Finding it difficult to live with the life of the party?

Extroverts are sometimes hard to understand.  Their actions and motivations can be so puzzling and counterintuitive to those of us that are introverts.

If you are an introvert that has an extrovert in your family or close to you, then this survival guide will help you see things from an extrovert’s perspective.  Understanding extroverts can be a tremendous aid in helping you to get along with your friendly party-goer.

Beginning to Understand Extroverts

Extroverts gain energy from socializing.  They are the most “on” when they are around a large group of people.  They feed off the energy and easily bounce from one conversation to another effortlessly making small talk along the way.  For an extrovert, it isn’t so much what they are doing as who they are with.  They love parties and being with others.  When they are feeling low, they’ll call friends to go out.

Extroverts generally have a lot of people that they refer to as “friends”.  They greatly value knowing a lot of people.  An extrovert will strike up a conversation just about anywhere.  Extroverts are very uninhibited about reaching out to others.  They’ll meet people at Starbucks, in the checkout line at the supermarket, at church and, of course, at parties.  They seem to live by the famous Will Rogers quote, “I never met a man I didn’t like.”

They are outgoing, talkative and generally love being the center of attention.  They come alive when the spotlight is on them.  They never want to leave a good party and find the action stimulating and addictive.

Extroverts tend to value breadth of experience over depth.  They will often bounce from one thing to the next.  This includes hobbies, interests, conversations, friendships and social events.  They just can’t get enough of life, but they don’t want to get bogged down in the details.  They want to see it all, do it all and talk to everyone.

They are often dreamers and visionaries.  They are constantly coming up with the next big idea.  However, they often lack follow-through.  They just can’t get buried in all the minutiae.  They would rather hand off the specifics to someone else and move on to the next thing that enthuses them.

Extroverts can be a lot of fun.  They are exciting, vivacious and full of energy (as long as they are surrounded by people).  They like to live life in the fast lane.  All of this adds up to relational trouble between introverts and extroverts.

Where the Problems Arise with Extroverts

For introverts that treasure solitude, quiet time and depth of experience, the extrovert can sometimes seem draining, overbearing and superficial.  Their social schedule is just too much for us.  Yes, we love how exciting extroverts can be, but ultimately we are easily worn out by their need to be with others and to connect.  We just want to go home, but the extrovert will have none of that.  They want to move on to the next place to see and be seen no matter what the hour.

Introverts will usually wind up feeling pressured and imposed upon if they are in a close relationship with an extrovert.  Introverts can only tolerate parties and social engagements for a limited time because these events drain them of energy.  If they are already tired or feeling low, then they will especially resist the extroverts prodding.  This can produce feelings of resentment and rejection on both sides.

Over time, the stark differences between introverts and extroverts can really add up.  Repeated fights, disagreements and misunderstandings will create a level of underlying tension that puts both sides on edge.  This can be a downward spiral that will ruin the relationship if you let it.

How to Survive the Extrovert

Overall, a little understanding can go a long way.  For the longest time, I struggled to get along with extroverts because I didn’t really recognize the differences in our needs.  Once I discovered that extroverts are just wired in a radically opposite way than I am, then it was much easier for me to accept them as they are and to accept myself too.

Knowing that you see the world differently and that neither of you are defective in some way is a relief that usually has an immediate positive impact on the relationship.  I used to feel that the extroverts in my life were just completely blind to my needs and in a way I was right.  They often see situations from such a totally opposite perspective that my view of the world, as an introvert, would never occur to them as a possibility even in their wildest dreams.

So, what is the best way to survive living in close relations with an extrovert?  I’d say that you need to do all you can to educate yourself and your social butterfly about the real differences between introverts and extroverts.  Talk it out, but do this when you are both calm and have plenty of time.  As you learn more about one another’s needs, then you’ll be able to come up with creative ways to cope.

Do you live with one of these opposites?  Have you learned to get along?  Share your experiences in the comments section of this article.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Do you understand the real differences between introverts and extraverts?

There is a lot of misunderstanding about these two personality types.  This leads to unnecessary interpersonal conflict in the home and at work.

Which are you an introvert or an extravert?  What are your children?  What is your spouse?  It is extremely important to know.  It can explain a lot about how you get along.

I’ve heard from several people saying, “Man, if I’d only understood our differences sooner.  I could have avoided so many fights.  It all makes perfect sense now.”  My hope is that I can help you avoid being one of these people looking back with regrets by shining a little light on this issue.

