Is your love all that it should be?

“Love one another and you’ll be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that”, says Michael Leunig, an Australian writer.

Relationships define the quality of our life.  How selflessly we love determines the quality of our relationships.

We all need a reminder on occasion of what truly devoted, sacrificial love looks like.  I certainly do.  I’m guilty of slipping off into a selfish, greedy place in my heart.  It seems it is all too easy to fall victim to this way of thinking.  Of course, when we do, our relationships suffer for it.

The Confusion About Love

Confusion and misunderstanding about love reigns supreme in America.  It seems we have a very shallow and ill-conceived notion of love, especially as it relates to marriage.  I say this because so many marriages end in divorce. It is hard to find someone over thirty-five that doesn’t have at least one failed marriage in their past.

I don’t think our confusion is intentional.  It seems to have been somehow passed down to us.  Where the initial confusion began, I haven’t the foggiest.  However, sorting it out seems critical to the longevity of our relationships and marriages and therefore to our happiness.

Here is some of the WRONG thinking about love that persists:

• Love is a feeling – “We just fell out of love.”  You’ve probably heard this before as an explanation for why a couple parted ways.  This notion implies that love comes and goes like any other mood.
• Love must be equal – We want love to be tit-for-tat.  We feel their must always be a balance in the amount of love I’m giving and that I’m receiving.  If this equality of love isn’t met, then we are offended and upset.
• Love should be easy – We want love that meets our needs without complication.  We don’t want to have to exert effort.  Love should just be.  Messiness or difficulty implies a love problem.
• Love should always work out in our favor – In other words, we think love should cater to our needs.  If it isn’t, then there must be something wrong with our mate and their love for us.
• Love should tolerate all our flaws – This really goes back to our idea that love should be effortless.  We don’t think love should demand anything of us.

These are just some of the misconceptions about love that lead to problems in our lives and relationships.  If we could straighten out our thinking about love, it would save us a lot of heartache and trouble.  So, let’s look at what selfless love is like.

Loving Others Selflessly

“The life and love we create is the life and love we live.”  What a powerful thought, by Leo Buscaglia.  It is also a humbling one if your relationships aren’t what you want them to be.  How can you improve your experience of life and love?  Well, you can love more selflessly.

Here is the RIGHT mindset for selfless love:

• Love is a firm decision – Feelings are too fickle they come and go on a whim.  Selfless love is a decision.  It is a firm commitment.  One that you follow-through on even when you don’t feel like it.
• Love is sacrificial – You must give of yourself sacrificially well beyond what is comfortable if you want love to endure.  Love should not be entered into lightly.  If you aren’t prepared to make sacrifices in what you want for love’s sake, then don’t get into a serious relationship in the first place.
• Love endures much – Life is not always easy.  It has its unexpected complications.  That’s why marriage vows include, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health…”  Selfess love is long-suffering.  It endures the hard times and presses on to enjoy brighter days beyond.
• Love is demanding -  Real love requires a lot from you.  It is going to ask that you put some of your desires aside.  It is going to ask you to become a better person.  It is going to ask you to give and compromise at times when you don’t want to.
• Love reigns – Love demands that it comes first in your life.  It won’t always be easy or uncomplicated.  There will definitely be times that you won’t feel like loving.  Just remember, “The life and love we create is the life and love we live.”

I’m sure this picture of love is incomplete.  And I’ll admit that it might paint a picture that seems a bit daunting, but I think it is far too common that we enter into love without thinking it through carefully.  We simply don’t give it the respect it is due.

Selfless love, the kind that will last a lifetime, is big.  You should never underestimate it or enter into it lightly.  However, it can also be the greatest thing you ever do with your life.

I’m still working on my love.  I’m sure I will never perfect it.  I have a long ways to go.  However, I won’t give up.  After twenty years of marriage, I’ve tasted a bit of what it is and I want more.

What have I missed here?  What are some other common misunderstandings about love?  What are some other characteristics of selfless love?  Leave a comment and let me know your thoughts.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Have you established good family rituals?

Fun, meaningful family rituals reinforce a sense of security and belonging.  Let’s face it, as human beings, we love to know what to expect.  We certainly  like our traditions, ceremonies and I’m definitely all about good habits.  When you incorporate these within your family, you are laying the groundwork for success.

Children especially benefit from having well established routines and rituals.  It creates continuity that helps them to understand their world.  This understanding makes them feel more secure which leads to greater self-confidence.  It also helps them to feel loved and to bond to you, their siblings and the other members of your family.

5 Good Family Rituals to Embrace

Every family is different.  What works for one might not work for another.  I don’t want to create a lot of pressure here that you need to be doing something that just doesn’t fit.  You should pick and choose the rituals you think your family will enjoy and cherish.  They don’t have to be complicated, formal or expensive.  Your family rituals just need to bring you together so you can bond and create a few lasting memories.

Here are some starter ideas for family rituals you may want to consider.

1.  Eating Dinner Together

Researchers have found that families that sit down at the table and eat dinner together have some serious advantages over those that don’t.  I know everyone is busy, but making this a priority at least 3 to 4 times per week can really have a big impact.  This ritual gives everyone a chance to bond and share their experiences from the day which creates a strong feeling of belonging.  It is also an important teaching time where parents can instill family values.  The communication that goes on at the family dinner table is priceless.  It is an opportunity that you don’t want to miss.  Making this one of your family rituals is something you’ll never regret.

