What bothers you?

Those annoying, anxious concerns that wake you up in the middle of the night may actually be good things.  Think of them as prompts.  Just like an actor follows cues, these bothers should send you into action.

A troublesome question in your mind is a clue that you need to explore further.

Let it bother you.  Let it annoy you so much that you simply cannot stand to procrastinate any longer.  Let it be the catalyst that gets you off your duff and leads you to finally fix the bother.

Things that Need to Bother You

What kinds of things am I speaking about here?  Well, they are going to differ a bit from person to person, but I think there is some common ground that should bother us all. 

You need to be bothered if you aren’t performing as well as you can in the following areas:

1.  Your Marriage

How’s your marriage?  Does it bother you the way your relationship is going?  That nagging little concern you have is trying to arouse you to do something to improve your marriage.  It is often said that who you choose to marry will determine 90% of your happiness in life.  But, that’s a very passive way to think.  One that won’t get you anywhere except divorce court.  You can make a big difference in your marriage if you’ll take the initiative to improve yourself first.  Let the bothered feeling you have push you into taking a step in the right direction and see if your marriage doesn’t become more of what you want because of it.

2.  Your Finances

“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money,” jokes W.C. Fields.  How rich are you feeling after the holidays?  Are you worried about what the bills are going to be when they come in?  I hope you get really bothered about it.  In fact, I hope you get so fed up with how you’ve mishandled your money that you actually do something about it.  Nothing will improve if you keep doing what you’ve always done.  I’d suggest you find a new way to manage your finances.  The relief you’ll feel will revolutionize your life.

3.  Your Career or Business

What direction is your professional life going?  Have you made any progress lately?  I’m tired of hearing all the whining from everyone about the economy and how it is holding them back.  It is such an easy excuse to claim right now.  However, while many continue to grouse, a few are out there flourishing.  They are finding ways to leverage the situation to their benefit.  They are working smart and hard to succeed.  There is no reason that you can’t do the same.  You just need to put your thinking cap on and get creative.  Make it one of your goals for the New Year.

4.  Parenting

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you,” writes Robert Fulghum.  Are you happy with your children’s behavior?  How are they doing in school?  They learn their habits from you in all the areas of life that we are speaking about today.  What kind of example are you setting for them?  Perhaps you need to step it up a bit in some of these areas in order to demonstrate to your child what it takes to succeed.  They need and want your undivided attention.  If they aren’t getting it, then this should really bother you.

5.  Your Health

Our bad choices result in many of the most common and detrimental health problems today.  The risk goes up dramatically for things like heart disease, cancer, diabetes and stroke because we don’t take proper care of ourselves.  We are literally shaving years off our lives and yet no one seems to care.  How’s your health?  Are you overweight?  Do you exercise regularly?  You could save yourself (and your family) a lot of heartache, money and grief by just eating the right foods and overcoming your resistance to exercise.  You are lying to yourself if you think, “it won’t happen to me.”  This really needs to bother you in a profound way.

6.  Your Happiness

Are you happy?  Would you rather I didn’t ask?  By asking, I force you to take stock.  It is easy to fly through life on autopilot avoiding this question altogether.  However, you deserve happiness.  That’s right, YOU have earned the right to be happy and if you aren’t happy, then you should be bothered by that fact.  The thing is, you don’t have the slightest idea how to make yourself happy.  We think we know what will make us happy, but scientists who study happiness have found that we get it wrong most of the time.  So, what can you do?  Well, there are actually some very simple, but effective things you can do to significantly increase your happiness.  Try a few of these and see if they don’t make a difference.

7.  Your Bad Habits

We all cling to some bad habits.  I don’t know what yours are, but I do know they probably bother you.  They make you feel guilty and weak.  They undermine your self-confidence, self-esteem and often even your health.  Bad habits rob you of well-being.  “I just don’t have the willpower to stop,” is usually the excuse given for continuing bad habits.  Well, I don’t buy this.  You control YOU.  However, I have found that there is a secret to breaking bad habits.  Understanding this secret will greatly assist you in changing your ways.  If you have a habit that bothers you, then maybe you need to focus on making a change.