Introverts Are Not Weird Just Misunderstood

I am an introvert so I’m going to approach this subject from the angle I know the best.  Also, this approach makes sense because introverts are the ones most misunderstood in the current culture. 

I don’t think it will be a surprise to anyone when I say that our society embraces being an extravert as the desired way to be.  This is despite the fact that somewhere around half of all people are introverts.

Extraverts, I implore you, please learn to understand and accept us introverts. We are not weird, lacking personality or dysfunctional.  We are simply different from you.  Nobody did this to us.  We were born this way.  Our personalities are not stunted nor do we lack confidence.  We just interact with the world differently than you do.

There are a lot of misconceptions about us introverts and we’ve had to deal with this all our lives.  We’re not asking for any special consideration or status.  We just want you to stop thinking less of us because we are different.

Ways Extraverts Don’t Understand Introverts

There are several common misconceptions about introverts that I want to uncover today to help you understand us better.  Along the way, I’ll contrast this with the way extraverts approach life to help you gain some insight into how conflicts arise.

Here are some mistaken ideas about introverts:

1.  Introverts Are Antisocial

This is not true.  We definitely crave relationships and social interaction.  We just don’t need it in the same way as an extravert.  It all boils down to the primary difference between the two personality types.  You see, extraverts gain energy from interacting with other people.  They come alive and get energized at big parties that offer lots of opportunities to interact.  Introverts on the other hand expend energy in these group settings.  We recharge by being alone and enjoying some peace and quiet.  This big difference is exactly where a lot of friction occurs in relationships.

2.  Introverts Are Shy or Lack Confidence

Again, not true and once again I think this perception is derived directly from the key difference.  Extraverts assume we are shy or lack confidence simply because we don’t feel the need to interact with strangers like they do.  Introverts are not big on small talk.  We prefer to get to the heart of the matter.  We want to have a few close friends as opposed to a wide number of casual acquaintances.  Plus, engaging with people we don’t know very well is draining to us.  Therefore, we don’t want to do it all the time.  It doesn’t mean we can’t.  It just means we don’t want to unless we are well rested and in the mood.  This tends to make extraverts think we are shy.  A totally inaccurate perception.

3.  Introverts Are Less Successful

It is commonly thought that extraverts are more successful, but this really isn’t true either.  There are plenty of successful introverts out there.  So, if you have a child that you think is an introvert, please don’t try to change them because this will likely cause more harm than good.   

You can rest assured that being an introvert will not ruin someone’s life.  Johnny Carson and Jerry Seinfeld are both introverts.  Bill Gates is an introvert.  Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan are all introverts.  So was Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein.  These are some pretty successful people in my book.  Being one personality type versus another has nothing to do with how successful you become.  However, understanding and accepting yourself as you are is important.

4.  Introverts Are Boring

This one makes me chuckle.  Just because we aren’t the life of the party doesn’t mean we are boring.  We just prefer different types of entertainment.  Of course, what we like will probably seem a whole lot less interesting to extraverts.  Again, this is a point of contention.  Extraverts are going to want to do things where they can interact.  It isn’t so much what they are doing, but who they are doing it with.  Introverts will likely prefer solo adventures.  You can be bungee jumping off the highest bridge in the world, but it will lack something for an extravert if there isn’t a crowd around to enjoy it with them.

Introverts may enjoy things like piloting small planes, scuba diving, traveling, kayaking, biking and mountain climbing.  Extraverts may like these too, but probably for different reasons.  They’ll want to be in the associated clubs.  We’ll just mainly want to engage in the activity.

5.  Introverts Lack Intelligence and Creativity

Introverts are definitely smart people.  Did you read the list of introverted actors, actresses, comedians and scientists above?  There is plenty of evidence that this common misconception is completely false.  Introverts are often intense thinkers, but we’ll usually hold our ideas in until they are fully formed.  Also, we’ll likely prefer to run our suggestions by a few close colleagues first before we share with the group.

Because we are often quiet and sometimes bored in meetings, we get labeled as less capable or lacking creativity.  Again, we are just different.  We like to think things over.  We like to let things percolate in our minds and we like to gather our thoughts before we engage.

A Little Understanding Can Go a Long Way

The difference between introverts and extraverts is a scale.  You can be all the way on one side or the other or you can be right about in the middle.  No two people are exactly the same even if they identify more with the introverted personality type or the extraverted type.  Everyone is unique.  Therefore, while these generalizations can help, you still need to spend some time trying to understand the individuals in your life.  Use the things I’ve presented here as a place to start.  Talk it over.  A little understanding in this area can really go a long way toward solving some pretty big differences.