2.  Game Night

A family that plays together, stays together.  Whether it is Monopoly, softball or the latest video game, having a regular family game night is a ritual that works.  It brings everyone together, teaches sportsmanship and creates a sense of camaraderie.  You can pop popcorn, play music and hand out a winner’s trophy.  Make it fun, make it memorable and make it last.  You don’t have to always play the same games or even be in the same place.  Your games can change with the seasons and the age of your family.  The important thing is to make it a ritual that everyone expects, is successful at and looks forward to every week.

3.  Bedtime

There are numerous advantages to creating a solid bedtime ritual within your family.  For one, I think this is the most important time of the evening for parent/child bonding.  My wife and I divide the responsibilities with our two daughters.  We trade off every night which one we put to bed.  This gives us both some one-on-one time with each kid.  We read, talk and snuggle.  I’ll admit that I sometimes wished that I could skip it, but ultimately I know the memories and connections it is creating is well worth the time spent.  I know it is something I’ll look back on and be happy I did.

4.  Holidays

Think back to your childhood.  What memories do you cherish the most?  Some of your most vivid recollections probably have to do with holidays, birthdays or other special events.  These powerful mental images create lasting family connections.  You do not want to miss this opportunity.  Making the way you celebrate into a ritual will reinforce the strength of these memories all the more.  Give everyone a part in making the celebration special and compliment them profusely for how good of a job they do.  This will become something your family will never forget.

5.  Family Vacations

Finally, I recommend taking some kind of vacation together at least once a year.  Even if it is just a simple weekend camping trip, your family will treasure the time together and grow closer because of it.  Family vacations stand out in everyone’s mind.  They help you learn that you can rely on one another because in new places, you typically don’t have many others outside the family involved.  My wife and I talk up our past family vacations all the time to reinforce the memories for our daughters.

What rituals do you practice in your family?  What experiences do you cherish from your childhood.  Leave a comment and let me know.  I’d love to hear from you.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Do you understand the real differences between introverts and extraverts?

There is a lot of misunderstanding about these two personality types.  This leads to unnecessary interpersonal conflict in the home and at work.

Which are you an introvert or an extravert?  What are your children?  What is your spouse?  It is extremely important to know.  It can explain a lot about how you get along.

I’ve heard from several people saying, “Man, if I’d only understood our differences sooner.  I could have avoided so many fights.  It all makes perfect sense now.”  My hope is that I can help you avoid being one of these people looking back with regrets by shining a little light on this issue.

Introverts Are Not Weird Just Misunderstood

I am an introvert so I’m going to approach this subject from the angle I know the best.  Also, this approach makes sense because introverts are the ones most misunderstood in the current culture. 

I don’t think it will be a surprise to anyone when I say that our society embraces being an extravert as the desired way to be.  This is despite the fact that somewhere around half of all people are introverts.

Extraverts, I implore you, please learn to understand and accept us introverts. We are not weird, lacking personality or dysfunctional.  We are simply different from you.  Nobody did this to us.  We were born this way.  Our personalities are not stunted nor do we lack confidence.  We just interact with the world differently than you do.

There are a lot of misconceptions about us introverts and we’ve had to deal with this all our lives.  We’re not asking for any special consideration or status.  We just want you to stop thinking less of us because we are different.

Ways Extraverts Don’t Understand Introverts

There are several common misconceptions about introverts that I want to uncover today to help you understand us better.  Along the way, I’ll contrast this with the way extraverts approach life to help you gain some insight into how conflicts arise.

Here are some mistaken ideas about introverts:

1.  Introverts Are Antisocial

This is not true.  We definitely crave relationships and social interaction.  We just don’t need it in the same way as an extravert.  It all boils down to the primary difference between the two personality types.  You see, extraverts gain energy from interacting with other people.  They come alive and get energized at big parties that offer lots of opportunities to interact.  Introverts on the other hand expend energy in these group settings.  We recharge by being alone and enjoying some peace and quiet.  This big difference is exactly where a lot of friction occurs in relationships.

2.  Introverts Are Shy or Lack Confidence

Again, not true and once again I think this perception is derived directly from the key difference.  Extraverts assume we are shy or lack confidence simply because we don’t feel the need to interact with strangers like they do.  Introverts are not big on small talk.  We prefer to get to the heart of the matter.  We want to have a few close friends as opposed to a wide number of casual acquaintances.  Plus, engaging with people we don’t know very well is draining to us.  Therefore, we don’t want to do it all the time.  It doesn’t mean we can’t.  It just means we don’t want to unless we are well rested and in the mood.  This tends to make extraverts think we are shy.  A totally inaccurate perception.

3.  Introverts Are Less Successful

It is commonly thought that extraverts are more successful, but this really isn’t true either.  There are plenty of successful introverts out there.  So, if you have a child that you think is an introvert, please don’t try to change them because this will likely cause more harm than good.   

You can rest assured that being an introvert will not ruin someone’s life.  Johnny Carson and Jerry Seinfeld are both introverts.  Bill Gates is an introvert.  Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan are all introverts.  So was Abraham Lincoln and Albert Einstein.  These are some pretty successful people in my book.  Being one personality type versus another has nothing to do with how successful you become.  However, understanding and accepting yourself as you are is important.