What else bothers you?  What are you going to do about it?  Leave a comment and let me know.

Photo: Copyright PhotoXpress.com

It never ceases to amaze me at how good we are at ignoring obvious problems in our lives.  We seem so willing and able to deny and rationalize the very things that make us miserable.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that self-improvement is hard, but what’s the alternative?  Are we going to simply wallow in our bad behavior forever?

Living life to the fullest demands that we address our issues regardless of how big or small they may be. 

An Introduction to Your Inner Pig

It’s not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
~ Bill Watterson

I’m convinced that deep inside, we all have an inner pig.  It embraces all the wrong things in life.  It relishes being lazy and wallowing around in the mud all day.

Our inner pig is happy in its pen.  It doesn’t want to venture out beyond where it feels safe.  Yes, it may appear cleaner and greener outside the fence, but in here it is comfortable and comfort rules for pigs.

Inside the pen, our inner pig has mud to keep it cool and to keep the pesky flies off.  The pig pen does get a little a little messy sometimes, but that’s okay.  As I’ve said, the mud has its payoffs.

For those that aren’t used to it, the smell can get pretty bad, but to us pigs, that’s the scent of home sweet home.  You grow accustomed to it and really can’t understand why anyone could live any other way.

After all, we get our regular daily supply of slop and we have all our other pig friends to keep us company.  What more could one ask for?

Your Inner Pig Is Denial’s Secret Weapon

Yes, our inner pig is content right here in the pen.  It doesn’t matter how messy or stinky life gets to your inner pig.  It believes the deeper the mud, the better.

Your pig is denial’s secret weapon.  The pig helps to keep us firmly anchored in our messy lives.  It refuses to get up and out of the muck.

If you try to move and clean things up a little, your inner pig will start squealing to split your eardrums.  If you try to catch your inner pig and quiet it, good luck.  It is amazingly fast and so slick that you never seem to be able to really get your hands around it.

For most of us, we’ve long ago given up fighting our inner pig.  We’ve just given in to it.  Of course, no one wants to admit this, so we live in denial.  We listen to the pig and recite what it tells us.  We’ve been doing this for so long that most of us don’t even recognize the difference between ourselves and the pig.  We’ve become one in the same.

Identifying the Pig in You

If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?
~ Sheryl Crow

I think the pig is the reason that we persist in doing things even when they don’t really make us happy.  Maybe the things we do made us happy at one time, but we never evolved.  We have stagnated and we keep doing the old things because the pig has us convinced that anything new is too scary.

Our unhappiness manifests itself in numerous ways.  We have fits of rage.  We overspend.  We bounce from one relationship to the next.  We overindulge in food or alcohol.  We sabotage ourselves. 

Basically, we live in denial.  We have obvious problems that everyone else sees, but we deny the problems and keep living in the muck because we’ve surrendered to the pig.

The problems are really just symptoms.  The disease is that we’ve given in to the pig.  We’ve accepted a fate that is far lower than where we should be living.

How do you know if you’ve surrendered to the pig?  Look at your life.  Do you display any of the symptoms?  Are you really happy or are you forever seeking a greater high hoping to reclaim the satisfaction you once felt?

How to Put the Pig In Its Place

The first step in starting to win your life back from the pig is to identify what’s happening and put your foot down.  Face the pig and let it know that you’re back.

In other words, stop living in denial.  Do an honest evaluation of your life.  How are your finances?  How are your relationships?  How is your career?  How happy are you?

If things are pretty messy in your pen, then start taking some small steps to win your life back.  In fact, the steps you take can be very small, but if you keep on taking them eventually you’ll start to see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Again, I’d ask, “What’s the alternative?”  Are you just going to dig yourself deeper into the mud?

That’s no way to live.  You have everything you need inside of you to beat the pig.  Stir your heart.  Remember your dreams.  Reach for a better life!

