Those that stay calm under pressure perform the best.  They make the best decisions and therefore achieve the most success.

Our world is full of reasons to worry and panic.  However, neither of these mental states help one to survive and thrive in life.

It is therefore key that we identify and embrace ways to be calm.

Quick Ways to Be Calm Again

Staying calm in a fast-paced, hectic world can be difficult.  Knowing some commonsense, easy-to-use strategies for calming yourself mentally and physically can do wonders.

Here are five tried and true ways to be calm:

1.  Four Square Breathing

You might recall your mother telling you to take a deep breath and calm down.  Well, mothers really do know best!  Deep breathing is an excellent way to mitigate stress.  A simple deep breathing technique to use is called the four square exercise.  You can use it to induce a state of meditation or to just grab a few moments of peace in a hectic day.  Here is how it works:

1. Take a deep breath, inhaling for four seconds.
2. Hold the breath for four seconds.
3. Slowly release the breath, exhaling for four seconds.
4. Wait four seconds and then inhale again.

2.  Take a Solitude Break

I don’t know about you, but I can get overstimulated pretty easily when I’m surrounded by people.  When I feel this start to happen, I take a solitude break.  I find a place where I can be alone for a few minutes to center myself and maybe take a few deep breaths of fresh air. 

Just five minutes of solitude can do wonders for my state of mind.  It helps me to relax and clear my head.  Our world is full of noise and distractions that are constantly bombarding us.  Getting away to a place where you can be alone and still is a fantastic way to calm down.

3.  Go for a Brisk Walk Outside

The outdoors always seems to having a calming effect on me.  Also, a brisk walk will stimulate the release of endorphins in your body which have a natural comforting effect. 

The next time you feel anxious or overwhelmed, go for a 30-minute fast-paced walk around your neighborhood.  You might be amazed at how peaceful you feel afterward.  Also, while your outside take some time to look at your wonderful surroundings to help get your mind off your worries.  Look at the beautiful sky above you and the trees swaying in the breeze.  All of this will enhance the calming effect of your walk.

4.  Get a Mini Massage

A good massage will release the tension stored in your muscles.  This will help you to calm down.  Also, some studies have shown that a massage induces the release of serotonin which has been shown to increase feelings of well-being.

You don’t have to spend a ton of money or time on a massage.  Getting your spouse or a friend to rub your neck and shoulders for 5 to 10 minutes can do wonders for your state of mind.  The break this creates in your day and the human touch will combine to create a powerful calming effect.

5.  Add Positive Inputs

If you regularly feel anxious, worried and stressed, then examine what influences you are feeding your mind.  For example, you may be watching or reading the news too frequently.  The “bad” news of shootings, economic trouble and political strife can have a greater influence than you think.  Eliminate these sources of trouble and add positive inputs.

You may want to find some encouraging and inspirational sources of information for your brain to chew on instead.  You could read a good book that has a positive message or listen to an uplifting podcast.  These types of activities always seem to help me to maintain a calm state of mind.

Find the Ways to Be Calm that Work for You

Finding the right combination of techniques that keep you calm will take a bit of experimenting.  However, the suggestions above will likely get you started on the right track.  A calm mind is one that performs better and reaches more sound decisions.

Photo by Grand Velas Resort

Fantastic quotes to guide us in handling pressure

Our ability to handle pressure is determined in our attitude toward it.  Getting our thinking about pressure straight will help us to hold up even in the most difficult of times.

1.  Pressure refines us like gold and makes us stronger

“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure”
~ Peter Marshall

I have certainly been guilty of longing for a life without difficulties and pressure.  I have wished that certain situations would just go away.  Of course, they don’t at least not immediately.  Not until I have learned the lesson I needed to learn from it.

In the middle of the struggle it is hard to accept that the pressure we are feeling is shaping us into something bigger and stronger.  However, this is how life works.  We have to remind ourselves to bend, but not to break in these difficult times.  Fighting the pressure is often what pushes us to the brink.

2.  Recognize the difference between internal and external pressure

“The only pressure I’m under is the pressure I’ve put on myself.”
~ Mark Messier

I don’t know about you, but I put a lot of pressure on myself in certain situations.  Please don’t misunderstand.  There are external circumstances that create pressure.  However, there are also times when the pressure mostly comes from within.