Are you an introvert or extravert?  Have you struggled with being misunderstood or have you had problems in your relationships due to these issues?  Please leave a comment and let us know.  Your contribution may very well help others.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

There is a lot of confusion and misinformation out there about these two natural tendencies.  Understanding the difference correctly can vastly improve one’s life, relationships and self-perception.

I know I have personally struggled with the way that I am.  I’ve grossly misunderstood myself and why I act the way I do for a good portion of my life.

I am an introvert.  There I said it.  It is out in the open now.  I’ve known this for a long time, but I didn’t really fully understand what it means.  I thought introversion was something negative, but it is not.

What I’ve learned about introversion and extroversion has really helped me.  I’ve developed a greater appreciation for both and this understanding has helped me to become more comfortable with myself and with all the crazy extroverts in this world. 

The Difference Between Introverts and Extroverts

Again, there is a lot of misunderstanding perpetuated via books, the web and television about what it means to be an introvert or extrovert.

I used to think that shyness is what made a person an introvert.  I knew that shyness was an undesirable trait so I really fought against thinking of myself in this way.  The thing is, I had it all wrong.

I recently read Introvert Power by Laurie Helgoe, PhD.  It was truly an eye-opening book. 

If you’ve struggled with self-doubt because of being an introvert, then I’d highly recommend you read it.  Also, if you suspect that maybe your spouse, child or close friend is an introvert, then again you could really learn some valuable information from this book.

For example, simply understanding the real difference between introverts and extroverts can make relationships much smoother.

Extroverts gain energy from interacting with other people and expend energy while reflecting.  That’s why they like to go to parties and constantly hang out with their friends.  Extroverts very seldom want to be left alone with their own thoughts.

On the other hand, introverts gain energy from being alone and reflecting.  They expend energy when interacting.  This is why introverts prefer solitary activities or smaller, more intimate gatherings.  We like to read a good book, spend time writing in our journals and just hang out at home.

Most of us have some introverted and some extroverted tendencies.  However, we generally have one orientation that we prefer and that fits us best.

The best way to decide if you are an introvert or extrovert is to look at your leisure time.  How do you prefer to spend it?  Do you relax and re-energize yourself by being alone or with others?

Where Conflicts Between Introverts and Extroverts Arise

Imagine an introvert married to an extrovert.  The extrovert loves to go out with friends and attend every party they can find.  It makes them feel alive and energized. 

They can’t understand why their introverted spouse just wants to stay at home.  They think, “What a stick in the mud!”  It gets really old having to beg him/her to go all the time.

Extroverts are very persuasive so oftentimes the introvert gives in and follows their spouse to the party.  It seems like the “right thing to do”.  They are married after all.  However, over time, the introvert starts to resent their extroverted partner for constantly dragging them to these events.

Once they are at the party, the extrovert disappears.  He/she loves to mingle and talk to everyone and doesn’t understand why they find their introverted mate alone on the couch an hour later.  They think their spouse doesn’t even try to make friends.

Before long, the introvert begins to feel like they’ve “done their duty” and wants to leave.  Of course, the extrovert thinks it is way too early to leave now.  The party is just getting started.  If the introvert persists, then the extrovert may leave, but only with a healthy dose of frustration brewing.

In the car, tensions erupt.  The extrovert can’t understand why the introvert is so boring and antisocial.  The introvert doesn’t get why they can’t just enjoy one another’s company.  They wonder, “Why does my spouse want to hang out with everyone but me?”

The Truth About Introverts and Extroverts

Have you ever experienced anything similar to the conflict above?  I’ve been there, done that and it sucks.  We live in a society here in America that assumes extroversion is the way to be.  When you don’t want to party with people, something must be awry.

Have you ever told an extroverted friend or spouse that you just want to stay home on a Friday night only to be asked, “What’s wrong?”  This same person might tell you that all you need is a good night out on the town to get you out of your doldrums.  This is the way our extroverted society thinks.

I’ve spent a good portion of my life wondering what is wrong with me because of our culture of extroversion.  I thought I was shy, anti-social, lacking self-confidence and just plain weird. 

The truth is that I’m an introvert.  I only want large-scale social interaction when my batteries are fully charged.  Otherwise, I just don’t have the energy.  Friday night after a long week at work is not the time to ask me to a party.

The funny thing about our society is that about half of us are introverts.  It is true.

You’ve probably read a much different statistic in the past, but Helgoe went straight to the source to discover the truth.  She found that 50.7 percent of us are introverts according to a large-scale population study published in the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) Manual.