Photo by guy schmidt

Most of us fail miserably at self-improvement.  We have areas in our lives where we know we need to improve, but we just can’t seem to adopt the new, more productive behavior.

We may have tried several times to kick a bad habit only to slide right back into our comfortable rut.  For others, they can’t even seem to get past the starting line.

Why is self-improvement so hard?

I would suggest it is because we go about it all wrong.  We use a flawed approach.  One that has failure written all over it.  If we want to live life to the fullest, we’ve got to learn to successfully change for the better.

Why the Typical Approach to Self-Improvement Fails

I’ve wanted to improve my eating habits for a while now.  I’m not overweight, but my cholesterol is higher than I’d like it to be.  I know this is because I eat too much of the wrong foods and not enough of the right foods.  I also know that elevated cholesterol levels significantly increase my risk for a heart attack or stroke later in life.

This should be enough motivation to change, but I’ve tried to modify my diet numerous times without much success.  I switch what I eat for awhile, but I quickly fall back to eating the bad stuff.

You would think that something this serious would be easy to change.  I mean how much more of a motivator do I need?

I’ve come to understand that the problem lies in my approach to change and not in my level of motivation.

When we want to create positive change in our lives, what do we generally do?  The typical approach is to change all at once.  We quit cold-turkey.  We go for the dramatic turnaround.

Unfortunately, this generally doesn’t work.  A great example is New Year’s Resolutions.  How often are you successful at following through on the drastic improvements you embrace every January?

Don’t feel bad.  I’d say that we are all probably guilty of this.  It applies to so many situations.  We seem to take the same dramatic approach in all of the following situations:

• Quitting bad habits
• Improving our relationships
• Exercising
• Setting and accomplishing goals
• Starting a budget
• Overcoming fear

In each of these circumstances, the typical approach is radical change which rarely works.  We commit ourselves to more change than our brains are willing to accept all at once.  This sets us up for failure.

A Better Way to Create Positive Change

We are creatures of habit.  It is the way our brains function.  If we embrace this and incorporate it into our strategy for change, then we can significantly increase our chances of success.

I just finished reading One Small Step Can Change Your Life by Robert Maurer.  I think this little book contains the key to solving the problem of self-improvement.

Maurer is the director of behavioral sciences for the Family Practice Residency Program at Santa Monica UCLA Medical Center.  He has spent years working with doctors and patients in creating effective strategies to help people change self-defeating behaviors.

He’s found that the key to creating positive change is starting small, very small.

You’ve probably heard the term baby steps before.  Well, I think Maurer would say that what we often think of as baby steps are still too large for most of us.

First of all, we are up against our lizard brain.  You know the part of us that is programmed to resist change even when it is supposedly for the better.  Any strategy for change has to take this part of our psyche into account.

Second, there are often all kinds of practical constraints that we think limit our ability to adopt change.  For example, when you tell a single mom that works full-time and does all the housework and is raising two kids by herself that she needs to start exercising 30 minutes every day, she is likely to laugh in your face wondering when she might find the time.

Maurer has found that such patients experience much better success rates when they very gradually ease into positive change.  In the case of the single mom, he might prescribe that she simply start by walking in place for one minute a night while watching television.

This technique greatly lowers her resistance.  Everybody can find one minute in their day to do something so positive.  In addition, such a small step doesn’t awaken the fear of the lizard brain. 

Now obviously, walking one minute a night isn’t going to have much in the way of health benefits, but Maurer has found that by giving patients assignments that lowers their initial resistance, they experience much greater levels of future success.  Essentially, he tricks the brain into adopting the new behavior without setting off all the sirens in our heads.

Once the person has easily adopted the new behavior, then Maurer asks them to add a little more to their routine.  It might take a few weeks, but eventually that single mom will be exercising 30 minutes a night, five nights a week.  She will successfully implement the new strategies without all the resistance because she made the changes so gradually.

Small Steps Really Can Change Your Life

The key is to start so small that it is impossible to fail and then to incrementally increase your commitment.  If you start to feel resistance, then back off your rate of change.  It is better to go slow and succeed than to try to implement radical change and fail. 

