This is a guest post by Barry Demp.

No one undertakes a journey alone. We cannot succeed without the help of others.

Rich relationships lead to greater success – period. Our relationships help us reach our fullest potential, in both our professional and our personal lives.

Improved relationships can increase profits, reduce turnover, improve customer satisfaction, and increase your chances of getting promoted.

Divorce rates are dramatically lower when both husband and wife have excellent relationship skills. People with strong relationships tend to be much happier, too.

Here are seven ways to build stronger relationships right now:

#1: When Listening, Be Fully Present

Listening draws people to you. It lets you show that you value them and what they have to offer.

During a conversation, look at the speaker and make good eye contact. Ask open-ended questions and show your interest; when you ask for someone’s wisdom, advice, or experience, you’re creating the foundation for a potential relationship.

Don’t interrupt: silence gives others the opportunity to fully express themselves. Allow others to finish explaining their point of view before offering your own.

#2: Show Appreciation for Others

Value the people around you. Keep your promises, and focus on others, rather than on yourself.

Try to see the world from the other person’s perspective and appreciate your differences, instead of casting them in your own image. Ask yourself how you’d feel, in their position.

When you’re working with clients, create an optimistic and enthusiastic environment. Your company will get a reputation for good customer service if you can ensure that your clients feel good about working with you.

#3: Be Loyal and Have Integrity

Stick to your moral principles. Don’t betray confidences, gossip or criticize. Your actions and behavior demonstrate your integrity to others.

Go the extra mile for your organization, whether or not your boss is watching. And stay the course even when the going gets tough.

Take responsibility for any negative relationships, by recognizing the part you may have played in causing the current situation. Let others know that you’ll work with them towards a better outcome.

#4: Help Others to Grow

Emphasize people’s strengths, instead of pointing out their weaknesses. By believing in their potential and having faith in them, you help them think more highly of themselves. Expect the best and they’ll live up to your expectations.

Look for opportunities to praise others. Recognize them for their good qualities and their accomplishments; take time to show your appreciation.

#5: Treat Your Relationships Carefully

Avoid getting angry. If you do feel angry, count to ten, sleep on it, and consider the consequences. If someone wrongs you, be forgiving (my wife says that the inability to forgive is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies).

If you insult someone or yell at them, it’s like releasing poison into the air. This sort of behavior is toxic to relationship-building.

#6: Network Effectively and Regularly

Effective networking can turn strangers into friends and build a world full of people who will take our calls, give us their time, and answer our questions.

Make a habit of learning and remembering names: a person’s name is the friendliest word in the world. During conversations, use “please” and “thank you” often, and avoid generalizations like “always” and “never”.

#7: Gain the Trust of Others

Be consistent and do what you say you will do. This lets others know that they can depend on you.

Keep conversations confidential: that way, your colleagues, clients and friends will feel safe when sharing personal information or discussing difficult issues.

Remember that body language influences relationships. Smile, make eye contact, lean forwards, stand or sit up straight, and avoid crossing your arms.

Strengthen Your Relationships

These are just seven ways to establish strong new connections and to build on current ones. Try some of them out this week, and watch your relationships grow.

About the Author

Barry Demp is a highly-experienced Business and Personal coach based in Michigan. He is author of three short workbooks, including Masterful Relationships, which goes into more depth on the areas covered in this post. You can find out more and get your copy of Masterful Relationships here.

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Want to make certain your Valentine’s Day goes off without a hitch?

Valentine’s Day is bristling with pressure.  The burden to make everything just right, often leads to disaster. 

You see, all the build-up creates tension.  On the big day, this does not translate well or as desired.

A Valentine’s Day disaster is incredibly unfortunate.  After all, this is the day we are supposed to be celebrating our love, not fighting about details or unmet expectations.  I want to save you from the regret, hurt feelings and awkward week that follows a bad Valentine’s Day experience.

Advice for Avoiding a Valentine’s Day Disaster

Let me be 100% honest.  I’m not the smoothest operator myself when it comes to romance and Valentine’s Day.  Therefore, I’ve turned to some experts on marriage, relationships and sex to help us all avoid the pitfalls of love when the pressure is on.

Here are three tips to help you enjoy and relax on Valentine’s Day:

1.  Please Check Your Expectations

Valentine’s Day generates over-inflated expectations.  Disaster lurks behind these sky-high anticipations.  It is all a big set up that will come crashing down on your head if you don’t come back down to earth.  Television, movies and magazines lead us to believe that everyone is so over-the-top romantic and perfect in all they do.

“The downside to expectations (the trap they set for us) is when they are not realistic and we use them to judge our sweeties or try to get them to be someone they are not,” warns the Generous Wife speaking about Valentines Expectations.  “These are real people we are dealing with and, if we’ll be honest, they are rather a whole ‘nother animal. Let’s love them for who they are and be clear (and realistic) about what we ask of them.”

This advice is right on target for men and women.  All of us can get the wrong, hyper-inflated expectations in our heads.  Men might have completely different expectations than women when it comes to Valentine’s, but both can be way off the mark and totally unrealistic. 

