Want to make certain your Valentine’s Day goes off without a hitch?

Valentine’s Day is bristling with pressure.  The burden to make everything just right, often leads to disaster. 

You see, all the build-up creates tension.  On the big day, this does not translate well or as desired.

A Valentine’s Day disaster is incredibly unfortunate.  After all, this is the day we are supposed to be celebrating our love, not fighting about details or unmet expectations.  I want to save you from the regret, hurt feelings and awkward week that follows a bad Valentine’s Day experience.

Advice for Avoiding a Valentine’s Day Disaster

Let me be 100% honest.  I’m not the smoothest operator myself when it comes to romance and Valentine’s Day.  Therefore, I’ve turned to some experts on marriage, relationships and sex to help us all avoid the pitfalls of love when the pressure is on.

Here are three tips to help you enjoy and relax on Valentine’s Day:

1.  Please Check Your Expectations

Valentine’s Day generates over-inflated expectations.  Disaster lurks behind these sky-high anticipations.  It is all a big set up that will come crashing down on your head if you don’t come back down to earth.  Television, movies and magazines lead us to believe that everyone is so over-the-top romantic and perfect in all they do.

“The downside to expectations (the trap they set for us) is when they are not realistic and we use them to judge our sweeties or try to get them to be someone they are not,” warns the Generous Wife speaking about Valentines Expectations.  “These are real people we are dealing with and, if we’ll be honest, they are rather a whole ‘nother animal. Let’s love them for who they are and be clear (and realistic) about what we ask of them.”

This advice is right on target for men and women.  All of us can get the wrong, hyper-inflated expectations in our heads.  Men might have completely different expectations than women when it comes to Valentine’s, but both can be way off the mark and totally unrealistic. 

Save yourself from this trap.  Instead of holding onto impractical, exaggerated expectations, celebrate your love by focusing on one another instead of all the hype.  Discuss it beforehand – to be sure both parties have the same expectations – and agree on exactly how you should celebrate.  As a bonus, here are 50 Simple Acts of Love that will help you make things romantic without getting crazy.

2.  Plan a Date that You Both Will Enjoy

Once you are sure your expectations are compatible, then together you can plan a date to celebrate your success as a couple.  Of course, this is often fraught with its own complications.

“Where do you want to go?”  Isn’t this the dreaded question?  “I don’t know wherever you want is fine,” is usually the response around my house.  An enjoyable and relaxing Valentine’s Day requires a plan.  It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it should be preconceived and agreed upon to avoid a disaster.

Restaurants and other typical venues are generally cram packed on Valentine’s Day.  Personally, I try to avoid these anyway because they are the standard and boring thing to do.  If you want a memorable night, then you want to get a little creative.

I’d recommend checking out the 20 Awesome Date Ideas for Free offered by Dustin at Engaged Marriage.  This is a nice little resource that can inspire you with some new ideas.

Going out is great, but don’t lose sight of the real reason for the night.  It is all about celebrating your togetherness.  You don’t have to fly to Paris and sip wine in front of the Eiffel Tower to enjoy yourself.  Often a private, low-key evening where you can focus on one another instead of fighting crowds will be just as special – assuming you plan it and see eye-to-eye on it.

3.  What If I’m Not in the Mood for You Know What?

One common expectation – especially for men, but sometimes for women as well – is that the day is going to end with a big performance in the bedroom.  But, what if you are simply not in the mood?  Does this mean that your day is doomed to disaster?  Not necessarily, if you deal with it.

First, if this is a common occurrence for you, I’d definitely recommend reading How to Have Great Sex When You’re Not in the Mood over at Simple Marriage.  In it, you will find advice to help you get your mind straight about sex, deal with interferences, master your energy and start enjoying intimacy with your mate again.  Good stuff, right?

Also, if you know that your sweetheart is likely going to expect sex and you deeply want to please your valentine, then prepare for it.  Being in the mood has a lot to do with how you handle your thoughts and energy prior to the big evening.  Intentionally reserve some of yourself so you aren’t too tired.  Listen to some of the greatest romantic songs to get in the mood.  Recall past favorable nights of physical intimacy to stoke your desire.  Mentally and physically build yourself up for it.

If you still think you cannot meet the expectation, then talk about it before the moment of truth.  Be honest with your partner and promise to make it up to them later.  Set a specific date and make commitments about what you will do for them to repay them for their patience.  This will likely buy you the time and understanding you need to avoid a disaster.