I really like this approach.  I think it significantly increases the probability of successful change.  Anything that lowers our resistance and makes self-improvement easier is a good technique in my mind.  I’m going to give it a try and see how things go.

What do you think of this approach?

Photo by WTL photos

The steps to self-improvement are available to everyone.  You can start now and climb your way to a successful life.

You just have to decide to start climbing.  There is an overwhelming amount of material out there to guide your ascent.  However, most people out of laziness, ignorance or confusion simply stay right where they are instead of choosing to take that first step.

By reading this article, you are well beyond most people.  You are demonstrating that self-improvement interests you and you are educating yourself on how to become more successful.  I commend you and encourage you to continue your journey!

The Steps to Self-Improvement That I Use

The steps needed to improve any area of a person’s life are essentially the same.  You can follow these steps no matter what it is about yourself that you want to enhance.  Want to lose weight?  These steps will work!  Want to become better at time management?  These steps will work!  Want to get out of debt?  These steps will definitely work!

How do I know they will work?  Because I’ve used them myself to improve several areas of my life over the years.  They are the true basis of any personal development.

Here are the steps to self-improvement that I use:

1.  Realize an Area I Want to Improve

The very first step in self-improvement is to — realize an area I want to improve.  There is a lot packed into that short phrase.  Let me break it down: 

• First, I have to realize (acknowledge, conceive, grasp) there is something that needs improving.  I have to see it for myself that I need to change something for the better in my life.  This is often difficult.  I can more easily see what needs changing in others than in myself.  Just recognizing an area I want to improve in is a huge first step.
• Second, I have to narrow it down to an area (singular, specific, only).  We often try to change too much about ourselves at once.  Focus is a very important part of successful self-improvement.  I have to Isolate the one most important thing that I want to improve about myself and work on that alone.
• Third, it has to be a change that I (me, myself) want (desire, crave, yearn for).  It can’t be something that my wife or parents or friends or boss wants for me.  It has to be something that I am personally motivated to change about myself or my effort is doomed from the start.  It is often difficult to clarify this.  It is easy to confuse my desire to please others for my own motivation.  However, it is imperative for successful self-improvement that I take the time to work this out.
• Lastly, I have to be willing to improve (change, correct, adjust) this area of my life that I’ve singled out.  This usually requires that I let go of some of what I’m clinging to now and adopt new attitudes, behaviors and thinking about this area I want to improve.  Of course, this isn’t usually easy.  This is where people start talking about how to change habits, etc.  That’s why it is important to think through change carefully before trying to do it.

2.  Educate Myself on Better Behavior

The next thing I do once I pick an area that I want to improve is educate myself on how to get better.  I find books, blogs or individuals that can teach me new ways to get different and improved results. 

I remind myself that you can’t keep doing the same things you’ve always done and expect different outcomes.  Being willing to accept this new education is crucial to self-improvement. 

Initially, I tend to scoff at and reject the new ideas that I acquire through this process.  Sometimes I think they sound too hard or too time-consuming or too ridiculous.  I’ll often squirm pretty hard and rationalize until the cows come home in an attempt to talk myself out of what I’ve started.  It is kind of like how our physical bodies reject organ transplants despite the fact they are done to save our lives.

This is why it is important for me to work through each of the points in Step One above before I begin.  Without a solid basis for the why of my self-improvement, my effort would wither and die right on the vine during Step Two.

Eventually, I find something I think will work and that I can embrace.  I try not to rush it.  I give myself time to let the new ideas sink in before I ever start to attempt any real change.  Once my brain is fully marinated and has started to buy into these new ideas and only then do I move on.

3.  Decide on the New Results I Desire

Based on my new knowledge of what is possible, I envision for myself the new results I desire.  In other words, I set some goals for what I think I can accomplish by implementing the better behavior.

I hype myself up by daydreaming about what my life will be like once I get to where I want to go.  Emotional engagement is very important for me.  It is the basis for keeping myself motivated.  I have to clearly picture in my mind the ways I’ll feel better, the adoration I’ll receive and rewards I’ll experience for making the needed changes.