Save yourself from this trap.  Instead of holding onto impractical, exaggerated expectations, celebrate your love by focusing on one another instead of all the hype.  Discuss it beforehand – to be sure both parties have the same expectations – and agree on exactly how you should celebrate.  As a bonus, here are 50 Simple Acts of Love that will help you make things romantic without getting crazy.

2.  Plan a Date that You Both Will Enjoy

Once you are sure your expectations are compatible, then together you can plan a date to celebrate your success as a couple.  Of course, this is often fraught with its own complications.

“Where do you want to go?”  Isn’t this the dreaded question?  “I don’t know wherever you want is fine,” is usually the response around my house.  An enjoyable and relaxing Valentine’s Day requires a plan.  It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it should be preconceived and agreed upon to avoid a disaster.

Restaurants and other typical venues are generally cram packed on Valentine’s Day.  Personally, I try to avoid these anyway because they are the standard and boring thing to do.  If you want a memorable night, then you want to get a little creative.

I’d recommend checking out the 20 Awesome Date Ideas for Free offered by Dustin at Engaged Marriage.  This is a nice little resource that can inspire you with some new ideas.

Going out is great, but don’t lose sight of the real reason for the night.  It is all about celebrating your togetherness.  You don’t have to fly to Paris and sip wine in front of the Eiffel Tower to enjoy yourself.  Often a private, low-key evening where you can focus on one another instead of fighting crowds will be just as special – assuming you plan it and see eye-to-eye on it.

3.  What If I’m Not in the Mood for You Know What?

One common expectation – especially for men, but sometimes for women as well – is that the day is going to end with a big performance in the bedroom.  But, what if you are simply not in the mood?  Does this mean that your day is doomed to disaster?  Not necessarily, if you deal with it.

First, if this is a common occurrence for you, I’d definitely recommend reading How to Have Great Sex When You’re Not in the Mood over at Simple Marriage.  In it, you will find advice to help you get your mind straight about sex, deal with interferences, master your energy and start enjoying intimacy with your mate again.  Good stuff, right?

Also, if you know that your sweetheart is likely going to expect sex and you deeply want to please your valentine, then prepare for it.  Being in the mood has a lot to do with how you handle your thoughts and energy prior to the big evening.  Intentionally reserve some of yourself so you aren’t too tired.  Listen to some of the greatest romantic songs to get in the mood.  Recall past favorable nights of physical intimacy to stoke your desire.  Mentally and physically build yourself up for it.

If you still think you cannot meet the expectation, then talk about it before the moment of truth.  Be honest with your partner and promise to make it up to them later.  Set a specific date and make commitments about what you will do for them to repay them for their patience.  This will likely buy you the time and understanding you need to avoid a disaster.

Have a Happy and Enjoyable Valentine’s Day

As you’ve probably noticed, a big part of avoiding a Valentine’s Day disaster is open and honest communication with your mate.  If you talk it out in advance, you can usually avoid a big letdown.  However, sometimes even the best laid plans end in adversity.  If your Valentine’s Day takes a turn for the worse, then you might want to check out these 11 Ways to Make Your Apologies More Meaningful and Effective.  Enjoy!

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Why does a daughter need a good dad?

Fathers have a tremendous influence in their daughter’s lives.  The research shows that daughters need their fathers and this influence determines a great deal of how the future will go.

There is something special about the father/daughter relationship.  I am the daddy of two very awesome little girls so I have firsthand experience and a keen appreciation for this subject.

I want my daughters to have the best start in life possible.  The responsibility I feel is weighty especially after I read the information below about how crucial a father’s role really is.

The Reasons Daughters Need Their Fathers

One of my most popular articles is 25 Things Every Father Must Teach His Daughter About Life. 

I was inspired to put it together after I read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker, M.D.  Dr. Meeker is a pediatrician.  She has seen what a father’s influence means in the lives of girls from the counseling she’s done in her practice.  If you are a daddy of girls, then you need to read this book.  It should be mandatory for all fathers with daughters.

I’m going to borrow some of Dr. Meeker’s stuff today to help you see why fathers are so important to the future success and happiness of their daughters.

Here are three reasons daughters need their fathers:

1.  Your Daughter Needs Your Protection

Protection comes in many forms.  Of course, when girls are young, they need us to protect them physically.  However, as they grow up and venture out on their own, we can’t always be right there with them.  But, we can still protect them by instilling in them confidence, wisdom and a sense that they are loved deeply by the most important man in their lives.  You see, whether you want to admit it or not, our culture can sometimes be a very toxic and dangerous place for young women.  Here are just a few of the disturbing statistics that Dr. Meeker cites in her book:

• Over 40% of girls 14 to 17 years old engage in unwanted sex because they fear their boyfriends will get angry if they don’t.  That’s 4 out of 10!
• Almost 12% of females will experience forced intercourse.
• Over 35% of high school girls will have sad, hopeless feelings for longer than two weeks.
• Over 11% of females attempt suicide.