4.  Introverts Are Boring

This one makes me chuckle.  Just because we aren’t the life of the party doesn’t mean we are boring.  We just prefer different types of entertainment.  Of course, what we like will probably seem a whole lot less interesting to extraverts.  Again, this is a point of contention.  Extraverts are going to want to do things where they can interact.  It isn’t so much what they are doing, but who they are doing it with.  Introverts will likely prefer solo adventures.  You can be bungee jumping off the highest bridge in the world, but it will lack something for an extravert if there isn’t a crowd around to enjoy it with them.

Introverts may enjoy things like piloting small planes, scuba diving, traveling, kayaking, biking and mountain climbing.  Extraverts may like these too, but probably for different reasons.  They’ll want to be in the associated clubs.  We’ll just mainly want to engage in the activity.

5.  Introverts Lack Intelligence and Creativity

Introverts are definitely smart people.  Did you read the list of introverted actors, actresses, comedians and scientists above?  There is plenty of evidence that this common misconception is completely false.  Introverts are often intense thinkers, but we’ll usually hold our ideas in until they are fully formed.  Also, we’ll likely prefer to run our suggestions by a few close colleagues first before we share with the group.

Because we are often quiet and sometimes bored in meetings, we get labeled as less capable or lacking creativity.  Again, we are just different.  We like to think things over.  We like to let things percolate in our minds and we like to gather our thoughts before we engage.

A Little Understanding Can Go a Long Way

The difference between introverts and extraverts is a scale.  You can be all the way on one side or the other or you can be right about in the middle.  No two people are exactly the same even if they identify more with the introverted personality type or the extraverted type.  Everyone is unique.  Therefore, while these generalizations can help, you still need to spend some time trying to understand the individuals in your life.  Use the things I’ve presented here as a place to start.  Talk it over.  A little understanding in this area can really go a long way toward solving some pretty big differences.

Are you an introvert or extravert?  Have you struggled with being misunderstood or have you had problems in your relationships due to these issues?  Please leave a comment and let us know.  Your contribution may very well help others.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Are you focused on the right things in your life?

You have to look at what I think are two distinct snapshots of your life to answer this question. 

You have to weigh the big picture versus the little picture to get an accurate account of where you stand.

I’ll get to how I distinguish these two aspects of life, but I can say right now that it is very important to be winning in the big picture.  If you fail in the things that fall into this part of your life, then you are seriously missing the boat.

How the Big Picture Differs From the Little Picture

In life, I think you can separate things into two discrete buckets.  You’ve got the big picture and the little picture.

All too often, we get tunnel vision on the things that fall into the little picture.  This usually creates significant problems.  Often ones that we don’t notice until it is too late.  That’s why it is so important to pull-up once in awhile and evaluate how you are doing in the big picture.

So, what falls into this big picture that is so important?

Well, first let’s talk about what I think goes into the little picture that we get so obsessed with.

The little picture contains things like how much notoriety we’ve achieved in our careers, whether we drive a Lexus or not and whether our home is in the “right” neighborhood.

The little picture is mostly superficial.  It is surface-level stuff.  It seems really important at times and it can consume a large portion of your attention, but in the end, it has very little true value.  I mean if you were lying on your deathbed right now, do you think you’d give a lick about your career or what kind of car you’ve got parked in the driveway?  I doubt it.

When we are confronted with our mortality, it usually brings the big picture back into crystal-clear focus for us.  However, I think we can give ourselves a much needed reality-check without the drama of a near-death experience.

Give Yourself a Big Picture Check-up

Okay, let me help you answer the question I posed at the beginning of this article about whether or not you are focused on the right things in your life.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately for myself so please indulge me why I give you the big picture check-up that I’ve been using personally.

This list isn’t very long because the really important things in life are much fewer in number than all the stuff that falls into the cluttered little picture. 

Here are the crucial things that are a part of the big picture that you need to focus on:

1.  Your Health

I put health first on this short list because most everything else hinges on it.  If you aren’t doing what keeps you healthy, then not much else matters.  Once your health starts slipping, then your options in life quickly become very limited.  Who cares what else you are doing if you are going to be too sick to enjoy it?  In the big picture, you’ve got to take care of your health first.

Here are some pointed questions to help you evaluate the priority you’re giving your health:

• Do you smoke?
• Are you overweight?
• Do you exercise regularly?
• When was the last time you got a check-up?
• Do you already have health issues caused by poor choices?
• Are you sleeping eight hours a night?
• How’s your stress level?

In the big picture, taking care of yourself has to be at the top of the list.  You can push yourself for brief periods physically, but if you consistently make the wrong choices, then you are jeopardizing everything.

2.  Your Relationships

Little else matters if your key relationships in life fall apart due to bad behavior and neglect.  How would the people in your life say you are doing?  I’m talking about your spouse, your kids, your family, and your friends.  How would they answer the following:

• Are you giving them the love, affection and attention they want and deserve? 
• Do you demonstrate through your actions how important they are to you? 
• Do you treat the relationship like a rare and valuable treasure?
• Does your schedule reflect your true feelings toward them?

If not, then it is time to make some adjustments.  I want to emphasize that you can’t answer these questions yourself.  You need to know their perspective because that’s all that really matters.  You can be convinced you were doing all the right things and still find yourself standing out in the cold, alone and miserable.  How they feel about your performance is all that matters.