I try hard to be realistic here.  The danger is setting goals too high or too low.  Goals that are set too high will only lead to disappointment and discouragement.  Goals set too low aren’t generally motivating enough for me.  Hopefully, I’ve identified a trusted source in Step Two that includes guidance for what to expect once I incorporate their suggestions.  If not, I exercise my own best judgement.

Overall, I have to get myself to buy into the dream that lies just beyond the work needed to reach the promised land.  Once I have this clear picture in my head, then I’m ready to set out on this new adventure!

4.  I Start Slowly Incorporating Change

I’m a big believer in the baby step approach to change.  I like to slowly ramp up from where I am to where I want to be so I don’t frighten my brain and send it into panic mode.

I begin by weaning myself off my old behavior that didn’t work while substituting the new behavior that I think will work.  I pick the new behavior that appeals to me the most as the place to start.  A few early wins usually help me to get traction.

I like to have a written plan to follow.  For me, this usually isn’t my own written plan, but one that I’ve found documented by someone else in a book or on a blog.  I’ll sometimes customize their plan, but mostly I try to trust their advice because this is uncharted territory for me.

I work my way through the trusted baby steps over days, weeks and months.  At first, the new behaviors are sometimes difficult, sometimes awkward and sometimes uncomfortable, but if I stick with them they usually become second nature very soon.

After a month or so, I look back and realize I’m doing things differently than what I did before!

5.  I Evaluate the New Results

Finally, once I come to the realization that my new behavior has taken hold, I take a step back and evaluate the results that I’m getting.  I ask myself things like:

• Am I getting different results than I was before I started this new behavior?
• Are the results I’m getting a true improvement over what I was getting before?
• Are the new results (if there are any) worth the effort?
• Are there any changes I can make to get better results?

One pitfall I look out for is change that doesn’t produce any new or better results.  This is not self-improvement.  It is simply a different way to achieve the same or a similar outcome.  Our minds are tricky little devices and they can often woo us into thinking we are changing when we aren’t really.  I try to guard against this by being objective about answering the questions above and by gauging my outcomes against my original expectations.

If things are better, then I’ve successfully accomplished the self-improvement desired.  If they aren’t any better, then it is time to make adjustments and try again.  Sometimes, it takes a long time to find just the right recipe to get the results I really want.  Other times, I find I’m realizing better results in just a few days. 

The key is to be able to step outside yourself and think logically about the process without letting yourself get sucked down into the quicksand of despair.  Also, I highly encourage you to reward yourself along the way.  I celebrate my victories and milestones in small, but meaningful ways.  It helps me stay focused.

These Steps to Self-Improvement Work Every Time

These steps have worked for me in a wide variety of situations.  I think they’ll work for you too.  They are universal.  Apply these steps to whatever it is you want to improve in your life and you’ll be stepping up to a better life in no time!

What did I miss?  Is there something I can do to improve these steps?  Leave me a comment and let me know!

Photo by eperales

Personal development is all about change.  It’s about changing our habits and behaviors in order to facilitate what is deemed an improvement in one’s life. 

It might be becoming more motivated, being more relaxed, or giving up unwanted habits. 

Unfortunately self improvement is often not straight forward.  Some people seem to struggle for years without making the changes they want.  They may receive some great advice from friends or professionals, but still they persist in the same cycle, with little change or no change.

An Introduction to Hypnotherapy

Why is it that many people that want to make a change, and understand and agree with the benefits, still struggle to do so?  I believe it is largely down to people not communicating with that deeper level of their mind.

I have been a professional clinical hypnotherapist for several years now, and I have personally helped many people make permanent self improvements.  I am not claiming hypnotherapy is perfect, but it does have a knack of “getting through” to people on this deeper level, helping them to make permanent changes.  I’ll explain how it does this.

The Role of the Conscious and Subconscious Mind

Our mind is basically comprised of two parts, our conscious and our subconscious.  These two parts of the mind are quite different from each other.  I’ll explain them in turn.