Where is your pressure coming from?  Is all of it external?  Learn to let yourself off the hook.  This is where the Serenity Prayer is especially useful.

3.  The worst case scenario is usually not as bad as we imagine

“In the game of life it’s a good idea to have a few early losses, which relives you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.”
~ Lee Trevino

I usually build things up in my mind to an exaggerated state.  I imagine all kinds of terrible outcomes.  None of which come to pass.  In reality, the worst that happens is usually not that hard to handle. 

A failure or setback from time-to-time teaches us a lesson and reminds us that we can deal with it.  If you aren’t failing once in awhile, then you probably aren’t undertaking big enough endeavors.  Don’t be so afraid to fail!

Handling pressure is possible with the right attitude

The quotes above won’t make a stressful situation go away completely, but if we let their wisdom sink in, we will improve our ability to handle pressure.  We have to learn to let go of the things we cannot control.  Fighting back against the pressures of life is futile.  We must learn to be more flexible and go with the flow to cope the best way possible.

Photo by Orin Optiglot

1.  Breathe continuously.

This is probably one of the most important things to do as a scuba diver.  Breath is life.  Obviously, while diving and otherwise, we need to breathe to live, but continuous breathing helps to protect a diver’s lungs as the volume of air changes with depth underwater due to changes in pressure. 

Air compresses and expands as you descend and ascend in the water.  If you hold your breath while ascending, you could over expand your lungs causing a serious injury.  Scuba divers avoid this by simply breathing continuously.

In life, we also pass through different situations where the pressure varies greatly.  Sometimes, we experience significant stress at work and at home.  We go through things that we wished we didn’t have to endure. 

The only thing you can do is keep breathing.  You just have to believe that "this too shall pass".  Breathing is symbolic of staying calm and centered.  It is the most basic of our needs.  As long as we are breathing, then we live to fight another day.

2.  Use the buddy system.

In diving, you always want to have a buddy along.  You need a buddy to assist you through all phases of a dive.  Before you dive, you perform a buddy check to verify each other’s scuba gear is set up and functioning properly.

Circumstances can arise while in the water that you cannot resolve on your own.    Your buddy is there to help.  He even serves as your backup air supply should you run out of air or experience a severe malfunction.  Having a buddy along underwater is indispensable and it is just more fun to dive with a companion.

Again, as in diving, so it is in life.  We need friends, family and spouses by our side to help us deal with the difficulties of life and to celebrate the good times with us.  Life is just a much richer experience when we are regularly surrounded with those we love and that love us.

Loved ones keep an eye on us.  They let us know when something in our life is going wrong.  They are there to pick us up and dust us off when we fall.  They tell us we are special and the good ones throw us parties on special occasions!  We all need a buddy or two or three or ten!

3.  Avoid entanglements.

Becoming entangled underwater is a serious problem for a number of reasons.  First, you only have a certain amount of air.  Second, you risk decompression sickness or "the bends" if you stay underwater too long.  Third, it can cause you to panic and do something really stupid.

Divers are cautious to avoid entanglements.  It is prudent to stay clear of heavy  vegetation.  You also need to stay out of underwater caves and sunken vessels without knowledge of these spaces.

Entanglements are equally dangerous in day-to-day living.  When we stray off the high road, we can wind up with a mess on our hands.  From experience, I have found that many of the moral and ethical rules to live by are designed to keep us out of such traps.

Several things that are widely accepted as "normal" behavior today lead to complications in life.  Things like premarital sex, debt, and divorce were once considered taboo, but now are commonplace.  Of course, these things often lead to entanglements that suck the joy out of living.  We should avoid entanglements to minimize the craziness in our life and maximize our fulfillment.

4.  Know your limits.

In order to stay out of trouble while diving, it is imperative that you know your limits and avoid exceeding them.  You have limited air and a limited amount of time that you can stay underwater without risking decompression sickness.  You have to plan and execute your dive accordingly.

In addition, every diver has limited experience.  No one has been diving at every possible dive site.  Getting cocky and believing that you know it all is dangerous.  This is usually where problems occur. 

In life, we also have to know our limits.  Just about anything done in excess becomes bad.  Take work as an example.  We need to recognize when we are working too hard or too much.  It is important to maintain balance in our life.  Otherwise, we can burn ourselves out and risk hurting our relationships.