Have a Happy and Enjoyable Valentine’s Day

As you’ve probably noticed, a big part of avoiding a Valentine’s Day disaster is open and honest communication with your mate.  If you talk it out in advance, you can usually avoid a big letdown.  However, sometimes even the best laid plans end in adversity.  If your Valentine’s Day takes a turn for the worse, then you might want to check out these 11 Ways to Make Your Apologies More Meaningful and Effective.  Enjoy!

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

Want to create a lasting marriage?

Making a marriage that lasts “until death do us part” is a challenging proposition. 

There are a lot of obstacles that come up over the course of a lifetime that can derail even the happiest of couples.

So, what makes a marriage last?  This is an important question to ponder if you want your union to stand the test of time.  I’ve gone on a search for the answers to this very question and today I’m going to share what I’ve come up with.

The Facts About Lasting Marriages

Not surprisingly, there is a lot of conjecture out there about what truly makes marriages last.  You’ve seen the interviews with couples that are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversaries.  They get asked, “How have you stayed married for so long?”  The answers are always pretty subjective at best.  For example, you hear things like, “We just never fight.”  Really?!?  Are you both just floor mats continually submissive to the other’s opinion?  I have a hard time believing answers like this.

Regular couples get mad at each other.  They fight.  They argue.  They disagree.  This is natural.  It is to be expected in marriage.  Life is not a fairy tale.  However, just because you have a fight, it doesn’t mean that you are heading toward divorce or that your marriage is even in trouble.

The facts about what makes marriages last and what makes them fall apart are probably a bit different than what you hear on the six o’clock news.

Here’s what I discovered about what makes marriages last:

1.  Pick the Right Person for You

People sometimes get swept into marrying the wrong person.  This generally happens in one of two ways:

• Whirlwind Romances – When courtships are brief and romance is high, people can enter marriages with rose-colored glasses.  Their criteria for choosing their mate is often too shallow or short-sighted.  They are blinded by “love”.  Take your time.  Courtships that last 2 or 3 years generally produce more lasting marriages.
• Caught Up in the Process – Despite some warning signs, people sometimes feel they are just too far along in the process of getting married to stop for further evaluation.  They dismiss too many incompatibilities as symptoms of “cold feet”.  They simply feel they can’t stop the runaway train they are on.  This is a mistake.  Slowing things down can help you to avoid a disaster.  It is better to stop the process now than to have to endure a divorce later.

Marrying the right person is probably the most important determinant for whether your union will last.  Therefore, you want to take your time and be sure you get it right.  There are never enough good reasons to hurry things along.  A mistake here will likely cost you big time down the road.

2.  Maintain that Lovin’ Feeling

Ted Huston, Ph.D., a professor at the University of Texas at Austin, has done some very interesting research into what makes marriages last.  His studies, “showed that loss of initial levels of love and affection, rather than conflict, was the most salient predictor of distress and divorce.”  In other words, it is important that you do your best to maintain some of those “lovin’ feelings” that are present early on in a romantic relationship.  Obviously, the intensity is going to diminish with time (no one can maintain that level forever), but preserving as many of the positive feelings as possible will go a long ways toward making your marriage last.

3.  Research the Family History

Believe it or not, a person’s family can tell you a lot about whether or not they will become a lifelong spouse.  Studies have shown that children of divorced parents are significantly more likely to get divorced themselves later in life.  Also, brides that have a poor relationship with their fathers are more likely to get divorced from their husband.  However, a groom’s relationship to his parents doesn’t seem to impact his odds of staying married.  Of course, none of this seals ones fate, these are simply indicators.  If these are present in your relationship, then you may want to do some more research to find out how to overcome these obstacles.

4.  Check Their EQ

Another factor you want to consider is your mate’s emotional intelligence quotient or EQ.  John Gottman, Ph.D. in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work says he can predict divorce with 91% accuracy.  Gottman has discovered that:

Happily married couples aren’t smarter, richer, or more psychologically astute than others. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a dynamic that keeps their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. They have what I call an emotionally intelligent marriage.

Most of us commonly think of emotional intelligence simply as maturity.  A mature, emotionally intelligent adult controls their thoughts and doesn’t let their emotions (or the emotions of others) control them.  They are cognizant of swings in their moods.  Generally, they are more stable because they perceive, use,  understand and manage their emotions in a healthier, more productive manner.  This translates into being a better spouse.  A high EQ is very desirable in a potential mate and can certainly be a key factor in whether or not a relationship stands the test of time.

