“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Yes, you read the title correctly. We should really appreciate those that disagree with us. We should tell the dissenters in our life, “Thank you!” We should pat them on the back and encourage them to openly disagree with us. Hearing an opposing opinion before we take any action is very valuable. In fact, a nonconformist can save our butts. If everyone around you automatically agrees with everything you have to say, then you have a problem.
This is true in our families, our businesses, and our government. It works everywhere. In the board room, in our hospitals, in the halls of Congress, and in our living rooms. This is why our court system is designed so that juries hear two completely separate and opposing opinions. A good debate is often the best way to arrive at a solid decision or course of action.
Throw out the ‘yes men’ and find a devil’s advocate.
We are drawn to those that tend to think like we do. It is easy to surround ourselves with people that agree with everything we want to do. In fact, we often go so far as eliminating people from our life that disagree with our views. However, this doesn’t always produce the best results. Let me tell you why we should throw out some of the yes men in our lives and go seek a few that are willing to play the devil’s advocate.
1. Dissenters make us stop and think.
We need people in our life that will slow us down from making rash decisions. Someone that offers an opposing view will often make us stop and reconsider our actions. This delay can be very valuable. For instance, my wife often plays this role for me when I am thinking of making a significant purchase. Her willingness to put on the brakes often helps me to avoid impulse buys. Someone that disagrees usually will make us slow down and reconsider our plan more carefully.
2. A devil’s advocate helps us to sharpen our stance.
When a person on our team or in our family disagrees with us, then we usually have to respond in some way. This forces us to be sure our facts and reasoning are correct. It gives us the chance to sharpen our position. It may uncover flaws in our thinking or help us to bolster our position even more. Either way, by having someone disagree with us, we are better off.
3. An objector puts a halt to group think.
A single dissenter within a group will often give other people the confidence to express their opposition to an idea. An open discussion results in a better course of action. People often agree with the boss simply because of his or her position. Sometimes openly disagreeing is difficult especially when everyone else in the group seems to be going along. It is important to have at least one person within your team that is willing to express an opposing opinion. This will help you to stop group think and achieve better results.
4. Nonconformists prevent costly mistakes.
It takes guts to be the only person to offer a differing opinion. However, nonconformists are invaluable in certain situations. Take the cockpit of an airplane or a surgical room in a hospital as an example. Would you rather everyone on the crew or on the surgical team just go along or would you rather they speak up when they see a potential mistake about to be made? Mistakes in these situations can cost lives, careers, and tons of money. We need those that are willing to speak up with a differing view!
We need to change our thinking about dissenters.
I’ll admit that it isn’t easy to like people that often disagree with us, but we really need to give them their due credit. Without the dissenters, we are liable to make a lot more mistakes. We need to not just tolerate those with differing opinions, but embrace them. If we develop the relationship properly, objectors can become our best allies. Forget the yes man, look for a devil’s advocate!
Do you have someone in your life that offers a different perspective?
Photo by ashengrove
Often times we label people who disagree with us as “negative,” when actually they are just being honest. I’ve always sought the opinion of my grandfather on major life moves because I know #1 he has my best interest at heart, and #2 he isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m about to screw up! My best friend is the same way, but lacking the 83 years of wisdom I get from my grandfather’s counsel. Always a good idea to surround yourself with people that challenge your thinking, and help you make better decisions.
@FD – Having people oppose us can seem like a real pain in the butt, but it will certainly force us to get our act together and verify our facts before proceeding.
As you have pointed out, it works especially well if your devil’s advocate is a person you explicitly trust like your grandfather. Being able to solicit critical feedback in such a safe relationship is invaluable.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
There is such a thing a good criticism. Well stated Jeff.
Stumbled.
Jeff-I love to be with people that think differently. Not just ideas and political stances but also their actual thought process. It makes me a better man and helps me grow and strengthen my own belief system.
What I don’t like is people who are close minded. I see too many people who attack you for having a different opinion. What I often find is that these people don’t have a belief system that they have explored and developed. They react off of rhetoric that has been given to them. When someone has a conflicting opinion they don’t have the depth to stand on their belief. Since they also don’t have the maturity to change and grow they lash out.
The problem is that many people are willing to disagree with you or me, but don’t want anyone disagreeing with THEM! They can dish it, but they can’t take it…reminds me of one of the political parties…
@Marc – I would suggest that all criticism is good. It makes us re-evaluate our position and confirm we are right.
@B – I especially like being around people that view things from a different perspective as well. It stretches my thinking.
Close minded people can be frustrating, but they do present an opportunity for us to teach. The process of teaching is one that forces us to learn and improve our persuasion skills.
@Ron – It is true that some people that are happy to disagree with us don’t see the value when we disagree with them. They are too insecure to deal with it.
Thanks for the very insightful comments!
Ha! This would be the perfect post to disagree with, but I don’t. As long as both parties are willing to debate or discuss things civilly, then disagreement can be one of the best things for your own viewpoint.
The trick is to avoid getting into it with the folks who are trying to get under your skin just for the sake of it.
I can personally attest that I’ve grown significantly since letting opposing viewpoints into my life, especially from people I completely respect.
Based on my new mentality of authenticity (and it’s a blog post I’ve wrote for monday) I would have to agree with you. Even if someone doesn’t agree with you, you should respect that they have their own opinions and stick to them
You may not thank me – but I agree with this! If everyone agreed, we wouldn’t have the real opportunity to expand our own thinking – to grow our minds – to see different perspectives. We see our world through the looking glasses of our life – and all that brings with it. But, we don’t see the world as other people do – because their looking glasses are different because of the life situations they’ve been in. And that’s good, because it provides a different perspective – and one we can learn much from.
@Sara – It is often a trick to avoid getting caught up in the moment when people disagree with us. I find it hard to stop my defensive reaction.
@Glen – Respecting other people’s opinions is what freedom is all about!
@Lance – We definitely tend to see life only through our own lens. It is always interesting to me to learn a new way of looking at something that I know I would have never thought of on my own.
Fantastic comments!
It used to irk me a lot when someone disagrees with me. Then, I realized that it is because that person’s view is something that is outside my comfort zone. I now choose not to be so defensive right away; instead, I examine the reasons for the difference in perspective. You are right….we should be thankful for those who disagree with us.
I wish politics would get this. Respect the differences find the common ground and solve real problems.
Respecting, appreciating, and learning from differences is probably the most important quality to have in a marriage. It is probably the biggest reason(although very tough) our marriage, and each other, continue to grow.
Great post.
Read The Happy Rock’s lastest article – DD’s Monthly Expense Checkup – August 2008
@Evelyn – As you point out, how we react to those that disagree with us really is a choice. We don’t have to get defensive. Instead, we can use the information to our benefit.
@Happy Rock – I think most Americans would agree with you that our politicians need to worry less about partisanship and more about solving problems.
Thanks for contributing to the discussion!
You are right! Hehe.
Progress can only be made when there are differing views. And the group that seems to agree once those in the higher pecking order make a statement (any statement) are our politicians. It’s almost nauseating.
I suppose there is also an art to disagreeing, so that it is not seen as a slap in the face.