Don’t let your daughter become a statistic!  A strong father can dramatically improve his daughter’s chances of avoiding these pitfalls and many others.  Daughters who feel a close connection with their dad have fewer suicide attempts, fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse and unhealthy weight.  Your daughter needs you to protect her from these threats.

2.  Your Daughter Needs to Know She Is Loved

A father’s love is central to a daughter’s sense of well-being.  A strong and loving father helps young girls avoid many of the mistakes that lead to the bigger problems in life.  According to Dr. Meeker:

• A daughter’s self-esteem is best predicted by her father’s physical affection.
• Girls with good fathers are less likely to flaunt themselves to seek male attention.
• Girls with involved fathers wait longer to initiate sex and have lower rates of teen pregnancy.
• 76% of teen girls said that their father influenced their decisions on whether they should become sexually active.

A father who sets boundaries and curfews and makes a point of meeting the boys his daughter dates, makes her feel more loved and valued.  As a result, this young woman will place more value on herself.  A girl who places more value on herself is less likely to engage in risky behaviors such as casual sex, binge-drinking and taking drugs.  So, even though she might not appear to like it on the outside, deep down inside, your daughter wants you to set boundaries and provide guidance.  This makes her feel that you care about her.

3.  Your Daughter Needs You to Be Involved

It is not enough for a father to just be present.  He must be actively involved. This requires spending time alone with your daughter on a regular basis.  Time that you initiate and devote to her alone.  You have to talk to her.  “One of the great myths that our society perpetuates is that teenagers need their space,” says Dr. Meeker.

“Even in affluent families, girls become sexually active and pregnant earlier if they don’t live with fathers, according to the largest and longest-term study on the problem,” cited an article in USA Today.

You need to affirm your daughter verbally and often.  Tell her that you love her and that she is pretty, but don’t stop there.  Praise her for other desirable qualities like intelligence, courage, loyalty, integrity, a sense of humor and generosity.  You want her to know that she’s valued for much more than just her physical appearance.

Get involved in things that she likes.  This may be a little uncomfortable for some dads, but you’ve got to put all that aside and do what’s best for your daughter.  She needs to know that she’s important to you and that you’re willing to engage with her on her terms.  Personally, I’ve Learned a Lot from Playing Barbies with my daughters and you can too.

An involved dad that is affectionate and spends quality one-on-one time with his daughter is investing in her future.  This investment will pay off in big ways.

Be the Father Your Daughter Needs

I challenge the fathers out there to rise up be the kind of daddy that your daughter needs.  Her future depends on you.  There is nothing more important that you can be doing.  There is time for all the other stuff later, but your daughter needs you now.  Go be the father she needs.

Please share this via Facebook, Twitter, email or your favorite social media site.  My hope is that it will inspire a father to step up and get involved in his daughter’s life. 

It can make all the difference in the world!

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Want to create a lasting marriage?

Making a marriage that lasts “until death do us part” is a challenging proposition. 

There are a lot of obstacles that come up over the course of a lifetime that can derail even the happiest of couples.

So, what makes a marriage last?  This is an important question to ponder if you want your union to stand the test of time.  I’ve gone on a search for the answers to this very question and today I’m going to share what I’ve come up with.

The Facts About Lasting Marriages

Not surprisingly, there is a lot of conjecture out there about what truly makes marriages last.  You’ve seen the interviews with couples that are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversaries.  They get asked, “How have you stayed married for so long?”  The answers are always pretty subjective at best.  For example, you hear things like, “We just never fight.”  Really?!?  Are you both just floor mats continually submissive to the other’s opinion?  I have a hard time believing answers like this.

Regular couples get mad at each other.  They fight.  They argue.  They disagree.  This is natural.  It is to be expected in marriage.  Life is not a fairy tale.  However, just because you have a fight, it doesn’t mean that you are heading toward divorce or that your marriage is even in trouble.

The facts about what makes marriages last and what makes them fall apart are probably a bit different than what you hear on the six o’clock news.

Here’s what I discovered about what makes marriages last:

1.  Pick the Right Person for You

People sometimes get swept into marrying the wrong person.  This generally happens in one of two ways:

• Whirlwind Romances – When courtships are brief and romance is high, people can enter marriages with rose-colored glasses.  Their criteria for choosing their mate is often too shallow or short-sighted.  They are blinded by “love”.  Take your time.  Courtships that last 2 or 3 years generally produce more lasting marriages.
• Caught Up in the Process – Despite some warning signs, people sometimes feel they are just too far along in the process of getting married to stop for further evaluation.  They dismiss too many incompatibilities as symptoms of “cold feet”.  They simply feel they can’t stop the runaway train they are on.  This is a mistake.  Slowing things down can help you to avoid a disaster.  It is better to stop the process now than to have to endure a divorce later.

Marrying the right person is probably the most important determinant for whether your union will last.  Therefore, you want to take your time and be sure you get it right.  There are never enough good reasons to hurry things along.  A mistake here will likely cost you big time down the road.