This is truly astonishing to me!  Why have I always felt so much in the minority?  Half the population is just like me.  There are a lot more introverts than you would think.  This was a great relief to me and it helped me to more fully embrace the way I am.

Basically, I’m not as weird as I thought.  I’m simply different from what our society assumes.  This is the truth about me and it is about you too if you are a fellow introvert.

Being an Introvert Is a Good Thing

I can’t believe it has taken me this long in my life to figure out that being an introvert isn’t so bad and that it explains a great deal of my behavior that was previously a mystery.

Now I’m willing to go even one step further to say that I’m glad that I’m an introvert.

It’s true.  I’m moving beyond that old baggage and embracing my strengths as an introvert or my Introvert Power.

Here are some of the reasons that I think it is good to be an introvert:

• Introverts are the great thinkers, artists, inventors and problem-solvers in our world.  They spend a lot of time contemplating the whys and hows that make the world go round.  Without them, we would sacrifice a lot of the great discoveries and refinements in life.
• Introverts are willing to spend time working on themselves.  In fact, introverts relish in this kind of self-exploration.  They are very introspective and often invest heavily in their own well-being.
• Introverts are smart.  One university found that 65% of their Phi Beta Kappa Honor Students were introverts.
• Introverts are great conversationalists.  They love to delve deep into noteworthy subjects.  Leave the small talk to the extroverts.  We want meat in our conversations!

It really is great to be an introvert.  I found Laurie Helgoe’s book extremely enlightening.  As a fellow introvert she was really able to help me unpack all the stereotypes and misinformation about introversion.  If you’ve felt like a second-class citizen because you’re an introvert, then you absolutely need to read this book.

Photo by Felix Francis

Sometimes even the best life plans can derail.  Even though we thought we were on the right track, somehow things don’t always wind up like we envisioned.

This can be discouraging and may even leave us somewhat disillusioned, but don’t give up!  There is still time to get your life plan rolling down the line toward your dreams.  You probably just need to spend a little time diagnosing where things went wrong.

Has Your Life Plan Gotten Off-Track?

Here are some common pitfalls you may want to consider in figuring out where things went awry.  It is likely that one of these will help you pick up steam again toward your goals.

1.  Do you have limiting or faulty beliefs holding you back?

As Jonathan points out in Are Your Beliefs Assets or Liabilities?, we often adopt incorrect or inaccurate thoughts about ourselves or our situation based on a few negative experiences.  These generalizations can severely limit our ability to accomplish our dreams. 

For instance, based on a little criticism we might have started believing we aren’t creative thinkers or that we aren’t good at math or that we can’t sing well enough to be a star.  Whatever your dream, examine your beliefs around your abilities to achieve it and see if something is holding you back.  Let go of the lies and you will soar!

2.  Are you following some inaccurate advice that limits your progress?

Sometimes we are just pursuing the wrong strategy to achieve our goals.  In The Last Monkey Jumping, Stephen illustrates how we might get misled into believing certain actions will produce the results we want.  Some people deemed gurus by our media, just got lucky once and then suddenly were crowned experts.

Take some time to verify the strategy you are pursuing is sound.  If you haven’t gotten it right, maybe it isn’t the way for you to go.  You might find more success via another route.  Back up and take another shot using a different approach!

3.  Have you really fully committed yourself to your life plan?

We often wander from one day to the next without really sticking to our plan.  Would an outside observer know without a doubt what you are trying to accomplish from watching your actions?  If not, then maybe you haven’t fully committed yourself to your life plan.

There are several reasons you might be holding back.  Run through the list Alex put together at 7 Things We Already Know About Our Lives to see if it helps you isolate what’s keeping you from putting your whole self into achieving your dream.  Get onboard and you’ll fly farther than ever before!

4.  Do you have a personality trait that is getting in the way?

Occasionally, we can be our own worst enemies.  It is usually very tough to admit it when one of our habits or personality traits is getting in the way of our success, but honest self-evaluation is crucial to getting the most from life.  After all, wouldn’t you rather own up to the issue and get past it so you can realize your dream?

You may need to redesign certain aspects of your personality to go farther in life.  Glen has laid out a great way to do this in Personality Development: Be Who You Want to Be.  His technique will have you back on track in no time!

Get going and live the life of your dreams!

You can accomplish all you’ve ever imagined!  It is possible.  Believe it.  Convince yourself first and the world will follow.  I hope these suggestions help you to get things headed in the direction you want.  Let me know about your success!

What’s holding you back from living life to the fullest?

Photo by woodleywonderworks