toward someone.  It is nurturing, caring, forgiving, providing, encouraging, leading and supporting others.

We often say things like, “I just don’t love him/her anymore.”  What we mean is that for whatever reason our emotions don’t support the action of loving this person right now.

Often, this is because we don’t feel loved by that person.  We don’t act in love toward others which makes them not act in love toward us.  This downward spiral can be hard to stop.

Again, you have to give love to receive it.  Love is selfless.  It is giving of yourself even when you don’t feel like it and even when it doesn’t appear to be appreciated or returned.

This selflessness is the hard part about loving people.  It is easy to start feeling like you aren’t getting a good return on your effort.  You aren’t being loved enough.  This is selfishness creeping in.

This is how a lot of loving relationships fall apart.  One partner or the other starts feeling like they are loving their partner more than they are being loved.  They convince themselves that they are being cheated.  Again, this is a slippery slope!

Selfishness is the opposite of love!  Selflessly loving others before they love us back is the best way to ensure we, ourselves are loved.

Therefore, it is important that we choose a lifestyle that expresses love to others through our actions and makes us more lovable at the same time.

Smart living is a great way to express love and be lovable

I would suggest that smart living is a great lifestyle for expressing your love for others and for making yourself lovable.

If you look back over the rules for smart living, you will see things like:

• taking responsibility for your actions
• having a positive attitude
• acting charitably
• being a good steward over money
• leading by example
• growing and learning
• taking care of yourself
• seeking adventure and exploring

I would argue that these actions both express love for your family and also make you more desirable to love.  These are the kinds of behaviors that make true and lasting love possible.

Trust must exist for love to flourish.  Smart living makes a person trustworthy. 

Sure, there is a romantic side to love in a marriage too, but that is not all that love is about.  It is a lot easier to be romantic with someone when you feel well cared for and secure in your life.  Therefore, I would say that smart living also contributes to romance.

Am I wrong?

I think a person that takes good care of themselves, their children, their money and their community is a lot more attractive to love than someone who doesn’t.

A person that lives a irresponsible lifestyle might be fun and exciting to hang around for awhile, but eventually that is going to get old.  People want and need the sense of security and trust that comes from smart living!

Smart living is a lifestyle that is loving toward others and allows you to be loved.

You reduce the risk involved in someone loving you which increases the likelihood that you will be loved.  This is a win-win situation!

Assignment: Love others and let yourself be loved by living smartly

This is the final assignment in this series.  All along I have offered ways for you to start applying these rules to your life.  After all, if you don’t live the rules, then what’s the point in reading them?

Here are the assignments for this rule:

1. Dig deeper into the meaning of love – Our society has given most of us many false impressions about love.  We have to unlearn these erroneous notions.  Here are some articles that will help you uncover what real love is all about.

   Choosing to love every day
   Love is a verb
   Real Love Again

   I hope these articles help you unpack the true meaning of love so you can start to love others more deeply and also receive the love we all crave.
   

2. Begin loving others – I hope by now you get it that you have to first love someone else with your actions before you are going to be loved.  Therefore, it is time to start loving the people around you.  Here are a few articles to help you express your love as a verb.

   101 Ways to Show You Love Somebody
   25 Things Every Father Must Teach His Daughter About Life
   Frugal Ways to Show Your Love

   Ideas are priceless!  Hopefully, these will help you to improve your relationships and feel more loved!

Love is the pinnacle of smart living!

The best we can do in life is to love and be loved.  It is the summit we all seek to conquer.  Applying all the smart living rules in your life will help you to achieve this victory!

Photo by  TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³

As a father of two daughters, I’ve heard this question many times and for the record I’ve spent my share of time in the floor pretending to be one of Barbie’s friends.

However, it wasn’t that comfortable for me at first.  You have to understand, I am guy who grew up in rural Oklahoma without any sisters. 

My brothers and I played army, rode dirt bikes and generally did whatever we could to get as dirty as possible.

There were certainly no Barbies in my house growing up.  Of course, things change.  As a father of daughters, I have had to expand my comfort zone and let myself enter their world. 

As a result, I’ve learned a few valuable lessons from Barbie.

25 things I learned playing Barbies with my daughters

Here we go.  I hope you enjoy the list!  By the way, these are in no particular order.