In the big picture, at the end of your life, how your relationships turn out is going to mean a lot more to you than how much money you made, where you lived or how many vacations you went on.  You simply cannot make up for lost time later.  You’ve got to invest now to keep this ultimately important area of your life alive and well.

3.  Your Spiritual Life

Finally, I believe the quality of your spiritual life rounds out the crucial elements of the big picture.  Each of us needs to feel our life has meaning and purpose.  You’ve got to take the time to explore spirituality for yourself to decide what you believe.  It is easy to fly through life on fast-forward never really giving this enough thought.  I think that’s a big mistake.  One that can leave you feeling empty and lost. 

Without an active spiritual life, a piece of your internal puzzle is missing.  This can leave you feeling hollow and wondering what life is all about.  Have you felt that something big is missing from your life?  If so, then you probably need to spend some time reexamining your spiritual beliefs.

A well-founded spiritual life provides you with a moral compass.  It provides a framework to guide you in making decisions on how to live and behave.  Furthermore, a strong faith can be a bedrock you can depend upon in times of trial and hardship.  In the big picture, knowing what you believe and living according to your faith is indispensible.

How are you doing in the big picture?  Are you focused on the right things?  In what area of the big picture do you need to devote more of your time and energy?  Leave a comment on this post and let me know.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

I want to say right up front that a lack of engagement at work is bad for you.  Yes, it is bad for your employer too, but the negative effect it is having on you is my main concern.  So, let’s take a look at this and see what we can do about it.

Engaged Versus Disengaged

Engaged workers are all out involved.  They are enthusiastic, proactive and dedicated to making their business a success.  They enjoy what they do.

Disengaged workers are bored, stressed, distracted, disillusioned and sometimes holding back from giving their organizations their full potential.  They do not enjoy what they do.

Which are you?

When you think of a disengaged worker you may imagine the burned out cubicle dweller or the slacking construction employee, but I think it goes beyond this.  In fact, I think there are also a lot of disengaged CEOs, managers, entrepreneurs and freelancers out there.  Are you one of these?  If you are, then this information will help you too.

Feeling less than fully engaged at work is a troubling problem that contradicts living life to the fullest.  Your work engagement level has a lot to do with your success and satisfaction on the job.  If you aren’t fully engaged, then it isn’t likely that you are going to be happy, healthy or effective.  Therefore, we need to do something to fix it.

The Majority of Workers are Bored and Disengaged

If you are not fully engaged at work, then you are not alone.  Studies show that worker engagement is dropping.  Gallup says that more than two-thirds of American workers are “not engaged” or “disengaged”.  Two-thirds!  This certainly constitutes a major issue.

Bored and disengaged workers fritter their time away on the Internet, socializing, gossiping and going to make-believe appointments.  One article I read recounts Joel’s story.  He is a disengaged, mid-level executive who sneaked out of his office one afternoon to go to a movie.  When the movie was over, he ran into his boss coming out of the same theater!

Other studies have confirmed what Gallup has found.  Workers around the world are bored and do not feel fully engaged.  They feel under-utilized and under-appreciated which leads to heavy dissatisfaction on the job and in their personal lives.

The Negative Effect Disengagement Has on You

A lot of articles address the negative consequences that a lack of engagement has on employers and businesses, but again that’s not my focus.  I’m concerned about the internal agony it creates for individuals like yourself.  This inward division causes stress which is a contributing factor to many serious health issues, but this is just a part of the story.

Overall, what I found about the effects of disengagement at work on our quality of life is very concerning.  For example:

• An English study followed a group of healthy men over 10 years. What they found is men who were engaged at work are 30% less likely to suffer from coronary heart disease than employees who are disengaged at work.  This confirms the link to negative health effects.
• Another study found that, 5 in 10 engaged workers (53%) strongly agreed that they had gotten the important things they want in their lives, compared to just 13% of actively disengaged workers.
• It was also found that work stress had caused 54% of actively disengaged workers to behave badly with friends or family members three or more days in the last month.

Bottom line, a lack of engagement at work causes health issues, relationship trouble and reduces the likelihood that you are going to get the important things you want in life.  In my mind, this makes it a serious problem that you need to deal with before it wrecks your life.

Of course, disengagement can also put you at risk for losing your job which is most likely your primary source of income.  Without steady income, you are likely going to suffer financially.  This can lead to additional stress which can further complicate health and relationship issues. 

The whole matter can snowball on you very quickly which is pretty scary.  Disengagement at work is obviously bad for you.  There is no two ways about it.

Again, two-thirds of all American workers are suffering from some level of disengagement at work.  This means that a lot of people are living less than a great life.

You Need to Deal with Your Lack of Engagement at Work

Don’t you want a better life for yourself?  Don’t you want to avoid the health, relationship and financial issues that being disengaged at work can lead to?  Heck, don’t you want to be happy at work where you spend a good deal of your time?  If so, then it is time to deal with your lack of engagement.  It is time to take action to correct the situation.

Keep in mind that the needed change might be modest or radical.  Either way, the need to fix things is staring you right in the face.  In my next article, I will explain how a lack of engagement at work is an opportunity and how to go about making the necessary corrections.

 Photo by joshuahoffmanphoto

Stewardship is accepting personal responsibility for taking care of something entrusted to us.  When you hear someone talking about being a good steward, you probably think they are talking about money.