Your Marriage Can Last

Finally, I just want to say that marriages of all shapes and sizes last.  You hear a lot about divorce and other marital failures, but what you don’t hear is that many marriages last.  The factors above are some good things to consider, especially if you aren’t married yet.  But, just because you have a few of these things going against you doesn’t mean that your marriage is doomed.  You may just need to work a little harder in certain areas.  The facts above will help you pinpoint what might be wrong and show you where you can make adjustments so you can live happily together for years to come.

If you are experiencing issues in your marriage, then you might want to check out a couple resources I recommend to help you make your marriage the fulfilling relationship you want it to be.  These courses are very insightful and can certainly get you and your spouse back on the same page again.  Click here for ways to improve your marriage.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

A romantic song can set the mood for love like nothing else! 

When planning an evening of romance, it is easy to forget the details like selecting the best music to make it truly special.  So, I thought I’d pass along a few of my favorite selections for your enjoyment and convenience!

Something on this list is sure to appeal to almost everyone!

1.  Lucky – Jason Mraz with Colbie Caillat

Lucky features cool reggae and island rhythms along with a great message.  My wife just recently discovered Jason Mraz.  I dedicate this song to her!

They don’t know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you I promise, I will
I’m lucky I’m in love with my best friend

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

2.  Your Body is a Wonderland – John Mayer

The smooth sounds and powerful lyrics in this one are a surefire way to set the mood for love!  John Mayer is always a trustworthy choice for great listening.

You want love
We’ll make it
Swim in a deep sea
Of blankets
Take all your big plans
And break ‘em
This is bound to be a while
Your body is a wonderland

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

3.  Better together – Jack Johnson

Jack Johnson is one of my favorite artists and Better Together is up there as one of my favorite songs.  You’re significant other will love this one!

Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart
“Why are we here?” and “Where do we go?”
And, “How come we’re so hard?”
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing, it’s always better when we’re together

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

4.  Come Fly With Me – Michael Buble

A remake of a Frank Sinatra classic.  This version is light and airy.  It has a fun, celebratory tone that I really enjoy.

Once I get you up there, where the air is rarefied
We’ll just glide, starry eyed
Once I get you up there, I’ll be holding you so near
You may hear the angels cheer because we’re together

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

5.  You’re Beautiful – James Blunt

We saw James Blunt in concert and he was fantastic.  You can never go wrong telling a woman that she’s beautiful!

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

6.  Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton

Clapton is classic and this song is an oldie, but a goodie.  That lovin’ feeling just oozes from this great ballad!

Its late in the evening
Shes wondering what clothes to wear
She puts on her make up
And brushes her long blonde hair
And then she asks me
Do I look alright
And I say yes, you look wonderful tonight

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

7.  Light My Fire – The Doors

Turn up the heat with another classic rock favorite from The Doors.  Light My Fire might just be the invitation you’re looking for!

You know that it would be untrue
You know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
Girl, we couldn’t get much higher
Come on baby, light my fire

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

8.  Don’t Happen Twice – Kenny Chesney

For the country music lovers out there, here’s a fun song about young love.  Don’t Happen Twice will reach the sentimental lovers and flood them with great memories!

To this day I still taste that first kiss
How I prayed it wouldn’t end
In a way, seeing you like this
I guess it never really did

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

9.  Come a Little Closer – Dierks Bentley

This one is sure to set a smokin’ hot mood late in the evening!  There is nothing coy about this country music favorite.

Come a little closer baby
I feel like layin’ you down
On a bed of sweet surrender
Where we can work it all out
There ain’t nothin’ that love can’t fix
Girl it’s right here at our finger tips
So come a little closer baby

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

10.  Wicked Game – Chris Isaak

Chris Isaak belts out a smooth, but smoldering number in Wicked Game.  In fact, the whole Heart Shaped World CD is highly recommended.

The world was on fire
No one could save me but you.
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you

iTunes – Lyrics – Video

What is your favorite love song?  Leave a comment and let me know!

Be sure to check out these other articles by the Life Skills Network:

• Free Gifts for Your Valentine @ The Wisdom Journal
• Money Saving Tips for Kids on Valentine’s Day by Madison @ My Dollar Plan
• The Unwritten Love Poem @ Marc and Angel Hack Life

Photo by theotherway