Are you doing the right things to make yourself happier?
We all want to be happy. We want to feel good about ourselves and our lives. However, even though we have the power to attain happiness, we usually go about it in the wrong way. We pursue the wrong things.
In general, most of us have been conditioned to believe that positive events such as job promotions, financial windfalls, romantic getaways or a new car will increase our happiness. However, science has shown that we are off base and many of our experiences confirm this.
I explained yesterday that a lot of us have a 40% hole in our lives because we pursue happiness in all the wrong places. Today, I’m going discuss some of the intentional activities that will truly make us lastingly happy.
How would you rate your happiness?
You would think that happiness is hard to gauge. After all, there is no happiness meter that can tell us just how happy or unhappy we are. Fortunately, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist and author of The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want
This measure of happiness is surprisingly simple. However, Lyubomirsky, from much testing and research, has concluded that this four-item test is quite valuable. You can score your happiness level online with the Subjective Happiness Scale.
The scale can measure how your efforts at becoming happier are working. I really like the scientific way that Lyubomirsky approaches the subject of happiness. It is one thing to claim certain activities will make us happy. It is another to actually measure it.
Want to find the intentional happiness activities that fit you?
Once you know your current happiness score, then you can determine which intentional activities will fit with your interests, your values and your needs to make you happier. Lyubomirsky emphasizes that finding the right happiness activities for you is essential because one of the keys to making yourself lastingly happy is to incorporate the intentional activities into your daily life.
You are much more likely to stick with things that feel natural to you and that fit with your lifestyle. What’s nice is that Lyubomirsky has adapted a test from Ken Sheldon called the Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic to help us determine exactly which intentional happiness activities will work best for us.
In the book, Lyubomirsky elaborates on twelve intentional activities that studies have scientifically and conclusively shown elevate happiness. The Fit Diagnostic will help you zero in on the four that are likely to be your best choices.
I used the diagnostic and here are the activities that fit me the best:
1. Cultivating Optimism
Optimistic thoughts are often self-fulfilling. When we feel more optimistic about the future, we pursue our goals with more vigor. This becomes an upward spiral of positive experiences building upon itself and lifting us to greater lasting happiness.
How do we cultivate optimism in our minds? Well, Lyubomirsky and other researchers have found that an exercise called “the best possible selves diary” that works very potently. In one of her experiments, participants were told:
“You have been randomly assigned to think about your best possible self now and during the next few weeks. ‘Think about your best possible self’ means that you imagine yourself in the future, after everything has gone as well as it possibly could. You have worked hard and succeeded at accomplishing all your life goals. Think of this as the realization of your life dreams, and of your own best potentials.” ~ The How of Happiness
To get the most happiness boost out of this activity, it is important to approach it as a writing exercise. Writing forces you to organize and analyze your thoughts making them coherent. I have found many benefits from using this exercise.
2. Increasing Flow Experiences
What is flow? It is that state of activity where you are totally absorbed and become oblivious to everything else going on around you. The key to creating flow is to find a balance between skills and challenges. If the task is too easy, you become bored. If it is too hard, you become frustrated. Flow occurs when you are stretched, but not too far.
Flow is beneficial because it is intrinsically pleasurable and fulfilling to us. How do we increase flow experiences? Well, one of the best ways is to simply identify and engage more often in those activities at work, home and elsewhere that absorb our attention completely.
Every individual is unique in regard to what activities create a flow experience for them. For me, I often reach a state of flow while reading great books or while writing this blog. In fact, I can honestly say that I’ve been in a state of flow for the last several minutes while writing this article. In addition, I also experience flow when I’m active in great outdoor adventures.
3. Savoring Life’s Joys
Savoring the positive experiences in one’s life is very crucial to lasting happiness. You can savor life in many ways including by:
- Reminiscing alone or with others
- Prolonging enjoyable activities for as long as possible
- Finding ways to intensify pleasurable experiences
- Celebrating good news
- Being mindful of the present moment
- Observing and luxuriating in natural beauty
- Recording positive experiences for relishing memories
- Seeking bittersweet experiences to enhance the positive side of life
A key to savoring life is to do it even in the common moments. You have to teach yourself to recognize what is special about everyday experiences. Live a little slower. Drink in what you typically pass by. Reflect, relish and daydream to engage your mind in savoring your past, present and future!