2.  Maintain that Lovin’ Feeling

Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Texas at Austin, has done some very interesting research into what makes marriages last.  His studies, “showed that loss of initial levels of love and affection, rather than conflict, was the most salient predictor of distress and divorce.”  In other words, it is important that you do your best to maintain some of those “lovin’ feelings” that are present early on in a romantic relationship.  Obviously, the intensity is going to diminish with time (no one can maintain that level forever), but preserving as many of the positive feelings as possible will go a long ways toward making your marriage last.

3.  Research the Family History

Believe it or not, a person’s family can tell you a lot about whether or not they will become a lifelong spouse.  Studies have shown that children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to get divorced themselves later in life.  Also, brides that have a poor relationship with their fathers are more likely to get divorced from their husband.  However, a groom’s relationship to his parents doesn’t seem to impact his odds of staying married.  Of course, none of this seals ones fate, these are simply indicators.  If these are present in your relationship, then you may want to do some more research to find out how to overcome these obstacles.

4.  Check Their EQ

Another factor you want to consider is your mate’s emotional intelligence quotient or EQ.  John Gottman, Ph.D. in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work says he can predict divorce with 91% accuracy.  Gottman has discovered that:

Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.

Most of us commonly think of emotional intelligence simply as maturity.  A mature, emotionally intelligent adult controls their thoughts and doesn’t let their emotions (or the emotions of others) control them.  They are cognizant of swings in their moods.  Generally, they are more stable because they perceive, use,  understand and manage their emotions in a healthier, more productive manner.  This translates into being a better spouse.  A high EQ is very desirable in a potential mate and can certainly be a key factor in whether or not a relationship stands the test of time.

Your Marriage Can Last

Finally, I just want to say that marriages of all shapes and sizes last.  You hear a lot about divorce and other marital failures, but what you don’t hear is that many marriages last.  The factors above are some good things to consider, especially if you aren’t married yet.  But, just because you have a few of these things going against you doesn’t mean that your marriage is doomed.  You may just need to work a little harder in certain areas.  The facts above will help you pinpoint what might be wrong and show you where you can make adjustments so you can live happily together for years to come.

If you are experiencing issues in your marriage, then you might want to check out a couple resources I recommend to help you make your marriage the fulfilling relationship you want it to be.  These courses are very insightful and can certainly get you and your spouse back on the same page again.  Click here for ways to improve your marriage.

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Meeting people is a fantastic way to open the door to all kinds of new and interesting experiences in your life.

Have you been feeling bored?  If so, then it is time to go out and make a new acquaintance.

You just never know where it will lead.  Of course, for this to bear any fruit, you have to be able to build rapport with ease or else you’ll be wasting your time.

Five Quick, Sure-Fire Ways to Establish Rapport

Rapport is the feeling that you like and are compatible with someone.  There is a certain trust that comes your way once you build rapport with another human being.  Establishing rapport is often the first step in developing a friendship or other more meaningful relationship.

New acquaintances are the pathways to all kinds of opportunities and adventures in your life.  You just never know where it will lead.

Here are five great ways to quickly establish rapport:

1.  Smile Genuinely

A warm and genuine smile is the easiest way to put another person at ease.  A large portion of communication is nonverbal and a smile is a key indicator that you are friendly.  Be careful though because people can detect fake smiles and they will subconsciously be on-guard if you appear to be less than sincere.

2.  Ask a Question about a Common Interest

People naturally relax when they are talking about something they know about and asking a question is the simplest way to make this happen.  Asking about a common interest makes it easier for you to listen attentively.  This relieves awkward silences and makes the other person feel a connection with you.  Smooth, two-way communication is a key factor in quickly establishing rapport with another.

3.  Make Eye Contact (but not too much)

Look your new acquaintance in the eye and hold it for a few moments, but then look away.  It is commonly thought that someone that won’t look you in the eye is not trustworthy.  You want to appear confident and authentic to your new acquaintance and looking someone in the eyes will do this for you.  Eye contact can also say that you are attracted to someone.  However, don’t overdo it.  Too much eye contact too soon can give someone the creeps.

4.  Use a Little Humor

Lightening up the mood and letting your new acquaintance know you can be funny is often a great way to establish rapport.  Men and women rank a good sense of humor very high in terms of attributes that they find attractive.  Of course, you want it to seem natural and not forced.  Also, you want to stay away from any comments that might be perceived to be in poor taste or indecent.  Make them genuinely laugh and you are almost sure to sway them over to your side.

5.  Don’t Rush Things and Don’t Go Too Slow

You need to tune into the pace of conversation and interaction that is comfortable with your new acquaintance.  You don’t want to appear to be pushing things along faster than what is comfortable.  This can feel unnatural to them and will make them back off.  However, you also don’t want to go too slow.  Some people are more social than others and will let down their guard sooner.  You’ve got to be willing to adjust to their pace or they will either get bored with you or feel you are coming on too strong.  Either way it could be a deal-killer so, be sure and match their pace.

Establish Rapport and New Opportunities Will Abound

Again, I can’t think of any better way to liven up your life and find a wealth of opportunities than meeting someone new.  If you are aware of the techniques above for building rapport quickly, your efforts will surely payoff.  It just takes a little practice and you’ll be well on your way to finding all kinds of new people that you can call friends.