Our conscious part is what you use when thinking logically and rationally.  The conscious part of the mind is used for mathematics for example.  It is the part of our mind we use when we are deliberately “thinking” in words.  It is the part of the mind that we are most aware that we are using.

Our subconscious mind is responsible for more automatic responses.  It is the part that usually controls such functions as our breathing and sweating.  Our subconscious mind also controls our desires and habits, and our automatic responses to things. 

For instance you may logically understand with your conscious mind that there is nothing to be feared from a spider.  However your subconscious mind can automatically trigger a fear response without any conscious thought.  For some reason your subconscious mind has associated the spider with danger, even though your conscious mind knows that they are not really dangerous.

If someone wanted to give your conscious mind some information, this is very easy to do.  They can simply tell you in words, either verbally, or even in writing.  The conscious mind can easily understand this, and you will therefore understand on a conscious level.

However the unconscious part does not communicate in this way.  The unconscious mind struggles with language, and can miss what the conscious mind takes in.  The unconscious mind is best communicated with via visualization, metaphors, symbols, and other more graphical ways of communication.

How Hypnotherapy May Help in Personal Development

This is where hypnotherapy is so very useful in personal development.  The main aim of hypnotherapy is to guide a person into trance and talk, in a graphical way to the subconscious part of the mind in order to facilitate permanent change. 

Don’t be fooled by the media as to what a trance is.  It is merely a daydream state of mind, where the conscious part of your mind is tuned down a little, to allow more subconscious absorption of suggestions.  It is actually very similar to meditation.

When dealing with a spider phobic, a clinical hypnotherapist may for example guide the subject to visualize a spider dressed in clowns clothes, dancing to jazz music. 

As daft as this may sound, it can successfully communicate to the subconscious mind the message ‘Spiders are not anything to be feared, in fact you can laugh at them instead.’

Saying this in words is unlikely to be taken in by the subconscious mind, but in a pictorial form like this, it is very likely to be understood.  The next time this subject sees a spider, their subconscious mind will automatically associate it with the daft image, rather than fear, and so the subject will no longer experience automatic fear from their subconscious mind.

The Areas Where Hypnotherapy May Help

Hypnotherapy can be used for almost any area of self improvement you can think of.  It can help with habits, phobias, confidence, anxiety etc.  It can also help with things such as weight loss. 

A person wanting to lose weight may well know what types of foods they should be eating on a conscious level, but their subconscious mind does not yet understand this, and so instead craves the tastier, but unfortunately unhealthier types of foods. 

A clinical hypnotherapist can show the subconscious mind in a graphical way what foods to eat more of, and what foods to avoid.  This can then significantly change the types of food the subject craves, helping with weight loss.

Are You Willing to Give Hypnotherapy a Try?

So if you have the desire to make some personal changes, but somehow struggle to ‘get through’ to yourself on that deeper subconscious level, then it is well worth you trying hypnotherapy. 

I have personally witnessed many times a person who has struggled with some sort of issue for literally years, to be successfully treated in just one hour.  I am really not exaggerating, this has happened many times in my practice. 

Think for a moment if you will about all the changes you have wanted to make over the last few years.  Now think about how many of those you have successfully managed to address permanently.  Is it all of them?  If not, then hypnotherapy can definitely help you with the remaining changes that you wish to make.

What are your thoughts about hypnotherapy?  Have you tried it?  Would you be willing to give it a shot? 

Now is your chance to ask the expert.  Leave your comments and questions in the comments below.

Jon Rhodes is a former professional musician turned clinical hypnotherapist.  He has combined his two passions of music and hypnosis to create the ultimate therapeutic hypnosis audio sessions.  Please click here for more information on his downloadable hypnosis sessions.

Photo by artic pj

The road to a better life is full of a lot of sinkholes.  I think some of the well-meaning self-improvement material is misleading.  It gives advice that leaves us feeling depressed and disillusioned.  I know because I have been down this road more than once.  I have sought the key to quick riches and happiness.  I have searched high and low for the one book that would unlock the mystery and enable me to achieve everything I dreamed of in my life.  Here’s a tip.  It doesn’t exist!