It is no doubt very important to be a good steward over our personal finances.  In fact, I tend to think it would be nice to do so well with my finances that one day I consider myself rich.  If, of course, I have the right frame of mind about wealth.

However, there is a lot more to being a good steward than just money.  It is impossible to live life to the fullest while ignoring this fact.

Be a Good Steward Over Your WHOLE Life

Regular people live multi-faceted lives.  We have a lot entrusted to our care.  We can shirk this responsibility and suffer the consequences or we can step up and do our best. 

Living life to the fullest requires us to look at our life as a whole.  You can’t just succeed in one area and expect everything to work out happily ever after.  You’ve got to be a good steward over all of it.

Sure, we are going to concentrate more heavily in one area or another from time to time.  This is called focus and it is crucial to success.  However, we have to pull back once in awhile and make sure everything else is still on track.  If we don’t, the results can be disastrous.

Here are the areas of life where we need to be a good steward:

1.  Ourselves

Some might think this suggestion, that we need to take care of ourselves first, goes against the whole idea of being a good steward.  They might say this is selfish.  However, I’d say there is a difference between being selfish and self-invested.  We are the best stewards when we are well-rested, healthy, nourished and mentally sharp.  In other words, when we’ve taken good care of ourselves first.

Ali Hale wrote an article for Pick The Brain called Why It’s Not Selfish to Put Yourself First, where she suggests that acting in our own best interests involves four areas:

• Physical Needs – things like getting enough sleep and exercise
• Emotional Needs – things like asking for support when you need it
• Mental Needs – things like having a stimulating job
• Spiritual Needs – things like taking time to meditate or pray

I agree with Ali.  When you take care of yourself, then you are in a better position to help others.  You simply cannot give someone a thirst-quenching drink from a bone-dry cup.

2.  Our Relationships

Our marriages, in particular, need a lot of tender loving care.  They need our attentive stewardship.  Are you giving your partner what they really need and want?  We put our best foot forward when we are dating, but we often let our guard down when we get married.  This goes for men and women.  It is easy to get just a little too relaxed.

When was the last time that you wrote your spouse a truly awesome romantic love letter?  How surprised and thrilled would they be if you did this for them this week?  It isn’t Valentine’s Day or your anniversary or anything else, but you can really make it special if you take just a few moments to express in writing everything that’s in your heart.

If you need some more ideas for how to take care of your most important relationship, then take a look at How to Improve Marriage and Slow Down Life at the Same Time.  Of course, it isn’t just your marriage that needs good stewardship, but I’ll leave it to you to apply some of these same principles in your friendships and other relationships.

3.  Our Children and Elders

Have you ever stopped to ponder the amazing responsibility we have in raising our children?  As parents, we set the beginning course for our children’s lives.  Let’s face it, it is very hard to win a race if you get off to a bad start.  I am really almost overwhelmed when I think of all the important things that I want to teach my daughters about life.  There is not a moment to waste!  I must be a great steward in this area if I want my daughters to realize their best life too.

Of course, it isn’t just our children that we need to be a good steward over.  Many of us are caught in the sandwich generation.  We have children we are raising and parents that are starting to need our assistance as well.  I believe we have a moral and ethical responsibility to help our parents the best we can as they grow older.  After all, they invested a lot into us not so long ago.

4.  Our Natural Resources and Environment

I love the great outdoors.  I love being in beautiful natural surroundings.  It energizes me.  It reawakens me to being alive and strong.  It gives me a sense of connectedness and vitality.  I feel better right now just thinking about it even though I am sitting in an office in the city.

Even though the outdoors means so much to me, I’m still not a radical environmentalist.  Some of these groups and individuals have just taken things entirely too far.  However, I do believe we have to be good stewards over nature.  We also need to set the example for planetary stewardship for our kids.

It saddens me when I hear what we are doing to our oceans and forests.  It is both arrogant and ignorant of us to think we can continue our bad behavior without any repercussions.  The solutions aren’t easy, but we must move toward better stewardship.

5.  The Jobs and Businesses that Support Us

We rely on our jobs or businesses to provide us the income necessary to put food on the table and a roof over our heads.  However, we often aren’t very grateful for what we have.  We take them for granted and trash talk our employers or clients.

Many people feel trapped in their job.  They complain and gripe constantly.  They also put forward less than their best effort.  This is poor stewardship and it is abominable.  If this is you, then I’d highly recommend reading Why You Hate Work by Scott Young to help change your attitude.

Jobs and customers are not as plentiful as they once were.  We need to hang on to what we have and make them satisfying.  We do this by becoming good stewards over our jobs and businesses.

6.  Our Finances and Possessions

Finally, we’ll wrap up with where we started.  It is important to be a good steward over our money and possessions.  I do this so I have more to give others.  This adds purpose and meaning to my life which is a huge part of living life to the fullest.

Being buried in debt and stressed out about money is no way to live.  It just doesn’t offer you the freedom needed to choose the best life has to offer.  Formulate a better vision for your life and take the steps necessary to realize your full potential.  Become a good steward of your money!

Be a Good Steward to Get the Most Out of Life

Being a good steward over our whole life liberates us to pursue our life purpose more passionately.  It ensures we’ll have the health, happiness and resources necessary to really live a full and rewarding life.  It is out there for you.  It is within your reach!  Become a good steward over your life and you will start to reap all the rewards life has to offer!

In what other areas of life do we need to be good stewards?