4. Committing to Your Goals
Pursuing goals adds significance and purpose to our lives. Without them, we are wandering aimlessly. Achieving a goal boosts our self-confidence and gives us a sense of control over our lives. Committing to goals also often forces us to engage with other people which induces happy feelings on its own.
Lyubomirsky offers several very good measures to help guide us in our goal selection. I’ll admit that I’ve slacked off lately from keeping written goals. This is something I plan to pick up again and I feel confident that when I do, it will increase my happiness.
A couple of words of caution about intentional happiness activities
It is worth reiterating that these four happiness activities are just a few of the twelve offered in The How of Happiness. These are the four that the Person-Activity Fit Diagnostic suggested for me. These may or may not work for you. I highly encourage you to go through the diagnostic to determine what fits you best.
Also, you may think these activities seem a little trite and corny. You may feel that they are a bit too simplistic or naive. Well, there is a lot of science that backs this stuff up. Lyubomirsky provides numerous references to corroborate her claims that you can check out for yourself. Also, isn’t this maybe one of the reasons that these activities get overlooked so often? Don’t we often dismiss the obvious when in fact it is the solution?
What do you think of the idea of intentional happiness activities? Will you give it a try?
There is more to come about the science of happiness so be sure to subscribe for free so you won’t miss a single article!
Photo by romainguy
The pursuit of happiness is one of the basic elements of human existence. We want to be happy.
Good post.. I would like to add that
The hurdle to finding true happiness is that we do not know ourselves. The real secret to happiness is knowing what is important to you personally.
There is not one universal path to happiness because every person is different and has different dreams and needs. While for one person creating something might be the path to happiness for another person it might be nurturing others. However, we are too often focused on the wrong goals because we listen to popular culture or other people. If we spend the time and energy to really concentrate on our dreams, and shut out the distractions, then we can find the key to unlocking our own happiness.
Read Shamelle- TheEnhanceLife´s latest article – How To Re-focus When You Lose Focus
I’m already giving some of these activities a try and I think I’m ready to take them all on. I want to be happy and live the best life I can and these sound like great ideas to get myself further along on the path to happiness.
Read Positively Present´s latest article – dip your toes into the moment
@Shamelle – I agree that there isn’t one universal path to happiness, but there is a common structure that can be followed through the use of one or more intentional activities. You have to select the right activities and then you have to customize them to your life, but the basic premise of using these 12 intentional activities will work for everyone.
@Positively – As you suggest, many of us are already using these strategies to one degree or another to be happy. However, by using the activities more intentionally and purposefully, I believe we can be even happier! I do suggest that you check out the fit diagnostic to select the activities that best suit you. You want to incorporate these methods into your day-to-day life over the long haul. The better fit the activities you select, the more likely you’ll continue using them.
Great comments! Thanks for contributing your thoughts!
I know in today’s economy, happiness has been something you have to work for now. I’m currently reading, “Take the E Out of EGO & GO!,” by Donna and Jerry Goven. The one thing that I love about these authors is that they have themselves, successfully created the right attitude, happy job environment, and success that they wanted. Not too many people can actually say that they have done this. Their approach is clear and simple….why aren’t more of us having this sort of success? It’s definitely a goal of mine.
Jeff, fantastic article. Stumbled and tweeted. I’m going to take the test. I think I might have the book on my unread shelf. I’ll have to go check. Thanks again, this is so important.
Read Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s latest article – Hold Your Goals Loosely
All four happiness activities relate very well for me. I do like actively engaging in one or more of these. I then notice that from one arises the potential of another and they sustain each other.
One activity I’m finding happiness in is thanking people with cards and small gifts. I suppose this is now popularly known as an aspect of gratitude.