1.  Love can get you to do some things that you never imagined yourself doing.

2.  The reward you get for stepping out of your comfort zone is worth any uneasiness you may experience.

3.  Velcro in the back is a bad way to fasten your pants.

4.  Imagination is boundless and wonderful.

5.  You can never change clothes too many times in one day.

6.  You have to get down on the floor to truly see the world through a child’s eyes.

7.  Real fun is simple and doesn’t cost much.

8.  Your kids will remember the hour you spent playing Barbies in the floor with them more than they will the vacation that cost you a fortune.

9.  Children want our undivided attention more than they want anything else in the whole entire world.

10.  In a little girl’s world, being in charge of Daddy for awhile is terrific fun.

11.  In a house full of girls, Barbie is always the lead character and as the daddy you never get to be Barbie no matter which doll it is that you are holding.

12.  There are never any fights about money in Barbie’s world.

13.  You can learn a lot about someone by playing Barbies with them.

14.  Barbie is like the rest of us, she only gets a limited amount of time in the spotlight. Enjoy it while you can!

15.  Your heart will never be full of love to the point that it can’t hold more for someone.

16.  A bad hair day is a subjective call.

17.  Shoes are a hassle that are rarely worth dealing with.

18.  Having a body that is stiff and inflexible is no excuse.  Where there is a will, there is a way.

19.  The reputation you have and the controversy you create will be mostly ignored by your greatest fans.

20.  Regardless of your looks (good or bad), you can be anything you want to be.

21.  Even though you might lose your head once in a while, the situation can be fixed with a little effort.  Daddy’s are great at helping with this!

22.  Regardless of what you might think, Barbie is a low-maintenance girl.

23.  In life, you may get lost, but never fear because the one that loves you will search high and low until you are back in their arms.

24.  The love of a child can light up your whole life.

25.  You can still look good and do amazing things at 50 and beyond.  Happy 50th Barbie!

It is going to be sad when I no longer get to play Barbies

As I reflect on all I’ve learned from Barbie, I realize it is going to be sad when my girls outgrow her.  The innocence and pure sweetness wrapped up in these play sessions are near and dear to my heart.  Of course, I can always hope for granddaughters way out in the future!

Do you play Barbies?  What have you learned?

Photo by Brani’s fashion dolls

Wisdom was up there in his years when I met with him.  Yes, he’d definitely been around the block a time or two, but he didn’t seem old.

In fact, it didn’t appear that he’d aged a bit since the last time that I visited him many moons ago.

His eyes were bright and clear.  They were captivating when I looked into them. 

They say that our eyes are a window into our soul.  Wisdom’s eyes were calm, inquisitive and welcoming.

When he spoke, it was with authority, but not the pushy kind.  You just knew that he was right and you wanted to listen.

I listened to Wisdom a good long time.  How long I’m not really sure.  I lost track of time.

His words seemed to feed my soul.  Have you ever read or heard something so meaningful that it actually felt nourishing?  That’s exactly the way it was as I listened to Wisdom.

Wisdom told me how he led his life.  He shared how he lived, where he’d been and what he’d seen.  His words opened my mind to things that I had rarely, if ever, considered.

Wisdom began as a student of everything

Wisdom started as a student.  He was an eager, curious learner drinking deeply from the well of education.  He never crammed or took other shortcuts to learning.  Instead, he was disciplined and passionate about his studies.  He had a deep desire to soak up as much information as possible.

He not only grew in knowledge, but he also developed practical skills.  Wisdom often conducted experiments to see how what he learned could be applied in the real world to solve problems or unlock mysteries.

Wisdom stumbled onto entrepreneurship

From time-to-time, one of Wisdom’s experiments proved useful to others.  They would take what Wisdom had assembled and find that it simplified their work or otherwise met a need they had.  This thrilled Wisdom!

Occasionally, people would be so delighted with Wisdom’s ingenuity that they would reward him.  At first, he was shy about taking their money.  He had simply been experimenting and trying to learn.  However, he was happy to know that his thirst for knowledge benefited others.

Initially, Wisdom decided the best thing to do with the money was to use it to conduct bigger, more elaborate experiments.  These experiments led to discoveries that profited many.

Soon, people from all over sought out Wisdom to solve their problems.  They offered him large sums of money to examine their situation and develop a solution to their needs.