Photo by alfonso benayas

Build relationships!  It is no secret that most lucky breaks in life occur because of who you know or get to know.  However, meeting new people is only half the battle.  If you want your new acquaintances to act on your behalf, you must quickly build rapport.

Rapport is a relationship of mutual trust where a natural liking exists.  People buy from, hire, promote, partner with and generally help those that they like.  The more people you meet and build rapport with, the more likely you are to succeed.  It is that simple.

Six steps to quickly building rapport with new acquaintances

Building rapport with others is not rocket science or voodoo magic.  It is eloquently simple, but very powerful.  How well you build rapport can make you or break you.

These steps are mainly aimed at those seeking business relationships, but the principles apply to personal relationships as well.  You can apply these steps just about anywhere.

Follow these six steps and you’ll make a deeper connection with new acquaintances faster than ever before!

1.  Make a great first impression

You’ve heard it before, but it is worth repeating.  You only get one shot at making a first impression.  Don’t blow it!  Here are a few tips that will help:

• Look good.  Buy at least one really nice set of clothing that fits well and conforms with the environment where you plan to meet people.  In business, this usually means a suit, but it could mean something totally different if you are trying to meet potential marriage partners.
• Make sure you are well-groomed and clean.  For men, being clean-shaven is usually the best bet, but if you do have a beard or mustache, be sure it is neatly trimmed. 
• How you look has a lot to do with the impression you make so don’t scrimp here.  Also, when you look good, you feel more confident which will help you build rapport.  If you aren’t sure what to wear, get help from articles like When Job-Hunting: Dress for Success.
• Smile and make eye contact.  When you meet someone, be sure to smile and make eye contact with them.  The person you meet is reading your body language and these two gestures will have a significant positive impact.  Smiling will put them at ease and making eye contact will convey confidence.  For more on effective body language read 25 Acts of Body Language to Avoid.
• Give a firm handshake.  There is nothing worse than a limp handshake.  It screams weakness and lack of confidence.  It is an automatic turn-off.  Please learn how to shake hands properly!  This goes for both men and women.  A good handshake will help build the right foundation with your new acquaintance.

2.  Establish common ground

Try to establish something in common with your new acquaintance early on.  This is where doing some homework up front can help.  Do a little research to learn what you can about your new friend beforehand.  Ask others if they know this person or Google their name to try to discover something you have in common.

Once you find a common interest, use it to build rapport.  You can can say, “Hey, I heard that you are into bicycling.”  They will be impressed and flattered that you took the time to learn something about them.  It will also help them to remember you.

This assumes of course that you were expecting to meet this person.  If this is a chance encounter, then you are going to have to do some digging quickly to find common ground.  Ask open-ended questions to try to uncover something in common.

Above all, be authentic here!  Don’t fake a common interest with your new acquaintance.  It will likely become obvious and kill the relationship before it ever gets off the ground.

3.  Let them hear their name

We all like to hear our names.  Make a point to use the person’s name as you speak to them.  However, don’t over do it.  Make sure it sounds natural, but make sure to use their name.  Calling your acquaintance by their name will help you make a connection.

As you do this, be sure you get their name right and avoid being too informal.  Don’t call someone by their first name unless it is clearly appropriate.  Also, don’t act overly familiar too soon.  For example, don’t shorten William to Bill or Samantha to Sam.

4.  Affirm one of their strengths

Compliment your new acquaintance on one of their strengths.  There must be something you admire about your new friend.  Otherwise, why are you wanting to get to know them?  Let them know it by affirming their strength.

Again, overdoing this is probably not a good idea.  Offering a brief compliment is acceptable, but don’t become an obvious schmoozer or brown-noser.  This can be a real turn-off.

5.  Follow-up after the introduction

Following-up after an initial meeting is vitally important and it is rarely done.  This is a fantastic way to make yourself stand out from the crowd.  I have used this successfully many times.

If you really want to make a good impression, then I recommend sending a handwritten thank you note.  It will have a greater impact than sending an email.  It is more personal, more unique and more powerful.  Get it in the mail the same day or the next day at the latest. 

In your follow-up, tell your acquaintance how much you enjoyed meeting them and let them know that you’d like to get together again soon. 

6.  Ask for another meeting

At this point, you should have paved the way for a second meeting.  After a few days have passed and you’re sure your new friend has received the follow-up note card, call them and ask for a another meeting.

Offering to buy someone lunch is a fantastic way to set up a second meeting!  Make it easy for them to accept your offer.  Be willing to amend your schedule and ask them where they’d like to go.  This will make it almost impossible for them to refuse!

This is your chance to solidify your rapport and to start to convert your acquaintance to an actual relationship.  Don’t come on too strong!  Go light on pressing your agenda.  You don’t want to scare off your new friend by making them think they are being used.  If you do this right, then they’ll be plenty of time later for discussing business.

A little effort can go a long way in building rapport

These six steps will help you build rapport and relationships like a guru.  Applying a little intentional effort can make a huge difference.  Remember, make friends first and then you can ask for their help.  Also, it is always a good idea to do something that benefits your friend before you ask them for a favor.

What other ways are there to build rapport quickly?

Photo by slava

I am very fortunate to have a terrific relationship with my in-laws, but I know not everyone is so lucky.  In-law relationships can be tricky and they can have a powerful impact, positive or negative, on your marriage.