I’m going to check out the book as well.
Thanks for this article
Jens
Read Jens Upton´s latest article – Replacing Apathy with a Lust for Life
@Melissa – Why aren’t more of us happy? Great question! I think it is because it takes effort. We believe that happiness and success should just come our way, but it doesn’t. You have to put forth effort in the right way to attain these things. I’m sure you are well on your way!
@Stephen – Glad you liked it! The book really is a valuable read.
@Jens – Practicing gratitude is another one of the happiness activities mentioned in the book. You are obviously on the right track. I bet you’d enjoy the book.
Thanks so much for your comments!
Excellent article! Sonja Lyubomirsky is one of my favorite authors writing on happiness. My partner, Dr. Fred Horowitz, and I often refer to her work in writing about midlife coping strategies and being happy at http://www.happiness-after-midlife.com. Another wonderful book that I recently discovered is Ann Kepfer’s “Field Guide to Happiness.” She shares wonderful insights and provides practical activities for increasing happiness.
Read Dr. Frank Bonkowski´s latest article – Jun 11, Language and human stress
Jeff,
Thanks for the good read. Happiness is soo simple, but we all lead such complex and busy lives that we struggle to find it sometimes. Keep up the good work!
Thanks
Jake
.-= Jake | Revive Your Life´s last blog ..How Can You Be Happy in these Hard Times? Be GREAT! =-.
Nice latest post! Love stopping by this blog. I am commenting here because I need to make a spelling correction. The author’s name in my last comment should be spelled Donna and Jerry Govan.
I just found your web site Jeff and have really enjoyed this read. All of this makes alot of sense. I do believe my happiness set point is lower than average and I have worked at being optimist and happy my entire adult life. However, I am now in my 50′s (whether this makes a differance or not??) I have accomplished a great deal…high paying job ..lots of responsibility..loads of stress along with this and I find I am unhappier then I have been in a very long time. I feel trapped in this chaos and tired of the rat race. I have a great family and include outdoor activities in my life. Any thoughts on how I cope until I retire? (7 more years of this hell) By the way, I ordered the book…it may provide some new ideas.
Thanks for your help
Lynn – I’m sorry to hear about your predicament. However, I do believe there is hope. I think you will find some very helpful suggestions in The How of Happiness, but I’d also encourage you in some other ways too.
First, I’d suggest spending a little time building a vision of what you really want your life to look like when you retire. Think about where you want to live, what you want to do and who you’ll spend your time with. The more vivid a picture you can paint for yourself the better. Be bold and creative as you develop this vision. Let yourself daydream and don’t hold back on thinking about long lost dreams. Retirement may just be the freedom you need to pursue these.
Once you’ve done this then start trying to work toward this vision in small ways. Apply Pareto’s Principle (the 80/20 rule) to slowly cut out activities at work that aren’t really necessary to reduce your stress and the hours that you work. You’d be amazed at how much you can stop doing without anyone noticing or caring. Let your work life get smaller and your new, retirement life start to grow. You’ll have to do this in baby steps, but you are planting the seed that will grow into a full-blown tree over the next 7 years.
Along the way, practice the intentional happiness activities from the book. They really are simple, yet powerful. They will help you transform your life.
If you have difficulty with this, then I’d suggest investing a little money to work with a life and career coach. They can really help you revolutionize your thinking and guide you to a greener, more fulfilling life.
I wish you the best!
Thanks Jeff…great advise!
A great way to uncover activities that make you happy is to ask yourself, “What would I attempt to do if i knew I wouldn’t fail?”
Many times in life, it’s our fears that hold us from taking action. When taking a single step in the right direction can have a profound impact on the quality of our lives.
I have found that singling out the activities one wants to do but fear is holding us back from is a great starting point. Then one by one, begin challenging those fears, starting with the smaller ones.
Expanding one’s comfort zone is very liberating, and the more it expands, the more one’s level of confidence is raised. And the more one makes room for pleasurable activities.