How do you build rapport with others?  What turns you off and makes you walk away from a new acquaintance?  Leave a comment on this post and let me know.

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Do you appreciate the good things about marriage?

It seems that in some circles today that marriage gets a bad rap.  Well, I’m here to tell you that there are a lot of good things about marriage.  I should know.  I’ve been happily married for almost 20 years.

I think it is easy to underappreciate the alliance formed when a man and a woman pledge their love for one another in holy matrimony.

Maybe we need a reminder of just how valuable and attractive marriage can be.

Here are 10 good things about marriage that might get easily overlooked:

1.  Someone to Come Home to Every Night

Like a lot of introverts, I like my alone time.  However, there is nothing better in this world than knowing that you have someone to come home to every night.  When you are married, you know that no matter what happened in your day that you have a loving spouse at home looking forward to the moment you walk in the door.  This is priceless.

2.  Someone to Build a Life With

What is the point of building a life if you don’t have a spouse on the inside to share it with?  For me, this is what makes it all worthwhile.  I can endure a lot as long as I know there is a purpose behind it.  My wife and the family we’ve created together are that purpose.  They give everything I do a sense of meaning and value.  This is a huge bonus that comes with being married.

3.  Someone to Always Be Your Best Friend

People come and go, but your spouse is always there.  My wife is definitely my best friend.  For over twenty years, we’ve done pretty much everything together.  Sure, we fight sometimes, but we always work it out and move on.  That’s what friendship and marriage is all about.  We’ve got each other’s backs.  We love the same things.  We support each other through thick and thin.  It’s nice being married to my best friend.

4.  Someone to Catch You When You Fall

Sooner or later, life is going to deal you something that you can’t handle on your own.  When this happens, it is sure comforting to know that your spouse will be there for you.  My wife was there for me when we lost our home in a tornado and when my employer unexpectedly shutdown the company.  Having another pair of shoulders to help bear these burdens was definitely a big benefit.

5.  Someone to Tell You the Truth

The truth is sometimes hard to hear.  However, there are some things, even unpleasant things, that we need to know.  Often a spouse is the only person with a big enough vested interest to tell us the unvarnished truth.  Come on, you know you’ve avoided telling a friend some hard-to-deliver info even though they needed to hear it.  This is where your spouse won’t let you down.

6.  Someone to Hug You When You Have a Bad Day

There is nothing else in the world that makes me feel better when I’ve had a bad day than getting a big hug from my wife.  Words just can’t console you like a set of loving arms can.  In addition to just being there, my wife truly cares and empathizes which is what makes her hugs really help.  Knowing another person cares deeply that you’re hurting is the best medicine around.

7.  Someone to Make You a Better Person

All too often, we like to hide in our comfort zones.  Having a spouse is like having a built-in solution to this problem.  My wife is always encouraging me to try new things and to explore new places.  She keeps me from getting too comfortable which keeps me from stagnating.  You need someone continually challenging you to improve and grow.

8.  Someone to Know Everything About You

You need someone that knows everything about you and still loves you anyway.  Spouses, over time, generally learn the good, the bad and the downright ugly about their mates.  I find it comforting to know that I’m still loved despite what all my wife knows about me.  You need at least one person that knows the real, authentic you.  The intimacy of marriage gives you this deep partnership automatically.

9.  Someone that Shares Your Point of View

Sometimes you need a sympathetic ear.  You want someone that can see things the same as you do.  Because a spouse knows your history and is involved on a daily basis in all your trials and triumphs, they are in a perfect position to be your closest ally.  They’ll stand next to you and see things in the same light.  It is nice to know you’ve always got a die-hard companion when you need one.

10.  Someone to Love You Just the Way You Are

A good spouse will tell you the hard truth about yourself and they’ll push you to grow, but in the end they’ll love you just as you are.  Acceptance is something we all want and need.  It is also difficult to find.  The world can be cold and unfeeling.  That’s why marriage is such a great thing.  It gives you that one other person whose love you can depend on.

What did I miss?  What are some more good things about marriage?  Leave a comment below and chime in.

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This is a guest post by Mark Zaifman of

If you were to discuss your relationship with money, as if you were talking about your relationship with a life partner or close friend, how would you describe it?

If you were asked to describe your relationship with money in one word, what would it be?

Is your money in alignment with your values and purpose?

Are you making a living or making a dying?

When is enough, enough?

The answers to these very personal and intimate questions may scare you or inspire you. What is important is beginning an open and honest dialogue between you and your money. By posing these questions, you can examine, discover and explore one of the most confusing, frustrating and at times rewarding relationships you’ll ever have, the one between you and money.

Myths & Lessons

One popular myth that surrounds money is, If I had x amount of money, all my troubles would be gone. I bought into that myth for most of my young adult life. If I just got that raise or make this deal, I can stop worrying and be happy. For me, the ‘finish line’ kept moving ahead of me and always just out of my reach.