Lin at Telling It Like It Is has recently written some terrific articles on the relationship between mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws.  But, today she has graciously posted an article that I wrote called How to Be a Good Son-In-Law- Building a Great Son-In-Law Relationship With Your In-Laws.

I hope you’ll visit Lin’s site and let me know what you think by leaving a comment on the article.  Also, Lin and I both would greatly appreciate any help you could give us in spreading the word about the article on your favorite social media site.

Welcome Readers from Telling It Like It Is!

If you are a visitor here from Telling It Like It Is, I’d like to welcome you and thank you for stopping by.  I hope you enjoyed reading my article about son-in-laws.

While you are here please visit my home page where you’ll find links to several of my articles on living life to the fullest.

Also, if you like what you see, please take a moment to subscribe via RSS or use the form below to receive my articles for free in your Inbox!

Have a super-charged day!

Photo by Lori Photography

Selfishness can cause us to cling to things and to be too demanding of others.  It often ruins relationships and complicates our lives.

Overcoming selfishness will lead to a simpler life if we can learn to let go of all the stuff we cling to.  It will also help us to get along better with those closest to us in our lives.

A successful life begins with overcoming selfishness

A successful or super-charged life is one full of joy, significance and contentment.  It is impossible to experience these things when one is excessively selfish.

Selfishness causes us to focus solely on our wants and desires.  We demand our way and miss out on the richness that comes from giving and sharing.  This causes our relationships with our spouses, kids and co-workers to suffer immensely.

Self-indulgence often also leads to the over-accumulation of material possessions.  We constantly seek happiness and fulfillment in our next new toy.  Of course, this is a fruitless pursuit that will quickly leave a person depressed, disillusioned and broke.

A selfish person will often find themselves bankrupt emotionally and financially.  This egocentric behavior often leads to divorce, debt and turmoil.

How to overcome selfishness and begin healing your life

It is never too late to beat selfishness and turn your life around.  The sooner you start, the sooner you will begin to enjoy a better life.

Here are some suggestions for overcoming selfishness:

1.  Admit your selfishness and be honest about it

Selfishness is that detestable vice which no one will forgive in others, and no one is without in himself.  ~ Henry Ward Beecher

The first step in recovering from almost any vice is to first admit it to yourself.  This can often be one of the hardest steps.

It isn’t easy for us to look ourselves in the mirror and honestly recognize we are grotesquely selfish.  Maybe it is self-preservation?

Admitting ugly things about ourselves hurts.  We all want to avoid pain.  Of course, which is worse, admitting being selfish or continuing to live so?

Conceding the truth about ourselves can be a great relief.  It will free you to let go and begin healing.  There is no other way to begin the process.

2.  Begin to give generously when you least want to

He who lives only to benefit himself confers on the world a benefit when he dies.  ~ Tertullian

You have to start killing the monster inside that constantly clamors to get its way.  You do this by generously letting others have their way.

When you feel the most resistance to giving in, just do it!  Others may want your time, money or your agreement with them.  Give it!

As you do this, it will slowly become easier.  I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to make the right decision in this crucial moments.

A circumstance will soon arise where you feel a strong gravitational pull to insist on getting your way.  Don’t fall to it!  Instead, see it as an opportunity to conquer your enemy.

3.  Be patient with those who have endured your selfishness

That man who lives for self alone, Lives for the meanest mortal known.
~ Joaquin Miller

Even though you have admitted your disease to yourself and started to fight against it, don’t expect everyone else to jump on the bandwagon too soon.

Those around you have endured your selfishness for far too long to immediately believe it is over.  In their eyes, you may relapse at any time.

They are going to want to see a long track record of generosity, kindness and thoughtfulness before they are going to fully accept the new you.

Be patient with them.  Give them time to see that you are serious and committed to overcoming your selfishness.

4.  Keep a journal about overcoming selfishness

The unexamined life is not worth living.  ~ Socrates

Document your thoughts and feelings as you progress through this process.  Write down your triumphs and failures.

Go back from time-to-time and review what you have written.  This will help you to see that you really are changing to be more generous, kind and thoughtful.

It will also hold you accountable if you are not!

Conquering selfishness is a move toward a better life!

Selfishness is a roadblock to a better life.  Taking simple steps to defeat it will open up a whole new world for you.

It will simplify and improve your life in ways that you cannot even imagine.  Your relationships will grow more rich and loving than they have ever been.

You are a conqueror!  Go forth and live life to the fullest!

Photo by okreitz

For instance, you can begin dominating everyone in your life so they give you exactly what you want. 

As a control freak, you become the master of your destiny!  You run the show.  This helps you to avoid all kinds of painful and uncomfortable circumstances.

The great thing is that you can be a control freak at home, at work, at school, and even at church.  The possibilities are virtually limitless!  Anywhere a group of people congregate together is an excellent venue for you to take over. 

Why wait to become a control freak?  The sooner you get started, the quicker you’ll be reaping the benefits!

The steps to becoming an awesome control freak

Becoming a control freak is not that hard and it only takes a little more work to be really good at it.  The key is to adopt the right attitudes and follow these easy steps:

1.  Start with a healthy dose of fear!

Fear is an essential ingredient to being a control freak.  Don’t worry about using too much fear.  As a control freak, it is really impossible to overdo it. 

If you use fear correctly, then it will develop into jealousy, envy and eventually it will blossom into full-blown paranoia!  This is when your controlling will really start to pay off!