We need a plan and some goals to get the most out of life.  We have to keep our behavior in check and avoid becoming overconfident.  We should always have a safety buffer built into life to protect us when things take an unexpected turn.  Knowing your limits and staying within them will enable you to live a rich life!

5.  Have fun!

Scuba diving can be a lot of fun.  The underwater world is full of sights and adventures that you cannot find anywhere else.  The whole point in diving is to have fun and enjoy exploring the wonder found in our oceans and other bodies of water.

I’m just starting out, but I hear that there is also a strong sense of camaraderie among divers.  This just adds to the enjoyment.  It is always more fun when you can share common experiences with others that also have a passion for diving.

Over the years, I’ve learned that although it is great to work hard to try to achieve goals, it is also important to have fun.  You have to take time out in life to enjoy all that you have accomplished.  We get so caught up in trying to get more, we sometimes fail to enjoy what we have.

I do not want to get to the end of my life and realize that I failed to have fun.  So, while we want to be smart about living life, we also want to go out and be crazy once in awhile.  Smile and laugh often.  Surround yourself with others that are happy and fun to be with.  Fun is contagious.  Go catch some!

Get the most out of life and diving!

The "rules" often are designed to help us enjoy ourselves and avoid problems.  This is true in diving as well as in life.  It doesn’t have to be complicated.  We tend to make things that way ourselves.  If we observe some basic guidelines, we can save ourselves a lot of trouble.  Now go out there, have fun, and be safe!

What "rules" do you live by to have fun and excel?

Photos by Franie Frou Frou and SteelCityHobbies and Larsz

Great post! You really dug deep to define the meaning of a true apology. What was really interesting was how you mentioned not to apologize until you truly feel sorry.

On multiple occasions I have seen people apologize due to pressure from their friends/family circle, even if they truly didn’t feel sorry. Eventually, leading to greater conflict down the road. What would be an ideal way to handle a situation like this?  ~Bobby Saini

This is certainly a tricky situation.  You are sort of caught between a rock and a hard place.  We all want to please our friends and family to avoid creating an additional issue with them.  However, apologizing before one really feels sorry is hard to pull off.  You may come across as insincere.  A bad apology can worsen the situation.  It may even prolong the time before a reconciliation can be achieved.

The relationship factor adds complexity

This question brings to light a powerful point.  We are all interconnected.  Relationships do not exist in a vacuum.  When we experience conflict with another individual, it usually impacts more than just the two people involved.  These situations frequently arise between people with common friends or family.  The friends or family hear of the discord and become concerned.  They want to help repair the relationship.  They know that a good apology will usually fix things.  It is only natural for them, out of their concern, to recommend apologizing to one or both parties. 

However, what friends and family usually discount is the emotions involved.  Those that aren’t directly involved in the situation are looking at it from a logical standpoint.  They aren’t experiencing the powerful emotions involved when two people are at odds with one another.  They often don’t understand the reluctance to apologize.  They just want the conflict to be over.  They exert their influence to try to hasten a return to peace.

How I would handle the pressure to apologize.

First, let me say that I am no expert in the field of human relationships.  Of course, I do have a lot of experience with apologizing.    I’m not sure if that helps or hurts my credibility, but either way, I’m still going to share my thoughts on how I would handle this situation.

Even though I know it is difficult, I would still resist the temptation to apologize before I was truly ready.  I would try to explain to my friends or family that although an apology may be due, I was not ready yet.  I know that the pressure may intensify, but I am pretty sure that waiting until I know I am ready is the best course of action.  I have a hard time hiding my feelings when I’m upset.  I would not want this to come through in any way when I render an apology.  Therefore, I could stick pretty tightly to my conviction on this. 

Of course, while I was waiting, I would continue to keep the lines of communication open with my friends and family to let them know that I was not simply ignoring their advice.  I would update them regularly on my feelings and seek their continued advice.  Hopefully, by keeping them involved, I would avoid any conflict with them.

What would your recommendation be in this situation?

How would recommend handling this situation?  What have I missed?  I hope you will help me make some additional suggestions so we can all learn how to better handle this situation in the future.  Please share any experiences you have had that might shed light on how this type of pressure to apologize can be dealt with more effectively.

Photo by Ed Yourdon