One of the hardest lessons in life for me to learn was how to delink my net-worth from my self-worth. This is much easier said than done. Like any unconscious behavior, change will only occur when you bring awareness and consciousness to your thoughts and play the role of observer. It’s very easy to practice this transformation work when your net-worth is rising weekly. During the boom times, I thought change had occurred. I thought I was done with the practice of observing my relationship with money because I had mastered detaching my net-worth from my self-worth.

Not so fast.

The savings and loan crisis of the late 80’s swept through and my net-worth took a dive. I watched with disbelief as the value of my home declined by 40% within 2 years. At the same time, I watched my investments drop considerably in value.

Did I feel my self-worth decline as much as my net-worth? You bet I did. All the personal work I did that I believed had cured me of this toxic link flew out the window. I was feeling the dark shadow of anxiety following me around again.

I spent months second guessing myself. Why didn’t I sell my home a year earlier, before the crash? Why didn’t I move my money out of stocks and into the safety of bonds? I blamed myself constantly and felt shame as well. It was a reinforcing, self-destructive cycle. I discovered it was my ego that was attached to my “things”. Once I realized that, I knew I had my work cut out for me.

Until I brought consciousness and attention to my relationship with money, ego ran the show. Once I understood the concept that money represents life energy and life energy represents spirit, my entire life changed. No longer was ego running my money affairs.

Intuition, intention and connecting to a higher power in terms of creating abundance was the path I chose. And by no coincidence, during this turning point in my life, the international best selling book, Your Money or Your Life, Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence manifested into my life. From that moment on, role models including successful people that had achieved large amounts of material wealth began manifesting into my life as well. They taught me how to practice radical humility and live a life with gratitude and service to others.

Déjà vu & Opportunity

So here we are again, another economic crisis another opportunity. Isn’t it funny how life keeps tossing you the same lessons over and over again until they have been learned? This current financial crisis could be the opportunity you need to finally cut the link between what you have and how you feel about yourself.

Perhaps you’ve been neglecting this vital relationship because your net-worth was constantly rising. But now, faced with financial reality, you can choose to respond positively and with determination, self kindness and courage or you can choose lower energy feelings of blame and shame and beat yourself up about all the would’ve- could’ve- should’ve’s that will only keep that dark shadow of anxiety around that much longer in your life.

Achieving Financial Freedom

If I had to use one word to describe the feeling of not having my self-worth be linked to my net-worth, it would have to be liberation. I finally feel free.

Financial Independence, or financial freedom, means two things to me:

1. Peace of mind and comfort in where I am in life and
2. The realistic and attainable goal of not having to work for money but rather, working because I enjoy it.

I won’t deny that you need a certain amount of wealth to stop working for money, yet I would suggest that the element of financial independence that is even more important than the amount of money in your bank account is the emotional freedom from money. Money will no longer be your master, rather, it will be your servant.

Accumulating wealth is the outer work. The inner work involves delving into your relationship with money, challenging all your assumptions, understanding your money history, your fears and desires, playing the role of observer as you bring awareness to all aspects of how you spend, save and earn, that’s the spiritual side of money that’s in need of your attention, now, more than ever.

Now is a great time to work on your relationship with money. Be kind, compassionate and patient with yourself as you explore these sensitive issues and challenges. It’s a journey of self-discovery that will set you free and for that alone, the journey is well worth it.

Looking into the Future

Imagine for the moment that you have achieved financial freedom. As you visualize this concept, how do you picture your life? What are you feeling? What assumptions are you making about your life? Where do you live? How much money do you imagine having in the bank? How much do you spend each year? What gets you out of bed in the morning feeling happy and fulfilled? How do you spend your most precious commodity – time? What’s your purpose in life?

You’re on the road to financial freedom – enjoy the journey.

What is your attitude toward money?  Leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

At one time, you were likely madly in love with your spouse.  You probably couldn’t get enough of each other.  Wasn’t that a wonderful feeling?  Wouldn’t you like to reclaim the passion and excitement you felt back then?

Marriage is not easy.  However, a fulfilling, lifelong relationship is a vital part of living life to the fullest.  We need each other to experience all that life has to offer.

If your marriage is not what it used to be or not what you expected, then please don’t just stand by and watch it wither on the vine.  That would be an incredible tragedy.  Marriages survive and thrive because the individuals involved value the relationship enough to invest in it.

The Reasons You Need to Revive Your Marriage

There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship.  ~Iris Murdoch

We really do take for granted the comfort and value our marriages are in our lives.  Let me take a few moments to remind you of a few of the reasons that you need to revive your marriage.

1.  You Love Each Other

Whether your relationship is just a little stale or if you are on the brink of divorce, deep down inside you still love each other.  Several years after a divorce, I’ve heard one spouse or the other say that I’ll always have a place for him/her in my heart.  Love is too hard to find to let it grow cold.  You shouldn’t put yourself through this.  A vibrant relationship is too important to each person’s well-being to let it fade.

2.  Your Children Need You Both

Children are much more perceptive than we often give them credit for being.  They are also more sensitive than we think.  If there is strife in your marriage, then your kids feel it and it bothers them.  If you won’t do it for yourself or your spouse, then at least make an attempt to revive your marriage for your children.  They deserve it from you.