Here are some example fears to help you get started:

• Be deathly afraid that everyone in your life is going to abandon you
• Worry yourself silly that those below you at work are going to pass you by
• Tremble at the thought that others might find out who you really are
• Finally, of course, you must be fanatical about avoiding failure

Practice these fears regularly!  Don’t let a day, nay, not even a moment, go by without fanning these flames of fear in your mind.  If you do, then you will be well on your way to becoming a full-fledged control freak!

2.  Practice your fits of rage

Intimidation is one of the main tools of a control freak.  It is paramount that you master the ability to bully those around you.  One effective way to do this is to unexpectedly, for the most inane reason, burst into a fiery fit of rage.

This will keep those around you totally off kilter which is exactly what you want.  They should be walking on egg shells around you, never knowing when you might go off.

I suggest practicing your rage in a mirror to be sure you have it right.  You want to look for the following:

• A menacing expression that clearly communicates you are about to go postal
• A bright reddening of your face that distinctly conveys your explosive emotions
• A psycho look in your eyes leaving no doubt you will do anything to get your way

Also, be sure to puff yourself up and make yourself look larger than life.  If you are physically large already, then this is a bonus for you!  Because this will make it easier for you to scare the heck out your targets.  If not, no worry, you will just need to practice more to perfect your rage for maximum effectiveness.  Either way, keep rehearsing until you get it right!

3.  Fine-tune your subtler manipulation skills

An effective control freak is one who can play everyone like a puppet.  Once you can do this, then you know you are truly the master of your life and the lives of those around you.  You’ll more than likely get whatever you want, at least for awhile.

As a manipulator you should develop several different tools and techniques to ensure you can be effective in any situation.  Some people might be more resistant to your control than others, so you must be well-armed with multiple tools.

Here are a few skills you will want to master:

• Guilt – Ahh, guilt.  Let’s just bask in the glow of it for a moment.  It is truly a gift for control freaks.  You really want to get good at this one.  Many mothers seem to have a natural knack for it so, watch how they do it.  You can get almost anyone to do what you want by twisting their emotions with guilt.  Beautiful!  Guilt brings a tear to my eye.
  
  
• Passive-aggressive behavior – Another dear tool!  This just keeps getting better and better.  If you are not familiar, passive-aggressive is deliberate and repeated failure to accomplish tasks for which you are responsible.  It is learned helplessness.  You can use it to manipulate others into doing your work for you.  Sweet!  Many husbands seem particularly good at this!
  
  
• Sarcasm – Gosh, will the goodness never end?  The tongue is sharper than any double-edged sword.  No one really believes that nonsense about sticks and stones anyway.  Sarcasm can easily be used to belittle, humiliate and subdue your victims loved ones.  Use it liberally!

I’ve really only scratched the surface here.  There are so many other great tools of manipulation, but time is limited and we must focus our efforts.  Trust me, as you grow as a control freak, you will discover and refine these techniques for yourself so, let’s move on.

4.  Firmly believe in your superiority and self-righteousness

Never doubt that you are right.  Do I need to say that again?  You have to firmly believe, without an ounce of doubt, that you are completely and utterly right in every situation if you are going to be a successful control freak. 

Never in a million years, let anyone convince you otherwise regardless of the consequences or potential outcomes.  You are head and shoulders above everyone else!  They are all stupid little idiots that need your guidance for their own protection.

In fact, you are even above the law!  No one can touch you.  Not anyone! 

These are your mantras!  Burn these attitudes of superiority into your psyche.  They are your protection against losing.

A loser gives in.  A loser let’s others off the hook by forgiving them.  A loser admits they are wrong.  You are not a loser!  Got it?  Good.

5.  Identify a few great control freaks to admire and emulate

We all need role models.  Fortunately, there are a ton of fantastic control freaks out there for us to study, admire and model ourselves after.

Its funny that many of the control freaks that immediately come to mind have been government leaders.  A coincidence I’m sure!  I worked hard to think of some others.

Here are some that you might consider as you begin your studies:

• Hugo Chavez – Current President of Venezuela.
• Adolph Hitler – Leader of the Nazi Party.
• Howard Hughes – Industrialist, bizarre recluse.
• Martha Stewart – Television host, perfectionist, convicted felon.

Of course, you might have a control freak in your own life that you can watch and learn from.  It is awesome to see these talents past down from one generation to another.  Family is a wonderful thing!

The results you should expect from becoming a control freak

You should now see that becoming a control freak is almost natural.  You can easily master this and I’ll guarantee that you’ll start realizing the results almost immediately.

Here’s some of what you can expect:

• You will almost certainly start to bewilder, confuse and frighten those around you.  This is perfect!  In this state, they will likely succumb to your every demand.
  
  
• The idiots that fail to see how right you are and to act accordingly will disappear from your life.  Good riddance!  Who needs family and friends like that anyway?
  
  
• The number of people calling to bug you you with business opportunities, invitations to parties and offers for lunch will decrease dramatically.  Relief!
  
  
• Your kids will finally start seeing things your way!  They will leave you alone and stop bothering you with all their trivial problems and mindless chatter.  Quiet!

The cool thing is that most control freaks are able to gain and maintain their dominance for years without any negative effects!  People just seem to love control freaks unconditionally.  I guess that’s the best part of all!

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  Are you already a control freak?

Photo by Michel Filion