Wisdom became a busy man, but he loved helping others so much that he didn’t mind a bit.  He worked hard and served the needs of people far and wide over many years.  He was passionate about his work and never found it dull or boring.

Wisdom saved a fortune from his earnings

Wisdom earned a lot of money helping others.  Though it wasn’t his original intention, he did find satisfaction knowing that his work was so appreciated.

One day early in his life, as Wisdom was pondering the small pile of cash a grateful business friend had left him, it occurred to him that money was just another tool he could use to do good things for his family and for others.

This energized his thinking about money.  He began aggressively saving what people gave him.  Wisdom quickly saw the power of compound interest.  He placed his money in investments that had long track records of good returns.  His money grew.

In addition, Wisdom was a smart consumer.  He only bought what he really needed and he always paid cash.  In his mind, debt was just too risky.

Soon he found that he had enough money to help build his community.  Wisdom gave generously.  He contributed to building schools, hospitals and libraries.  This further developed Wisdom’s reputation and earned him even more business and respect.

Wisdom was a faithful family man

Wisdom not only succeeded in business and with money, but he also was a good husband and father.  He realized that his life was one whole and not compartmentalized.  Whatever good or bad that happened in one area of his life affected the other areas.

He was sensitive to the needs of his wife and always treated her with respect.  His marriage was a true partnership.  He valued his wife’s intelligence and intuition.  As a result, she honored him as her husband.

Wisdom also devoted himself to fatherhood.  He understood that a father plays a vital role in raising children.  He was a wonderful role model.  He knew that his children learned more from observing his behavior than from lectures.  Therefore, Wisdom tried to live an honorable and upright life.  His children looked up to their father and loved him dearly.

Wisdom took care of his health

As Wisdom aged, he realized just how precious his health was to his quality of life.  He ate right and exercised regularly.  He never ignored signs from his body that it needed attention.  Wisdom went for regular check-ups and followed his doctor’s advice.

As a result, Wisdom enjoyed great health.  He was able to remain mentally sharp and physically active throughout his life.  He knew that without his health that he wouldn’t be able to enjoy all he had worked to achieve.

Wisdom sought to always broaden his perspective

Wisdom told me that he felt one of the keys to his success was that he never let life grow stale.  He always maintained his curious and inquisitive mindset.  Instead of feeling threatened by change or new environments, Wisdom felt invigorated.  He loved the challenge and opportunity to learn.

Therefore, Wisdom made it a point to travel to new cultures.  He loved observing the differences in other countries.  He strived to learn some of the language and customs of every place he visited.  His efforts won him many friends around the world.

Wisdom tried new things whenever he could.  The adventure fueled his enthusiasm for life and kept things interesting for him.  Life with Wisdom was never boring.  He constantly inspired those around him to live life to the fullest in every way.

A life with Wisdom was a life well-lived

I count my relationship with Wisdom as one of the most important of my life.  He has always been there for me and has never let me down.  It has always been great knowing that I had a friend I could count on regardless of the circumstances.

Lately, for whatever reason, some of lost track of Wisdom.  They’ve let their relationship with him fade.  Have you met him?  If not, I hope you’ll stick around.  I’d love to introduce you to my friend.  Wisdom would also love to meet you.  Just a warning, he always seems to have a gift to offer new friends, so don’t be surprised.  I always tell people, but they still seem a little shocked when they realize what Wisdom has given them.

I hope I never lose or let my relationship with Wisdom fade.  I learn from him everyday.  I suppose that will never change.

How’s your relationship with Wisdom doing?

Photo by zedzap

Yesterday, I wrote about how our daughters are under attack in our toxic culture.  I expounded on all the messages they hear that are leading them astray.

Today, I want to offer what we as fathers must be teaching our daughters if we want them to grow up to be happy, independent and productive.

Teach daughters these 25 things and they will love you for it!

These are the things I want to teach my two daughters.  I am convinced these are the things necessary to counteract all the other crap they hear elsewhere.

1.  Family is forever

I want her to know that I will always love her mother.  Her family will always be here as a complete unit for her to depend upon.  I will model the loving marriage I want her to have.

2.  She is beautiful just the way she is

I will tell her this regularly to affirm her belief in it.  I will let her know that her natural beauty is all the attractiveness she will ever need and that I love her just the way she is.

3.  She is enough and capable of anything

I will reassure her regularly that she has all the intelligence, confidence and capability she needs to conquer anything she wants to do in life.  She is more than enough!