3.  You Are a Team

Let’s face it.  Life is harder for single people.  They have no one to lean on.  Again, we get a lot of comfort and support from our spouses.  More than we will generally acknowledge.  Dividing up the load life puts upon us and having someone to come home to at night makes life more comfortable.  You need each other and if you think back to better times, you’ll probably agree that you make a pretty good team.

4.  You Want a Great Life

Studies have shown that there are big benefits in marriage.  As a married person, you will generally experience better health, more happiness and increased material well-being.  Some studies have even shown that you will live longer.  Of course, if you are going to be together, then you might as well make the best of it by keeping the flame burning brightly.

5.  Divorce Is Messy and Painful

Divorce is something that you don’t want to experience.  You may not feel that is the direction you are headed, but you wouldn’t be the first person surprised when their spouse announces they’ve fell out of love.  It just isn’t worth the risk.  A good marriage takes effort.  It needs your undivided attention.

An Opportunity to Revive Your Marriage in 16 Weeks

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.  ~Barnett R. Brickner

Don’t you believe that your marriage is worth reviving?  If so, then be the right mate and demonstrate it in a very concrete manner by enrolling in the Blow Up My Marriage class offered by Dr. Corey Allan, Ph.D.

Dr. Allan has a doctorate degree in Family Therapy.  He is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Licensed Professional Counselor.  On top of this, he has been in private practice working with couples for 9 years.  Through all of this he has learned and wants to teach you some key lessons that can totally transform your marriage into the relationship you most desire.

Dr. Allan has a real heart for helping people revive their marriages and that’s why I’m suggesting his class.  He has put together something really innovative.  He conducts his marriage class online.

Advantages of Blow Up My Marriage Approach

There are a number of benefits to this 16 week online approach.  Here are just a few of the main advantages:

• It is available to anyone, anywhere.
• It is very discrete.
• It is extremely affordable.
• It is convenient enough to fit anyone’s schedule.

How this Class Will Transform Your Marriage from Good to Great!

Here is what Dr. Allan says that you will learn in the class:

• How to create the best marriage from your strengths, not by looking at what’s wrong.
• How to see that it’s the relationship that’s the issue, not you or your spouse.
• Why you never want to lean on your spouse.
• How to create a great life and have your marriage be the icing on the cake.
• And, how to transform your sex life.

I absolutely love the positive and practical approach that Dr. Allan has applied to this class.  He has obviously created something very powerful.  You can read the testimonials from past class participants on Dr. Allan’s site.

How to Sign Up and What It Will Cost to Revive Your Marriage

You can sign up for the Blow Up My Marriage Class by clicking the link below:

Class begins Monday, August 30, 2010: Click Here to Enroll

Enrollment closes a week after the class begins and is limited to the first 60 sign-ups.  You can participate in the class alone or with your spouse for the same price.

The class costs $275 per individual or couple.  This is an incredible bargain!

Let me put this into perspective for you.  The cost for this class that can revive your marriage is:

• The equivalent of about two sessions with an equally qualified marriage counselor.
• Less than the average monthly car payment in the United States.
• Thousands less than getting a divorce.
• Only $2.45 per day for the 16-week course which is less than the cost of a daily Starbucks latte.

The cost of the class is not inconsequential, but I can’t think of any other way to make such a big difference in the most important relationship in your life.  Can you?

Please don’t procrastinate on this.  Dr. Allan says the class will fill up and you don’t want to miss this incredible opportunity.  Go revive your marriage!

If you click on the link above and sign up for Dr. Allan’s class, then a portion of the proceeds will go towards supporting this site.  Thank you!

Photo by masochismtango

I want to steer you towards a terrific relationship resource that will give you quick, but powerful ideas to make the most important relationship in your life even better.  It is the free 27-chapter collaborative e-book written to help you learn how to make your marriage extraordinary amongst the chaos of life.

Several of the authors are participating in the Love Every Day e-book tour.  Over the next several weeks, we are posting our articles to give you a glimpse of just how valuable of a resource is available for you to download.  For example, Brad at Enemy of Debt kicked off the tour last week with his article called Cleaning Up After a Mess (Apology and Forgiveness) which is an absolute must read!

I am posting my article this week.  After reading this post, be sure to download a complete copy of LOVE EVERY DAY absolutely free!

Behind the Wheel: What’s Steering Your Relationship?

Do you want a great relationship that will last?

Relationships need a well-defined purpose behind the wheel to steer them toward the desired goal. Both partners need to see and agree on this vision for the relationship to survive and thrive.

How Many Relationships Wind Up Lost

Imagine this, you set out on a vacation with your spouse. You decide to drive continuously to get to your goal as soon as possible. You take turns behind the wheel so one of you steers while the other naps. You do not agree on or even discuss the intended destination. However, you both have your own ideas about how you should spend your time. You don’t discuss it because you both think the other already knows where you want to go. On your driving shift, you steer toward your desired destination and on their shift your spouse steers toward where they want to go. How’s this going to work out?