The 3 quick and easy steps that get me nowhere fast.

I have found a fantastic recipe for making myself miserable.  I’m wondering if anyone else experiences the same.

1.  I Read a good self-improvement book.

I couldn’t count the number of self-improvement books I have read.  I love them.

However, sometimes they get me fired-up and headed down the wrong path.  Notice this step says read a "good" self-improvement book, not a great one.  A well-meaning author of a "good" book will sometimes fill me with discontentment because my life doesn’t accommodate their ideas.  These books usually include 3 quick and easy steps to achieve ultimate success.

This leads me right into the trap.  I don’t blame this on the author or the book.  It is totally me, but it could be you too.  I want to learn to avoid falling for it.

2.  I Become convinced that my life could be great, if only…

I become convinced that if I could ditch my present life and recreate it from scratch, then I would be happy.  If only I could break the shackles I’ve created through all my past decisions, then I could be free to live a great life.  I start feeling trapped and depressed. 

I daydream about throwing away everything I’ve worked so hard for so I can be happy.  I fall for this trap over and over again.  Every time, I start out believing that this time I might discover the secret that will transform my circumstances into an idyllic utopia.

3.  The misery creeps in as I come down off the high.

Of course, I never run away.  I know I have it too good, but this doesn’t stop the miserable feeling.  It creeps in, if I let it, as I realize my fantasies are just that.  Why do I do this over and over again?  Why do I set myself up and fail to see it coming?  Why don’t I see the light at the end of the tunnel and realize it is a freight train barreling towards me?

This is when the disillusionment starts.  I start wondering why I even try.  I think about giving up and throwing in the towel.  It is a bogus pit brought on by misguided thoughts.

I then wallow in my misery for varying periods of time feeling sorry for myself.  It is all completely absurd and counterproductive.  There is another way.

Real self-improvement begins with contentment.

Our lives are the sum of all the past decisions we have made.  For me, most of these decisions were good ones and therefore led me to things I desired such as being married and having children.  Yes, these things create certain boundaries in my life, but that isn’t bad.  Here’s the truth:

True self-improvement begins with accepting your life as it is today.

It is not throwing everything out and starting over.

I can’t emphasize this enough!  I think that all too often self-improvement books lead us to think that we have to rewrite our entire lives to be happy.  This usually isn’t true.  It is normally a fallacy.  It is the same kind of thinking that leads us to try get-rich-quick schemes.

There are no short cuts to a better life.

We start believing that there is an easy way to a better life.  A way to get what we want and get it fast.  BEWARE!  This is a terrible trap!

Many people start thinking that quitting their job, divorcing their spouse, and running off to a foreign land is the answer.  This will not solve anything.  It will only complicate and mess up your life to a point where true happiness may be put out of reach or at least delayed for many years.

Real self-improvement occurs within your existing life.

Real and lasting self-improvement is carved out within the life you already have.  If your marriage is the pits, then fix it.  Yes, it will be a lot of hard and painful work, but it will be worth it when you have a rich and rewarding relationship with your spouse.  If your job sucks, then work your way to a better place.  Will it happen overnight?  Probably not, but at least you won’t still be stuck here six months from now.

Be grateful for what you already have.

Count the blessings you have!  Practice gratitude.  Remind yourself of all the good things you have to be thankful for.  This is the foundation of true self-improvement.  If you build upon this solid rock, then you will make progress.  You will stop experiencing so many peaks and valleys.  Instead, you will steadily climb toward your goals.

Start where you are and make it better.

I have not given up on improving my life.  I seek to live life to it’s absolute fullest day by day.  I do so starting exactly where I’m at.  I accept my past decisions and build upon them.  I make it all work because I know that this is the path to real happiness.  It isn’t necessarily fast or easy, but it is trustworthy.  Will you join me?

What sinkholes have you fell in on the road to self-improvement?  Where have you found success?

Photo by ceonyc