4.  How to say “no” and mean it

Over the years, her girlfriends and boyfriends are going to ask her to do things that aren’t good for her.  I will teach her it is okay to say “no” and stick to it.  Practice makes perfect!

5.  What I believe is right and wrong

Where else are our daughters going to get moral clarity?  We must teach them what we believe is ethical and right so they have a measure to live by.

6.  Humility

Yes, I want my daughter to be confident and independent, but I also want her to respect others and to treat everyone with dignity.  I want her to give due regard to those in authority such as teachers, public servants and her parents!

7.  How to eat to remain healthy

I want my daughter to have a healthy view of food.  I don’t want her to overindulge, but I also don’t want her to be obsessed with dieting.  Modeling a healthy diet and lifestyle are vital.

8.  Men should treat her with gentleness and respect

She will learn this by observing the way I treat her and her mother.  I will teach her that she should refuse to accept anything less.

9.  Modesty

It is much more attractive to create a modest and authentic look.  Young women that wear clothes that are revealing are crying out for attention.  I will teach my daughter that there are boundaries to what is acceptable.

10.  Relationships and family matter most in life

I will teach her that most of her joy and fulfillment in life will come from the relationships she builds.  It is of the utmost importance that she chooses and acts wisely.

11.  Not to drink too much and to stay away from drugs

Alcohol consumption in excess is dangerous and impairs judgement.  Alcohol before she is an adult is especially harmful.  Educating her on the perils and providing firm supervision is paramount.

12.  Her father will always defend her

She needs to know that if someone wrongs her, that I will defend her.  I will be her champion and hero.  She will never need to look elsewhere to find protection.

13.  How to manage her money

I will teach her that debt is dangerous and that thrift and frugality are wise.  I will show her how to budget her money and ways to save.  I will involve her so she can learn from an early age.

14.  The value of honesty and integrity

I want my daughter to understand that you are only as good as your reputation.  If you lie or cheat, word will spread and you will be discredited.  It is always better to tell the truth.

15.  Patience

Wait.  Wait to have sex.  Wait until you find the right man.  Wait so you can finish college.  Wait so you can travel.  Be patient.  There is no need to rush into things.

16.  Keep things simple

You will never regret keeping your life simple.  Complexity is burdensome.  It is tiring.  The simpler the solution, the more eloquent it is.  Keep your life simple!

17.  Put God first

God is your compass.  He will show you the way.  I will live so she knows what God means to me and that I have a relationship with Him.  He will never fail her.

18.  How to pray

Lift up all your concerns and thanksgiving to God!  It will help you to always remain humble and grateful.  You are blessed!

19.  We have more than enough

Be content.  Don’t fall victim to hyper-consumerism.  It will put you in a hole that you won’t like.  Recognize when you have enough.  Give generously.

20.  Appreciate nature

A good deal of the wonder and beauty in life is found in nature.  Spend time outdoors.  Take care of the environment.  Take time to appreciate all nature has to offer.

21.  Be persistent

Perseverance is one of the key characteristics of the successful.  Don’t give up too easily.  Stick with things until you conquer them.  Try and try again.

22.  Be practical and pragmatic

Stay grounded.  Look for solutions that work.  Solve problems for people and they will appreciate you.  Keep your head about you.  Be logical.

23.  She alone has authority over her body and life

Don’t let people push you around.  It is okay to be nice, but you also have to know when to put your foot down.  Draw the line when it is necessary.

24.  Ask yourself, “So, what can I do about it?”

This goes along with being practical.  Follow the wisdom in the Serenity Prayer.  It will decrease the stress in your life and increase your effectiveness.

25.  Your father will always, always, always love you!

I want her to know above all else that my love is unconditional.  I may not always like her behavior, but I will always love her.  She needs to understand this separation.

This is a big job, but I’m up for it because my daughters matter

I’m not  going to kid you.  Raising a daughter in today’s culture is a big job.  The stakes are high.  The opposition is fierce.

However, I will not give in.  I am drawing a line in the sand today.  I will be a father to my daughters.  I will fight for them.  I will live as an example.  This world and our society will not claim them as victims.

Time is wasting.  I’d better get busy!

What did I leave out?  What else do we need to be teaching our daughters?

Photo by DAHstra