This is exactly the way many of us handle our relationships. We never agree on or even discuss a common purpose to work toward. We assume our spouse has the same goals in mind as we do. Bad idea! Often by the time you realize you both want different things, it is too late. The relationship is lost, or at the very least, severely off track!

Define a Clear Purpose to Steer Your Relationship

Marriages and relationships that stand the test of time have a common goal that both partners agree to and work toward. This purpose is clear and well-defined. It is never assumed or presupposed. This ensures that both partners get what they want and expect.

Here are some steps to help you define a common purpose:

1. Clarify Your Values

Identify the things that are most important to both of you. What do you value the most? Is it faithfulness, kindness, availability, peace, good humor? Clarify what means the most to you individually and together. These serve as the defined boundaries for your relationship.

2. Set Some Goals

Establish some common goals to work toward. Knowing where you are headed reduces the likelihood of getting lost. What do you want or need to accomplish in your relationship? Do you need to work on becoming debt free? Do you want to spend more time together? Set some goals that will serve as your common destination.

3. Look for a Higher Purpose

Seek a purpose for your relationship that is bigger than your individual desires. Find something that inspires you both to greater heights and moves you beyond any selfish desires. It could be faith in God or raising great children or saving the environment. It just needs to be something you are both passionate about. This higher purpose will give you longevity so your relationship will stand the test of time!

NEXT MONDAY (4/19/2010): You can read The Snooze Button by Carrie Burgan at Make Mine Happen.  This is the next stop on our LOVE EVERY DAY e-book tour.

Photo by masochismtango

Learn to improve your relationships.

Relationships are a HUGE part of living a full and rewarding life.  Showing love to the one you care about the most is crucial to nurturing a great relationship.  It needs to be done on a daily basis.

How do we do show love every day?  I’m still figuring it out myself even after 18 years of marriage.

Did you notice above that I said we have to learn to improve our relationships?  I’m convinced that It is something we can get better at with just a little help.  No matter how good you think you are, when it comes to love, there is always room for improvement.

Fantastic Free Resource to Help Us Become Better at Love

I don’t think most people go into marriage thinking “Man, I want this thing to last six and a half years and then move on to someone else.” Most want the dream—a relationship that lasts a lifetime. But, how do we do that?  ~ Stu Gray, aka TheMarryBlogger

A fantastic new resource, just in time for Valentine’s Day, has been released to help us learn to love our special someone more deeply and completely every single day.  Want to know the best part?  This resource is 100% free with no strings attached!

It is the Love Every Day eBook!  (click link to download)

No matter where you are in your relationship, the ideas, tips and advice shared by these authors will surely help you become better at demonstrating your love on a daily basis.

Let’s face it, life is crazy.  We need and want relationships that last.  However, the hustle and bustle of everyday life often pulls us apart.  We get tired, distracted and stressed.  We need new, more creative ways to show our love.

If you get just one idea from this ebook that helps you to make a positive improvement in your relationship, wouldn’t it be worth the few moments it will take to download and read it?

I’m honored that I get to offer you something so incredibly valuable without it costing you anything!

I’ve read this ebook and I can tell you that you are sure to get way more than one idea!  This is really a great compilation of incredibly smart articles from some of the best relationship writers out there.  You will not be disappointed!

A Sneak Peek at the Love Every Day eBook

This ebook covers a whole spectrum of relationship matters.  Here are just a few of the topics that you’ll enjoy reading about:

• Starting the Day Off Right by Dan Miller, best-selling author of 48 Days to the Work You Love
• Fuel Your Relationship by Dr. Michelle Gannon, psychologist and couples therapist
• Working Couples and Stress by Trudy Sargent, producer of the movie LoveTalk
• Keeping the Sexual Spark Alive by Alisa Bowman, professional writer
• How to Love Your Spouse Generously by Lori Lowe, author of First Kiss to Lasting Bliss
• Stop Fighting Over Money by J. Money author of BudgetsAreSexy.com

Again, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  The free, downloadable ebook contains 28 incredible articles to help you improve your relationship and show your love every day!

I’m very excited and honored to have an article included in this fabulous free resource myself.  I got to write about the importance of having a clear, well-defined purpose to guide your relationship.  This alone can save you a ton of frustration and fights over a lifetime of living together.

Show Someone That You Love Them Every Day

Download the ebook right now and start reading an article a day.  It won’t cost you a dime and because the articles are short and to the point, it won’t take more than a couple of minutes each morning.  The practical advice you get will forever alter the direction of your relationship.  It will lead you to new, higher levels of loving than you’ve ever experienced before!

Your Valentine will thank you for it.  They will definitely notice and appreciate the difference in you once you learn to show your love every day.  This is one of the most important things you can do for your special someone and for yourself.  I guarantee it will deepen and improve your relationship in ways well beyond what you can imagine!

Get your copy of the free Love Every Day eBook today!  I promise this ebook is completely free with no strings attached.  You can download and enjoy it at your leisure.

Leave me a comment below and let me know what you think of this fabulous resource!

Photo by JLStricklin